---
title: Episode 158 Life In Your 30s
episode_number: 158
era: late
source_file: Episode 158 Life In Your 30s.mp3
audio_size_mb: 53.1
duration_sec: 1740.3
duration_min: 29.0
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.995
transcribed_at: 2026-05-27T17:04:18Z---

# Episode 158 Life In Your 30s

**Speaker 0:** Tom Torero podcast a 158 from the main streets of Columbia. Once again, I'm walking around today. It's quite a tranquil morning, but you might hear a carnival, a cacophony of local sounds, of local chaos. That is the joy of South America. It was too nice to be inside. So I'm out and about, short of breath because I'm walking up a fucking hill, and I'm still a lazy bastard. And I'm getting old, and that's the whole topic of today. Life in your thirties. It's a follow-up, you could say to the one a couple of weeks back about fifty plus daygame, which made us all feel better. Say yes, Tom. So no more excuses there. Oh, I'm 32 and I'm too old or I'm 40 and I have to use provider game bullshit because there's those 50 year old guys doing day game pickup in lover mode. So listen to that. I think it was podcast a 156 if you're over 50. This is a real compliment to podcast a 128, which was called life in your twenties, life advice, pearls of wisdom from your uncle Thomas if you're in your late teens getting into your twenties, early twenties. So that podcast was all about building your sexual market value, value, getting some life experience, going through this, boys to men, shout out to the boy band, boys to men rite of passage, which is learning social dynamics, which is first learning to be comfortable socially and then to spark things up sexually. And it's tough because it's the building phase. It's a decade of getting gravitas, getting experience, getting that sexual market value up to the point where you reach your late twenties, which is thank the Lord when I discovered, or rather implemented cold approach pickup. Because I read the game in 2005, but I didn't really start cold approaching properly till I was 28, 29. And, I flourished with it from 30 to 35, and that is exactly when a man's sexual market value peaks. If you've been reading my stuff, listening to my stuff, you should know by now that there's a big gulf between when a girl's sexual market value peaks, which is 18 to 21, or you could say 16, 17, eighteen, nineteen, 20, 21, and when a man's sexual market value peaks. Because summing up once again, men are attracted to beauty and that is their peak beauty and fertility. Women are attracted to power, not as in money and muscles, but as in, the full package. Okay? So you tick all the sexual market value boxes as a man. And cold approach itself is not only the value delivery mechanism, that's why you have to learn game, but it's value in itself. Going up to a girl, putting your balls on the line, so rare. Getting rarer and rarer, so making my job easier and easier. Not hiding behind an app or being online or social circle. You just walk up to the girl, you tell her what you want. They are more and more amazed by this. So that all peaks in your thirties, and the thirties is about delivering your value. I use the analogy many times that it's not enough to have a formula one car sitting in the garage in perfect condition. You spent all this time and money on it, building it up. It's got the best of everything, but it's in a fucking garage. You have to drive it out of the garage, and more importantly, you have to compete. If you wanna win on the formula one circuit, you have to compete. You have to test your in the real world against other cars. Does that make it sound like I know about formula one? Maybe. But I've I've never watched the race in my life. But you get what I mean. You have to capitalize on all the building you've been doing. Okay? And, you'll find if you are implementing cold approach pickup that results come, things come easier and easier. You just have to trust me on that, that results are shaky in your late twenties, but then as you build up more experience, real world experience, pickup experience, you ooze that male gravitas. Women start looking at you more. Women start responding to you more. Or I shouldn't say women, I should say girls. Because, I was sleeping with girls perhaps when I started day game pickup, they were in their mid twenties or early twenties. And my peak year of day game, let's say, for beauty results, efficiency, all of that was 2016 when I was roughly 36 years old. That's the year I was sleeping with 17 year olds in Poland, legal. Many 18 year olds, 19 year olds, it was coming easier. And if you wanna watch me during that magic year and listen to the dates and read the text messages, then the plug for today is cha ching, stealth seduction. Seventeen hours of me in 2016 picking up virgins, you know, late teen girls, beautiful girls, as a 36 year old guy. So that sums up what's possible in your thirties. Yeah? You'll also get more amused mastery. I've made a video on amused mastery where you stop being reactive to the world. You stop being reactive to girls. You don't take them so seriously because you've seen it all before. You've been on enough dates. You've dated enough hot girls. You don't judge them. You're you're not angry with them. You're not bitter. Look, it's just a game. So it water off a ducks back. It rolls off you. And you should