---
title: Episode 186 Embracing Discomfort
episode_number: 186
era: late
source_file: Episode 186 Embracing Discomfort.mp3
audio_size_mb: 57.2
duration_sec: 1873.1
duration_min: 31.2
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.996
transcribed_at: 2026-05-27T17:10:28Z---

# Episode 186 Embracing Discomfort

**Speaker 0:** Step up. Step up. Step up front to get beat down beat down. Hello. This is Tom Torero. Podcast episode a 186 called embracing discomfort. This is your weekly day game pickup podcast, but ironically, it's another mindset quote unquote in a game podcast by popular demand. I say ironically because this whole channel, my website, and everything I've done for the last decade is about action taking. So let's talk more walk, going outside, and yet feeling uncomfortable talking to girls and all the magical things that that brings. And I've been telling you to forget the seminars, forget the self help books and the cheesy Instagram posts and memes all over Facebook. They just make you feel good, that kind of self development fuzziness. But actually, all that stuff I think of as being a buffer, procrastination to taking action. That's why I've been a big critic in the past of self development and inner game. But today, I'm gonna talk about embracing discomfort because of the mindsets that that brings. So flip it on its head. First, take action and then your mindsets shift and you come to ask these bigger questions. So for all the guys emailing me and saying they enjoy the inner game mindset stuff, that's good. But the caveat is that I hope those questions and those thoughts and those reflections come from having been in the uncomfortable situation. You can't do it the other way around, where you sit at home and you wonder, I wonder what it would be like if I jumped into that ice cold lake or spoke to that hottie with a nice ass who's crossing the road in front of me. But anyway, that's the topic for today. So I hope it doesn't come across as cheesy or as a buffer because, no, you have to once finishing this podcast, have to actually go and bloody do something if you want all this to make sense. Anyway, we'll start with a appropriately cheesy quote before I update you on what's been going on. And the quote says, your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. I. E. If you want to expand your comfort zone that comes from being uncomfortable. All the good stuff you want to do is outside of where you're comfortable. Now, yeah, it sounds cheesy, but it's true. And the breaking of the shell is uncomfortable. You can sit there in your comfort, but you're not going to achieve what you want to achieve. It certainly doesn't work for day game and pickup and dating. And to tie it into something broader today, I'll talk about the van, the black sheep bandit series part two And I'll update you on Russia. First of all, apologies that this episode is a little bit late. The weekend was, mad. Certainly for closing loops, it's a bit like buses. You wait for one and then three come along or in my case four, five if you include something at the end of last week, a mad streak of closing loops and spinning plates and going on dates and all this kind of good stuff and getting getting it on film, surviving snowstorms and it's still pretty brutal outside. I'm still in Russia. It was minus four today and I really underestimated the Russian winter. So first of all, in terms of embracing discomfort, should I have come to Russia in December, January, February, early March? No. But has it been good for my mental health? Probably yes. Even though it seemed pretty bleak, it's been hard to do as much daygame as I wanted to do. I was chucked out of one shopping mall. That's a different story. So I lost a really good venue. I've already told you that the camera gear was freezing. But anyway, for my March trip, sorted out a different camera setup with a heated compartment and I've been trying that on the street, but it has been fucking tough. Just being in your cozy apartment looking outside like I am now, it's snowing once again and thinking right, go outside, hit the streets and feel physically uncomfortable via approach anxiety and talking to girls that doesn't make me feel uncomfortable anymore but doing the project in the winter that has. Anyway, it's not an excuse but the weekend was mad. I also had a big family drama, you could say a personal drama thing which was like an albatross around my neck and luckily that was sorted out So I'm feeling a lot lighter and I can actually see sunshine coming through the window. So fucking hell, roll on the spring for this filming project and just my sanity. I wrote a blog post recently about the difference between daygaming in one place versus traveling and doing daygame. For the last seven years, I've really just switched locations every few weeks, certainly every month, lots and lots of different cities and countries. And for your mental health and your enjoyment of game and for