---
title: Episode 111 Inner Game Sweet Spot
episode_number: 111
era: mid
source_file: Episode 111 Inner Game Sweet Spot.mp3
audio_size_mb: 55.4
duration_sec: 1814.6
duration_min: 30.2
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.995
transcribed_at: 2026-05-27T16:54:27Z---

# Episode 111 Inner Game Sweet Spot

**Speaker 0:** Tom Torero podcast a 111, the inner game sweet spot live from New York City. Actually, Harlem. We arrived yesterday to New York on our world tour after the London boot camp, after the London documentary filming. There's clips of that that on my YouTube channel. One of the guys in the documentary talking to a very sexy Moroccan girl in Jim attire. So if you want to see a nice ass, that's the bait. Go to my YouTube channel. Yes, we're Harlem, North of Central Park. You might know Harlem from the Harlem Shake or Harlem Globetrotters, Harlem being the home of jazz. And I'm sitting recording this podcast on those famous stone townhouse steps. We're staying in one of those beautiful houses and not far away is where that famous nineteen fifties jazz photo was taken. Great day in Harlem. You might have seen the documentary. I'm sure you've seen the picture. That's for you jazz geeks out there. It's a lovely area with some lovely sexy girls walking around so we might try some gutter game on some of the local Harlem girls later but it is the July 4 happy independence day independence from Britain so it's The United States Of America rather than The United States Of Wales. And that's an easy opener. It's a carnival like atmosphere. Roads are closed, fireworks later, locals in the park, drinking acceptable, public displays of debauchery. It's one of those daygame, ambling, rambling days where you will start off in Times Square for the trashy tourists, then we'll head to Union, then down to Washington, into Soho, see what we can find, then over to Brooklyn, head in the parks, and finish back in Harlem for hopefully some Harlem shaking of a sexual nature. Not Craig and I together, but with with some beautiful local girls. This is Craig's first time in New York so he's very excited. I'm pleased to be back even inhaling these magical New York summer smells of trash. The humidity here is amazing. New York has these really heavy, hot heavy sticky summers. So it's 32 degrees centigrade I think, or it was yesterday. So daygaming, hot and heavy. Right into today's podcast. People thought I had, based on the last podcast where I probably sounded a bit depressed, a bit tired. I had lots of emails from guys thinking I'd given up or that I was looking to settle down to find the one. And beginners, maybe rather idealistic romantic guys were like yes yes Tom I knew it I knew daygame was wrong I knew pickup was wrong good for you for stopping and finding a nice girl that's not what I meant by the podcast at all the podcast was just on a bit of burnout but traveling once again, teaching once again, seeing hot girls wearing very little, rest and recuperation after Croatia and after June, no, I'm not giving up daygame at all. I'm, I don't believe in monogamy. I am not settling down. I'm not having kids. Read my black sheep articles on my website. They answer all those key questions about Tom, when are you going to settle down? Are you going to have kids? How can you stay single? The life of a bachelor? Aren't you gonna be lonely? Who's gonna look after you in your old age? I get those questions all the time and I answer them in three good, blog articles. Black Sheep part one, part two and part three. So look them up on my blog. Today's podcast is about in a game and guys go fucking hell Tom I didn't know you were interested in talking about in a game because I avoid in a game it's often woolly it's often an excuse for guys to do nothing. Like much of self development, it's just procrastination, going to seminars, reading books, delaying actually doing any of the the hard graft, the hard yards, going out, leaving your house. It's easy to read a book on positivity, hook productivity, or watch a seminar on talking to girls, or listen to a podcast on talking to girls without actually talking to girls. So that's why I'm against talking about in a game, there's a lot of pseudoscience woolly self development where guys are talking about meditation and guys are selling selling anything other than the hard stuff of cold approach pickup, facing those rejections, learning a skill set. You know I'm against natural game and against all that kind of purple pill blue pill stuff. But anyway, once you've been daygaming for a long time, once you've, been in the field for a long time, it is time as I touched upon in last week's podcast to think about your inner game. Because once you got technique down, you become very aware that you have good days and bad days, good weeks, good