---
title: Episode 169 Get Out Of Your Head
episode_number: 169
era: late
source_file: Episode 169 Get Out Of Your Head.mp3
audio_size_mb: 61.8
duration_sec: 2024.0
duration_min: 33.7
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.997
transcribed_at: 2026-05-27T17:07:20Z---

# Episode 169 Get Out Of Your Head

**Speaker 0:** Comrades, Privet, Strauser, is Tom Torero, podcast a 169. 69 we all love from deep inside mother Russia. That sounds slightly dodgy, slightly wrong, slightly Freudian but here I am inside Russia on a massive day game mission, hitting it hard, grinding it out but enjoying it, feeling like a beginner daygamer in a way, feeling like my first daygame trip to Russia which I think was October, maybe November 2012 and here I am once again and although I've been giving it a good crack this year in the van and traveling around and doing my usual daygame stuff, This is pushing things to the limit in terms of the number of approaches, in terms of quality, scaring myself with the hot quality here in Russia the number of instant dates and the number of dates and just doing nothing else but selfishly daygaming. And that's going to be the theme of really the year to come, 2019 when I will be celebrating my fortieth year on planet earth. I'll be 40. Can you believe that? Fucking hell. At the end of 2019. So the plan for next year, I won't tell you too much about it but it's a massive infield project where I selfishly just do day game because it's one thing talking about day game and making podcasts about day game and teaching day game and writing about day game which is kind of what you get caught up in doing. When daygame becomes your profession, obviously you have to do all those things to build up the YouTube and to make money and, for the sheer egotistical enjoyment of writing books and whatever but what I found I lost was that original selfish love of just doing something for me, a hobby that I love getting into that flow state and, not doing it to prove something or to write about it or to show somebody, but just to go out there and absolutely enjoy it. So I'm pleased that the mojo's come back. Perhaps it's the it's the quality of the girls. Perhaps it's just doing so much you get into that flow state and then you get out of your head and into your body. That's the theme for today's podcast. As I say, daygame is bungee jumping into the now. It's very good for cognitive behavioral therapy, gets you out of your head and I've been walking not just 10 kilometers a day but I think about 15 kilometers a day here going around streets and parks and shopping centers and cafes and galleries and despite the cold weather all is well. And there are other daygamers in mother Russia right now that I've met up with. There's Ian, you might remember from previous podcasts. There's the real Hank Moody. He's dropped in. He was on a podcast. There's Mr L, a British daygamer from Manchester and there's mister N who is I think originally Russian but I met him in London and The Middle East. So not alone but doing solo daygame missions and then just meeting up for coffees and lunches, whatever. But it's nice that the missing ingredient if you like in, my my day game life for the past few years has just been going all the way back to the beginning returning to old school pickup and as I nagged you in last week's podcast when I said pickup is punk, I really really really encourage you especially if you're a theory junkie or especially if you often get in your head like me if you're an academic and you enjoy reading about daygame, talking about daygame, going to seminars and all that stuff, go out and, yeah, don't even tell anyone what you're doing. Just go out and enjoy the contact sport which is daygame. And also, it's been necessary for me and the plan for next year, this is partly why I'm doing it too, is that all that theory, all those models that I write about and teach and endlessly speak about on podcasts and YouTube videos, they all came from just going out and hitting it hard rubber meets the road. They came out from dates and failures but having to do the hard yards. So unless you have another period where you kind of go underground and immerse yourself again, how are you gonna allow seeds to be sown and you know reap the rewards down the line and get new revelations and change things and alter your opinions and not get stuck in your own in your old ways and up your own ass. So less talking more action, less talking more action. Myself and I nag you endlessly but I hope someone out there who's perhaps had a break from daygame or you're just about to split up with a girl probably not because it's getting cold in the Northern Hemisphere and you probably got your naughty winter girlfriend which stops you going to do dating. But if you're the Southern Hemisphere, perhaps you're an Australian and you've just split up with your girlfriend, then maybe now is the time to not listen to any more podcasts. You know the basics but get back into it and let me tell you the first day not only was I knackered here from walking so much and mentally tired because of the quality of