be chill with guys as well, with people around you. A classic tale is an angry guy raging against the world after the age of 35. Why is a guy angry after the after his mid thirties? He shouldn't be. He should be comfortable in his own skin, which we'll come on to. He should kind of almost be at peace with himself, himself. Again, which we'll come on to. So you shouldn't be prickly. You shouldn't be reactive after your mid thirties. Capitalizing then on this sexual market value. I would encourage you, of course, to not settle down. I say to guys that call me on Skype, if you're in your twenties, there's no way you should be in a long term relationship. And if you're 30 to 35, let's say you're getting into your thirties now, do not settle down long term. Especially do not let a girl move in with you. Do not pretend to be monogamous with a girl. Be very careful of catching oneitis between the age of 30 and 35. Twice in that five year period, I caught, a severe case of oneitis even with abundance. I call that affection addiction where players fall harder. And, yeah, it took time out of my game. It messed up my head. It messes up your heart. It happens to, all players. As I just said, players are more susceptible to this. But I know guys that get into day game for a few months in their early thirties. The first girl or two that comes along, that comes into their life, that's it. They settle down with her. They give her half their stuff, half their money, half their apartment. They get into a very convoluted complex relationship, which lasts three or four years. Chemicals fade and fuck. They're high and dry and maybe they contact me again and they say, hi, Tom. I'm 34 or I'm 38 or shock or I've been in an eight year relationship. I got married and had a couple of kids and now I'm single again and I'm 42 and it's so much harder. Yeah. So, hopefully, I'm preaching to the choir. But, now is the time to do a hell of a lot of game. Right? Now is the time to do all the things that you want to do. In your thirties, your money situation should also be almost figured out. Now, I'm not saying completely figured out, but in your twenties, it's probably about getting into debt, spending too much, splashing out if you've got some cash suddenly and, you know, do all your wild trips, you show off with your money. And your thirties, as I shall come on to in next week's podcast, is about suddenly wising up to the money game as well. Not just the game as it applies to girls, but the game as it applies to money and and freedom and time and investing and what amount of money is necessary. So how much you should be chasing. So you become more and more financially free, which allows you to do these bucket list things. And the average guy would say, no, I'm just gonna be super sensible, put my head down. Obviously, he's in a marriage. He's gonna work until he retires, which is sixty five seventy. And then he's gonna do his massive cruise or he's gonna do his bucket list. But my friend, it's hard enough in your thirties as you watch your energy levels decrease, as you watch your physical fitness get harder to maintain, you know, the natural form of aging. You'll feel it in your thirties, I'm sure. Of course, I will feel it in my forties and fifties. But if you think you're gonna have that energy and that freedom of your your body and your mind to do all this stuff in your seventies, all the extreme stuff, then you're not. So can you quit your job? Maybe not. But can you take a sabbatical? Yes. There's many guys I've coached, that I've met, that I've winged with, that I travel with now. They haven't quit their job, but they've got to the point with their boss where they can take a year off or at least six months off or they can do the oil ring rig thing time on time off. Or they can save up some fucking money and then disappear for a while or they just quit their job. My mate, Tim, just quit his job. But I mean just as in just now, but he he said fuck it to his boss, quit his job, moved to China because that's the type of girls he and he's leading a completely different life over there. Hello, Timothy, if you're listening to this podcast. I smashed a very hot girl recently from daygame. So it's making those big decisions in your thirties to do all that stuff that you wanted to do. All those childhood fantasies, do them. Okay? All those, dreams, do them. Now that doesn't mean putting all your money into a Lamborghini, better to rent a Lamborghini for a week and drive around Europe. That doesn't mean buying massive villa in Cancun. It just means, renting it off Airbnb for five days. So you can live the pimp dream for a little bit, and then you realize, fuck, I've got to sustain this. So not only are we capitalizing on all the things we worked hard on in our twenties. We're starting to work out how can we sustain them. And with sexual market value, after the peak in your mid thirties, it's all about maintenance. So now I'm in the maintenance phase from 35 to 50 of keeping things as they are, trying to keep the same weight, trying to keep the same fitness, trying to keep the same habits, trying to stay single and keep picking up girls, trying to eat more health, etcetera, etcetera. Trying not to become angry and ragey online and be, you know, one of those miserable cunts where you age rapidly because you're just moaning online, you get