---
title: Episode 131 Contrast Game
episode_number: 131
era: mid
source_file: Episode 131 Contrast Game.mp3
audio_size_mb: 49.0
duration_sec: 1605.2
duration_min: 26.8
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.995
transcribed_at: 2026-05-27T16:58:25Z---

# Episode 131 Contrast Game

**Speaker 0:** Tom Torero podcast, a 131, whispering in hushed voices because I'm in an airport lounge where everybody else is as quiet as mice. So I'm huddled in a corner recording this on my way back from Japan. I've had a layover in Bangkok and in Istanbul, and I'm on my way back to London. But anyway, podcast a 131 today. It's on contrast game. So throwing her a curveball, an unexpected surprise in your persona, which leads to a deeper connection. We always like to go deep here on the Tom Torero podcast. Before we kick off today, don't forget you can go to my site and read up on the things I've been doing in more detail. I posted an article called why I travel on the 2,017 destinations and my lay count, where I've been, and why I travel because guys always say why don't you stay in one place, why don't you settle down, why don't you grow up, is this a midlife crisis, what is going on, etcetera. Forgive my husky voice as well. I feel a bit of a flu coming on. This is man flu, so it's obviously death, imminent death. I feel a bit shivery. I've been three weeks on the road, boys, so, I'm feeling a bit knackered, especially after what happened in Bangkok with, the loss of my bank cards and the same belay. It was all just manic and it was all just filthy. So I've written that same belay report up. It's set to go out. I've auto released it, so it might be out by the time this podcast goes up. It's called the temple of doom. Tom Torero and the temple of doom. Okay. Contrast game. I've not really spoken about this before. I've touched on it in street hustle, I think. And the reason I don't talk a lot about contrast game surprise surprise game curveball game is that it's confusing and it's unnecessary for a beginner or even an intermediate who's still trying to get out of nice guy box, as we always say on this podcast, into lover box. Because 99.999% of guys that find game, their problem is that they're the nice guy, chronic nice guy. So it feels weird at the start to change your voice, change your fashion, change your hair, change what you're wearing, change your accessories. And any instructor who's any good will say to you, polarize. Okay? If you don't crash the car, you don't know how fast you can go. So polarize. It feels weird. It's a caricature in the beginning. You're going from nice guy to bad boy. Don't send mixed signals. Repeat after me. Don't send mixed signals. Sending mixed signals got me stuck on dates for years. I was getting laid, I was missing out on a lot of quality girls in London. I mean, hot girls, because I was a primary school teacher, but I was doing day game and they didn't know if I was the boyfriend, if they were gonna introduce me to their mom, if this was the same day lay. I didn't know. I didn't really know who I was. There wasn't much daygame theory out there, you know. We were just making it up as we went along. So I hadn't connected the dots with biology, evolutionary biology and what I was doing. So I was just trying things, testing things, wearing this, saying that, and I was lost in the wilderness with mixed signals. Half of me was nice guy and the other half of me was wolf in sheep's clothing. So, yeah, if you're a beginner, fuck contrast game, polarize. Alright? But let's say you've changed up your fashion and you've learned the dating model, and, you feel okay in the bad boy skin. So now it's time you can add in a bit of contrast. You can throw her a bit of a curveball surprise. And it's not mixed signals as in 5050. So half of you would be bad boy, half of you would be nice guy. It's more like ninety ten starting predominantly with 90% is the bad boy. Right? And 10% is gonna be a little glimpse, a surprise for her of mister softie underneath, a chink in the armor where she goes, oh, interesting. This guy I can save. This guy I can mother. You know this concept from literature or film, it's called the anti hero. Why we're attracted to these dark brooding characters like Heathcliff, like Batman. Think of Clint Eastwood in like a fist full of dollars or here you go. Here's a bit of contrast game. Think of Rosencrantz and Gunnenster, Tom Tophard, and also Hamlet. So you're showing off a little bit of my knowledge, but then pulling back. We'll come back to open loops and why you shouldn't brag. Alright? And why IQ doesn't work. Or think about the character Harrods and Ford plays in Blade Runner. Yep. So they're flawed individuals. It's the not the nice bad boy, but the bad