---
title: Episode 16 Introvert Game
episode_number: 16
era: early
source_file: Episode 16 Introvert Game.mp3
audio_size_mb: 52.5
duration_sec: 1720.3
duration_min: 28.7
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.999
transcribed_at: 2026-05-27T17:05:15Z---

# Episode 16 Introvert Game

**Speaker 0:** Tom Torero podcast 16 from Egypt before I fly home to London later today. And apologies for a little gap in these podcasts. But as you know, you've been following my YouTube channel, I've been doing this rather ridiculous thirty day vlog challenge where I put out a mini video every day from wherever I am in the world on one fundamental topic, which is this overarching theme in my day game and my teaching and my product Badass Buddha and everything that I believe in when it comes to seduction, and that is the nice bad boy. So trying to reconcile that contradiction of what elements of the nice guy do you have and what elements of the bad boy do you have and how do you find a balance. So if you've not checked out those videos, there's loads already up. Just get onto my YouTube channel and feast. Anyway, today is another opening of the mailbag, both with some questions that have come in via Facebook, my Tom Torero Facebook page, and also some recent email questions that I've got. So I'll kick off with those, and then if there's time, I will no doubt ramble on. Okay. The the biggest question in terms of a theme I thought for this podcast was an email I got from a guy called Graham who lives in Scotland. And he asks whether I am an introvert or because of all the daygame I've done and all the stuff he sees me doing, have I become, he asks, an extrovert? And that's a really good question because many guys in the community obviously have come from an introverted background or have introverted tendencies. And, of course, whether you believe in introvert versus extrovert is another matter entirely. People like to think of it as a binary thing, a bit like, are you a nice guy or a bad boy? Are you alpha or are you beta, etcetera? And it's not. We're all on a sliding scale. And at times, we're all a bit introvert, we're all a bit extrovert. But certainly, if you just look around you and you think about your friends, members of your family, you'll see that some people are predisposed to getting their energy from other people. So they they love social situations. They they find social situations. They thrive in social situations. And other people, like myself, get their energy from time alone. Creativity comes from being alone, having space to think, liking to do things on your own. And that's how you recharge your batteries. And I would say that was massively me until the age of my mid-20s or certainly late 20s when I became a teacher, had to interact with teachers, kids and parents and obviously then learned game and daygame. So learned social dynamics with girls. So never really got into the club and party thing, but obviously had to interact with with girls and then other daygamers and then lots and lots and lots of students that I've taught. So I would say I'm a kind of a learned extrovert in that I like nothing better like I'm doing now than doing a creative project on my own, having time to think, learning a skill, doing a skill on my own. So I like solo daygame. I like editing videos on my own. I'm making this podcast on my own. I'm quite happy to travel on my own. But I realized very well that happiness is not to be found in being alone all the time. That's when I get my energy, but I also then need to kind of expend that energy. I can't just sit in a room forever because you'd you'd go a bit nuts. You'd you'd be too self reflective and up your own ass. Happiness comes from that company of other people. So sharing those creative ideas and getting getting some love, sharing some love with your family, with your friends, with other daygamers, hanging out with wings, hanging out with students like I've done here, hanging out with people from time to time, my cousin or people from the dive school, instructors, friends that I've made here. But then at the end of the day, once again, just saying goodnight, being in your room, and chilling. So I don't think you'll ever fundamentally change, Graham. I'm guessing you're an introvert, but you can learn to be more extrovert in learning social dynamics, in pushing your comfort zone with socializing. Yeah. If you want, getting into bars and clubs and really pushing the extrovert side of you. But daygame will give you enough extrovert time. Don't worry because you're out there chatting to girls, chatting to wings, like I said, going on dates, spending a good few hours of each day with girls or guys. Guys in a nonsexual way. Girls, hopefully, in a sexual way. There you go. I hope that answered your question, Graham. Another email I got yesterday from a guy called Sam. Sam lives in Oregon. And he says, when are you coming back to The USA? Lots of guys asked me that question, the big old US Of a, Uncle Sam, because I was out there was it this time last year, I think, when I did my big American tour from Miami to Austin to Vegas to LA, and I love America in small doses. I love the people. I love the landscapes. I particularly love New York and LA. So I promise you, if you're an American daygamer and you're listening to this, I've I've taken heed of your