into reading the news every day and getting really bitter and thinking, fuck, you know, things didn't turn out the way they should have. So it's not my fault. It's everybody else's fault. I talk about that in my recent YouTube video, love of the game. How do you sustain the love of the game from your mid twenties to your mid thirties? That's a decade of talking to girls and I'm coming up to a decade in field. So I put that video on YouTube. I've just remembered it was flagged because of music. Some bastard put a whole copyright strike on it. So I've uploaded that video to my blog. Oh, there's a pumping hair salon. Oh, with a lot of hot birds and a lot of big asses. Beautiful. We shall continue. What else should I say about life in your thirties? I've said be nice to your parents because in your twenties or certainly your late teens, you're a dick. The hormones are racing around. You've got something to prove. You blame your parents. And of course, it's healthy to leave the nest to not be mommy's boy. But then in your late twenties into your thirties, you start seeing the role reversal where you kind of become the parent to your parents. So there might be an illness, there might be an injury, there might be a time of a family death, there might be a serious moment where you go home, wherever home is, and you start taking care of your parents or certainly looking out for them, certainly calling them more and more and realizing that they're not gonna be with you forever, that you're not 18 years old anymore, you're coming up to middle age perhaps, and now is the time to give a bit of love back. Yeah. All those years they put up with you being a wanker, now is the time to give it back. So if you learn nothing from this podcast, I would just encourage you at the end of this or do it now. Pause the podcast and give your parents or whoever raised you a call. Make sure they're okay. It's the same with friends. Friends come and go, very transient in late teens, in university. Certainly, you get into game, you lose a lot of friends, you ditch a lot of friends because, you're into different things, and you're chasing girls around the world. But by your mid thirties, you've got a core group of friends, hopefully, might not be very big at all. It might be one or two or three, as they say, you know. How many friends do you really have in your life? People that you can phone in the middle of the night, someone you could phone from jail, somebody who would come to your deathbed. Might be only one or two guys, but you make time, you make sure to be good to them, that it's win win, and, they know you, you know them, it's your mid thirties. So that's the whole point. You know yourself way better than in your twenties. In your twenties, really don't know who you are. You might think you know who you are, but you're still growing quite literally, mentally and physically. And I was a complete chump, obviously, from the age of my mid teens, so 15 to about 24, almost a decade of being clueless, being a chump, being awkward with the depression, anxiety, and stress. It was only through learning game that I evolved into who I am today and even in my early thirties, you know, I felt like I had a lot to prove, ego even bigger, more testosterone you could say, a chip on my shoulder that I had to sort out and you mellow. You mellow as you get those reference experiences from the real world and you say, yeah, I'm not like that. I'm actually like this and I can do that and I have achieved this. I know who I am. You know your mind, not completely, no one can ever know their mind, but you know what upsets you, you know what makes you down. If you deal with a black dog like me, you you can see it coming, you know how to sit there and cope with it, you know strategies to cope with it, you know your body, and you'll certainly notice things about your body. Now, obviously, I am the personal trainer fitness guru lifting genius that can give you all this advice. But I'm just saying quite clearly, even for somebody as lazy as me with fitness, you'll notice things with your body. In your twenties, certainly your late teens, you abuse it with anything you wanna do and you basically stay the same and feel invincible. Then into your late twenties, you might notice that you can't eat so much junk food that you can't smoke because you're getting out of breath that you can't drink so much because it affects you the next day. You will know your cravings, you will know your weak spots and into your thirties. What do they say? I think after 35, the human body naturally puts on about a pound a year. Obviously, that's related to muscle mass and activity, strength training, etcetera. But if you just keep the same diet, you're gonna put on a pound a year, maybe a bit more. Okay? If you're sedentary and you're not doing a 10 k of walking per daygame session, you're gonna notice it and you're gonna notice it more and more. And certainly in my thirties after 35, I, had a lower back thing. Then I had a, what's it called, trapped nerve from the lower back thing, then I had this year a knee thing, I noticed an old shoulder injury, coming back. So yeah, you suddenly realize, fuck, I'm not invincible. And an injury or two is actually, you could say a good thing because it wakes you up. And you realize, okay, maintenance or even improvement. Alright? Because I'm in