nice boy, if that makes sense. So nice doesn't come first. Bad comes first. And girls wanna save this character. Girls wanna rescue this character. They wanna tame the beast. So 90% get a bad boy, 10% is gonna be the the the heart of gold that she glimpses. And this kind of game works especially well for older guys because it definitely links with most interesting man in the world kind of game because you're defying her expectations. You're being unpredictable. You're gonna bamboozle her. Maybe you've seen my street hustle video on verbal bamboozling or you remember that from my old products. At some point in the date or in the bedroom or even if it's an open relationship, she says, wow, Tom, I wasn't expecting that. Alright. She might find out about my Oxford University education. She might find out that I taught primary school kids. I might throw in an author, excuse me, or some knowledge of classical music or art or theater. Some random fact like I was considering becoming a monk at one point in my life. I was married as well at the age of 19. And when I got divorced, two and a half years later, I went to a monastic peninsula in Greece called Mount Athos. I talk about this in cold calling. And, yeah, I was a bit of a hermit in a monastery and I thought, maybe I could become a monk. So I do throw little bits and bobs, little gems like that in at some point. Later on, I'll tell you when. So she says, I wasn't expecting that. Right? An open loop. You roll off. You leave her wanting more. You don't brag. You don't overinvest. I've spoken about being enigmatic and mysterious and making her chase. So this all links with that. But let's take a little side tangent. Let me open my website, tomtorero.com. And I wrote an article on peacocking. And you go, oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know what peacocking is. I've read the game. It's that funny guy mystery with his stupid hat and waistcoat and wearing elaborate gear, you know, like Johnny Depp jewelry. That's just an old concept. It doesn't apply in 2017. I missed a natural game. I don't, Peacock. Well, that's why I wrote this article because it's not just the average Joe that's read the game that misunderstands it, but it's pickup artist, even pickup coaches who make fun of peacocking. They don't understand it. It takes an evolutionary biologist really to explain why all organisms, plants and animals, peacock. So I wrote this article, and it applies to today because you can, wear certain things which are contrasting, which make us say, I wasn't expecting that. That's interesting. What's the meaning of that? So the article is on the blog. It's called peacocking, and it goes like this. God, I really need a cup of tea, but I'm gonna have to wait about thirteen hours until I'm back in The UK. Peacocking. Peacocking is one of the most misunderstood and misquoted concepts in pickup. People immediately think of outlandish costumes, hats, and Johnny Depp level jewelry worn in nightclubs to get girls to notice you. In reality, everything you wear is a subconscious effort to impress potential mates. Every hairstyle you choose, every pair of shoes you wear, every bag you carry, it's a basic biological drive common to all organisms, from the smallest of shading details to the outlandish displays of a peacock's tail. Here's where the main misunderstanding occurs. It's not the items or ornamentation themselves that lead to the perceived raise in sexual market value. It's the fact that the organism can withstand the shit tests that come with the display. The peacock's tail physiologically actually hinders it in terms of day to day living. But by being able to carry it off quite literally, it is extremely attractive sexually to potential partners. So it's not the cow boy hat or the leather trousers that might get you the kill. It's the way you show you can handle the weight of the societal judgment that comes with standing out. A guy without the congruency and confidence to back it up will be slammed for wearing such a tire, whereas the rock star will be celebrated. So that's very important. Someone on my blog wrote that peacocking is basically just blending in, you know, looking good in society. Not at all. It's you wear. Think of the haircut you've had for the last few months or years. Think about why you chose those shoes and not other shoes. Think about why you tried to keep in shape and you groom. Is it really to blend in? Okay. For the for the matrix kind of is the office bees. Yeah. The guys in suits. But for the pirate, the outlaw, the daygamer, the seducer, the cad, think Casanova, think early Russell Brand. No. You wanna stand out. You wanna be noticed. You wear ridiculous things. If you can carry them off, can look like Mick Jagger or