---
title: Episode 144 Anti Fragile Pickup
episode_number: 144
era: late
source_file: Episode 144 Anti Fragile Pickup.mp3
audio_size_mb: 57.1
duration_sec: 1870.3
duration_min: 31.2
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.997
transcribed_at: 2026-05-27T17:00:55Z---

# Episode 144 Anti Fragile Pickup

**Speaker 0:** Ground control to major Tom. Ground control to major Tom.

**Speaker 1:** Thomas Torero podcast a 144 on the antifragile nature of pickup. Once again, from inside the passion wagon parked in a forest. Outside, there are frozen lakes. It's been misty. It's been drizzling all day. I've been driving towards a border. I won't tell you which one because I might not make it across, and it'll be in black sheep bandit episode two or episode three. There's so much footage I've got of the drive from The UK to Poland christening the van. I got the notch. Maybe you follow me on Instagram. And, it was with a long game lead. So not a fresh lead, but a long game lead I'd been pinging a long time. She knew about the van, but she was Ukrainian. She was a princess. She was a Barbie kind of girl, and she didn't mind at all. And I told her, oh, you're the first girl I've shown this van to. And she said, Tom, thank you for showing me your van. And once inside, it was like we were in our own little bubble, little space capsule. Even though the van was parked, quite difficult to park in a city center, I was parked in a really dodgy twenty four hour car park surrounded by glass, and alcoholics, and graffiti. Oh, it was beautiful. And stray dogs. So the van was christened. The pressure is off. And it was nice to pick up my belongings. I saw Rob. I saw Cato, two daygamers that live in Warsaw. I saw mister a, had dinner with him and Lucas, my Colombian Polish, El Patron, the captain of, a lot of what I do. Who else did I see? I saw Charlie. If you've seen my YouTube channel, I caught up with Charlie from beginner daygame and saw him daygaming now and filmed a video, an update video of him in the van. So that was cracking stuff. And then I'm on my way. And like I said, all will be revealed in a black sheep bandit episodes. Right. Tip for today. Torero's tip. I know I sometimes forget, but this is a practical one. Something that one of the daygamers in Poland has shown me. On his phone, he uses an app. He has an iPhone called Tally Counter. Tally as in one, two, three, four, five. And some daygamers rip, bus tickets, train tickets, some daygamers use coins in their pockets, some just remember, some, don't do enough sets, so they don't need the tally counter. But if you're on a whatever, like my annual ten ten mission or you're doing 30 a week or 10 in two hours, whatever, a lot of daygamers overestimate how many they've done. And having that counter forces you reminds you to approach. Obviously, it's not something you need to do long term. You shouldn't be in your head. But if you're just starting out or you find it useful, it helps with approach anxiety. Look it up. Tally counter. And it's just like one of those clickers that people have at the side of the road to count traffic, but it's on your phone and you can keep a record of it. Alright. Anti fragile. I'm sure you've heard that name in the pickup world, certainly in the self development world, in the business world, because it's based on the book, of that name, Antifragile by Nassim Taleb, I think you say, from 2012. And it's become the book has become the concept has become a bit of a cliche because it's quoted so much for self development, for fitness, in pickup. And I have read other Talib books, but I just find him very convoluted, heavy explanations of quite simple concepts. So perhaps a lot of padding around the simple concept, but I wanted to take one aspect of the concept and apply it practically to pickup, but also to tell you about the van. And if you don't know what antifragile is yet, it's the opposite of fragile. And it's what we should strive to be as blokes doing pickup, as as blokes being independent. Certainly, black sheep are antifragile. And it's not the opposite of fragile. It's it's something that's actually improved by being kicked around. It's being alive. Right? So rather than think of fragile as a glass in a box, you shake the box and the glass starts smashing. You think, well, it's better to be solid. But this concept is something else. Think of what's the usual explanation? Yeah. Think of, you know, the mythical character of the hydra with many heads. And when you cut off one head, another head appears. So this disorder, this chaos is kicking around to make something antifragile, to make something thrive that is antifragile, that's the fuel for evolution. This chaos is what creates adaptations in organisms. It's what's fueled all of life. So straight away, you can see how this applies to daygame. Rather than trying to be the tough two d alpha guy and I'm going to be strong. I'm going to survive every rejection. Nothing affects me. No. Obviously, don't let, rejections and blowouts make you fragile as in you you cry and you break down. But you don't need to be that two d tough alpha. If you're antifragile, you use that rejection as fuel. You use it to make you stronger. This sounds sadomasochistic, but no. Like I said, it's Darwinian fitness. It's just like a vaccination. You give yourself a bit of the the poison to get immunity. So this is why daygamers seek discomfort whether they know it or not. And certainly this is why black sheep know