nagging, and I am coming back. So I'll be in New York, not during the sticky summer, but probably in the fall. And I've gotta come back to LA for various reasons, so I'll definitely be in California this year as well. Not sure about Miami. But if you're in another North American city, perhaps I haven't visited and you think, I should. The day game's good or you just like training or you'd like to hang out, do some flow mad stuff, whatever, then leave a comment below, and I'll bear that in mind. But, yes, I am coming to The US Of A. Alright. Some Facebook questions. Let me have a look. This one is from Tom Loftus. Good name, Tom. He says, hey, Tom. After the set has properly hooked, do you still fractionate between push and pull depending on the energy level of the interaction, or do you just dial down the energy until it's time to close? Very good question because the old daygame model, which evolved from the Mystery Method, is very linear in set stages, attraction, hook, then comfort, then number close, then seduction. Yep. Whereas the new London daygame model that's evolved in the last couple of years fractionates between these different phases depending on the girl, depending on the situation, yep, depending on the energy level. So once you've gone beyond beginner daygame where you're just thinking of these set phases, It's a bit like clutch control of a car. You need to bring attraction and spiking in and out. So even when the girl's hooked, yeah, I'll consciously think, right, Tom, don't be a dancing monkey. Chill out. Let her talk. But imagine an airplane cruising along. When you feel like the airplane's descending, you're getting into that kind of comfy chitchat that's a bit boring or she's steering it in a boring direction. Spike it up. So that means do it verbally or do it nonverbally just to see that buying temperature go up a little bit. And then when you think it's getting a bit giggly and out of control, chill out, vacuum, and maybe it's getting too political or too depressive or she's talking about her health problems or something, spike it up into fun. So you learn yeah. Here's a good analogy actually from the diving I've been doing. It's about your buoyancy. So you kind of when you're a beginner, you're going up and down, and you really have to think about it. But when you've gone beyond the intermediate stage, I'm guessing and I as I saw the instructors doing, their buoyancy is just based on their breathing. It's very instinctive. There's even a little delay involved, but they predict that into their ascent and descent. So they stabilize and that is the sweet spot. Yeah. So good question. And the answer is what you said. Fractionate between the push and the pull depending on the girl, depending on the energy, depending on the time, depending on the circumstance. There's not one right answer. Alright. Next question is from Xander. I think we pronounce that. Hello, Xander. And he says, when you first started out, how did you go about motivating yourself to approach so many girls per day every day? Did you have some sort of schedule? Also, do you tell the girls you sleep with about what the relationship dynamics are like between you two or you don't mention it and just sort of move on and not contact them again? Okay. Two separate questions. Let's go through them one by one. The first answer, Zander, is Sim simply Horniness. Okay? When I discovered that you could get better with this skill, I was like a kid in a sweet shop or a bull in a China shop. In that because I had had this area of my life lacking in terms of socializing, chatting to girls, making girls laugh, then going out with girls, then kissing girls, then getting them back to my house and then sleeping with them. I was so excited that I was just so driven. It was a new world for me. It was like the door had opened into Narnia. So I was out every day after work and I did have a little challenge for one year or more, which was one number a day. That's like one solid number a day. So sometimes that would take ten, fifteen minutes. Sometimes I'd be out there for two, three hours until I got that number. But even then, I'd carry on beyond that. So then I'd think, right. I can't have a coffee until I get one instant date every day or I'm not gonna go home until I've tried this technique, or I've managed to get this. But it was just an really exciting time, 2010, 2011. I talk about it in my book daygame, where I was just so fueled by excitement and horniness that I didn't even need a schedule. If you do find it a real grind, you need to ask yourself why are you doing this? Yeah. You're doing this to hopefully get those really attractive girls that you see walking past every day. I mean it should be fun, it should be exciting despite the blowouts. Let's go on to that schedule thing actually which was the end of that first question. Do you have some sort of schedule? Well the schedule I give students when they come coaching with me is a tried and tested one, and that is if you do need to push yourself, treat it like a gym, treat it quite militant, and say, you're gonna go out three times a week, and each time you go out, you're gonna do 10 approaches. So that could be after work Monday, Wednesday, Friday, or Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, whatever. 