---
title: Episode 190 Female Obsession
episode_number: 190
era: late
source_file: Episode 190 Female Obsession.mp3
audio_size_mb: 52.0
duration_sec: 1703.0
duration_min: 28.4
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.997
transcribed_at: 2026-05-27T17:11:18Z---

# Episode 190 Female Obsession

**Speaker 0:** Tom Torero, podcast a 190, taking a sip of tea in the van. I'm on the Finnish Russian border as far east as I wanted to drive, and this week's podcast is on obsession. Not male to female obsession, which is the definition of, creepy, needy, but female to male obsession, when she's not just attracted to you, but she's addicted to you. You might have heard the phrases ultimate pimp hand, so ultimate frame control. You might have heard the phrase deep conversion, which is the same thing. Being a benevolent dictator, so having ultimate control. Being almost a cult leader. How this happens, why it happens, why some guys want it to happen, the effect it has on you, the effect it has on the girl, and ultimately why female obsession, female addiction is just as creepy, it's just as needy, It's just as stalkery. And why, in my experience, it's not a good thing. This is a much requested podcast. It goes far beyond the usual. Just, do your daygame, do your dating, and banger, and move on. One night stand, same day lay. This is part of harem management, but it even goes beyond harem's. Why do girls get obsessed? How do they get obsessed with with a guy? And, of course, it doesn't last forever. They move on when you are no longer the benevolent dictator. When your frame is weakened, she will move on. So this is not a how to keep a girl forever podcast but it's much requested and I used to worry about doing this kind of podcast because of the dark arts, because of the dark triad traits. But it occurred to me that the amount of frame needed for this, the amount of masculine polarity you need for this, the amount of game you need for this is huge. So it's not very common even within the pickup community. It's not common. Sure, it's common in the pimping world, and we shall talk about pimping. The disclaimer for this podcast for you Puritans is that no, I am not condoning pimping or the exploitation of women. We are talking today about willful submission, willful obsession. She wants to follow you. She's like a crazed Beatlemania fan in the sixties. You're not dragging her into your world. She comes willingly. Yep. You command, not demand. That's why the phrase benevolent dictator makes sense. It's a girl that craves your leadership. So this is not a frame battle. Like I said, you're not dragging her, kicking and screaming. She's the boat that wants to be in your harbor. She's looking for your protection. And that's good frame. That's the basis of all leadership and frame control in daygame and texting and dating and relationships. But when it goes far, far, far deeper. That's why the phrase deep conversion exists in pickup. Anyway, I'm ahead of myself. Outside, it is still frozen. It's one degree centigrade. It was nice in Stockholm. It was nice in Helsinki. I've driven north and east to the Russian border, which is 15 kilometers away. So I'm leaving the van in this vicinity, and tomorrow, I'm taking a train. Not flying, but for the first time, taking a train back into Russia to continue the daygame. Another little daygame aside on my website, tomtorero.com, I've posted the lay report. I don't post many anymore, but this happened on the ferry from Stockholm to Helsinki, an overnight ferry. And it was kind of deja vu to something that happened in 2,014 on another ferry. And it's just a funny story. It's just a quirky story. It was a yes girl from the viking norse daygame gods. Those horny gods blessed me with a girl on a boat on the Baltic Sea in the night. So that is on the blog. Alright. Obsession. Getting a girl obsessed I can already see guys rubbing their hands together. How can I keep her? How can I get her forever? Well, if you're just getting into daygame and you're struggling to even get notches or get any girlfriend, then this is gonna be hard for you. It's hard enough just to get the bang. But to keep her around for a week, a month, a year with this level of obsession is tough. As I said, because it requires ultimate frame, almost a dependency. This is why it's dark, and we'll come on to the darkness at the end where she's not just attracted and she wants to fuck you, but she's obsessed to the point of addiction. She cannot leave you alone. She is infatuated with you. This leads to messy situations. Yeah. This leads to clinginess. This this leads to stalker behavior. This leads to, an explosion when the relationship comes to the end. If you've read Iceberg Slim's account of his pimping, which is called Pimp Story of My Life. I've talked about it before. You will already be aware of the elements that go into why, how a girl gets obsessed with a guy. If you've listened to another podcast that I often recommend, the late great Patrice O'Neill, a comedian but a very very savvy podcaster way before his time called, The Black Phillips Show. And that used to talk a lot about frame control, relationship management, managing a girl. But also on these darker dark triad levels