this fucking body in my forties, fifties, sixties and beyond. But certainly, if you wanted to do cold approach pickup, let's bring it back to that. Maintenance. Alright? If you want to capitalize on your sexual market value, part of that, of course, is being able to, be presentable to girls. As they said on the last podcast, being sex worthy. So if you're bothered about balding, then, shave it off. Yeah. Bruce Willis style. If you're bothered about being small, then, there's plenty of shorter guys doing day game, but, you know, they're wearing the boots or the wedges or they're just calling out the elephant in the room. If you're bothered about going gray, you can, use just for men. Brands are available. I do use that. I'm using it less and less, but I do use that because I notice when girls guess my age, if I've got the dark brown hair, they'll guess much younger. So it's just allowing me capitalize on my sexual market value a little bit longer. But of course, the silver fox thing is cool. I'll probably do that in my forties, certainly my fifties, where you're playing the older guy card and you're playing it to your advantage, but fulfilling their fantasy. Right? The subset of girls that we spoke about in that 50 plus podcast is there in your thirties. So girls will have the fantasy for the for the older guy. So why does the 18, 19 year old girl wanna fuck me and not one of her peers? Well, you hear it in style seduction. She describes the late teens, early twenties boys as babies. So a guy in his thirties seems wow, you know, to her. That's fucking cool. She might have a fantasy of fucking a teacher or fucking her professor or fucking her boss, you know, that 50 shades of grey fantasy. So you can play into that more and more. And she says, how old are you? And you say, I'm too old for you. Or she says, how old are you? And you say, I'm 85, but I've had plastic surgery. All the Tom Torero classics. So what else can you do? You can stop looking like a dad with your clothes. So if you're just getting to pick up and you're in your twenties, don't make the mistake Tom Torero made of wearing baggy chinos, wearing a lot of beige, ill fitting clothes, things that automatically make you look like the average married 30 year old dude, you know, the dad fashion. What's that saying there? Fashion is for girls, style is for boys, style is for men. So you don't really need to worry about fashion. I've got a video on pickup style. It's called the nice bad boy fashion. Perhaps that's what it's called. It was made many years ago, but I'll link it below. Where it says, look, as a guy, we're blessed with keeping it simple. So fitted, dark colors, you can get away with that for the rest of your life. Look at Hank Moody. You can look at somebody who's just wearing a black shirt, tighter fitting jeans, maybe some boots. You can go with a slightly smarter look of the suit jacket, the t shirt underneath, the fitted jeans and the boots. Maybe a couple of things, a couple of rings or a couple of bracelets or a pendant. Peacocking still works. That principle will never go away. Well, with the tattoos, you'll see in stealth selection, girls are touching the tattoos on the street on the instant date. It's an easy way for me to calibrate to them, you know, how much compliance, how much interest. If a girl touches you without being provoked, bing. Bing bang bong. As the meme says, call that fucking Uber. Start walking home. Alright? And you'll see a girl, the the virgin actually, on stealth seduction. She touches my bracelets and my tattoos during our coffee. And right, let's go walk across the park back to my, apartment. So standing out from the average 30 year old dude. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, look around you on train platforms, on airplanes, guys that are in their mid thirties that are married, that have let themselves go, that wear dad clothes. Americans, yep. I'm talking to you. You are quite guilty at the top of the list of wearing those golf polo shirts tucked in with baggy beige chinos and weird trainers. You know what I'm talking about. You can watch the movie swingers and just compare the different fashions between needy Michael and Vince Vaughn, the bad boy. And obviously, not just copied the fashion and style, but the behavior, the swagger of a guy who's needy and desperate and clingy has no options I e no game no frame and the guy who's in sexual abundance the guy who's got swagger the guy who's cool the guy who's getting laid, the guy who's got frame. So you can you can learn a lot from that. I've said watch the movie Alfie, the classic Michael Caine movie about the secret society. And he's a he's a guy I'm not sure how old he is in that movie or how old is the character he's portraying, but he's an old guy with a harem in London going about a happy, bachelor life. Apologies. I nearly got hit by a bus then, which is not uncommon in Colombia. There are no rules and regulations on the road, so you take things into your own hands as you cross the road. I'm trying to exist into my forties and fifties, so, I just paused the podcast. But I'm gonna finish by talking about a concept I call the siren song. And I might do another podcast on this or at least a video. The siren song is that pull for the sailor to be dashed on the rocks by those beautiful women singing a song to him, pulling him in. Can