the girls and don't let anybody tell you they're not scared of hot girls intimidatingly so in Russian some of them. Not just what what they dress in but the way they walk, way they respond, the conversations, the gears I had to get back into for pure hot Russian daygame. It was exhausting. The highs and the lows and then you think oh this is great you know you get some numbers in Russia but if you've read cold calling or you've seen my other Russian videos you'll know that the problems come down the line. You're playing long game as in it's gonna be difficult over text then it's not just gonna be one date or two dates it's it's a minefield but it's enjoyable as I said last year I think it was last October from Russia it really is a game of chess here so don't go thinking you just come over and number close a few girls and then all your problems are solved anyway we'll talk much more towards the end of this year and certainly next year about massive infield action for me on scarily hot Russian girls. We'll talk about that, yeah another time. But let's dive into today's podcast on the missing ingredient which is partly what I've hinted at but this topic has partly come from conversations I've had this week with the other daygamers here and one guy on Skype about okay you know the theory okay you might even go out and approach lots of girls, you might be kind of a spam approacher where you you've definitely got over your approach anxiety and you've maybe done more approaches than me. You have no problem opening, maybe you have no problem getting numbers but there's something missing. Why haven't you, risen the ranks? Because in your head you're thinking, well, Tom gave me these daygame statistics about one in thirty or one in fifty or one in a hundred and it's just not working. So we look at the missing ingredient but first I think four or five of you dirty fuckers very kindly sent me earlier this week or now last week links to an article that was all over the British press and I think it was all over the American press and it was certainly all over the Italian press. And I shall just read one of them, but thank you if you sent this to me. What a fucking legendary story this is. And we should say rest in peace to this beautiful man who passed away perhaps last week, and I hope he passed away or it sounds like he passed away with a smile on his face and article goes like this the headline says Playboy who slept with 6,000 women dies while having sex. Yes that's right, here we go. The article says a legendary Italian playboy has died at age 63 while having sex with a 23 year old tourist. Maurizio Zanfanti, forgive my pronunciation Italian listeners, Maurizio Zanfanti dubbed the Romeo of Rimini, that's in Italy claimed to have slept with more than 6,000 women after becoming famous as a nightclub promoter in the beachside city in the 1970s. He was entertaining a tourist from Romania, that is the 23 year old, in the back of a car, legendary logistics. On Tuesday night last week when he suffered a fatal heart attack, The shocked woman called paramedics but Zanfanti could not be revived. Local media said it was the way the man once called Italy's most successful lover would have wanted to go. And now if you look into him I'm just going to pause here you'll it's interesting to note that this is not provider game rich sugar daddy game this is not even celebrity game you know like a perhaps a Bellasconi type game yeah or Dan Bilzerian type game this is a Latino lover, using cold approach pickup skills and hustling skills you can look into him but I shall continue Zanza died after doing what he did best loving women. Ilresto del Carlino, a Bologna newspaper reported. The mayor of Rimini said Italy had lost a legend of the night. Zanfanti started his illustrious career, I like how they call it a career, that's correct, at age 17. So he was obviously getting early reference experiences and building up an amazing vibe hint hint which is what today's podcast might be about. So he started at age 17 in 1972 while working for a nightclub called blow up. His job, listen to this, was to chat up mainly German and Scandinavian tourists in the street and persuade them to come inside. So he was a club hustler and you need day game skills for that you're doing groups you're stopping, in front it's all about vibe it's all about cheekiness it's all about good energies etc with olive skin long flowing locks and a hairy chest he had little difficulty. Well, they make it sound like looks game but if you've taught enough daygame students you'll know that good looks are not enough. He boasted that in a successful summer in his prime he could sleep with around 200 women. Now to the average Joe reading this article, he probably just goes, that's nonsense rubbish. But to a day gamer, that's that's believable. Certainly to a nightclub promoter or a table hoster, that is believable. In a summer, 200 women. Well, Tom Jones, the great Welsh singer still alive, Tom Jones, sex bomb, he said on tour he used to sleep with around 300 women a year and he's he's still, well he was married. I think his wife had