of, getting a girl to stay by your side in your ultimate frame. It will open your eyes. And to the nice guys, It will cause shivers down your spine when you realize that being nice, being loyal, being moral is not exactly what gets a girl obsessed, gets a girl addicted. Hence, the dark triad side of things. If you've read below the belt, I've also briefly touched upon it in below the belt. But anyway, in the last ten years of me doing pickup, this has happened accidentally four or five times. I've accidentally triggered this situation and I'll explain how and why, or more the how because the why is that it was accidental, where a girl has not just been a fuck buddy, she's not just it's not just been an open relationship thing, it's not been a closed relationship scenario. It's been a girl that just kept coming back even with me deleting her and pushing her away and her seeing my life and her realizing what I do. Even the accidental treat them mean, keep them keen. Well, yes. It's kept these few girls very very keen and they've stayed on the radar for not months but years. Okay? And some of these girls will be listening to this podcast. Well, this is eye opening for you as well. How did it happen? What were the elements that made it happen? And I've also slept with many girls where I've managed to get the bang, but they've I can see they've been under another guy's spell. And they've spoken about this particular guy, this particular bad boy in their life. I remember a very posh English girl I was sleeping with. She was a teacher. She was Oxbridge educated. So no. Getting a girl obsessed doesn't just apply to low quality girls. Any girl, can fall into this ultimate frame. Okay? Any girl. It's you creating the frame. That's why I say girls are shape shifters. She fits into your mold. So do not believe the purity fantasy idea of this just working on low quality bars, gangs or broken women. This can apply to all girls. But as I said, this girl was very posh. She was very educated. And in bed with her, she seemed twitching. She said she was waiting that morning for a phone call from a prison where, as it turns out her quote unquote pimp, she wasn't really a hoe, but the guy that she was obsessed with, he was in prison for drug dealing and every few days at a certain time, he could call her from prison. So she was obsessed with this guy and she'd given up everything to move to a part of Britain, to be near him, etcetera, etcetera. So that's obsessive level. I also met a girl in in Poland and, I was banging her, but I could see again, she was emotionally deeply invested elsewhere. And it turns out she was, regularly crying into a a t shirt 'd been given from this surf dude living in a van, surprise surprise, in Spain. And she had kept his sweaty t shirt. This guy was broke. This guy lived in a van on the beach. But for some reason, because of the elements in this podcast we're gonna talk about, she she cherished, she valued that guy's t shirt far more than guys taking him out for expensive dinners or, even Tom Torero had given her some loving in my van. This guy had made her obsessed. And the incident, when she had met him, had happened, a few years previously. So as I said, obsession can go on for a long time. No, it doesn't last forever. For you guys wanting the ultimate solution for how to keep a girl forever because you love the idea of monogamy, it doesn't happen. You can't keep this frame going on forever except in very, very, very rare dictatorial cult leader, religious leader status, celebrity status people. But even then, it wanes and a girl will move on to another man who offers her ultimate leadership. Okay. Let's move on to, 10 ways to get a girl obsessed. That's a very clickbaity title. But I've, brainstormed the 10 elements that get a girl to be addicted to you. First of all, thinking about those girls that have been obsessed with me. I've realized that for all of them, before they got obsessed with me, I dumped them. I broke up with them. I broke off the sex. I broke off the mini mini relationship. I stopped seeing them. I walked away and that caused tears. It caused drama. You show them the door, it's not just soft dread, it's the ultimate push away. You break up with them. And you'll have had this experience. What happens when you break up with a girl? She becomes immediately very needy. She's calling you, she's texting you more, she wants to see you, the sex gets better when you have the makeup sex, then you break up again. There's big arguments. The sex gets even better. So you've glimpsed this. Alright? This is not just soft dread, as I said. It's the ultimate push away. Why does it work? Because you're showing the girl that you have complete control. You are deciding to commit or not. And in this case, no. So therefore, you must have options. A guy with options is sexually high value. She feels it massively. So number one, I've dumped them. They've come back to me. Number two, while in the relationship. So let's say before the dumping happened or after, if you then carry on carry on seeing her and sleeping with her, she also realizes I have options. So all those girls had discovered my Tom Torero existence. They had seen videos. They knew about my coaching. They had