---
title: Episode 197 The Girl As Your Mirror
episode_number: 197
era: late
source_file: Episode 197 The Girl As Your Mirror.mp3
audio_size_mb: 56.3
duration_sec: 1845.5
duration_min: 30.8
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.996
transcribed_at: 2026-05-27T17:11:58Z---

# Episode 197 The Girl As Your Mirror

**Speaker 0:** Thomas Torero podcast a hundred and ninety seven called the girl as your mirror. Hello from sunny Scandinavia. Maybe in the background you can hear some squawking seagulls. It is delicious. This van location next to the water, some blue sky. And I'm out of Russia, and I will not be doing day game there in June. So it's a few weeks off. After this podcast, there will be a little gap as I normally do for a summer vacation or really a busman's holiday. Because first, I'm going to Singapore in Asia to do my only coaching for the year, a few days of coaching. And then a real summer holiday in the Greek Islands before going back to Britain, seeing family and finally getting down to writing or trying to write more of my book, the black sheep bandit book. I have been far too distracted by girls and van life to to start properly writing. Will that happen during the month of June? We shall see, but wish me luck. And after that little break, we are only what two episodes away after this one until we hit episode 200. And I was thinking should I do a live event? Should I do a video thing? But I thought no we'll give everybody a chance so not just the London people or the New York people anybody who once again wants to send me via email an m p three this time we'll make it shorter so the m p three will be your name or your pseudonym in Tarantino style m m m m s m t m y whatever where where you're from so the city where you daygame in or the country you are in if you wanna keep it nondescript. And under sixty seconds of you talking about what the daygame mirror has shown you. That sounds abstract but today's podcast will explain more. But basically, you've done day game pickup and a reality has been reflected back for you to look at the good, the bad, and the ugly. So what has daygame given you? You might have got a load of lays from it, a 100 notches. You might now be in a long term relationship with a crazy bisexual nymphomaniac. So that's what daygame has given you. Maybe you're sitting in a new country because of daygame. Daygame showed you that the job you were in, the place you were in wasn't right for you. So that's what you've got out of daygame. Maybe it's just a new set of teeth. I know one guy that got his teeth done or laser eye surgery like me. He got rid of your acne, new fashion, new style, whatever. So in under sixty seconds, please keep it brief because I expect a lot of recordings to be sent in and then we'll put them all together. And I will also talk about what a decade of daygame and what five years of doing these podcasts have reflected back to me. So on that theme, daygame being a mirror, the girl being a mirror, life being a mirror, we shall dive into today's podcast which is on a topic you might have read about in a street hustle. You might remember a video on my YouTube channel from 2015. I was on a rooftop in sunny Soho. I remember that. And it was a remaking of a video that I was perhaps most proud of which is sadly not on YouTube anymore. I made it for a company, an original daygame company I was working for at the time and it was called the girl is your mirror and it was a concept I still am very proud of when I used to say to students after this session, when I've given you the basics and the roadmap, the girl will be your coach. Reality will give you feedback. If you just stop after the end of the session, not stop after every set because that will fuck up your flow and your vibe. But after every session or after a weekend of daygame or certainly a daygame trip, like when I come out of Russia back to Scandinavia, I reflect, stop and think. Obviously, what results did you get? But what was the feedback you kept getting? Now, it sounds a bit hippie ish. Hippies say things like, the universe will keep giving you the same lesson until you learn it. Well, yes. In a way, that's right. It's like I've said on other podcasts, if you keep getting bad service in restaurants and shops, have you considered that you're a bad customer? It's it's the principle that perhaps and I do this I'm sure you do this you walk around for a lot of the time a lot of your day even during your day game sessions with a big scowl on your face you look very grumpy you look very serious you scare people away people don't want to talk to you perhaps you even think you're smiling. A lot of students when I used to teach boot camps would say, but I am smiling. They certainly were not smiling. So the experiment would be to walk around for an hour or two with a not a mad Harry Krishna Jesus grin on your face, but just a smirk with your head up, twinkling eyes, walk down the middle of the pavement, shoulders back. I call it the red carpet walk and nod at people, smile, cheeky little grin, and look at the reactions from, yeah, men, women, dogs. The service you get in the coffee shop, in the restaurant is totally different. So