Keith Richards or early Russell Brand or Johnny Depp. And on the wrong guy who is not congruent with that, who's not confident, it's ridiculous. He can't handle the societal shaming, so people laugh at him, can't pull it off. Whereas if you're mister player, mister badass, you got swagger, you're a rock star, you can basically wear anything. Walk down the street and people think you look amazing. So there's the point. Same clothes, different attitude. So we all peacock. Right? Everything you do is peacocking. Plants do it. Animals do it. You should see the kind of rotting, mating rituals of stags or deep sea creatures, fluorescence, plant patterns that are invisible to the naked eye. Amazing stuff. Right? Flowers pimping themselves up for bees. It's it's just a giant disco. But why we're talking about, peacocking? Because the nice guy needs to think about standing out. Normally, the nice guy's like, no. No. No. No. No. I just want to be vanilla. I just want to blend into the wallpaper. And it feels odd in the beginning when you say, no. I've gotta, wear something where the girl might say, that's interesting. I wasn't expecting you, Tom Torero, primary school teacher, to have tattoos or what does this ring mean or what does this bracelet mean or I really like your boots, what do they mean? And you know you're on the right track where I remember, I think it was in Russia two or three years ago, girls started telling me when I I would say, you know, guess what my job is, they would say you look like you're in a rock band or you look like a bad boy or you look like you have a motorbike. Bingo, bingo, bingo. Alright? Because I'm not in a rock band currently. I don't own a motorbike. I'm still sweet vanilla Tom Torero. But the important thing is that, I played that character, and eventually you become that character, where girls say, wow, you know, bad boy, but with a heart. I wasn't expecting that. It's also a reason for them to touch you. So in stealth seduction, you see girls leaning across the bar or the cafe table or even on the street, girls are touching my rings, my tattoos, my jacket saying, oh, what does that mean? Where is that from? Now, obviously, you don't give logical, bland, boring answers. You've listened to enough of bloody Tom Torero to know that you spike it up. You use that as an opportunity to storytell, to weave in DHVs, to humble brag. Okay? You shouldn't be giving her a logical answer ever until after you fucked her. But even then, you're playing this contrast game, and, you can really, really, in one hour, change your persona by going shopping. And I know you're probably the same as me, you're not that bothered about shopping, you don't need to go to high end shops, this is not about brands, this is not about fashion and labels, this is about standing out for the first time in your life. Just for that 10%, 90% for now, can keep the same, but just have something where she can say, wow, I wasn't expecting that. Maybe you remember in the dirty tricks podcast from a few weeks ago where I said on the date, reveal a phobia. Be a bit vulnerable. Now, I said, do a fake phobia because you don't wanna break down and cry. And gills will say, oh, what is it? Are you afraid of flying or spiders or heights? And in that podcast, I give the routine where I say, I'm afraid of hedgehogs, and I tell a story why, and girls love it. Or another trick, another practical trick is, to show her in your photo routine, pre prepared photos on your phone. You show her one of the pictures of you as a cute child or a fat child or a badly dressed child, you know, something which is seems like a DLV, a demonstration of lower value. But it's a chink in your armor. You can't be totally bad boy. You can't seem totally player. Okay? This is why we ground. This is why we do rapport. This is why we spend time with girls. This is why we go on adventure bubbles. And she thinks, wow. Maybe I could change him. Maybe I'm the girl to change him. Let's come back to bamboozling. I've scribbled down bamboozling. And many years ago, I was telling guys about this concept of verbal bamboozling, where maybe on the street or on the date, sure she's the one investing, you're not the entertainer, you're not the performer, but suddenly you verbally destroy her. And the best example of this is an infield, an audio infield which is on YouTube of me in Toronto, Canada at the end of last year. And she's a native English speaker, so she she gets what I'm doing and I just go for it. And I have to say, all modesty aside, it's a fucking good set. I am verbally on point. It is bloody sharp. Alright? Verbal fireworks. So go and listen to that set. I'll link it below. That's verbal bamboozling. And you can do that on a date. Sure. You missed a