months, ups and downs, and that's based on your vibe, this mythical word of vibe. How you're feeling, your positivity, your energy levels, your outlook on life, your outlook towards women. And you feel this fluctuate, you see it fluctuate, it starts to change your interactions, not just with girls, but with other people, with family members, with friends, with service staff. You notice that as you're learning game and you're toughening up and you've got boundaries and you're calling things out and you're challenging and you're not mister nice guy, you're not mister pushover, you swing from nice guy to bit of an ass hole. Because if you're not naturally an asshole, game teaches you to hold the frame, to have boundaries, as I'm gonna talk about today, to basically become a female 10, the equivalent mindset of a female 10. And this rubs other people up the wrong way. So how can we find a sweet spot between the bad boy and the good guy? As I've said in the past, a nice bad boy, the sweet spot, which is you could say in today's podcast, the lovable asshole. How do you find that? Because I do agree that 99.9% of guys getting into game are starting as chronic nice guys. And so for a time, for one year, for two years, it is good to swing the other way towards becoming a bit of a dick, to becoming a bit of a jerk, to becoming a bit colder, to learning where your boundaries are, to challenge people, to call things out, to toughen up, to not kiss people's asses yet. So you swing that way and as soon as you start feeling things unravel in other areas of your life, you think, okay, I I've got over the whole nice guy thing, I know how to collect phone numbers and go on dates and sleep with girls and to spin lots of plates and to stay single, then you really got to think about your inner game and this is where a lot of pickup guys get to after two years, three years, four years and remember that's from outer game experience, that's not from reading about it. So this podcast really applies to intermediates and above, I would say. Let's dive in to this b 10, this hot girl 10, this model 10, this Instagram perfect girl 10 mindset. Because, essentially, game is teaching you to become like that. Yep. Game is teaching you to be the ultimate holder of the frame, to be the chooser, not the chosen, to be the prize. The whole point of game is to flip the script where you feel like you're the prize. Okay? Everything stems from this. And this makes girls chase, which is so rare. Girls love to chase. I've recently made a video on that. That's what flipping the script means. That's what techniques like qualification mirror. So if you were a movie star, if you were just born a natural badass, this is how you would behave. If you were a hot girl and guys were constantly chasing you, leaving comments, slipping you their business cards to try and slip you something else, kissing your giving you free things, flying you around the world. How would your mindset be? Yeah. You would have this irrational self confidence or actually it would be rational. But for the pickup guys, yeah, it's an irrational self confidence because you might not have the looks, might not have the money, but you have the swagger, you have the Harlem shake, you have that cocky swagger of a rock star. And people look at you when you approach girls, they smell it on you. And that's very healthy because men are attracted to beauty, women are attracted to power. And she's looking at you and she's thinking, yeah, powerful man. Don't know why he's behaving like this, but he's so cocky, he's so arrogant that therefore he must be powerful. For he must have had a lot of women chase him, pre selection, leader of men, all the attraction triggers are flipped and she just, assumes, she just reads on you, strong DNA. Mate with this guy as the lover, not the provider. Get his DNA inside me because he's a strong, male, quote unquote alpha. In the beginning, yes, I've made podcasts on it. Fake it till you make it. If you're coming from a very Disney romantic blue pill nice guy background, you have to fake the swagger. You have to change your voice. You have to change your fashion. You have to learn all these game techniques that mirror a, a movie star or, like I said, that hot Instagram girl. And this is where the be natural, be yourself, just have high value and girls will come to you bullshit annoys me because those guys are sometimes very good looking guys or guys that have always been good with girls because of early reference experiences. They laugh at pickup. They laugh at hustling and say, well, what's all this bullshit? Right? Me, I just walk around. I feel great. I've always had girls. I just say hi. That's all you need to do. Just say hi. Okay. If you're three, four years into it, it might be enough today to just walk up to a girl and go