---
title: Episode 172 Beyond The Bang
episode_number: 172
era: late
source_file: Episode 172 Beyond The Bang.mp3
audio_size_mb: 57.2
duration_sec: 1875.4
duration_min: 31.3
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.994
transcribed_at: 2026-05-27T17:08:12Z---

# Episode 172 Beyond The Bang

**Speaker 0:** Tom Torero, daygame podcast episode number a 172, beyond the bang, life after the notch. What the hell happens to these girls? Will Tom get married, have kids, settle down? That's what we shall be talking about today. Cheers to all the guys that email me this week, my first week here in Japan with Tim. Just to say that they are fans of the podcast, that they appreciated new episodes. One was from Colombia, one was from Israel. So thank you very much. Let me know in the YouTube comments where you are listening to this podcast from what city, what country. And then I'll use a random generator to choose one country and I'll contact you and I'll send you a physical copy of my new book below the belt. I'll sign it and I will send it off anywhere even if it's here in Japan and I'm back in The UK. But if you don't want a postal copy, if you can't wait that long and you just wanna press click and read it right now, then it's available to buy on Amazon Kindle. So go to your local Kindle store. There's an American link and a UK link on my blog. But if you are in Germany or in China, if they let filth like this to be purchased in China, then you find your Amazon store. You search for me and it's the new book below the belt. It's $9.99. You can download it right now. And I think we're day late on this podcast, but I have chosen two winners for the black sheep, Bandit Winter Grant. And after I've uploaded this podcast and sorted through my FAF, sorted through my emails, had a beer with Tim, I shall email those two guys. So thank you if you submitted an application. That's it for 2018. I don't know if I will continue in 2019, but, there we go. That's all done. Diving into today beyond the bang because I get perhaps the most messages, most mail, the most questions, queries about this topic. And I've spoken about it briefly. There's a chapter, a rather short chapter in street hustle on this, but guys always ask me, will I settle down? Will I get married? Will I have kids? Won't I be lonely if you're just a pickup artist? Even more common in my inbox is how do I get a girlfriend, Tom? Or how do I find a high quality girl? Because that's what I'm doing daygame for. Or can you talk more about relationships? Can you talk about long term girlfriends, etcetera? If I made a product about that or a video series or a book about how to get the perfect girlfriend, bloody hell, it would sell well. Right? The clicks would come in by the millions. But you're listening to the wrong podcast, my friend. You're on the wrong blog. I am not the guy for you if you wanna learn about monogamous traditional relationships. This podcast, this blog, this iTunes podcast series, if you're listening on iTunes, is about being a player. Saying to yourself, I am a pickup artist. I wrote an article today about, standing up for the pickup community and not being ashamed to say, yeah, I'm a pickup artist. I'm non monogamous. I'm a player. I like smashing hot girls. Notice the plural girls. I don't wanna settle down. I'm not gonna be shamed into it. Call me what you want, but, I'm gonna say this is a pickup podcast. This is a PUA podcast. And hopefully, that's what you're interested in because it would be a bit of an oxymoron to say that you're an active daygamer, an active player in an exclusive relationship or just interested in exclusive monogamy. Yeah. This channel, my aim, my mission, if I do have a mission, is to increase my sexual freedoms, obviously increase your sexual freedoms. Not together. We're not gonna amplify our sexual freedoms together, but you know what I mean. This will enable you, this knowledge to increase your sexual freedoms rather than limit them. So if we're talking about monogamy, stable girlfriend, settling down, being all traditional, getting married or in whatever form, monogamy one girl for the ten, twenty, thirty, forty years, God forbid, that would be decreasing your sexual capacity, your sexual freedoms. Yep. So whatever, there might be a schism in the community right now because I said in today's article, it's on my blog. A lot of guys that perhaps are daygamers, were daygamers, they are getting very traditional. They are getting very, I used to say, I've got a podcast on this, I used to say purple pill. And that they would take some ideas from pickup, but then try to shove them into old idealism, romanticism. And that's very common. Even weirder is the whole political religious thing. Guys are talking about doing the right thing, doing what's good for society, sailing down, kind of turning their backs on pickup, disgusted now by