passed away. Rest in peace. But, she knew what he was doing. He would go off on tour and she would say as long as you come back Tom and as long as you love me I don't want to know what happened but anyway Tom Jones as a kind of a celebrity maybe not at the level of Mick Jagger maybe maybe I don't know, but 300 a year so let's say this guy's doing 200 a year in a summer season and then you do the maths and if he says he slept with 6,000 women in his life, okay. The article continues, Zanfanti spent his winters in Scandinavia, clever boy, working for tourist agencies. I wonder why he liked working for tourist agencies. It's like why do you become a ski guide? Why do you become a diving instructor? Why do you work in a youth hostel? His exploits became so famous that some of his lovers erected, yes I get the pun, erected a wax statue of him in a Swedish town. Beautiful pre selection, the gills knew he was a lover and they wanted a bit of it. Zanfanti also became the subject of media profiles and in 1986 Italian newspaper El Espresso named Zanfanti Italy's most successful lover. Well, it's got to be true. He claimed to have once seduced a French journalist who was interviewing him a bit like an early Russell Brand kind of thing. Two years ago, he was a guest of honor at a Rimini nightclub when a group of Swedish women, I love this bit, who had visited in the 1980s flew in for a reunion. So not only did these women know he had banged all these other women and they had put up a statue of him in their little Swedish town but they all flew back to meet him again. Pre selection, jealousy plotline, being the lover not the the boyfriend. Absolutely brilliant. In his final interview with German newspaper Bild in 2014, he announced his retirement and said at 59 I'm getting too old for it. Well, what can you say? And this guy is not even like Rocca Sofreddy, he's not banging these women as a porn star. He's banging these women as a a bar promoter in Rimini. God love him. Rest in peace. Look down on us. Help us with our daygame endeavors and, staying black sheep bandit bachelors for as long as we can but what a cracking story and look into this guy. I'm trying to find more on him. If I find any more juicy stories or if you have any more interesting stories about him cold approaching, maybe you met him, maybe you're a girl listening to this podcast and you slept with him. Let me know. Anyway, jibber jabbering on but let's talk about the missing ingredient for day game or cold approach pickup because this applies to night game too. This applies to social circle game. This applies to the girl in your office. Okay? If you're at college this even applies to those college girls you're trying to nail now. What's the missing ingredient if it's not just reading, street hustle and learning technique or even going out because I'm nagging you to go out but let's say you say Tom and I already go out and I know all the theory I've read Mystery Method, know the daygame model, I know all of pickup theory but something's missing and you wouldn't believe how many students I have like this both on Skype and when I used to do it for real in person the guy shows up and he's got his shit together he looks really good he might even be very good looking, and he runs the daygame model and you watch him and he does the the classic London daygame model and he's not being the nice guy and he's not doing all the classic beginner mistakes but something's missing and he might get a load of numbers and they flake and this is usually the guy that says, Tom, please write a book on text game because my texting is terrible and I say, mate, no, it's something in your cold approach because really text game is minimal. Okay? If if the va va voom, if the mojo was there, if the fire was lit on the street or in the coffee shop, that's the cold approach. That's when she subconsciously decides okay it's gonna be a date and then on the date your va va voom your mojo's there again and she says okay I'm gonna sleep with this guy either tonight or on the next date or in Russia maybe after three dates. So what's the missing ingredient? Well it's good news and it's bad news. Okay, it's good news in that I'm gonna say it and other pickup, companies, other pickup models perhaps haven't said it because it's something that you're born with you might say Certainly half of it you're born with it. So it's not something that they can sell you. It's not something that I can sell you. It's not even something I can teach. And this is deeply frustrating when you can't help the guy with this. And drum roll, it is your personality shock horror. It's you. It's your personality and we'll talk about, your long term personality as in your long term vibe, how you behave with other people, how you are with yourself and we'll talk about short term vibe which is, the good news is that you can change it. Can you change your core personality? Well that's debatable but can you improve it? Can you optimize it for gain? Yes, yes, yes and yes. And certainly for the short term personality massive changes can be made and I'll tell you some stories from this