there's a quick example of the world being a reflection of you. Yeah? And if you don't take stock of this feedback, then the hippies are right. You'll keep getting the same results. And I said recently to a daygamer, I met him on street in Russia and he was talking about doing hundreds, thousands of approaches and his results either staying the same over the years or getting worse. And I said to him, slow down, quality not quantity for him because he's not a beginner, take stock and reflect. And if you don't know how to take feedback from girls after doing daygame for many years, well, you really need to do less because otherwise you're gonna see that your results are gonna go down. Spamming is a very dangerous thing after the initial getting into daygame fun period of going out there and going crazy because you're reinforcing bad habits. You're not learning the lessons lessons that girls and reality, the pavement is giving you. So you're missing these opportunities. You're not changing a thing. It's the definition of madness and things are gonna get worse. And your vibe's gonna get fucked up, you know. You're gonna get angry because you're you're not seeing any improvement quite rightly. So stop and think. Alright. If you wanted to link it to in a game, which I'm not a big fan of, but I'm sure you've heard Tyler, RSD Tyler in the past talking about what you feel she feels. So that's like the thing I said with the shop assistant and in the coffee shop with the waitress. The energy you're giving off is what she feels. So it is something you need to take seriously because you might have perfect technical outer game, but if your if your vibe is off, if some if something is off about you, you're coming across too robotically or you the opposite end of that is you're too slick, perhaps too cheesy, or for most of us we're too serious, we're too in our heads. No matter how much technical daygame texting, dating skill you have, you're not gonna see the results. So this is important. We also need to zoom out. So we're not just talking about feedback from one girl. This is the problem with only doing three or four sets a week or a month. You take things very personally. But what did she mean? How can I change what she gave me? I say don't. It's microdata. Zoom out after the weekend or the week or the month or the year. That's metadata analysis. And that's what we should go into today. Very practically, I'm gonna go through things that she gives you and what they mean. We shall decode her behavior and what it means for you. So for these next few weeks when you're not having Tom Torero free podcasts, you don't need it. You don't need coaching sessions from me if you've listened to my podcasts and videos. If you understand these signals that the girl is giving you, you can coach yourself. But it does mean you need to analyze yourself. You need to analyze yourself. You need to slow down. You need to reflect. Okay. We shall try and keep it in order. We shall try and keep it linear from the moment you stop her to when you take the contact details, text, date, pull, and beyond. Number one, write down the ones that apply to you. Which ones keep happening to you? You try and stop her so you can go in front of her, you can intersect her, you can tap her on the elbow, you can go up to her but immediately she looks defensive or she brushes you off, she moves away. What does that mean if that keeps happening with anybody, with with strangers, with shop assistants? You're too intense. You're not smiling. You're coming across as off. There's something off about your energy. That's what Tyler means by what you feel, she feels. So I say to students, you go in with a blast of energy. You open with love. You might think you're smiling but increase it. Yeah? The warmth, the genuineness about you. Don't come across as a shifty salesperson or don't have a fixed grin, a Jim Carrey like grin where you look like Harry Krishna or you're gonna hand her a copy of the bible. You've got to pitch it right. And you'll know when you're doing it right because you you're walking up to that person and already they're smiling. You approach the girl in Starbucks already. She's got that glow about her. So that's the first one. Can you even get to the first step of the daygame model which is approaching? The second one is linked to that, and that is if you're doing the front stop. And it is really all or nothing, jumping in front of a girl. What are the common mistakes? Well, the student doesn't go 12:00 straight in front. He chickens out. He goes 10:00, 11:00, or even half past eleven. Doesn't commit to it, and she just brushes him off. She thinks he's a salesman. He's a chugger. He's working in a restaurant. He's gonna give her a flyer. He's a beggar. You know, check your fashion and grooming and posture. If people keep thinking you're a beggar, that's obvious feedback from reality. But anyway, yeah, you're messing up the front stop. The student also doesn't leave enough room. So more than an arm's length, that is physics. Speed equals distance over time. Stopping distance, leave more room than you think. The faster she's moving, the more room you need to leave. Your hand is coming