chill. You're leaning back. You mister slow. Words, verbal is the poor man's nonverbal, as I say. But for five minutes, you can run this most interesting man in the world game, verbal bamboozling. I might tell that story about nearly becoming a monk on the Monastic Peninsula, or I might tell a travel story like losing my credit cards in Thailand, a transvestite story, anything that makes us sit up and listen. And she sees, okay, this guy's got world experience. This is the older guy thing. This guy's got gravitas. This guy's got weight. I wasn't expecting that. But here's the big warning in flashing fucking red lights. Okay? Like a Vegas brothel. Don't show off your IQ. High IQ is not sexy. Alright? I went to Oxford University where who are incredibly intelligent, very high IQs, have very low social intelligence. That's the correlation there. Yeah. Probably the higher the IQ, the lower the social intelligence. They just misfits. Right? They live in their head, not their body. It was the naughty kid at school who was getting laid on the football field or, you know, under the cricket pavilion, skipping school. He was the bad boy. And it wasn't overthinking things, but for guys with high IQ, they often try to impress girls. They lecture girls. They talk about history and politics and religion. And it's all repelling to girls because she knows on a on an instinctive level, you're overinvesting, you're showing off. And which guys overinvest and show off? Guys that don't have the frame. Guys that are qualifying. They're saying, pick me. Pick me. Look how amazing I am. Look how big my brain is. So, yeah, that's the warning. Play most interesting man in the world game for that 10%, but don't use your IQ. Okay. Another interesting theoretical point here, and I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Lately. Why do ugly guys or my myself or ugly students who are openly ugly like me, we don't hide it, we own it. Why can we sometimes do better than the good looking guy daygamers? I've said, know, looks is part of s m v. Looks is an opener, I've said. So let's say I have a guy in his early twenties. He's buff. He's groomed, pretty boy face, white teeth. I send him into a set because it's a teaching session, and I think this is gonna be easy. She's gonna hook off the bat just just in his looks. And, yeah, looks is an opener, so she gives him that first ten seconds for free. And then you slowly see her feet moving, and she makes an excuse and she disappears. And the student comes back, and I think, fuck. What happened? And I listened to the set or we listened to the recording of it or I was listening to it live, and you realize it's bland. It's nice guy chat. He's asking questions. He's making all the mistakes. And she has much higher expectations for the pretty boy, for the male model, for the good looking guy than she does for the ugly guy. She's expecting the pretty boy to be perfect and it's it's it's a letdown. Of course, he gets laid in in other respect, certainly in nightclubs, you know, where it's very visual or on Tinder. But if you're missing that charisma, if you're missing that swagger, if you're missing that confidence, if you're if you're missing an understanding of game principles, then it's a big letdown for her. Now, let's flip it around. Mister ugly guy. Imagine, an older, short, fat guy who's approaching a girl in a coffee shop or in a park or in a club. And she sees him coming and she thinks, oh, fucking, look at this guy's low value. Oh my god. It's Tom Torero off YouTube. Look at him. He's disgraceful. Look how scruffy this Welsh man is. He's sweating, you know, in Asia. Okay. I'm gonna just make a polite excuse. I'm gonna blow him off really quickly instead of blow him. Just dismiss him, you know, the next idiot of the night. But this short fat guy comes up to her and immediately he's bamboozling her. Yeah. There's fireworks. He's got swagger. He's got that twinkle. He's sharp. He's breaking rapport. He's got attitude. She thinks this is amazing. So her expectation for the ugly guy was very, very low. The bar's a lot lower, and you you step up and she's like, wow. This is really, really impressive. And over the night, as Tyler used to say in Blueprint, the more time you spend with her, the more attractive visually you are to her in her mind. You go from this ugly guy in her mind to a pretty boy, and girls start saying weird shit to me by the end of the the date, like, wow, you're you're really attractive or you're I love your eyes. I love your hair. Wow. Girls in Japan were saying, you're so good looking. There you go. Confirmation. Tom Torero is very good looking. But you get that idea that you own it. I've said in a video called owning it, I think from California last year. I