10 minimum. And then most daygamers do a long day, an extra day on the Saturday or the Sunday, where they do 20 approaches. So that's a total of 50 approaches during the week, and that is more than enough for a beginner or an intermediate to push themselves to get the volume of approaching in, to get your vibe sorted, and to make sure you're not wheezing out. Yeah. Even if it's the weather or you you've got all those weasels in your head, you're not listening to them. You're thinking, fuck it. I'm gonna do it. So there you go, I'd say 50 approaches a week. The next bit of your question, I've answered many times in podcasts and I think in the last Q and A. So have a listen to my last Q and A podcast when a guy asked me, how do I let the girls know after I've slept with them that it's just casual? Well, you shouldn't even be getting to that situation, and you shouldn't really even be asking this question if you get a full understanding of what modern daygame is. Yeah? Because modern daygame, the kind of sexual form of the London daygame model, is that you're a player. You're not pretending to be a boyfriend. So from the very moment you stop around the street and you've got that glint in your eyes and you're spiking it up, she knows you're a sexual threat. She knows what you want. She knows you've done this before. You're never doing the romantic cuddling, Disney romance dating thing where she thinks you're the boyfriend. You're not telling her things you're gonna do in the future. So this talk never comes up really because it's implied. But if which is what happens a lot of the time, girls do get clingy. You give them the talk. And I've gone over that in Buddhist Buddha, and I've gone over that many times on podcasts where you tell them blatantly in black and white that you're not looking for a girlfriend. So have a have a troll through my old podcast, Sandra. But cheers for your questions, mate. Okay. Moving on. David d. David Dresden. He says, number one, how long time to give yourself before expecting consistent results if you're a newbie? And the second question was how to transform good looking guy game into core attraction? Very good questions. Okay. For the expectations when I've done a video on this, which is on my YouTube channel about realistic expectations in daygame, not just the marketing bullshit. But consistent results obviously depend on your starting point. Okay? You can say that for any skill set, whether that's tennis or diving or martial arts. Depends on where you're coming from. If you're massively overweight or massively introverted or you haven't got your hygiene sorted or your grooming or your fashion, depends on your job, depends on your energy levels, depends on which city you live in in the world. But generally, from the students I've coached long term, you need to put in at least six to twelve months to see nice consistent results and then twelve to twenty four months to see good to outstanding results. Some guys get it really fast. Some guys, it takes them more than a year. But that's not to say you're gonna have a year of hell, a thousand sets of hell. There's gonna be lots of successes, many successes in in those first six to twelve months that will keep you going. Yeah. Whether that's getting the number off a smoking hot girl or the model that you dream about or going on a date with a girl that you think is well out of your league or having like a magical day where you you just hit flow, you hit vibe, you hit state, whatever you want to call it, everything goes well. They're all successes that you need to focus on because naturally our brain focuses on the negatives. Yeah? So you've to keep reminding yourself, which is what a lot of guys do by keeping like a private blog or a little journal of the successes. Focus on the positives. Number two, how to transform good looking guy game. I'm I presume you're telling me that you're currently getting girls off your looks into core attraction. Well, David, as you know, myself, obviously, I'm a male model for Dolce Gabbana, so I just use my good looking guy game. I've I've taught many students that are, you could say, very good looking guys. And I say to them that looks is just an opener. Looks are just an opener because I've seen time after time those guys approaching, girls kind of smile as they approach because they think, okay. Let's see what this guy's got. But then after one to two minutes, the girls are walking away because when they realize that this guy is nervous, shy, or he's a nice guy, or he's boring, or he's just chitchatting, whatever, they're still not turned on. So, yeah, you can get away with good looking guy games, especially in club game or online, Tinder, whatever. But for daygame, you need more because there's lots of good looking guys that girls can choose from. So nice one if you're using that in daygame and just getting by with your looks. But of course, as you get older, other elements of your SMV come to the forefront. So to to learn core attraction, I would certainly hit on girls that are defined as hotter than you because remember, game is all about getting girls that are younger and hotter than you. If you're a good looking guy, try pulling those girls that scare you. Yeah? So the promo girls, the fashion girls, the bitchy model girls, the hottest girl in the club, the girls storming down the road with her headphones in. She's on