out, not up. You're not like a police officer, stop. But your hand is out. You're already smiling when she sees you in the peripheral vision. Girls have a wider peripheral vision. Yep. Okay. So we're not spooking her. Number three, you go up to her, you deliver the opener. Hello. You look very beautiful. But she looks completely confused. She's asking, sorry. What is this? So what do you want? What's that feedback telling you? Well, usually, like Tom Torero does on a podcast, you're speaking too fast. Sorry, what do you want? Especially if you're gaming in Japan or your English is not your first language and you're speaking to American girls or you have a strong accent or whatever. I say to every student basically, myself included, slow the fuck down. Break it up into rhythmical patterns. Hi. I just wanted to say, I think you look really nice. You see, much better than, hello. I just wanted to say, I think you look really nice. Sorry. What? Also, you could be speaking too quietly. There's all that traffic coming past, all the road works, the car horns in New York City and you're saying, hello? Sorry. I think you look really nice. Weirdly, that sounds more creepy, doesn't it? Whispering, hi. Can I just say, I think you look really nice? That makes you sound shifty. Much more creepy than just owning it with conviction. Watching that voice tonality, hi. I just wanted to say, think you look really nice. Watch your voice. It doesn't go up. Please stop. Please like me. So that's feedback from reality. If she keeps asking you to speak up throughout the set, throughout the date, or people do this in general, they lean into you, the barista at the coffee shop. Sorry. What was your order? Sorry. What did you say? What is that telling you about your voice? You are speaking too quietly. Obvious feedback from reality. But take it. It's not very nice, is getting feedback from reality, hearing your own voice on a recording. I've had to put up with it for what? A 197 podcasts. Because remember, I've gotta edit these podcasts after I recorded them record them, which just means working on a bit of music and uploading it. But I still have to listen to my own voice. So has my voice changed in a 197 podcasts and ten years of daygame? I hope so. The next one. You are doing loads of good breaking rapport. So you're teasing, you're spiking, you're challenging, you're telling witty stories and the girl is laughing and she's laughing and she's and you're doing all your cocky funny push pulls. You feel like a right good pickup artist. And you think this is it. I am the king of the world. I can walk up to anyone, even a coffee shop waitress and just make her laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh. She's going red. She's playing with her hair. You think I am a fucking pickup artist. This is it. And it's like crack cocaine. I certainly had this as my main sticking point for, more than two years. Too much attraction, missing the hook point, missing getting her to invest and you get the number and what happens? She flakes. So this is just flash game. This is just miss the entertainer. This is just miss the dancing monkey. And it's addictive, but be careful. So when your wing is listening to you or when you're listening to your, m p three of yourself, were you doing too much attraction? Were you giving her a chance to speak? Alright. The next one. Do you have nervous tics? Do you fill in silences? Now I'm not talking about going silent at the beginning of the interaction. No. That's all on you. Excuse me. You look nice. What I noticed about you, that's you. But later on in the conversation, are you filling in silences? Do you have little quirks that reveal your inner awkwardness? So get rid of those. This is useful not just for girls, but for any conversation, for work, for meetings, for public speaking. Even with your friends, watch out for the little quirks. They're verbal and they're physical. The scratching of the face, the the slight shuffling around. I've still got lots of them, but watch out for yours. The next one. It's bland. It's boring. It's too much comfort. And again, this gets lots of phone numbers. A daygamer who grills her with interview questions, investing, but on very boring topics. So you listen back and you think, fuck. There were no spikes of emotion. I didn't tap into any emotions. I didn't tap into any of the senses, sound, taste, touch, smell, etcetera. It was all very logical and bland. You got the number and it flaked. So that's a guy you know that by now. He's stuck in comfort quicksand. She's bored. So, this is not really daygame. I call this just having a chat. And there's a big difference between picking up somebody and having a chat. You can see that with the average guy in the bar trying to pick up a girl. Hey, can I buy you a drink? What's your name? What do you do? Where are you from? Do you like it? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Cool. There you go. That's a basic bro game. Alright. The next one. She is always in every set giving you some player tests. Do you do this all the time? Do you talk to girls on the on the street all the time? Have you read the game? So what are you giving off? You're giving off pickup artist vibes, player vibes, perhaps you're too slick. So you say the same thing every time and now it's become too robotic or too cheesy. So it's not grounded. Again, you might be missing the hook point. You're not, grounding the set with letting her talk and you telling her something about yourself, keeping it normal after the hook point. Be careful. I used to get this on dates when you're doing the same five questions or every time you're doing strawberry fields or the cube or the fingerings or the palm reading. If it's too good, I've made a video on this. What can you do to stop these player vibes? I think the video is called anti player vibes. The next one, Mystery spoke about this in the game. When the girl taps you on the shoulder, the pity pat, and she says, oh, you are so sweet. Oh, thank you so much for coming up to me. Oh, you've made my day. You get that in every set. What is that telling you? It's telling you that you're coming across as a little adorable, cute, sweet asexual puppy. You're just her little brother. Aw. Thank you little man. Patronizing. Yeah? It shows that the polarity is fucked. You're you're not coming across as the man who's in command, who's leading male energy. There isn't a sexual flame. There isn't a sexual spark to the set. So it's lacking polarity. There's plenty of videos and material on how on how you can change daygame from being social to daygame being a bit more sexual. Yeah? Within reason because we're not in a nightclub here. This is, on the street. Next one, which is precisely about what I just said. Some guys, and there's not many, I've not really met many students like this, but I've seen instructors like this. I remember an instructor many years ago called Sam who would go into every set and he would get a sexual hook point. He'd be holding the girl's hand, he would close the distance, He would be putting his toe in, bringing the sexual energy into this amazing bubble so he could basically kiss her massive eyes. She was going red, spazzing out, playing with the hair. And you would watch this or the student would watch this and you'd go, holy fuck. This is like same day lay. This is so on. Maybe he couldn't get it there and then so we'd get the number and it would flake. So if you're generating this mega attraction in every set, well, first of all, congratulations. You're bloody good pickup artist. But it's too much. This is daygame. So maybe you should take up gutter game or night game. Yeah. Flash game in a club, spin around, make out, go home with a fine. Perhaps you should move to Scandinavia where girls are more into that ironically than daygame. Pedestrian daygame. The clue is in the word day game. Yeah. Not gaygame. Daygame. So you're in a coffee shop. It's very quiet. You're in a museum. You're in a library. So no need to do this crazy, sexual bubble stuff. Just a little bit of tiger eyes, just a little hand hold, just getting her, you know, to play with her hair for a second or two, comparing shoes, little bit of touching whatever, a little bit of fun, but not going crazy, not going overboard. The same applies to dates. The first date, first venue, first drink, we shall come on to that in a second. Alright. What happens if you're getting loads in numbers and this is very common after a few months of daygame but they all flake. And then the student will call me for a coaching session and say, can we talk about text game? Can we talk about magical texts? How can I get all these girls out? These hundreds of numbers I've got. I say, you can't. It was weekday game. So first of all, I check how long was the interaction. And he says, oh, it was about fifty seconds. Okay. It's gonna flake. Then we listen to the recording and we think, fuck, she didn't invest. Sometimes I say, mate, she didn't know what you wanted. It was very platonic. It was a very comfort quicksand. So for this guy, like the guy I met in Russia, I say stop collecting phone numbers and work on solid daygame. Like texting, really forget it. Focus on solid phone numbers. So increasing the time, getting her to invest, maybe going on a few instant dates. I found in Russia that was helping my flake rate. Not in every country, not in every situation, but Russian girls go, they do love a bit of comfort. So I add in a few. It's a days or a little walk arounds, walk around the park, more comfort, more comfort, less player vibe seems to help my flake rate. And remember, this is all personal advice. Looking into the mirror, guys get different things from daygame and girls give you different feedback. So don't take all these as how they work out for me is perhaps how they're gonna work out for you. You have to see the correlations and see the patterns. That's what I mean by metadata. Okay. Let's say you're getting lots of first dates but no second dates. This is more of an intermediate problem. What is that telling you? Well, you might be a boring fuck on the first day and you're doing no game. It's just sinking into boredom. So that could be it. For a lot of guys, upper intermediates, they're too on. So it's pull pull pull, too keen and they're not seeding the bounce or they just pull her home. As Mystery would