pickup. When they've they've been into smashing girls. That's what they've been doing. That's how they got into it. So anyway, it's a weird split, but I'm certainly interested in none of that. I'm still interested in hot ass. Hot female ass. So I stand up for pickup. If you want to know more, read the article on my blog. So how can I talk about beyond the bang as in what happens to the notches that I get? What happens to the the lays and the girls? Do I never see them again? Aren't I lonely? Does that make me bitter and angry because I don't have oxytocin and love and cuddling in my life? Tom, is this all rather sad and pathetic and you need to grow up? Well, I'll tell you today about what I do with girls that I've smashed and why I have plenty of oxytocin and why I don't sit in a dark room on my computer moaning about girls on the internet thinking that there's a conspiracy out to get me. Instead, I'm bathing quite nicely, thank you very much, in female, affection, female warmth, but not from one female. That's the difference perhaps between other podcasts and this one. Now, I'm not saying you have to copy me. The big disclaimer in everything I do on my videos and these podcasts and on my blog is this is my life. Right? And I'm a selfish bastard and so should you be. You do what the hell you want. Okay? If you want to go and join an evangelical church, do it. If you want to marry, yourself in some kind of weird ritual, do that. If you want to run away into the hills and go into a cave, do that. But if you're interested in picking up girls like I am, you kind of get an idea of what I do perhaps that helps you if you're just starting out, what you might do with daygame and dating and today beyond the bang. So it's not about being mushy and soft and under the thumb. We're not talking about romantic daygame. Guys in scarcity, you know, often very needy that leads to the one eyed is feeling. I must have her. I must keep her. Oh, yeah. I must keep her even if they've just banged her a few times. Because they're in scarcity, they've got to hang on to her. That's whole the monogamy thing. And there's evolutionary reasons for monogamy. When sexual mating choices were limited and in different periods, okay. And for raising children, okay. If you're into having children and raising them, two three years together, stable pair bonding, okay. But non monogamy in evolutionary biology, certainly mammalian is the norm, okay. So we're not talking about, doing the right idealistic thing, the reformed pickup thing today. We're saying, I'm out to smash lots of girls but are there options beyond the one bang? The same day lay, the same night lay, the first day lay, the second day lay, whatever. Okay? So some things to bear in mind before I go through options that you can do with girls that you smash. Notes that often float around in my head. Things that I've come back to again and again and these are notes. I've got a little window open on my laptop and these have been on my laptop for ages. So whenever I'm getting confused or perhaps I'm getting a bit soft, mister softie and thinking choose the one. I'm gonna stop now. This is it. I remember. Listen. Sex first. Any kind of relationship second. My dad used to say that but it's true. So don't go trying to daygame or date a girl and you haven't even had sex with her and you're going to try and go in as the boyfriend, as the nice guy. You're going get all serious and do all that deep rapport with her and get her to fall in love with you and then have sex. It doesn't work that way ever. Sex first, so have sex with her, not just once but two times, three times is good, it clears your head and then you can decide, okay, do you want to see this girl again in some kind of open thing and we'll we'll come on to that. Alright? Emails ask me about exclusive long distance relationships. Should you have them? No. Alright. Should you have long distance relationships anyway? Well, if they're open and we're talking about fuck buddies and traveling day game which I'll come on to maybe but exclusivity, long distance, you're mad. Okay. You're absolutely mad. So don't even consider that one if a girl's offering you that. One is too close to none. I say that many times to myself and to you, one is too close to none. So you have one girl, you're falling in love with her, you're getting needy and you say, I'm going to stop daygaming. I'm going to stop dating other girls. I'm going to stop flirting. No. You're immediately mister needy sliding head on into the car crash of monogamy. Alright. So get other numbers that are pinging you. Go on some other dates. Alright. Even if you are in some kind of serious relationship, flirt, collect contact details, keep that vibe going otherwise the neediness is gonna come at you like a son of a bitch. One is too close to none. I often say to myself, she's not the one, she's one of many. So