you see where I'm going with this? It's that desire to settle because you say, fuck, man. I'm so old. I'm so tired. I just wish the game would stop. I wish life was easier. I wish I could just stop having to make an effort. You know, why is it so unfair that girls don't need to make an effort and guys have to hunt, etcetera, etcetera. You hear this all the time, especially online on Twitter. Guys moaning about the fact that they're men. It's on you, brother, to, put in the work, to deliver your value. The competition never stops. And if you for one second think that it's gonna stop when you're in a relationship, you are massively deluded. The game has just begun. If you quote unquote settle down with a girl, the frame will slip very quickly. Everything we've spoken about today will fall by the wayside very quickly. You'll put on weight, you'll dress badly, you'll have no desire to go out, you'll have no abundance, you'll be desperate, you'll be needy, you'll be clingy, you'll be jealous, you'll be mate guarding. And surprise, surprise, she'll find you unattractive. The second you lose the frame, she doesn't know why but she doesn't find you attractive anymore. So the sick irony of pickup. But it's the sick irony of life, at least that pushes us, is that once you approach those sirens, those beautiful girls offering you monogamy and the chance to settle down, you get dashed on the rocks. And she doesn't like it, you obviously don't like it, so it's lose lose. And you'll see even guys that are pickup artist, they'll settle very early on because they're just tired of the game. They've lost their love of the game. They just want everything to stop. And they settle down when they're 30, 31, and they miss out, as I said, that whole golden decade, your thirties of being a playboy, being a cad, being a bachelor. And yeah, it is gonna be harder in your forties if you're just starting out. I'm not saying it's impossible. Listen to that 50 plus podcast. But you'll have missed out on the golden value delivery years of being in your thirties. A note that I should say, if you're in your late twenties, early thirties, and you went through your twenties missing out the value building, perhaps you're in a long relationship or you're just a chump like me, then the good news is that learning game is a catalyst. It's a it's a fast way of of building value anyway. So you'll be traveling more, you'll be talking to hundreds, thousands of strangers on the street, which, will teach you social dynamics in a year or two rather than a couple of decades like most people have. You can undo bad, habits. You can undo bad style, you can get abundance, you can go from mister nice guy to being a bit more mister lover. These things can be learned I. E. That is what game is learning social dynamics. So do not fear. You might be behind the guy who's, got all that stuff sorted and he's in his thirties, but, you can do it. And that's, the story of most students that come for coaching or get into this stuff. They're play and catch up and that's fine. As long as you can love and live those years thirty five to 40, they've been my best years so far and, thank fuck I put in the work from '29 to let's say '35, '36. Now, if you're like me, you're in your late thirties coming into your forties, all about maintaining your current situation. So your current freedoms, your current fitness, your current love of the game, your current sex drive, your current friendships, your current relationships with your family, sorting out where you get your affection from. I said this in the affection addiction podcast. Because if you're not monogamous, if you haven't settled down, you have to look the player in the eye and say, listen, mate, where do you get your affection needs met? Because everybody needs oxytocin. So a long term bachelor, he will say from his family, from his very good friends, from old fuck buddies, from old girlfriends to it's now clearly platonic. This is not the friend zone. This is years after fucking a girl a lot. You have her as a female friend, someone very close to you. You're spending time with your sister, with your mom, those male friends, that band of brothers. Brothers, that's giving you affection. Okay? And the opposite of that is just getting your affection from one source, a very dangerous strategy, codependent, locked in, when she vanishes, oh, fuck. She's got a lot going on and the man falls off a cliff. So I'm just saying, watch those affection needs as well in your thirties. I will finish it there even though I think this might be a little bit short. I'm off for my lunch, and then I'm off for some day again because I haven't got that long left here in wonderful Columbia. But that was a podcast all about life in your thirties. Let me know if you're coming into your thirties. And if you need some more advice, comment on, my blog or comment on YouTube, and I'll get back to you. If you need another podcast on this kind of stuff, let me know. But hopefully, I've covered twenties, thirties, forties, and fifties. No one's come back to me saying they're a daygamer who's 60 or 70. But if you're listening to this and you are, I would love to get in touch with you. I would love to interview you on this podcast anonymously about picking up girls as a bachelor, not as a sugar daddy in your sixties and seventies. Until next week. Adios.