feeling the vibe, feeling the love, it's good. It's an easy way to get a buzz, to get vibe just by shifting cities, going and getting some sunshine. But this year, I've had to do once again static daygame. All my daygame in one city where I am now. And it's a bit like when I started in 02/1011, I was just in London. And there are advantages, there are disadvantages and I talk about that in the blog post. But why am I saying that? Yes. Because it means you have to face your demons. You have to You can't just run away from all these thoughts. You're in the same place trying to close those loops and you have to face the conditions. You can't just up and run away even though I'm having my little side trips and I'm going back to The UK and I'm sorting out the van. The daygame is being done here. Anyway, that's a tangent, but it brings us on to what, Tom Torero, are you doing with the Black Sheep Bandit van this year? Because last year was a bit mad really. I went into complete overdrive quite literally because I the van was new. I was like a kid in a sweet shop and driving around Europe going crazy through Poland up to the Baltics and then down into Czech Republic, Slovakia, Austria to the Ukrainian border, then back through Amsterdam all the way back to The UK then ran The UK twice once for a van tour and once with my family. But anyway, what am I doing this year? I am responding to this magnetic pull I've had since I was a kid, but in the last few years, certainly the pulls got stronger and that is to go north. Not for day game this year, because I'm already pretty north and I'm doing my day game as I said in one city, but this is for pure wilderness, excitement, just a jolly, but a massive van trip. So leaving The UK very shortly. I am just sorting out final, insurance document boring changes. I'm still waiting for the perfect weather window. I'm trying to avoid getting winter tires, which is a requirement in Scandinavia for March and places like Sweden when there's heavy snow on the road. And I'm just kitting it out because last year, even for the Baltics, I massively underestimated winter van life, even March van life, and it was getting down to minus 11. I remember in Lithuania, Latvia, and I just the van wasn't ready for it. Even the sleeping bag I had wasn't ready for it. So that's what I'm sorting out. Plus, I've got little bits like an inflatable one man kayak which is going to serve me well on the beautiful lakes of Scandinavia. And I shall be driving from The UK through The Netherlands going north to Denmark, not really stopping in Copenhagen, going up towards Gothenburg and then first of all, all being well, Sweden then going over to Finland, exploring lots and lots of forests and lakes in Finland and getting the van. This is the the aim or the token aim you could say, getting the van to the Russian border which is going to make my little jollies, my little trip back and forth to here to do the daygame project a lot easier. I won't have to fly. I can take a train, which is gonna be amazing. Back and forth to do the daygame, to close the loops, and it's the perfect breather. That is the point of this black sheep bandit trip this year. It's the balance. It's the other 50% of my mind, of my sanity. So half the year doing day game, half the year doing non things. Last year, I tried to combine it, and it was all too much. It was a bit of a mess even though it's fun banging gills in the van, and I certainly will this year. But I should be bringing them as plates that I'm already spinning. Gills I've already closed. Already there are gills that are sounding interested. They want to come on little jollies, van jollies around Finland. It's very easy to do from Russia. And then on the way back, I plan to go once again maybe up to the Arctic Circle in the summer and then down through Norway, West Coast Of Norway obviously absolutely stunning through Bergen and then back Gothenburg Copenhagen and then all being well end of the summer back to The UK. That's the van plan. It's very northern exposure ish. It's inspired by books I've spoken about before like Call of the Wild, Jack London's novel about the, domesticated dog who is returning to wolf like living. You can take all the metaphors you like for this van trip. And also a documentary I saw on a plane last year as I was flying to Japan and thinking about all the projects for this year. What should I do? Where should I take the van? Should it be be going south? Should I go to Spain? Should I do this? Should I do that? I happen to watch a documentary called Under an Arctic Sky, which is a beautifully shot documentary about surfers doing a winter surf trip under the northern lights in the bleak midwinter in Iceland. So it's a stunning documentary and it has that northern pull. And I've always felt it. I've always been most comfortable in this environment. So I thought fuck it, let's do it. Let's test the van to its limits. Let's feel uncomfortable. Certainly, a lot of the