about seeking discomfort and becoming antifragile. But let's get back to the van first of all. People have been asking me how the van's going and it's beautiful. It's fine. It's my perpetual cabin. But it's not like you see on Instagram. Right? It's not a walk in the park for sure. It's it's it's been a wake up certainly because I've been in my slumber, my very comfortable life of Airbnb apartments and Uber rides to airports, rinse and repeat. That's been my Groundhog Day for eight years, and I'm not complaining because I've traveled around the world. But this has been, like some someone once described their van as getting their van as having a child, having a new baby. Because it's your home on wheels and you're constantly thinking about it, you're constantly tinkering around doing stuff, you're in it, you're sleeping, you're driving, you're fixing it, whatever, and you got to think about things that you take for granted like water. So I've got a water tank, so not that easy when you're out of The UK to find a tap because gas stations in The UK have a tap with a hose. But abroad, certainly in the winter, some of the taps were frozen, Some gas stations won't give you water, so you gotta pinch it from parks or public loos, etcetera. Yeah. The tanks on the van being frozen or the pipes being frozen, I've been dealing with that. Finding gas because I've got an LPG tank, if you know what that is. But again, in Europe, there are different nozzles and finding gas stations with the right fit. I've had an alarm going off. I had a bit of gas, not as in but some LPG in the van. And so I was working that one out. Waste, because as you'll see, there's an emergency loo on board, so getting rid of that. It's a beautiful job. Just van life in sub zero temperatures. Because like I said, I set off and it was minus eight, minus seven in The UK with wind chill. It's still pretty cold here. Where I'm going now, it's gonna get colder. Minus four, minus five, minus six. Working out the shower thing, working out where to park it. It sounds easy, you know, just park up by a lake, but it's not. You've got to get the right spot, get a level spot, make sure you're not on somebody's land. I've in one of the cities, I was in a parking spot I shouldn't have been in and somebody moved me on. The coppers have looked through the window. All this technical stuff, which you shall see in future videos. It was a mental shock. Alright? It was a slap in the face. It was cold water. It it was a new routine. And often still, when I wake up in the van, I have that split second thing of where the fuck am I? What am I doing? What have I done? Alright. And now I know that that's quite a good sign with me. If I start feeling that discomfort, a little bit of anxiety that what the fuck am I doing? That's good because that's exactly the feeling I had when I started daygame. And that's the feeling you get with approach anxiety or going to talk to hot girls or like I say in my travel book, Torero Travels, the first solo travel I did when I left for the Greek Islands, I was at university. Budget airlines had just come in, and I went to the airport. And as I walked through the airport door, it was looting. Something just sank in my stomach. I had that kind of mild panicky feeling. And then the trip to the Greek islands was amazing, and that's what started off all my travel. And, yeah, it's discomfort. So do you get the idea how embracing this discomfort if you figure out things on the van, you know, like the oil and the antifreeze and the tires and all that stuff, it makes you stronger because it makes you more independent. And, you're not only prepared for when it happens the next time, you're, you're mentally prepared. It's it's stretched you as self development say, all the good stuff happens outside of your comfort zone. And, let's take it back to daygame and pickup. Okay? Because obviously rubber meets the road when you go and you talk to girls and I saw Charlie, like I said, and we made that video and lots of comments on my, blog, tomtorero.com. They're in the spam box because a lot of them were were just pretty rude, you know. Clearly, Charlie still has some nervous tics and he was, a little bit nervous as you would be filming a YouTube video for thousands of people to watch. But, I saw the transformation. I know Charlie's results. And most importantly, he's out there in the fucking cold, you know, before Poland. He was in Prague. It was freezing. He's doing daygame. And the cheek of bedroom pickup artists, you know, armchair theorists, guys on forums giving him advice when they don't even do pickup. That's just ridiculous. Okay? Cause if I ask them to be on camera, if I ask them to, be on a YouTube video or to show me their pickup, perhaps we would see, their fragile nature. But, the rubber meets the road. Game as a contact sport makes you antifragile. Okay? Certainly, winter daygame. So the first thing you're gonna face is the blowouts, the immediate insta rejections when she doesn't even stop or whatever. It's an embarrassing social situation, spotlight effect, boyfriend, shop assistant, people in the coffee shop, and just the general hit rate. Okay? This is the realistic daygame expectations and the statistics that I bash on about constantly. Or having the chat and then for whatever reason she doesn't give you the phone number. Yeah. So you get used to that. You get desensitized to that. You get you get stronger. You you come to enjoy it in that weird