guys say to me, well, she's so special. I've smashed these girls and she stands out because she's my perfect physical type. She's she plays the violin, she's a lawyer, she's educated, she's into art, whatever. I say, okay, there's compatibility, sexual or in of in terms of personality, but she's one of many. If you do the statistics on how many women are on the planet of dating and mating age, I've done this before in seminars. I think I do it in street hustle. You'll get a fair idea of how many ones, notice the plural, there are for you out there right now. Sure. You might need to leave your tiny town or city, you might need to travel to your capital city or all the way to Japan or wherever you like the vibe, the country, the girls and you'll realize, fuck, there's millions. If you're in a city like Tokyo, Jesus. Right? You cross a zebra crossing at rush hour, Millions of ones. Alright? Another nice aphorism is to say, it's just your turn. So let her go. Alright? Don't be so obsessed with locking a girl down. She's never really yours, it's just your turn. So yeah, you might even smash her once, twice, three times, you might even smash her for half a year. It's just your turn and hopefully you got her when she was young and hot, 18 to 22 and some other guy's going to marry her when she's 25, 30, whatever. It's just your turn. So you got to have that thing of letting her go, throwing her back into the ocean. Alright. And in a way that's nice because you keep those memories, you had that little love bubble. She'll remember if the sex was good. Many a girl that I've had in some kind of open relationship thing. She's now back in the ocean. She's somebody else's and I look back on that time with her and just go, yeah, that was great. In a way, it's better that it ended because if she was here right now, we'd be arguing about who's going to put out the rubbish, who's going to buy the toothpaste, we'd be getting on each other's nerves, the sexual chemistry will have worn off. All those things you know about monogamy. I don't need to explain why more than half of marriages fail. We're not going to debate today the merits of monogamy. I talk about that in Street Hustle but just go around with your eyes open. I'm not saying again, you might want to get married, you might want to be religious, you might want to have kids but I'm just saying whatever decision you make as a guy, do it with your eyes open. That's why I say, don't make any big decision until you're in your mid thirties at the peak of your male sexual market value and not before you've had 30 cold approach notches. Try not to do it from online and Tinder because it doesn't toughen you up. You don't grow a pair of balls, you actually shrink your balls by using Tinder. Girls don't respect it. Go and learn some cold approach. Okay. Do it in a club. Social circle is not really going to toughen you up. This is a rite of passage. Go out, you get your 30 notches. It's not going to take you that many years especially if you're in your early mid late twenties. I started in my twenties. After 30 notches, you've got an idea of how women work, how dating works, different types of sexual relationships. Some of the relationships I'm going to talk about today. It really clears your head. Most guys, they marry the second or the third girlfriend that falls in their lap, sometimes quite literally drunkenly in a club or they know her from school or even worse from work, friend of a friend. She'll do. And I'm amazed at how many of my friends just say, yeah, I got married. Yeah, she's already got a couple of kids but I've taken them on and I've got, my other two kids I had with that woman and there's this woman and they just, just for them it's like buying I don't know, buying a new sofa. Not even that big a deal. And I'm like fuck, that major life decision was made perhaps when he was drunk, he was horny, just wanted to bang her so he let her move in. You know, decision that's going to change everything about the rest of your life was made quicker than what you're going to buy from the supermarket. So I say, slow down, eyes open. And okay, if you've been mister player and you're in your mid thirties, forties, in your fifties, whatever, and you've smashed your way around the world you've got through all your sexual fantasies. Okay. If if if you want to settle down, settle down. But I always say, I'm gonna keep going on this channel and this blog and what I do talking about daygame, more importantly doing daygame, not just writing about it, but doing it. I'm gonna do it until I'm 50. And this year, I've hung around with guys that are 52, 53, 54 and they're they're still doing fine. So I'm like, fuck. Am I still going till I'm 55? And after that, I don't know. The motorbike is calling. The golf is calling. Perhaps the mountain climbing once again. The mountains are calling, said John Muir. And I