van last year, a lot of the van trip was uncomfortable seeking discomfort and minimalism in van life. It's not the slick cheesy feel good stuff you see on Instagram with just a hot girl's ass, you know, like there's always a model in the van and it's always this beautiful Mexican sunset. Van living has many beautiful elements, many tough elements. It teaches you a lot about yourself. And my favorite bit of the trip last year was the cold conditions in Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Northern Poland with the fire going frozen lakes. Fucking hell, it teaches you a lot about your stuff. It's, of course, to do with stoicism, it's to do with the great escape. It's what I like. For some of you, it sounds like hell. You're thinking, why don't you just spend your money on beaches in Thailand or why don't you go to somewhere really bloody hot and lie on a beach? Well, for me, it's that pull of the north and it's getting me out of my comfort zone because daygame unfortunately doesn't give me the buzz that a beginner gets. This is the good thing about being a beginner, could say you've got anxiety, you've got fear and it feels good when you overcome it. You walk towards the fear, you get over your approach anxiety, you get some numbers, then you're scared of the texting and the dating, then you're scared of pulling her home, then you might be scared of keeping her around, having two girls, three girls, four girls. That's for me, unfortunately, the buzz is not there unless I go to a completely new place or she's a really really hot girl that you get one night is for temporarily, you know, but I don't get the buzz and being in this place during the daygame filming the approaches and the dates and getting it all together for some kind of documentary this year is it's alright and I'm sure it will come together but it's not giving me the buzz. The second problem with building a heart ream, as I said long ago, is that it makes you fucking lazy. Already I have four regulars, four birds I'm banging. So that means when I'm here, most likely four times a week, a different girl four evenings a week. So that lowers your drive to go out and hunt. That's like a lion in the zoo and just giving him steak every evening. So when I look out the window, think, god, I don't really need to go and get more leaves, I don't want to, I'll just stick with the ones I've got. It makes you more apathetic, more lazy, you spend all your time texting those girls trying to keep the plates spinning. I just wrote a blog post on that called air traffic control. So, it's quite ironic really that I need to find another buzz, need to not find another flow state. That's what I used to talk about when I said flow mad and sure you can travel to loads of different countries, that's kind of a cheat to get instant flow but for me, the van is also serving as a way to seek discomfort, to embrace discomfort and through that to push myself to get highs. And now that again, that might sound very self develop y, that might sound like a of bullshit, but it's certainly not me just going to a seminar or looking at pictures on Instagram. You've got to do the fucking driving. You've got to sleep in the van. You've got to piss in the bottle. You've got to do this, do that, fix whatever happens. Face whatever happens. Scare yourself shitless perhaps in a forest if you don't like sleeping in the middle of nowhere. All this good stuff, which I'm actually enjoying. That's the ethos of the black sheep bandit, and that's where I shall be getting my buzz from this year. Right. We're halfway through the podcast. I haven't even spoken about day game discomfort. But before I come on to that, I'm offering you a free black sheep bandit t shirt. It's a v neck t shirt in small medium or large. For reference, I wear a medium one. It's not the bull logo, it's the black sheep bandit logo which is the two pistols, which gives the horny effect. Anyway, why am I offering you one person listening to this podcast a free t shirt which I shall mail directly to you. A is a cheap plug, to inform you that I still am selling hoodies and t shirts. Go to the store on my website and you'll see that. So it's a cheap plug to make money but secondly is to get your input on the book that I'm writing this year. I'm not writing another book of lay reports. There's far too many of them already out there. This year's book is called the black sheep bandit bible. It is a manual to do exactly what I've been talking about, to unfuck yourself. It will have chapters on frame and freedom and your mission and flow which of course includes talking to hot girls, amused mastery, chapters on stoicism, I. E. Sucking it up, taking action, I. E. Saying fuck it, minimalism, anti fragility in both your dating life and your work life and beyond. Non monogamy, obviously, although it won't go deep into daygame and dating because that's what all my other stuff does. Awe and wonder, so all the zooming out stuff and then some