week about fluctuating vibe. But first of all, as the saying goes, you can't photoshop personality. So this is real proof especially for a coach when you've taught guys that are very good looking or very successful or very rich and all the guys online will obviously say well if you're good looking or if you're rich girls will just come to you that's all you need you know field of dreams build it and they will come but I've seen it where the guy's really good looking and he opens remember I say looks is an opener because he just walks up to the girl she stops she her eyes go massive you know she she's about to hook she wants to hook and then the guy is extremely dull. The guy is extremely vanilla. He's very flat or even worse sit up and take note monosphere guys. His vibe, his overall personality personality is very negative. Some guys, not many, but some guys his personality is so negative that you want to run away from it and certainly girls pick up on this in a millisecond and they don't want anything to do with this guy even though he's good looking even though he's rich it's his personality yep and you can't get a facelift for your personality, you can't walk into a shop and get a personality off the shelf it's this this x factor and you can debate it all you like what is it you know is it is it charm can you learn to be more charming charisma can you change your charisma why are people drawn to some celebrities and not others? Some leaders and not others? Some comedians and not others? Some public speakers and not others? Some pickup artists and not others? That zest for life and I made a video a long time ago in Poland called search for Tom Torero daygame full color. Yep and I was hinting at this thing about not being bland, not being a daygame robot because I've been partly responsible for creating an army of clones across the world guys saying exactly the same thing wearing the same thing and there's nothing wrong with that. The daygame model is is the stabilizers for the beginning, to get you over those bad habits but guys have taken it too far or they thought that if I just wear that and just say that and just stand like that, it should work. Yeah. This is in their head it's a science. It's a logical thing. I just do that and it works. But they try it. Maybe they've tried it for years and they don't get the results. Yep. They're grinding out the set but they've either got that flat vibe or even worse I said they've even got that negative vibe. Yep. And I remember, either reading about this or hearing about this and I heard it live this year when I did that program with Bexter and Mystery Mystery was nagging the students saying if you're a beginner half of it's learning the material you know the one liners, the spikes, the cocky funny, the stories Mystery is a fantastic storyteller but the other half which he was nagging the students about is your delivery and I'm endlessly nagging students on Skype when we run through scenarios, you know, the opener and the stack and the story. I say I'll do it and now you do it and he might say the same story, the same lines, the same spikes, the same teases but it lacks the delivery and I say okay stand in front of a mirror, get a dictaphone, listen to yourself saying it, cringe, practice it because the comedian has the joke but then you have to work on your delivery. So there's a clue about, two pickup artists using the same lines, the same London daygame model saying the same thing. One might actually look better than the other but the one who has the delivery, has the zest, who has the spark for life in whatever respect long term or short term, he wins. You feel it as a guy, even when you're around a guy who's charismatic, confident, sparkly energy, fun, win win, you're drawn to that, you know, charismatic leaders, charismatic comedians, charismatic speakers. There's a reason you watch some youtubers but not others. There's a reason you like that film star but not others and you think well, not it's just about their their money or their looks, obviously no homo, but if you're feeling that the girls feeling that times a million. Because remember, if you understand the biology of what females find attractive in males, looks is just a tiny part of it. So they really feel your vibe and it's interesting as the set goes on or the date goes on, you can get quote unquote more good looking. I remember Tyler used to say, as the evening goes on as she feels your vibe more and more, it's like looking at a girl and her tits just getting bigger or her face just getting more symmetrical or her losing weight. Imagine that over the course of the set or the date or even the relationship. She gets more attractive and no, I'm not talking about three beers five peers. It's so you get what I mean. You can really change in a girl's eyes by displaying your personality. Yep. And there are plenty of guys. This is a current problem and I spotted it on the tour as well and I've spotted it here in Russia. There are guys who have bought into this, I call it bro science. The bro science of pickup where he believes in alpha behavior and I know