way. Okay? So rather than being fragile and breaking down and as Charlie says in his bit of advice at the end of that video, not being overly hung up on, whether it goes well or it doesn't go well. Cause you smile, you have that freedom from outcome. Eventually, you aim for that amused mastery where you say, I'm just out having a walk in that zen kind of state. Badass meets Buddha. I'm enjoying it. And what happens happens. Yeah? So okay. She didn't give me the number. You don't get angry and write a really angry report on a manosphere site. You just say, whatever. Okay. I know the realistic statistics. Let's continue. Yeah? Okay. We go further up the rejection mountain as I've said, and you get the phone number, but she doesn't reply to your first message. That stings in the beginning, but it toughens you up. Yeah. Tough love as Chuck Norris would say. Plenty more fish in the sea, you just get more leads. Okay. You're texting her, you're pinging her and she doesn't come out on a date. There's loads of those. Okay. More no's than yes's. You get used to that. You don't think what was my text game problem? How can I get her? Tom, I want her. I wanna do a Skype session just about this one girl. No. When you have abundance, when you have lots of leads, when you're doing daygame, once again, not on your computer keyboard, but you're actually out there with your thermals and your gloves talking to girls, then, yeah, you become antifragile. You go on a date with her. It doesn't go to plan either she friend zones you, or you try to escalate. She won't kiss you. She doesn't see you again, whatever. That stings way more than just a quick blowout. But you get used to them. If you're going on two or three dates a week, no big deal. Water off a duck's back. Yep. And all these things, I hope you're already noticing, toughen you up in other areas of your life. Okay? So if your friend flakes on you, he can't come to the pub last minute, whatever. A flight's delayed or canceled. Okay. No big deal. It's that zenness. It's that Buddhist monk kind of thing really, which which the anti fragile nature is. It's it's a beautiful thing. Adaptability. So when you're doing lots of travel, the van is teaching me this for sure. You just say, no big deal. Change your plan. Whatever. You can survive on your own. You think, is this the worst case scenario? Okay. If you survive that, you know, game on. This is, like I said, the fuel, the unconscious fuel of evolution, environmental change, adaptability. It's created all of wondrous life on earth through this adaptability. Inherent in our nature. So rather than trying to, as I said, say, I'm tough, none of this affects me. That's just a front. Okay? If you if you try to keep that what I call two d alpha, watch the YouTube video on that. If you try to keep that tough man front, then, inside, really, you're just hiding the fragility. Whereas if you embrace these, realistic daygame expectations and life expectations and travel expectations and van life expectations, then no surprises, you can learn to adapt. What's worse than her not kissing you well, she comes back to your house, perhaps she stands in your front door as many Ukrainians and Russians have done, and she won't come in. And you, you never see her again. Or even worse, even worse, she comes in, you fool around on the sofa or the bed. You get the LMR and, there's no sex, and you cross the point of no return and you never see her again. Or which happens if you've got that player vibe or if you travel around a lot, You have sex with her and then she won't have sex with you again. No repeat sex because a bit of buyer's remorse. It was too fast. And, yeah, you don't see her again. So all those things are what are gonna happen to you. I promise. And if you say, nah, none of that happens to me. I never get blown out. I never get LMR well, my friend. Either you're just doing pickup in your head or you're going for girls that are not as hot as you. Perhaps you're living in Thailand. They're gaming you. It's just too easy. If you're doing daygame, street hustle, cold approach pickup, you'll be nodding your head at all those things. And cold calling that book about the former Soviet Union is full of stories and warnings about this stuff and, breakdowns. As Craig says in, his Sydney segment of the Hustle On documentary about his breakdown when he went to Belgrade on his first solo daygame expedition. Charlie mentioned a little wobble on his Prague trip. We know what he they mean. Okay? If you've done daygame trips and certainly being in a van alone, you get the cabin fever. It was nice to have a hot shower at mister a's place the other day. But, yeah, it's it's it's part and parcel. Daygame makes the highs higher and the lows lower. And even though you get the wonderful stories, which is inherently what books of lay reports are, or, you know, the photos on Instagram, the Instagram, Facebook feed, it's like the the highlights, the trailer to the movie. We all do it. Okay? But in daygame, there are the trips with no lays. There are the dry spells. There is the daygame revulsion if you've been doing daygame for more than two, three years where you where you hate it. Again, that's part of the reason of the van to balance it 50% in cities, 50% on adventures. Yeah. Realistic expectations. And I like the way Charlie was very honest and that you could see he's still got work to do, but that's fine. He's, what, 22, 23. And I didn't start daygaming till, what, '28, '29. You're