happy fourth of July. Put out your hand, cocky smirk, make out, take her back to yours. But for guys getting into this, that is stupid advice. It's like a driving instructor on your first lesson just opening the door and saying good luck. Just be yourself. Just drive the car. Just feel good, man. Just feel the vibe. All will be well. You get into a formula one car, see what happens. So you have to, learn those game techniques. You have to learn those structures. You have to learn those little gambits, one liners, stories. You have to change your fashion and your posture and your voice. You might even have to move city until that faking it till you make it becomes making it. And even then, as I said last week, the man is always still chasing, the man is always still horny, that's just biology. Sperm are cheap, eggs are expensive. So you're pretending that you're flipping the script. You're pretending that you don't want it because okay, there's, the Rolling Stones or there's Mick Jagger, there's Justin Bieber, but those guys are very rare. And that lifestyle, that mindset, that reality doesn't apply. I'm sorry, probably will never apply to you and it will never apply to me. Therefore, we need game. We'll talk about game denialists more on another podcast. Let's get back to this 10 mindset. Okay? You're thinking you're that movie star, you're that hot girl on Instagram. What is going on in the brain? First of all, you're thinking I have abundance. And you fake it till you make it, but most day gamers get to the point where they have three, four, five girls on rotation. They can sleep with one or two girls a month, they have abundance. Those girls are hotter than them and younger than them. They have abundance. Therefore, they're non needy. A lot of those blue pill romantic nice guy behaviors just fall by the wayside. But that's the first strong mindset. I have abundance and models models have an abundance of options and so do movie stars. The second one is you say, I qualify people. I'm the interviewer. Okay? I'm not being interviewed. I'm the interviewer. I say, well, what can you bring to the table? Yeah? Okay. You're cute, but what else have you got going on for you? That classic Mystery Method line. Yeah. So you're selective. You've got options. That's linked with abundance. Fake it till you make it, but after a while dating lots of girls, you do start to qualify them on dates. Chase three. Section three. That makes mindset three. That makes girls chase. So you're used to girls chasing you. Now in the beginning, that's just, perhaps a dream of yours. But when you've done pickup for a long time, you do have girls hitting you up. You do have needy girls. You do have girls you've slept with trying to come over more and more and more. It's nice to to feel that. That's why I say to beginners, nothing wrong with the sixes and the sevens because you should be feeling what it's like to have a six or a seven chase you and you actually turn her down, you turn down dates, you turn down sex, you are the prize. Yeah? Next one. You naturally challenge and accuse people. Okay? A high value person, or that superstar or that Instagram girl. Remember, I'm saying high value in terms of sexual market value because you might say, well, that Instagram girl, she's just a Barbie. But her sexual market value, if only you knew what lengths men would go to to sleep with her. She's 21 years old with a body like that. That, my friend, is high sexual market value just because, she challenges people. She accuses people. She's not kissing ass. She's not making rapport. She's not doing that creepy nice guy thing where you're networking, pretending you don't want something. Nice guys lie more than bad boys. Yeah. Nice guys are always lying about their intent. Hiding their dick they're pretending they're not interested and it's just that creepy chitchat you feel it when somebody tries to do it to you so girls massively feel it right that's that horrible rapport comfort quicksand that I always talk about whereas somebody, like a movie star or like that Instagram girl she is, nonchalant she is, reserved she is investing less and that links to all the other points, makes them chase, makes them qualify. Perfect. Good emotions. Key part of this 10 mindset is vibe. They for good emotions. They turn away from negative influences, negative people, very particular about who they spend their time with, very close social circle, very close entourage, very selective about the hotels and the restaurants and the cities and the airports they fly to because they can choose. It comes back to being the chooser. And it's about good emotions, good vibes, radiating good vibes and thinking about other people. What can you bring to the table? How can we make this win win? That's a key mindset after doing a lot of game. You're