even read the blog. They might be listening to these podcasts. Two of the girls, when I was a bit more, nice guy pretending to be monogamous, They had found me cheating. One of the girls had seen me with another girl as I was walking through Earl's Court in London. This girl that I was seeing regularly saw me coming towards her arm in arm with another girl. So what was triggered? Jealousy. Massive amounts of jealousy. For a girl to become obsessed with you, she must be jealous. Obsessively so, where she's trying to find out about these other women. What does competition do? It makes things better. Again, huge counterintuitive, thing that a nice guy has to realize. When a girl realizes you have other options, she, behaves better. You will see better behavior. You'll see her being less bitchy. You'll see her actually being calmer. You'll see the sex getting better. This is at the heart of harem management. So go back through my blog and read the harem posts. At the heart of it is letting a girl know you have options. It's counterintuitive because what does a nice guy think? Oh, no. She's gonna find out we're not monogamous and she's gonna break up. You think she will and she might for a couple of days. A girl screaming at me about my Tom Torero life, but then what do you know? After two days, two weeks, there's a lot of this in the below the belt book, you'll see the girl coming back for more and heightened levels of attraction. So now we're moving from attraction to addiction. Number three, there has to be drama in the relationship. So even if it's a sexual relationship or an open relationship, it can't just be smooth sailing and you're cuddled up and nobody shouts, nobody falls out, and nobody disagrees. There has to be drama. There has to be crying if you wanna start getting dark triad. There has to be that moment where you're having a phone call and you just hang up on her. Yeah. There has to have been the royal flush where she sees you're a man not a mouse. She sees the claws underneath the fluffy puppy paws. Again, not condoning it, just saying. From your observations, from what I've seen, drama in a relationship increases her attraction. Yeah? Because she's testing your frame and she sees that you don't back down, that you win. This heightens her attraction for you. She's she's, blown against your house of sticks to see if it will fall down and it doesn't. That's why drama works. Is it good for you? Is it good for the girl? No. It's very tiring. These kind of relationships are exhausting. But does it increase her attraction and move it towards addiction? Yes. Because perhaps in another relationship she's having with her sweet boyfriend, she's not getting the drama. She's not getting those spikes of emotion, those highs and those lows. So she keeps coming back for more to you. Number four, goes without saying. You've given her the D. She's having great sex with you. She's having wild sex. She's having risky sex. She's having secret society sex, in strange locations. All those girls that got obsessed with me. We had had sex, outdoors, in parks, in toilets, on a train. You are having anal sex. You're being dominant. She loves it. That's the frame. You're buying her sex toys. I've taken girls to sex clubs. Two of those girls, I had taken them to red light areas and got them to have dances with strippers. One of them had had a threesome with me. You are her sexual teacher. That's the frame. And when you're not there, you're doing it over messenger. So it's about selfies and it's about wear this, do this, show me this. She loves it. She loves that dominance even when you're not there. That's an important point that this doesn't have to be done in person. A lot of the obsessive stuff is done when you're not there. In her mind, you let her mind spin. Periods of silence will come on to. But good sex, great sex goes without saying. If you're not giving her that, then there will be no level of investment. Even if you're mister nice guy. Number five, you are getting her to invest more and more. The more she invests, the more she is gonna be attached to you. And it's not just small investment like she might bring over some chocolate, but it gets bigger and bigger and bigger. So, yeah, it might start small with cooking and cleaning, But then it gets to the level where a girl will take a bus. I remember a girl took a bus. She paid for the bus, a two day bus trip to see me in a particular city I was in. She will travel long distances to see you. She will start buying underwear herself. Again, completely different from the Jodi guy who buys her lacy underwear. But the girl is buying underwear herself. She is paying for her own photoshoot for sexy photos to send you. I've had that. She is listening to music that you've spoken about. She's changing her music taste. She's changing her film tastes. She obsessively watches things you talk about. I used to live with a guy in the daygame house in Marble Arch in London and he would order stuff to the girl's house, not expensive stuff, just kinky stuff. And then get her to wear it and then do sex chats over the internet and another guy he would tell a girl to print out a photo of them or of him, stick it by her bed and then show him over photos. So