must go. Who knows what will happen? Anyway, second half of the podcast, options after the bang because I'm moaning you about having options. But what do you actually do? What are the options? So we'll go through my harem hustle. This podcast could have been called the harem hustle. I'll talk more about this next year probably, and and and show you how to build a harem from the ground up going through all these levels. So level one is just the one off bang. And most players, most pickup artists, certainly most traveling PUAs just do this. And, already twenty two, twenty three of my bangs this year have just been one off daygame bangs on trips. So you bang the girl once, and then you move on. It's secret society. She might have had a boyfriend or fiance. You never know. She might have told you whatever. Guys do this from clubs, you can do it same day lay, you can do it first date, second date, whatever. But it's a one off bang. Okay. Maybe you bang her twice but it's it's it's not level two. Level two is the fuck buddy. A girl who you follow the lover rules with. And if you don't know the lover rules, I've got a YouTube video. I think it's just called, surprise surprise, Tom Torero lover rules. It's about not letting her sleep over, not in her every day, no public displays of affection, not promising her anything, I. Not lying to her. The bait and switch thing of, I love you, I love you. Get the bang and then run away. It's clear. Okay? It's open. She's probably fucking other guys. You're not fucking other guys. You're fucking other girls. It's implied. You don't rub her nose in it. Again, it's secret society discretion. Once a week is enough. If you're fucking a girl more than once a week, if she's coming over, certainly if she's staying and you're doing romantic date like things together and you're lying and telling her that you're her boyfriend, then no. That's not a fuck buddy. But fuck buddies this year, two in Poland who, I see when I'm in Central Europe, one in France, one in The Czech Republic, and now two from my recent Russian adventure. So that ain't bad. That's just this year. So I'd see those girls. Again, the sexual chemistry was good, sexual compatibility. And remember that's not always the hottest girl. Maybe she's not the high eight, maybe she's the high seven or the mid seven or just a seven but there's that sexual spark and she's, in in synchronicity with your sexual energy, with your mood, with what you like, you just like fucking her and she likes fucking you and there you go. That's fuck buddy. Level three, much more serious, much a big step up for the player. That's some kind of multiple long term relationship thing going on. Multiple being the keyword that one is too close to none, you're not just having one girl. Now in this long term relationship, we're not talking about boyfriend, fiance or I should say girlfriend, fiance, wife. We're talking about open. Yep. So this is why you need to first of all imply that you're a player. She'll know that from when you've stopped her on the street and how you text and certainly how the date went and how quick the sex happened. Remember sex first, relationship second. And then she'll give you a bit of time where she'll be the fuck buddy. And then in this, kind of relationship, you can start doing things with her over and above just the sex. So you might go and see a film with her, you might eat with her, she might sleep over. You generally genuinely like this girl. Now, this is the bit which requires emphasis. You can't pretend that you're exclusive with her. After a few weeks, she's going to bring it up, know, where is this going? Whose earring is that on the side? Whose stray hair is this on the pillow? Tom, what what is this? You're a naughty boy, Tom. Am I the one? And at this point you give her the talk, okay? Capital t capital t, the talk And there's many variations of the talk. You can find them all over the PUA web of knowledge on the internet. From the very beginning there's variations on what to say to the girl. But you sit it down and basically something like this. You say, listen, Sarah, you know that I like you a lot. I love having sex with you. I love spending time with you. You're a great girl. You're hot and you're interesting. And in the future, if I was to perhaps settle down in the future, it would be with somebody like you. But listen Sarah, I just want to say this. You know that I'm at that stage of my life where, I'm hard to pin down. Know, I travel a lot. I, I like adventure. I'm I like to be direct, I like to be honest with you, I don't want to mess you around but I wanna I wanna see you, you know, a few times a week, couple of times a week. I like it but for now that's where I am and I just want you to go away and think about it and tell me what you think. Now the nice guy perhaps even you listening to that speech is like, she's going to