protecting your vibe so you're certainly reject ing negative influences. That's why I say stop watching the TV, stop, being so obsessed about politics and religion, reject these people that are, full of negativity. Life's short, my friend. Alright? And, it's about positivity, not cheesy positivity as I've said many times, but positivity that improves your vibe, which gets you more girls, which therefore improves your vibe, which therefore gets you more girls. It's win, bloody win. Next one. You're flaky. I've touched upon this that, your time is precious. Alright? So you actually start flaking on girls. You actually start flaking on meetings. Be careful doing this with friends and family. But, with girls, it works a treat. I don't know if you've ever been brave enough to flake on a girl to set up a date and then cancel at the last minute like a hot girl would do. Now, the nice guy thinks, bloody hell, that is stupid. That's gonna make her, be angry because there's drama and she's never gonna see you again. Little does he know that drama is amazing and girls love to chase and it's so rare. So, the girl will be more interested. Now, you can only do that if you've got the attraction, if you've had some good texting. You can't do that if she's not invested in you at all. But that's what, a h b 10 mindset would be. I am flaky. I am late. So don't stand there waiting for her at half past seven. If you said, let's meet at half past seven, wait around the corner. And when you see her arriving, turn up five minutes late. I like it when she sends me that message, where are you? And then I pop out from around the corner. I don't get my dick out. I pop out literally from around the corner and, she says, you're late. And you smile and you say, yeah, I'm a bit of a naughty boy. Okay? What else? Well, that mindset will start, actually impacting on you physiologically. Sounds like, woo woo bullshit, but of course it's true. You know that. When you're in a good cocky vibe, let's say you've just had sex, you radiate that. Some people would say you might give off the smell of that which women can trace. Maybe pseudoscience, but you're walking with your shoulders back. You're walking down the middle of the street. You're grinning at people. You're winking at people. People are getting out of your way. People are looking at you. You get more IOIs. You've experienced that. Okay? And that has nothing to do with your fashion. It's the same street, same city. You're wearing the same clothes at the same time of the day. But if you walk around with your head down, moping, thinking about politics, typing away on Twitter, getting really angry, hating women, shuffling around, people look at you like you're a homeless beggar. Okay? You get IOIs of disgust or people just completely ignore you. You try to do an approach, women look at you in disgust. That my friend is your inner game radiating out. Alright. The self always comes through as hippie life coaches say. You can't hide that and women are super sensitive to this vibe thing. I know it's catch 22 because in the beginning it's a lot of faking it. So you walk out of your house, you have to force that smile, you have to force your shoulders back, you have to force the swagger. But you get to that nice upward spiral where you get a number or you get an instant date and you walk out that interaction with your shoulders back, with that cocky smile. Go into your next interaction. A mistake a lot of daygamers do is have a good set, have a good number and then they go home. No. Use that as juice. That is your mojo. Go into the next set and have a roll. One of the students on the boot camp on Saturday, I think he had seven numbers in the space of four hours, four and a half hours just from being on a roll. Okay? And they were solid numbers because each number built on the next number and he was getting cockier and the smile was getting broader. He was radiating this 10 mindset. And then, you might go out the next day and not have this. So those days are pressures. Hopefully, today the July 4 will be one of those days. Well, I've got to move on to the second part of this 10 mindset because it all sounds perfect being that person being Roosh Harvey Williams or being Hank Moody, being a pimp, being Russell Brand. But that my friends might lead you on to being Scarface or being Christian Bale in American Psycho. Yeah. Or people say, well, I'd love to be Hank Moody. But if you really look at Hank Moody, would you like to be Hank Moody? How does that impact on his, friends? How does that impact on his family? Being the hole without being a lovable asshole or just being the bad boy without being the nice bad boy. Okay, without a doubt it works for game, it gets you girls but it can put you in a dark place and perhaps that's why last week I was sounding