again getting more and more into her mind even when you're not there. The more she obsesses, the more she thinks about you when she's not with you. This is gonna create this massive emotional investment. Number six, and the previous five are starting to do this already. You spin her head. You're giving a girl lots and lots of very focused attention, very high intensity, full of adrenaline, full of serotonin, full of wonder and, excitement that she just doesn't get with the bland boring nice guys. So there's long periods of silence and then when she does see you, you're giving her full attention, which is much much better than seeing a girl regularly and giving her, low levels of of attention every day, every few days. Much better to not see her for a week or two and then when she she is with you, you go on mad adventures. You go on a motorbike. You go on a dirty van trip. You take her into the mountains. You take her to a rave. You introduce her to some seedy part of town, whatever. Spins her mind. If there's an element of danger like on a motorbike, even better. She feels that massive spike and then you say, see you later. And for the next week, two weeks, month, she's that's all she's thinking about. That day, even that half day with you. She can't get it from other sources. So spinning her head. Number seven goes along with coming and going which the black sheep bandit should be doing. He's not in her city for months at a time. Even with my Russia thing this year, I'm daygaming girls, dating them, sleeping with them, fingers crossed, and then disappearing for another couple of weeks. They know I don't live a 100% in that city. So that vacuum, that unpredictability is fantastic. Why? The science behind it is intermittent reinforcement. So you're not just being missed or predictable. She knows she's gonna see you on Wednesday for sex. You come and go quite literally with a mysterious, vague, enigmatic schedule. You want her to be thinking, does he have a wife? Does he have a girlfriend? Does he have kids? Will he come back? Again, absence makes the heart grow fonder, power of the push. There's lots of podcasts on this, but this is all heightened. And perhaps you felt it in the opposite direction. You've become obsessed with the girl because she's been unpredictable. She comes and goes. She spins your head. She's got you investing. She's given you good sex. She's, made you feel some drama. Yeah. She's dumped you. You know she's got other options so you're jealous. So it works in both directions. But let's keep it to a girl being obsessed. Number eight. This is really important, and I don't think I've made a podcast on this, but a key element of higher level game. You're mister contrast. So I used to say you're mister badass and Buddha. Similar to being unpredictable, but but this one's a bit more subtle. So of course, you've got ultimate frame. You've got ultimate hand. Goes without saying. Sex is good. You lead. You're in control. She loves it. But she also sees glimpses of a quote unquote softer side to you. Now, this might be fake vulnerability. You might be, telling a fake vulnerability stories that you heard in the Tom Torero dirty trick seminar available to buy. It also might be real. It's a bit like when you find out I always say that Mike Tyson, the guy who bit off an ear in the ring, you find out that as a as a teenager and even as a grown man, he loves pigeons. And he used to go up onto the roofs, I think of, Brooklyn, was it? East New York City and he would tend to his lovely pigeons. So there's an example of an extremely dominant man who fits many of the dark triad traits. We could do a whole talk on Mike Tyson's life. But the girl also sees a softer side. Okay? You walk in a cute dog. You're talking about a nephew. The girl then thinking, can I tame this guy? If you've read Wuthering Heights and you know about Heathcliff. A girl thinking, can I be the one to tame him? So in a way, you're giving her false hope. Yeah. You might be future projecting about I often say things like, I long for the time when, you know, testosterone doesn't rule me. I long to be more of a mister sweet guy, mister stable guy. I long to stop traveling. I say these things to girls almost in jest, but I can see in the girl's eyes she's thinking, maybe one day Tom will settle down. It's future projection is the game technique, but also combined with this contrast game. Tom plays a sweet song on the guitar after smashing her in the van by a lake. You get the idea. And, in the pimping world, you see that a lot. She glimpses what she sees to be a softer side of her pimp. Number nine, getting in to kind of cult levels. Now religious leaders, cult leaders, dictators. You're creating our world bubbles. Our world scenarios. I used to talk about this in the girlfriend sequence a long time ago. Putting yourself in a bubble with the girl with inside jokes, with inside references, with shared memories, with that future projection technique. If you're talking dark in terms of religious cult leaders, pimps, they're talking about isolating from the family, isolating from friends, even making someone give up their belongings, up their name. Hence Scientology and the cult status. It's just that us versus