her phone. Try harder sets because then you know that it's your your game skill, that learned attraction skill that's getting you by not just IOIs and the good looking guy game. But as you get older or as you try and go for those hot girls, you'll you'll see that other elements of your SMV are important. Yeah? Let me know how that goes because that is an interesting question. Alright. Next one is from Ben Tibbs. And he says, how do you deal with other guys trying to tool you in front of a girl that you're seeing? I've been in situations when this has happened, and I've even had guys trying to hit on a date right in front of me. The pressure of the situation causes my mind to go blank and I lose the frame. Any advice? And his second question is about chatting up Asian girls with direct daygame because they always seem so shy. Very good questions. So, Ben, I don't think you're talking about guys coming into set when you're actually doing day game, which occasionally happens. You get hustlers coming in. You get beggars coming in. I've had guys I remember I was with Sam in Stockholm, and Swedish guys were coming into our sets to try and disrupt them. But the good news is that with daygame, you hardly ever get it. I agree on dates, you get it sometimes if the guy's brave and cocky. But it's nothing like bar game, club game where you really have to learn about cock blocks and how to deal with them by being nonreactive or by tooling them or by back turning them or by befriending them. There's loads of stuff on the Internet about how to deal with cock blocks in the night. But on a date, I kind of give the girl two chances. It's a bit like when you're doing primary school teaching. So maybe you notice the girl being slightly too chatty with the barman. That's that often happens. Or the barman's hitting on on her and she's not doing the polite thing and keeping her attention on you, she's actually giving a little bit of her attention to the barman. Okay. So you let it slide. You chill the first time it happens. Because remember, if you snapped and got really reactive, then you lose the frame anyway. Yeah? So you let it slide. If I see that it's carrying on or that it continues or that a guy's come in once just briefly, maybe it's the waiter or a guy on the table next to us, he's come in for a few seconds and then he's come in again, then you're into night game territory, yeah, where you could be non reactive, but that could end up with that guy stealing the set and you losing the frame completely just by you doing nothing. So my natural strategy from this kind of learned extrovertness and from the Mystery Method is to befriend obstacles. Befriend the cock block. So I will butt in and I will slightly patronizingly laugh and joke with the guy, show him that I can spike things up. I'll I'll bamboozle him with words. I'll keep him talking. I'll keep the attention between me and him so the girl knows blatantly that, okay, two can play at this game. Another option is to immediately do the same to a girl next to you. So I remember doing this once in Spain. Was on a date, and a guy had started chatting to the girl I was with. So I just turned and luckily there were two Finnish girls next to me. So I just started bantering with them, really spiking up, doing all that ridiculous old school game. And very quickly, my date turns back to me and tries to get my attention. That's classic Mystery Method. Yeah? The jealousy plotline thing. You could back turn the guy. You could try and tool the guy, but then you're getting into dangerous territory if you don't know what you're doing. RSD have a lot on this because obviously night game is very aggressive. But if it keeps happening, Ben, then it's suggesting that perhaps you're you're doing something wrong in your overall subcommunication, your body language, perhaps even your fashion or the way that you're sitting because you're communicating to guys around you, this guy ain't good enough for that girl or this guy is not a threat. Let's go and hit on his girl. So it happens very rarely. I'd say the the most likely time it's gonna happen is with a waiter or a barman. And they always just try it on for a few seconds. But I would try the befriending because it's a win win thing and it doesn't make you react and it doesn't make you aggressive. Alright. Your next question, Ben, which is on Asian girls. Very good question. We get a lot of them when we do daygame in London with students. And many guys, because they've been to Asia, to Thailand, whatever, they assume that Asian girls are easy. You can even even get into that lazy habit of just doing Asian girl daygame if you like in white god white man god mode, like guys that go over to The Philippines and Thailand, whatever. But correctly, as you've said, in London or abroad, Asian girls are often very shy, especially if you do the front jump and you you're too sexually aggressive. So I swing towards more than I, Sky, kind of daygame for Asian girls. Less sexually threatening, less quote unquote alpha. And I don't worry that they don't give me complete eye contact and I don't worry that they don't invest. Because it's a good point that if a girl's not investing but she's still standing there and kind of giggling and giving you that nervous smile, then it might just mean she's shy. Offers often a student will come back