say no. She's going to run away. You're going to lose her. Well, girls are obviously a little bit not pissed off but they're impressed you said it and she might moan, she might try to test your frame, she might give you a few days of silence, she might storm off whatever but way more girls will come back than you think and say, okay. Now the disclaimer is it's not okay forever, she'll give you another few months. It might buy you half a year. And that's the thing with all these open things. It's just in a women's, a woman's best interests. It's in her sexual schedule to try to keep the alpha male and mate with him and have babies with him and I. Tie you down, cut your balls off. She doesn't know why she's doing it. That's just a good game playing on her part subconsciously. Yeah. Just like you spreading your seed with lots of girls. I talk about that in below the belt. So yeah, you you get a few months, half a year, maybe even a year if you're lucky in this kind of long term relationship with this girl and remember it's multiple long term relationships. So you might see her twice a week, you might have another girl you see once or twice a week in a different country, you might have a girl, you might be talking to them online. No, this is not a closed long distance thing but when you're in that country, you spend a lot of time with that girl. I had one in Russia but she knows what I do. It's even more helpful for me, again counter intuitively that when girls find out what I really do in my job and my YouTube channel, again, they push back a little bit, they moan, they're shocked, they might disappear for a couple of days, two weeks, a month and then weirdly it works in my favor that I'm a pickup artist and I travel and she can see lots of other hot girls. It's pre selection, it's jealousy and she's thinking, yeah, okay, well I'll try to be the girl to lock him down. But it's quite clear that I'm not boyfriend material. I even say things like, I I would I make a terrible boyfriend, you know. You need to find a guy to take you to dinner and the cinema and meet your mom and go to church. That's definitely not me, you know. I'm a naughty boy. Shoot me, you know. I'm a naughty boy. They get the idea. And the step up from that, step number four in your harem hustle would be, an open long term relationship with just one girl. So no more multiple now. And I haven't really done this since getting into pickup. With medium long term relationships that are open, I've well, I've got two of those on the go right now. One in Colombia, one in Belarus. Both of them listen to this podcast I think. So Ola and Oh God, that was serendipity as I said that my phone went off. What was I saying? Yeah. That's step three. But four, when you're just with one girl, but you're allowed to have fuck buddies. I kind of did it in 2015 with a Ukrainian girl but that was more like a step three because I also had other long term relationships. But she stood out and she knew my job. And in 2012, if you've read my first book daygame, I had that French girl where I was trying to actually do a closed relationship. I was still mister nice guy, pretty needy. And she was the one in typical French style who was very open and she told me about her lovers. And I had a meltdown. I was jealous and obviously, that drove us apart. You can read my chodiness in the last chapter of the first book. But yeah, if I because I'm not in one place and because really that's not the direction I'm taking things in, keep it to steps number one, which is a one off bang. Number two, is a fuck buddy, if I visit that city and country again. And number three, multiple long term relationships in different cities. You can do it in one city. When I lived in London, I would see different girls, different evenings of the week regularly and they knew my job. So don't forget all this stuff about the talk, Don't pretend to be, the boyfriend. It will come back to sting you. But remember, all good things must come to an end. So one off bangs, you don't know what happens to them. You might see them on Facebook. Oh, they got married. Fuck buddies. Yeah, they'll happily be your fuck buddy for a while then they'll get into a boyfriend situation. They might even keep fucking you. Actually, it's quite common they'll keep fucking you when when she's got the nice boyfriend but then she'll get serious, she'll get older, her sexual agenda changes, she'll settle, even bisexual girls. And, I had a great multiple long term relationship scenario with bisexual girl in Poland, that was twenty sixteen and also another one in Moldova. And you think they're going to last forever, yeah, because she's bisexual, she's into girls too. Well, girls are for a time, they're quite fluid and it's nice when girls are fluid. But even bi girls settle down, feel the pull of, you know, kids, house, car, mortgage, dog and they'll try and get