peaking in your male sexual market value in your thirties, 30 to 35, let's say. So fuck. Good on Charlie, yeah, for getting laid now, for sorting stuff out now, for embracing the madness of it all, for saying fuck yeah, you know. No more being fragile, whatever the reason for that in your background, bullying or, weird parenting or an event in your life. No. You embrace, you enjoy the, anti fragile nature. Now, let's make it a little bit more complicated because the Talib book goes into a lot of stuff. Okay? Especially his concept of skin in the game, which is basically what we said about not being an armchair PUA, but exposing yourself to the harsh realities of life. We say in pickup, exposing yourself to real world feedback. Because you could look in the mirror, you could go on seminars and pump yourself up and do all the self talk and say, I am great, I am amazing, I am God, I am high value. I am this. And you'll feel good in your house. You'll feel good online. You know, you watch motivational videos. You have that screensaver of a dolphin and a sunset saying, you know, how amazing you are. You're you have unlimited potential, etcetera, etcetera. Many of the reasons why I don't like life coaching because when you come into the real world, skin in the game, you go and you talk to that girl, she's giving you feedback. Classic Tom Torero. Yeah. The girl is your mirror, and it stings. And the guys who found training the hardest, I remember when we used to do boot camps. So there was a good selection of guys. And one of the guys would be, let's say, very rich or very buff or a CEO or a city guy. And when he had two or three rejections from girls, he he often, left. He wouldn't come back on the second day of the boot camp. Interesting. The guy with a bigger ego, the grandiose self image in his head had never had to test that in the the realities of the sexual marketplace. So you expose yourself not as in getting your dick out in public. Don't do that. Don't wear a Mac in a park or around a school. But you add in stressors. That's what would say. So if daygame is easy for you, I met a guy in a Polish city I drove through on my way to Warsaw, and he was singing the praises of this city and Polish girls. And, I said, okay. We call Poland seven heaven. He was a good looking young guy. I said, don't you try something a bit harder? You know? Hotter girls, go further east or go further north or go back to where you're from because he was American. I said, what about picking up American girls, you know, hot American girls in New York or Miami or LA? And he went, nah. I'm just comfortable here. You know, I've got my life sorted out. It's like a guy in, his social circle or an older guy in in Thailand, you know, and you say, come on, man. Why didn't you push yourself? Go for your dream girl or go to a country that's harder. Nah, I'm okay here. It's fine. And you shouldn't be saying that if you're in your twenties. It's not if even if you're in your thirties as a daygamer. Okay? You wanna add in stressors. So how can you do that? You can go to a quote unquote harder city where you're gonna get more blowouts. Okay? Because there's guys with higher SMVs. The girls are hotter. Do higher pressure situations. So if you're a one trick pony and you just do the street, get off the street and get into, weird situations. Do it on the subway platform. Do it in a very small coffee shop. Do it in a quiet store. Yep. Or vice versa. If you find malls and stores easy, then, some guys really fear the front stop. They they put it off for ages. They rationalize why it's weird and low value. But let me tell you, brothers, just doing that front stop has got me laid Sometimes because the girl is so impressed if you get it right and you're on the money and everything goes well, and she says, wow. You know, you this guy's got balls. So higher pressure situations, hotter girls, different locations, doing it without a wing, shock horror. Daygamers go on holiday with wings. But be like Charlie or be like Tom, the guy. Do you remember that? Young guy who's in a couple of podcasts and recently he was telling you about his online guitar teaching. And I told you he's been in he was in Ukraine in the winter, meters of snow. And then he was in somewhere near Romania, and now he's back in Ukraine. And he's sending me his lay pictures and stories, and he's out there with thermals on and a hat and gloves doing daygaming in difficult conditions, in difficult countries, on very hot girls. Okay? So he's he's pushing himself. And I said to him, Tom and I said this to Charlie, if guys, if you can do this in these conditions here and in the countries they've been to, man, you're gonna find daygamese when it's spring and summer and you're in Barcelona or you're in London or you're in Austin, Texas or a festival, man, you've made yourself antifragile. Fantastic. Yeah? So once again, I'm nagging you not just to listen to podcasts or read my stuff or watch videos but go and add those stressors. And if you're a beginner, just asking for directions might be you adding in a stressor. Yeah. Going to a different city in your country, you don't need to spend money. Or going to a different area of your city will be a stressor. Or, just doing the compliment for beginners as you saw with Charlie and Kevin in that beginner daygame video. It's it's fucking stressful to go up to a stranger and say, excuse me, you look nice. Bye. Right? Or just going for the number, pulling the