very practical travel hacks so down and dirty travel hacks that I've used for the last decade but anyway give me your input in the blog comment section below or in the YouTube comment section below tell me questions that you'd like answered with this black sheep band ethos tell me things that have helped you tell me things that I've missed out what would you like to know more of what would you like to see in the book even anecdotes, even if you want to tell me a personal story about doing black sheep bandit stuff yourself, it might be about daygame, it might be about saying fuck it and, finding a flow state that reminds me, while I'm looking at this list, there's a guy called Johnny. Johnny, if you're listening, you're living on a canal boat and I think you're a surfer. I am coming to film you, I promise. On my way to The Netherlands, when I drive to the ferry, I shall come and see you Johnny. This guy lives on a canal boat and he's minimized his life to say fuck it. He does what he wants and I think he spends the time he has free surfing abroad. So I I wanna film that for episode one of the Black Sheep Bandit. But stuff like that, if you've got a story like that or you want to see particular stuff in the book let me know in a comment or a really good question and the best one I shall send out a black sheep bandit t shirt too. Anyway enough plugging for today. Let's talk about day game discomfort because if you do day game already, you'll be very aware of the discomfort levels involved and if you're thinking about day game, that's the disclaimer. It's far more uncomfortable than tinder or online dating or speed dating at least with night game you can artificially pump your state with alcohol and wings, and the music and the lights but day game like I said, it's free solo. It's without the flashing lights and the bounces or the alcohol in your system. It's, just you, the shirt on your back, the street. It's very zen and you face the fear. You face the voices in your head. Once you've left the house, you've got all those weasels we say talking to you. A lot of newbies walk around for hours and hours finding excuses. First you battle them, then you approach and you face the stings of rejection because there's more no's than yes's and I've said many times it's like having a bucket of cold water thrown in your face, slapped in the face with a wet fish as we say in Europe. And you face that over and over again. Every single time you do it, no matter how many years you've been doing it, you can't get away from that and the beginner thinks, that's probably the worst it's going to get. Oh no, my friend. Think of the discomfort that comes next. I've said it's like different levels on a mountain. The sting of rejection on the street is just level one. Level two is when she gives you the number but she doesn't text you back and you think, fuck. That was a lot of work. That's a shame. And you get a bit of oneitis for her. Level three, going further up the mountain. Now remember, if you fall from here, it's gonna fucking hurt. Level three is you're texting her and she doesn't come out on a date and you take it personally, she vanishes. Level four would be she comes out on a date or she agrees to the date, she doesn't show up. She she just flakes at the last minute or she you never know why you're just standing there like a melon. That hurts. That's a real blow, a punch in the stomach to your ego and you go home with your tail between your legs thinking what the fuck happened. The next level is she comes on the date so you've invested a lot of time now because you've been texting her, pinging her, she's come out, you've put your clothes that you like, you've tidied the apartment, you've planned everything and she doesn't come back with you. She might not even take the escalation, She friend zones you, whatever. She doesn't agree to the second date, that's a big blow because of time investment. And finally, she comes back to yours but the escalation goes nowhere. Blue balls And that fucking hurts quite literally. You could say there's the final level as you come into the summit of the mountain. A girl you've been fucking, one of your plates in your harem, she vanishes. The plate falls off, it smashes. She doesn't do a boomerang and come back. It's just a crashed airplane, you'd say, in air traffic control. And that really fucking hurts because you've taken her from open to close. You've invested a lot both emotionally, physically because you fucked a lot of times. Perhaps she's found a special place in your sweet heart and she vanishes. So that hurts a lot of pain from daygame. So in street hustle I say somewhere it's a disclaimer no, daygame doesn't make you happy. I remember one guy asking me that in a seminar that is daygame the cure all? Does it just make you happy? Well, that's like saying is does wine make you happy or does running make you happy? Yeah, it can lead to feel good, it can lead to endorphins, you can find happiness