the guy to do it. So it's a phase usually with girls, the bisexual thing. So all good things must come to an end. Even those open long term relationships, you've got to accept. It's not just open for you, it's open for her. And as I said, a woman's schedule is that eventually she'll want to make it closed and she'll grumble. And okay, there's guys out there doing it. There's guys out there, saying they keep things open. They have fuck buddies on the side. But I don't know. I just haven't lived it. I haven't really met guys in person that are keeping that dynamic forever and ever and ever. But let me know if that is you and you're at levels three and four and you've been doing it for decades. That would be interesting to hear. And that might be might be me in the future coming back to the topic of the podcast is Tom lonely. No. Because I get perhaps more oxytocin, more cuddling from, know, twenty, thirty, sometimes 40 plus girls in the past year than perhaps that one guy in a dead end lonely relationship. And he's only getting the blowjob once a year on his birthday, you know, and sex when she decides when he's cut the lawn. So am I bitter about women? No, because I'm surrounded by female energy. This is what I love. This is what I do. Am I lacking in girls I can go to to talk to or go to the cinema with or go for dinner with or come over and fuck? No. A player should have this abundance that that that's the definition of a player, of a bachelor, yeah, of a cad. So don't think this is all doom and gloom saying, Tom, you don't believe in monogamy therefore, you can never be happy, you can never do nice things with girls. No. No. And definitely no. Get your oxytocin sources for sure because being a player, you often lack oxytocin if you're just doing the one off bang. And I know a lot of guys that just do same night lays from clubs and they never see the girls again because that's inherent in the kind of pump and dump night game experience. Yeah. They are lacking any kind of repeat bang, any kind of, bonding. That's the oxytocin hormone, the cuddle hormone. Okay. But just be careful that you don't get trapped by that oxytocin. Listen to my favorite podcast ever on this channel called affection addiction, which was when I was coming towards the end of my relationship with the Ukrainian and how I had sunk into the powerful drug that is oxytocin. The siren calling me onto the rocks, I said on my blog, dashing the sailor, dashing the boat. And then weirdly the girl getting pissed off. I think it was Chris Rock or Louis CK said, know, girls try to trap you, try to dash you on the rocks and then when they do get you on the rocks, they're like, oh, why didn't you just stay being a fisherman? Why why why why aren't you far out to sea anymore? And you're like, because you pulled me into the bloody rocks. But, you know, I'm I'm not debating girls. I'm not getting angry with girls because I have a sexual schedule. They have a sexual schedule. It's called the game. That's why it is a game. You don't get angry with your chess opponent or your tennis opponent. You need that opponent to play the game and iron sharpens iron. Yeah? The tiger improves the skill of the gazelle. The gazelle's skill improves the skill of the tiger etcetera etcetera etcetera. So should you be lonely forever? Should you be hiding and saying well monogamy doesn't work therefore all girls are bitches and manipulative and I will never have anything to do with women again and hiding from the realities of life. Should you do that? No. Is, is doing things with girls throughout your life normal? Yes. Can you get love from other sources? Yes. I talk about that in affection addiction. Don't forget love from ex girlfriends. Love from a lesbian girl. I've had that in the past. Love from friends, that kind of love. Love from your family obviously. Love from dogs and cats and love from other interests. The kind of romantic ideals of love, if you look into it in terms of literature, literary history are very new. A very very new. This whole Valentine's, John Donne, Shakespearean form of courtly love, that's all very very new. Perhaps because I'm an evolutionary biologist at heart. That's what I studied at university predominantly. I'm I'm not a optimist. I'm not a pessimist. I'm a realist when it comes to the chemicals inside your body that cause you to go through these stages. A one off bang, a fuck buddy, a multiple long term relationship, or an open single long term relationship. There you go. That was beyond the bang. I think that was quite a good one. I hope I've answered your questions. And no, won't I be getting married, having kids, and finding a high quality girl and going to church. That's not me. I'm a pickup artist, my friend, and that's what this channel is about from Japan. I'll speak to you next week. I'll be back in The UK, I think then. So have a good week. Goodbye.