negative, why I've had a bit of burn out because when you go too far, when you, absorb a lot of dark triad traits and your whole life becomes game, you need to readdress the palate the balance. Yeah? I'm sure you know what dark is. It's that combination of narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy. I've talked about it before. It's it's godlike where you walk around like Arnold Schwarzenegger. If you've seen the documentary or the kind of documentary Pumping Iron. Or recently, I was watching OJ Made in America, that 2016 documentary about the trial of OJ Simpson. And there's a great bit. He's obviously dark triad for many, many reasons. But after the trial, he moves to Miami and he says he got more pussy than ever. Not just because he was OJ Simpson, because of those dark, dark, dark triads. Women coming up to him wanting to fuck a murderer or, we should say, somebody who was, accused of murder and who got off. But his sex life was, the best it had ever been because women like dangerous men. And he had that charm. He had that cult of personality like I've made a video of Arnold Schwarzenegger in Pumping Iron. That that charisma which is, at the heart of it is dark triad. Yep. So narcissism is extreme selfishness. You've got that crazy grandiose view of yourself. You crave admiration. You're cocky. You're confident. You lead. You pull the trigger. This is all pure game. Yeah? Machiavellianism is the definition of game. It means, being manipulative, playing people very, very calibrated to human psychology. So you can be deceitful, you can exploit certain social situations. And the nice guy listening to this is disgusted. The moral Christian, conservative guy is disgusted because this is the complete opposite of those values. But my friend, this is at the heart of pickup. Pickup is amoral, so you can't judge it. But, those techniques of having very good, calibration to human psychology and being able to manipulate social situations like OJ Simpson or Arnold Schwarzenegger, they make you a winner. They make you massively attracted to girls. So your face, you can already see with this dilemma. And the psychopathy bit of it, well, you lack empathy. Perhaps you lack remorse. Perhaps you can forget bad situations. You are egotistical. You are super bold. You can be cold hearted, you can flake. You can, do the royal flush and kick her out. Yeah? You can spin many plates and not be overly concerned about her motions. You can dump a girl. You can move on very quickly like a celebrity would or like a like a girl does. Okay? Girls naturally have these dark triad traits. Girls are incredibly Machia vellian. And you're thinking I'm judging here and you're thinking I'm talking about morals. No. Remember, game is amoral. Pickup is amoral. Daygame is amoral. This is what it is and this is why the red pill stings. These are the raw red truths, the Torero tough love, bits of information which sting, particularly if you are a romantic idealistic nice guy because these are the complete opposite to what you've been brought up with. But there's no question about it. They're attractive to women. A lot of these are genetic, I would say. It's, nature rather than nurture. That's a podcast for another time. How much of pickup is within you? Are players born or are players made? And, yeah, women like dangerous men. So all these factors, dark triad factors make good pickup artists, great pickup artists difficult to get on with, like hanging around with a pimp, I guess, or hanging around with Russell Brand or Robbie Williams or Christian Bale from American Psycho. Right? People you wouldn't wouldn't want to introduce to your family. People you wouldn't want to have in your social circle. So you get this dilemma. If you have those dark triad traits, you might get all the girls, but you end up as OJ Simpson or you end up as Scarface or the Wolf of Wall Street. So you got to find the sweet spot. You've got to go from nice guy to bad boy and then back to the middle, the nice bad boy. That's why I developed that concept of bad ass Buddha, that fractionation. So the bad ass is intent, Buddha is freedom from outcome. And you could go complete bad ass. You could elevate your game, but what long term damage would that do to you as a to as a human for your own healthy mindset? Because we're in this for the long run. Yeah? No good just getting loads of girls for two years and then having burnout. Perhaps that's been my problem for the last five, six, seven years. Burnout going too far. So readdressing the balance with healthier mindsets. And now I can hear the nice guys across the nations going, yes, I knew it, Tom. Tom is advocating Christian, family living. Tom is giving up on pickup. No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying there are positive mindsets you need to weave in