through overcoming these obstacles and these fears but then what happens when you've done it, when you've summited the mountain or like me you don't get that buzz anymore from daygame. I could take up night game, I could even take up, I don't know, dance floor game or something. But you've got to then look for another challenge. You've got to put yourself in another uncomfortable situation. So that's the disclaimer with daygame. How can you help with this feeling of discomfort? Because the irony is you want that feeling of discomfort. You need it to overcome it because if it was easy, everybody would be doing it and you wouldn't get the buzz. But if it's too much, you won't do it in the first place. So you've got to give somebody strategies to help them. That's what I mean by this being practical. Well, all the stuff about finding a wing and doing the warm up activities, the hit and runs, the indirect stuff. Excuse me. Do you know where a good coffee shop is? All that good stuff to get you out of your head into your body, you approaching. That applies. Keeping a record like I used to do. I used to have a locked blog. I used to write as well on a forum which no long exists. All the little successes like I did five approaches but I got no numbers. She smiled at me or I got three numbers or I've gone on one date or I managed to do this or I improved this or I went and I improved my freshman, whatever. Those little things add up. So you trick your brain at first but then you you literally rewire your brain to say I can achieve I have achieved I have overcome have cycles of immersion where you hit it really really hard so you get momentum and then rest so that's exactly what the van is for daygame immersion in Russia rest in the van forest lakes go on holiday do another hobby etc have a specific goal I've said in other podcasts, practice set pieces. So don't just go out thinking I'm going to do daygame. What does that mean? Right? An advanced guy should be going out saying I'm going out today to get laid. So try and get a game same day lays, fast pulls, etc. A beginner might just say, the aim today is to just make five girls smile or the aim today is to practice the front stop so I can stop five people in a row. If they stop, that's good. If she knows what I want as I approach her, that's the success. Then give yourself little missions like today I'm gonna kiss a girl on the street or after an instant date or today's kind of girl is I'm gonna get a blonde Barbie like girl who intimidates me, I'm gonna get her phone number. Whatever it is, set pieces, you break it down. And of course, finding the right wing, having good vibes. I've said before, don't rely on the wing. You've got to evolve beyond it because it's a crutch, It's artificial, if you like, steak boost. It's a bit like having a cheeky half pint of beer at lunchtime. You've got to be able to do it without the wing and you've also got to be careful that that wing is, not sucking your no, not what you're thinking, sucking your energy. He's a downer. He's he's a drain. He's putting negative thoughts into your head. He's making the daygame harder. Whatever. So just be careful with the wings. I've said all that stuff before. Right. Let's finish with some more motivation because it is nice to have that warm fuzzy feeling which, inspires you and then kicks you up the ass. So for those day gamers that are thinking about daygaming this week, perhaps today, this end of the podcast is for you. Some quotes you might want to think about. Excellence requires discomfort. So we've already said that. If you're feeling comfortable, you need to push your daygame even further. No pressure, no diamonds. So as I was sitting here, January, February, March, I'm thinking, well, if it was easy, everybody would do it. And to make a good film, to end up with a lot of hotties this year, you you got to put yourself in situations that other people don't. So daygaming in Russia in the winter, that's fucking crazy. But whilst other daygamers are hibernating, I'm there like a stupid idiot in January, February, and March in snowstorms down to minus 17 degrees centigrade opening gills. And so that's been a lesson for me. No pressure, no diamonds. And the pressure also being, you say to yourself, I've got a project this year. This is what I'm gonna do. You have a little aim and you you stick to it. Another quote, fear, uncertainty and discomfort are your compasses towards growth. So this links to the van project. Whenever I feel like, oh, I've already done it because I was thinking, oh, I could go back to Poland. I could just go back to the Czech Republic. I could do the Baltics again. I could just go to my favorite daygame city and you know do the same as I did last year or the year before. I feel that as a niggle, I feel that as deeply uncomfortable repeating the same thing again and again. The the comfort is actually uncomfortable. It's It's my compass telling me go and do something else. Go and do