from that set and say, oh, man. She didn't hook. That's why I didn't go for the number. And I'll be like, well, she was standing there for five, six minutes. You know? Go back and get the number. And Chinese, Korean, Japanese, etcetera, they're often just very shy because of the cultural differences. So just go for the number. And hopefully, fingers crossed, you'll see this phenomena that when you isolate Asian girls, and I'm not even talking about a bar or a cafe, but really just being alone with them in their place or your place, you'll see a completely different side to them. They're often quite sexually wild. The Asian girls that I've slept with, once they know that they're not being judged by society. So give that one a go. And London's a good place, Ben, if you're there to to have a go. Hang around Chinatown and see if you can find some Asian girls to practice on. Alright. Last question. Let me see the time. Yeah. We'll wrap up with this one. Last question is from Frank, and Frank's Australian. And he sent me an email asking me about this new form of the daygame model. Because, obviously, a lot of guys learned in 2010 and 2011 when daygame started kicking off. They learned that kind of linear nice guy daygame model we call it now, where it's all about being social, learning social skills, having long conversations. It's all very verbal. It's going into rapport. It's all about being the boyfriend, so going on two, three, four dates, finding a girlfriend, not being a player, not being a sexual threat, but just chitchatting. And it kind of evolved from the indirect game that was going on from 2005 to 2010 in shopping malls and on the streets where you would ask for Starbucks or you'd ask for a pet shop or a fancy dress shop and you'd kind of weasel your way in and that was what was going on and it does work. It's just a lot slower. It's, I would say, lot more complicated because the transition is harder from nice guy then to sexual threat. You're confusing girls because they think you wanna be their boyfriend or you're just the chatty guy or you're gay or you're a fashion designer, and it's inefficient. So the newer London daygame model has come about, I would say, from 2014, early two thousand and fourteen to all of last year to this year where we've really defined it. People like Nick Krauser and myself have really put a lot of time into defining why this new model is more efficient. So, obviously, it's direct. Obviously, it's subcommunicating and verbally communicating that you don't wanna be the boyfriend. It's a lot more sexual. You're giving off that lover vibe, not the boyfriend vibe. It's a lot quicker. It's based on filtering. It's based on spiking hard. There's physicality involved even on the street. You're not looking to go on dates, so you're looking to do bounce backs and same day lays or first date lays. And you are probably, this is the weird thing, gonna get more blowouts. So that confuses beginners. Because if you're doing hardcore filtering, it's a bit like the sixty years of challenge method in a nightclub. You're filtering for girls that are down. So either yes girls or maybe girls. So looking at that on the street, if you've got a sexually aggressive daygamer who's in lover mode, he might get more blowouts but end up with a lay that day. And someone might say to him, like, ma'am, why aren't you getting more numbers? And he'll smile and say, you can't fuck a number. Okay? But here's the disclaimer. If you are a complete beginner with some social anxiety or you're a big introvert, then there's nothing wrong with the old model of taking it slow, learning conversational skills, learning the linear model of game, the classic game mystery method model of attraction, she hooks, comfort, seduction. So learn all the verbal stuff. Learn how to be comfortable with a ten or fifteen minute conversation. Learn how to do dating and go on two, three, four dates, and then switch it up a gear. So if you're an intermediate, you should really start thinking about efficiency of your game and being more of this sexual threat, letting her know what you want verbally and nonverbally. And the pinnacle of game, really, the summit of game is making things nonverbal. So girls know just by looking at you and from the first second you approach that you don't wanna be the boyfriend. You've done this before. You are the lover. There you go. I'll finish it there. Upsell for today is just to remind you about Badass Buddha, which is my massive seminar online digital video product where you see me break down this Badass Buddha concept in a lot of detail, and I give away all the techniques that I teach on boot camps. So that's the street game stuff, situational game from coffee shops and supermarkets to airports, and then texting, then dating, and then what to do once she's back in your house. And even beyond that, lifestyle, a bit of flow mad kind of stuff, unplugging, and multiple relationships, long game, etcetera, etcetera. So click on the link below. That will take you to more information about Balas Buddha. Alright. We should be back on track with the podcast once I'm back in The UK. And I'll still be vlogging for the next few days, but after that, I'll have more time on my hands to focus on getting back to fundamentals. But be good. Have a good daygame week, and I'll speak to you soon. Ta da.