with all those game mindsets. A positive mindset that you've heard me talking about would be gratitude. Yeah. A simple thing that I do when I walk around. It's part of my day game routine. I'm in a new city. I was walking around this morning at seven a. M. Just thinking this is fucking amazing. The sun is shining. It's New York. It's the summer. Look at the history. Look at these people. Look at all the great stuff that, America has. And rather than moping around and being all negative and seeing the negative in things, that's a mental muscle you can train. And it doesn't mean hippie dippie Californian positivity. It just immediately snaps you out of the victim mindset. Yep. So that's the second thing. You take the blame for your life. Right? It's your problem, my friend. I often say this on my Skype coaching or with my students. That was your problem. Right? Don't blame the girl. The girl is your mirror. She was spooked out because you, my friend, looked creepy. Alright? You ran in too close. You rejected. Alright? You were too entertaining or you were too nice guy or you didn't pull the trigger. Blame yourself. Why? Because it immediately snaps you out of being the victim. It's his fault. It's the government's fault. It's girl's fault. It's my family's fault. It's my wing's fault. No, my friend. It's your fucking fault. And that's a very positive mindset to have because you can control your life. You can control the outcome. You make things happen, things don't happen to you. And of course, there are things in life that happen to you. Life happens to you. You're born and you die and you can get ill and you can get hit by a car. But for most of your day, you are in control. We can do another podcast on, really what is consciousness and some people would argue you're not in control because of the unconscious mind. But you know what I mean. You can make the decision to eat that food or leave the house or talk to that girl or, try and snap yourself out of a bad day. Yeah? Now, coming back to friends and family and people all around you. Tom Torero is still the nice guy. Tom Torero still records podcast for free and is nice to people. Usually, if they come up to me in the street, I'm civil. I'm civil with people who are working in shops and waiters unless they're hot girls when game kicks in. You're civil to your friends. You're civil to your family members, of course, especially your family. You try to get on with them, right? But now I have boundaries. Now I'm not a pushover. Now I'm not a walkover. So when people cross your boundaries, you call it out. You snap back into badass. That's where game kicks in again. You don't let yourself be played. You're not a mark. But to function in society, you have to, get on with people. You can smile at people. I think people getting into game misunderstand this. They think you have to go pure tryout to pick up is completely wrong and evil and it makes you into this disgustingly immoral guy when when the reality of it is how many hours a day you're doing daygame for? Let's say two maximum And how long in the evening are you going on a date for? Hopefully no more than ninety minutes. So that's only three, four hours of your day maximum where you need to be the badass, where you need to be the Christian Bale, where you need to be OJ Simpson. For the rest of the time, hopefully you're patting puppies or playing with your nephews or being nice to your mom or smiling at people in the shop. I know it encourages nice guy habits, particularly for newbies. So just be mindful that in the beginning you have to have this kind of Batman, two person life. This double life. So I was the primary school teacher in the beginning and then I would leave work and become Tom Torero. It was character I created which I became. Fake it till you make it until you make it, until you become the pickup artist. Speak softly but carry a big stick. That is what I've said in previous podcasts. So be the nice bad boy. Be the lovable asshole. Remember, charisma is half power but it's also half warmth. So if you're just power, egomaniac, full on dark triad, people will turn against you eventually. Things will go wrong. Women will turn against you. It will end like Scarface. It will end like OJ Simpson. There we go. That was podcast a 111. I'm gonna go and wake up Craig. I will upload this. See, I'm a nice guy. I'm a very sweet guy. But also, I'm gonna be a dirty fucker today on the July 4. Happy fourth of July. Give him a give him a cuddle. And it's not about number collecting here in New York City. We're up against a strict schedule. So it's about bounce backs, delayed same day lays or straight back to the apartment. Let's see what will happen. I will report back in the next podcast, will be next week from Los Angeles. Until then, keep grabbing life by the horns.