said how a girl once on a date in LA, she said to me, Tom, you have the most fucked up face of a guy. I'm whispering here because a couple are listening to every word. I hope they're enjoying it. She said, you have the most fucked up face of a guy I've ever dated, but you own it. And that's why I came up with you. Yeah. She actually said my face was like a Picasso cubist picture because it had so many weird angles. So there you go. Tom Torero opens his mouth and all is good. But the take home message from this podcast, I'll say it once again, be the bad boy first and then sprinkle in the nice guy. It doesn't work. It's it's a lot harder to be the nice guy first and then pull and then be the bad boy. That this is why indirect is hard. This is why the Hugh Grant kind of movies are unrealistic for most of us. Because if you're that bumbling, if you look that nice, if you're that soft, if she's been on five dates with you, and then you do a don't hide your dick move or a verbal spike or you reveal this bad boy tattoo, she's confused. Alright? Not in a good way. So it's much harder to wear a suit to do daygame, you know, being provider mode and try and switch to bad boy then to start as Vin Diesel and then to reveal a bit of a niceness, a bit of softness. And that's interesting thing. I forgot to say that. Actually, when you're the bad boy, you can sometimes do chody things. I've said after you fucked her, of course, can do chody things, but you mix it in with bad boy behaviors and drama and disappearing. Think about this, when a when a bad boy, okay, let's say a real bad boy reads his girlfriend a poem out of nowhere, she's she's so horny, she's so wet, she thinks that is the sweetest thing ever. And it's a tacky, like, hallmark holiday card poem, and she's soaking wet. Whereas when the nice guy reads her a poem, they say the same poem, same card, same poem, she feels absolutely sick. So this is taking it back to the antihero. It's why we forgive discrepancies in the antihero. So if you know the TV show Californication with mister bad boy Hank Moody, people forget that he's got this chronic one it is for his ex wife that he's trying to get back. If you read the biography of Casanova, people forget that he had real trody behavior. He was a romantic in a kind of sickly sense, but we forgive him because he was a cat. Or coming back to last week's podcast on the Rocca's of Freddie, mister porn star, that documentary about Rocca's of Freddie, he's got chody behavior. You know, he's he's also quite romantic. He's he's vulnerable. He's massively vulnerable because of his dark nature, but it's endearing. It wouldn't be endearing if it was mister Noisako, but that's the that's the paradox of the the antihero. So to sum up because more and more people are coming into the lounge and I'm gonna have a shower actually in this swanky lounge. This is one of the benefits of having a membership of, you know, lounge access across the world if you fly a lot you get the free food obviously you get the free booze a lot of the places have like little cubby holes where you can sleep in between flights and most of them have showers so you can have a nice shower before you get on an airplane so I'm going to do that What was I saying? Yeah. Summing up. Right? You should be the daygame outlaw. You should be the pirate. You should be the renegade, but you maintain your human side. You're a hustler with heart. As somebody once said to me in a review, Tom Torero is a hustler with heart, and I'll take that. You don't lose that. In a blog post once called heart of darkness, I reference, Joseph Conrad. And you're going up that river, you're staring the abyss, the bleakness of some game principles. You're staring them in the face. Yeah? And but you're not being all consumed by them. So the girl knows that you're a player. The girl knows what you want. But you're weaving in this mister softie side. Okay. That was podcast a 131 on contrast game. If you like what I do, you want me to keep going, putting out stuff for free, support what I do, then consider buying my textbook street hustle, there's the upsell, or my books on kindle as well, daygame, cold calling, how to flirt with girls. Or if you're tired of listening to my voice talk about daygame and you're reading too much daygame and it's all theory, theory, theory, the best thing other than going out in field is to watch me doing a to zed pools open to close seventeen or 08:18 of them I think in over 15 countries across the world last year. That's my infield video products, Dell seduction. All this stuff you can find out about on my website. See, I'm getting slicker with the sales tomtorero.com. From this airport lounge, I will say goodbye, and I will speak to you back in The UK. Da.