them. A technique, a physical technique in game that you might remember for Mystery Method is the lock in prop. I talk about this in dirty tricks. Giving a girl a bracelet as that surfer dude did to that Polish girl giving her a t shirt that she smells every night, his sweaty t shirt. As other guys are trying to shower her with affection and money, she she's clinging to this surfer's t shirt remembering how badly he treated her in Tenerife. That's a lock in physical prop to remind her of this our world scenario. Music is very powerful for this. Smells are very powerful for this. Reminder, you have something with her that she can't get from anywhere. When else? And number 10, finishing with real dark triad, real pimp darkness that once again I do not condone, but it exists in human psychology. So a cult leader, a religious leader, a pimp will use psychological and physical frame. It's, hence the term pimp hand. Yeah. And I've watched a Russian guy. I might have said this in a previous podcast or in a book. I watched a Russian guy once screaming at a girl. She was screaming back at him. It was outside a shopping mall in Moscow in the middle of the day. Nobody paid attention. They were having a massive argument. He grabbed her phone off her. He was showing us some text messages that obviously he didn't like. Threw the phone on the floor, smashed it. And I was thinking, Jesus Christ, in Britain, you know, people would be standing around worried but this was Russia. Nobody said anything. And then I walked away, turned back, saw them making out, saw some passionate reunion going on. I thought, fucking hell, that is physical hand. Yeah. The smashing of the phone. Psychological, physical. This is deeper, darker shit that, I would not advise you to go into. Like I said, you see it in things like Scientology. You see it in cults. You see it with iceberg slim in the book Pimp, which is stuff you don't need to do. And let's finish with why this getting a girl obsessed is not a good idea in the first place. Even though you think, yeah, it's gonna keep her around. In fact, you know it's gonna end badly. Right? If this goes on for months, even years, you're creating a messed up situation. It's obviously messed up for the girl in that you're creating a girl who is so needy, is so desperate that that for the next guy, nothing's gonna cut it. So, you know, if that girl wants a future relationship and she wants to get married and have kids, she's always gonna remember the time with you. Which again sounds cool, but is it cool for the girl? Probably not. It's not cool for you. If you've ever had that ex girlfriend being really needy, really jealous, stalker levels, coming around. It's draining. Drama is draining. This level of holding frame is draining. And then it happens accidentally. What's the what's the ironic thing is that when you break up with a girl, push her away, say you don't wanna see her, say you don't wanna be monogamous. It fuels the fires of her addiction even more. You felt that with you breaking up with a girl and then seeing what happens. So counterintuitive. And that girl can she can turn on you. She can months, years down the line. If you're if you're getting into kind of Scientology level, pimp hand or even R Kelly level hand, that girl can turn on you when you are no longer the, benevolent dictator. She can look back at that and she can think, wow, he was a bastard. I was brainwashed, etcetera etcetera. That's where it gets really dark. So is it good to get girls obsessed? Is it good is it good to get anyone obsessed with you? Imagine you're a famous person and you had all these stalkers, obsessive behaviors. No. Much better as a pickup artist. Much better as a hustler for the second type of hustle, as I say in street hustle, which is as win win as you can make it. Because I know it's never really win win in the long term. She always wants affection. You always want casual sex, but shoot the puppy. I said that last week. Have some balls. Don't be a pussy. If you sense any kind of clinginess and you don't want it, delete, block, next, shoot the puppy, have a talk to her before the obsession starts. Just keep it. Fuck buddy situations. And traveling around, being the black sheep bandit, not being in one city all the time, it makes it quite easy. Pump and dump, one night stand, win win because she wanted it too. God bless Scandinavia. It's fine. She gets casual sex, you get casual sex. You're not breaking the love of rules. You're not triggering those 10 things that we talked about today. You're not spreading it on too thick at the start and pretending you're gonna be a boyfriend, pretending you're gonna be there in the future and then doing a runner. That's the bait and switch. Stick with hassle number two. Keep it light. Keep it free. Keep it flexible. Otherwise, it's like an albatross around your neck. Alright. That is enough about obsession, deep conversion, and the pimp hand. I hope I've encouraged you not to do it because it's a bloody headache. And with that, I shall go move the van into a somewhere safe, a bit of safe parking for the next ten days and then I shall be going to Russia. So next week's podcast will be once again from mother Russia. Until next time. Goodbye.