Russian dudes are like this anyway but I'm like hey man are you doing daygame? Yes, I am doing daygame. I must stand like this show no emotions and I've met British guys like this you know and it's not their fault because they've been told online you must be alpha, have no expression, have no emotion, smiling is a weakness. Yeah, there's no playfulness, there's no life, there's no mojo and in a lot of daygamers I think do you remember why you're doing daygame and stop and think that if you're going out today why are you doing daygame? You're doing daygame to get laid You're doing pickup, you're flirting. Okay? So I'm not saying you're the clown, I'm not saying you're the comedian but there has to be that desire. She sees it in your eyes, she feels it more importantly she feels it. No, not just with her hand on your dick. But from the second you approach, she should know what the intent is. Yep, it's a hunger but it's a playfulness, it's a love of women and I love how this article connects to it, know, the playboy who slept with 6,000 women. The article says he loved women and I absolutely love women. I say to my students, fall in love with women 10 times a day if I do 10 sets on Hot Girls especially here in Russia, fuck you know, I'm in love. Every woman I'm like, oh god, I love her. I love her hair. I love her body. I love her vibe. I met this girl the other day and I didn't even get her number in a shopping center but it was such a sexual vibe. She was so feminine and she brought out the good masculine qualities in me but it was fun and playful and she felt it. Bless her, she had just got married and I I tried but I couldn't get her out but I could tell she must have gone away and just thought wow that was cool and I went away just smiling even better than a number close, you know, just to have that polarity to have that, mojo and I've lost the mojo when I put out content and when I speak about day game too much and I really lost the mojo when I was teaching day game too much because when you make your passion your job it can fizzle out. You have to be careful. So that's why I'm doing this selfish plan right now and next year all will be revealed. But anyway, time's running out. I'm gonna push on about long term personality, okay, you could say it's in your DNA, it's in your upbringing but it's in your reference experiences so if you're a young chap listening to this, you're 18 or you're your early 20s, certainly you can build on your personality and no I'm not talking about moral upstanding character, I'm talking about your most interesting man in the world personality. Alright. Are people drawn to you? Not because of your money, not because of your social status, definitely not because of your looks. But where have you traveled to? What scrapes have you got into? You know, what war stories do you have? What books have you read? And no, not highly intellectual books but just are you interested in something? I I've told this story before but once I sat on a train, I think I was going north in England and I sat next to an old man and straight away he opened up books of stamps and he started talking to me and I was like oh god you know this is gonna be a bloody long train journey but it quickly transpired that he was passionate about stamps and I've met a guy who collects bus number plates who was similarly like this and he was telling me the stories about the stamps and when it started and what this stamp meant and but it wasn't nothing to do with stamps. Do you understand? It was to do with his passion. His his just love of it. And by the end of it, I by the end of the train journey, I wanted to start collecting stamps, know. So are you passionate about something? Do you have another hobby outside game? You know, girls can see in your eyes, people can feel passionate about life or are you moaning and groaning in the moaner sphere, you know, getting all negative and just being a troll. Don't get me started on that. I will not, I will not bring this podcast down. Let us bring this podcast up by encouraging you, yes, to travel and to read books and to watch great films and have your own taste in music and have real stories in your life, you know, and you might say, well I've not traveled anywhere or I've not done this but storytelling can be from your childhood, it can be from your school, it can be from your situation right now even if you work in a gas station. You could have a fantastic, know, dramatical stories that you can convey. That's showing your personality and daygame is just a catalyst. It's just a vehicle for your personality. Yeah. So nagging, nagging, nagging. Be passionate about life, be passionate about women, not in a I love you, she's the one kind of way but in I deeply love women and coming to Russia and speaking to these kind of hot women, fucking hell I appreciate daygame and I appreciate being a bachelor and I appreciate this these feminine vibes and beauty. Often on the tour, this was the most common question on the British tour actually. I forgot to say last week. In every city I think a guy said, Tom, I just want to ask you how do you keep