something fucking crazy. It's like a skater who's comfortable doing tricks. He can land the same trick again and again and again and you just feel right, I got it. Try a new trick. Try a new place. Whatever. Try a new board. Escape with somebody else. The analogy applies always. But if you're feeling like, okay, everything's easy. Now you're apathetic. Daygame's a piece of cake it's easy to get phone numbers I know this type of girl I've dated and slept with this type of girl many times I'm stuck in the sevens I'm stuck in the seven heaven okay So you know it's that it's that pull and that's what I also mean by that pull north. I know it's going be cold and I know I'm not going to have loads of big cities like I did last year. There's probably going to be less people to meet up with along the way. You're going to be alone but not lonely, you've got to deal with solitude, you've got to deal with new places you haven't been to, that's all good. That is all good and perhaps I'm sounding like a madman, either you get this stuff or you don't. And the quote I've said before which Rami used to say to me, one of my early daygame wings, he used to say, the cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek. So that girl that you're fearful of, everybody has a particular type of set they're fearful of like a two set or a seated set or a shop set or blondie or the tall skinny one or the short crazy one or the western Asian girl, whatever. Whatever type of set you're scared of, you know that if you do a lot of them, that's the treasure you seek. And oftentimes, I'll be with the daygamer and he'll be saying, you know, he doesn't get he hasn't dated, he hasn't closed a certain type of girl. And I always say to him, well, do you even approach them? And it comes down to the fact that he says no. And I'm guilty of it as well. I'm sitting there, you might be looking through Instagram and looking at all all these bikini girls or a certain type of girls thinking, why don't I date girls like that? And then you remember, oh, yeah. I don't approach them because I'm in my comfort zone. That's the problem with just daygaming in one country or just a guy that says I only game Italian girls or I only talk to Chinese girls. And then all the girls you get from daygaming that you date surprise surprise, they all look the same. They all kind of behave the same because you're you've got that that bias and it certainly most importantly doesn't get you out of your comfort zone. And what does the old cheesy quote say? If you're not moving forward, you're really going backwards because standing still, it's not really an option in this game. Atrophy, entropy, it's happening. If you're standing still, if you're in seven heaven, if you're just fucking, Chinese girls, whatever. So another reason to push forwards. And finally, finally, if you wanna know more about this stuff, watch the classic film Fight Club, which is all about embracing discomfort. Watch Raging Bull. I'm a big fan of the opening credits of the Scorsese film Raging Bull for you nerds. A fun fact is that the Torero logo, the Torero font, that grittiness, that graininess, that color, that was inspired by Scorsese's Raging Bull and the theme of it as well. Scorsese said, the fight is obviously a metaphor. The ring is obviously a metaphor he says for ultimately learning to fight yourself. So all that good stuff. Listen to other podcasts I've done, Fuck It which is podcast 78, Suck It Up, I know these sound deeply sexual is 85 and I've been dabbling with watching a bit of Wim Hof. Now, I'm not recommending you get into the kind of cultish side of the Wim Hof method if you've heard of the iceman And I know a lot of devout followers get into the breathing and the meditation. But just watch the action taking element of Wim Hof. If you don't know who I'm talking about, just Google Wim Hof Iceman and he's a crazy man that finds this freedom and flow through massive discomfort of cold. He swims in freezing lakes and climbs mountains in just his shorts. So that action taking stuff undeniably good just like Fight Club and it inspired interestingly by I think the suicide of his first wife. And he said the only way he could ultimately feel alive was by massive discomfort which ironically leads to these revelations and leads to learning to overcome yourself, to fight yourself. We shall leave it there. That is the theme of this year, the black sheep bandit series part two. If you want a t shirt, a Black Sheet Bandit t shirt, you can either buy one from the website, go to the store, or just contribute to this year's book with a comment, with a suggestion, with a theme, with an anecdote in the comments below on YouTube or on my blog. There's some other blog post stuff that has gone up on the blog, so I'm not being completely lazy. But we shall leave it there. I'm going outside now quite literally to embrace discomfort with some more cold calling on the streets of snowy Russia. Until next week. Goodbye.