trigger, going for the number, or, more importantly, pulling the trigger on the date. Just those, two words strike fear into the heart of men. Let's go. The two most important words in the whole of the date or the second date, let's go. And she says, where are we going? And you say, back to mine. Okay? Causes a huge anxiety. Once she's back in yours, most guys know how to pull the trigger. But putting yourself in those difficult situations because you become desensitized to them, the more girls I'll get back in the van, the more pulls to the van I'll do, I'll become comfortable. The more weird situations you become comfortable. But warnings. Let's finish with warnings because guys have said, oh, yeah. Okay. So let's just put loads of stresses on. And, obviously, that's the best strategy. People have said day game has day game approaching has no downsides. So you can just keep rolling the dice. It's fine. Just approach loads, become a spam approacher, or just see it as, something with no negative consequences for your health, physical health or mental health. Physical health, bloody hell. That dodgy knee I've had. The eye thing I had, that was a cause of a lot of stress because I it started out as conjunctivitis, and then it went to something called keratitis, if you know what that is, where I had blurry vision because of marks on my cornea. So I'm still taking steroid drops for that. So it was one hell of a winter. Lots of stresses on me. Going to hospital clinics in different countries as I was driving that van stresses on me, you know. And you can lie there, say, and be the victim and moan, or you can say, fuck. No. I'm exposing myself unintentionally to all these difficult situations, and it's making me strong. But the disclaimer is too many stresses on your health or deciding to do too many crazy things like change country, change job, leave your partner, move to the other side of the world, do cold approach pickup. No. That's not just a woohoo, fantastic, let's become anti fragile. That can cause damage, too many stresses. And you'll know that if you've changed job or moved house or bought a van. It it was stressful, way more stressful than I thought subconsciously. And I wasn't sleeping well for the first bit because you're thinking of the noises outside. Is the van okay? What am I doing as I said? Huge shift in my life from apartments to the van. Huge shift in comfort levels. So you don't you wanna be very careful. Same with daygame. You don't wanna jump into a difficult city with catwalk models and do 50 approaches. If you if you can't even daygame in your own city and just do the hit and run. Excuse me. I just wanted to say, I think you look nice. Have a good day. And if you can't do that, make sure you can ask for directions. And if you can't do that, make sure you can have normal conversations with friends. So watch out for too many stressors. Don't do degen too much. Watch out for really tricky situations or really hot girls. Be careful. The second thing, which Talib talks about, don't push yourself with not enough recovery time. So we've said about day game hibernation, and I've made videos where I've had burnout. These are realistic expectations. Yeah? So if you do day game professionally or for years and years and years and you just do pickup and you think about pickup and you teach pickup and you talk about pickup, you need recovery time. So just like at the gym, obviously, I know a lot about the gym where you you stress your muscle fibers, you you break them down essentially and you need that recovery time because that's when the muscle gets stronger. That's the anti fragile nature of fitness. That's why the book is on so many fitness blogs. But daygame needs recovery time. So two or three times a week, 20 or 30 approaches, and then the recovery time. Hitting it hard in a new city as I said to Tom and Charlie, you know, your number farm and then recovery time. So I'm about to go to a new city. I'll do a big number farm, maybe five days, and then I'll stop daygaming. Recovery time. Last year, you can have a big run of lays, and good day gamers will know this. After your best week or your best month, let's say you get three, four, five lays in a month or back to back one, two, three lays, you feel knackered, not just physically from that drop in testosterone but you it's just too much. Right? The human male wasn't really designed for that amount of stimulation. So you recover, you go home, you focus on your job, you have another hobby, you go into nature, you listen to music, you read books, whatever, you get a van, you drive through beautiful misty mystical frozen lakes and forests. Recovery time. So actually, in this new city, I will park up the van for two or three weeks and just focus on other things, you know, daygame and dating and enjoying myself. Cause you can't drive constantly. Too many stresses. So how are we doing? Yeah. Let's wrap up the podcast. That was, podcast a 144. Read the book if you want to, but you've already got the gist of it. Alright? So I like the idea obviously of antifagile, exposing yourself to hardships, skin in the game, and those warnings to finish. Watch out for too many stresses and make sure you're giving yourself enough TLC. Not Torero love and care, but you know, tender self love. And that doesn't mean jacking off. That means looking after yourself. Okay. From somewhere in Poland, I shall say, that means goodbye. And I will speak to you hopefully next week. Goodbye.