going? What motivates you to keep going? And to me that is a ridiculous question. It's like saying to the lion what keeps you chasing after gazelles or if I say to you mate what keeps you eating every day? You know. I might have told you this story I can't remember but that's always my answer I'm like what keeps me going is this love of what I do is a love of women and I had it since I was in school I remember just being fascinated by female beauty Looking at the girls in the years above you know just thinking she is so beautiful or looking at a poster of a woman and thinking she is so beautiful and that is what should inspire you. Yep. Alright. I'm just checking the time. Short term vibe. Vibe. So let's say you really do believe, oh no, I'm stuck in my DNA and I'm stuck in my upbringing. Short term vibe then how can you change it? And I just wanted to say that one day this week without bragging, it's just a demonstration of vibe because I was so happy about doing daygame and walking around, I closed the first girl I approached I thought oh that's cool you know first one's the worst one but that was cool I got the number Second one I got the number I was like happy days you know no harsh blowouts and then I was glowing and then I had that look in my eyes I had that smirk and girls were obviously starting to look at me and then I did another and and another and another and maybe I've never done this before I don't know but I closed eight girls in a row and I didn't want to get up to 10 because I thought that's you you're pushing your lucks any Jim so I went home and just lay on my bed thinking fucking hell that's this is voodoo. This is magic. That is mojo. Yeah? And then here's the proof the next day I'd slept badly because I'd maybe had a few beers. I'd been with a girl whatever my back was hurting because I'd been walking too much the weather was a bit shit and I opened the first girl blowout opened the second girl blowout. I think I had four blowouts in a row and then I had some dodgy sets. It was just a bad day. So get yourself off the pedestal Tom Torero. That short term vibe. So again, things you can change, things you can think about your health, your sleep, are you run down, are you ill, are you stressed, who are you surrounding yourself with because there's a lot of wings that I've, taught or winged with or lived with people that just sap life out of you, people that are so negative. This is why I said get off Twitter, off blogs, get off forums, get off politics, get off religion because they sap all of life out of you. They sap all not just your, positive energy but everyone in the room. So imagine what a girl feels like when that guy walks up to her. Yeah. So be careful who you surround yourself with. Little fixes is you know walking around listening to music you love as you do daygame. I've seen daygamers do that. I go and see a lot of live comedy or here in Russia I'm actually being geeky and I'm going to see classical music and you know, whatever you want to do, go to art galleries, get into your other passion, don't take life too seriously. I've said this before, you are going to die. So the trivialities of today and this year, you know, on the tour I met a couple of naturals I told you and they had that about them. They ooze that kind of, Californian summer surf vibe that look, it's all just it's all just a bit of fun, right? Relax and I know it's catch 22 but if you can get that, God is magic, know, the mojo is magic. So to finish, I say get out of your head and into your body. This is going to be the theme of 2019 but really for me starting now and next month I'm in Japan in December I might even come back to Russia get out of your head so even stop following this podcast if you want I don't mind stop following my YouTube don't read any more blogs certainly don't rant online get offline and just try daygame because I promise you it's therapy. It's been therapy for me. I'm deeply grateful for it. I love it. I thank the daygame gods that I founded. Get into your body, get into a flow state and the flat personality guys, the negative guys, the depressive guys, and I used to be one of them, the high IQ guys trapped in your forebrain, you are stuck in your head and this is giving you that robotic vibe, you know, that clone vibe, that analytical, analytical vibe that if I can feel it as a guy talking to you as a guy, imagine what the girl can feel. So I've said many times if you think of girls as puppy dogs or children, they are in the moment and I'm jealous girls, you know. They're just going with the flow. Don't worry, life gets harder for them after 27 into their thirties. There's a chapter on that in the new book. But I'm just saying, you jump into that river of now and that's not me being all aircot total that's saying to you go and speak to girls with big tits, with beautiful faces and try and have sex with them. That's my version of the power of now. That was podcast a 169 on the missing ingredient both for my game this year that I'm starting to change now and for you. That's what I leave you with this week. Keep grabbing life by the horns. Goodbye.