say, you've compromised her comfort levels. So you're trying to do it in one hour. It's lazy game. You don't get the second date. This happens in Russia. If you go for the make out really quickly. You might even get it but you don't see her again. The next one and this is linked to what I just said. You're doing loads of good escalation. You're doing loads of make outs but the girls are not coming back. And I did this three times recently in Russia because I knew that my time in May was coming to an end. And, so either you're not going for the pool home or it's just too much escalation. You should have put in there another date or in Russia perhaps another two dates. Walking around a coffee bridge date. Okay? So slow down to speed up. Okay. The next one, you get in lots of girls home but no lays. So what is that telling you? Well, either she doesn't know what you want at all. So you've pulled her home but, you should have really done more venues, more dates, built up the sexual escalation nice and smoothly. Or you're just doing like the make outs. Pull, pull, pull, rushed too much, crossing the point of no return. You seem too needy. You seem too desperate. And you would have got the late if you would just slow down, seated properly, bounce properly, etcetera. And the last one, which is really an advanced problem. If you're sleeping with lots of girls and they don't come back for a second lay, What is that telling you? Well, perhaps you were bad in bed with her. We've all been there. You were tired. You were hungover. You were ill. It wasn't your best Olympic performance. More likely if you're a player, then she didn't sleep over, you didn't establish any comfort. Perhaps you're doing faster and faster, you know, first eight lays, lays from just one venue, you're just doing gutter game, same day lays. Night gamers get this a lot. There was just no connection. There was no comfort. There was no future projection. I'm not saying pretend to be her boyfriend, get her to fall in love. But you were clearly too much of the player. And this can be a good problem. If the universe is reflecting this back at you, then okay. If you just wanna be a player and you're moving from place to place, not an issue. But if you wanna keep girls around for a month, six months, a year, then yes. You're gonna have to do a little bit of cuddling. You're gonna have to do a bit of future projecting. She might stay over once in a while. I know that breaks a player rule, but there's a fine balance which I often fuck up between sometimes giving a girl too much comfort, then you slip into the, you know, monogamy trap or not enough and, you struggle to get her out. Again, perhaps you met her it was a fast pull same day lay and you got the lay but you don't see her again. Anyway, this is all learning. I rattled through them because that's a lot. But basically, I just gave you an a to zed of students sticking points. And work out which ones applied to you. Simple as that. Get a wing to listen to you. Listen to yourself. Slow down. Analyze the sets you are doing. This is not gonna work. If you're only talking to two girls. That's not enough data. So go and talk to 10 girls, 20 girls, 30 girls. Stop and think which ones that I just said apply to your game. Because the girl is letting you know where you are in the process. She's telling you through these signs and signals what you need more of. Do you need more attraction? So for most beginners, yes. Do you need more comfort? For most to meet intermediates, that's the problem. They're missing out comfort. Do you need more seduction? Again, you might be great at flash game and getting her to come out but you're not escalating smoothly, slowly and smoothly. So work out what you need more of. Each girl will be different. Each situation will be different. So it's hard for me to say, okay, for this girl that you met in the supermarket, do this. Each girl you have to figure out, you know, what does she respond better to? Is she a comfort kind of girl? A lot of Russian girls are like this, where they just need a boring walk in the park. Does she need more attraction? Is she like a fizzy girl that you met in Vegas in a casino? Does she need more seduction? Is she very on but you're missing the window of opportunity? Yeah. You're not very good at, you're not very confident at bouncing home, pulling the trigger. You've got to work it out. The girl is your coach. So on that note, you don't need Tom Torero. You don't need Tom Torero podcast for the next few weeks. There are more than enough on YouTube. And if you're freaking out because you've never done anything before, right back to the beginning. Beginners guide today game. There's a free PDF. You have no excuses. It is summer in the Northern Hemisphere. So go and do day game before the universities break up and all the girls vanish to the coast. Unless you wanna do beach resort game and bar game on the coast. But if you wanna do city daygame in the Northern Hemisphere, this is your last chance. July and August are not the best time. Unless ironically you're in London. London's always good in the summer. If you're in the Southern Hemisphere, then start wrapping up, start getting indoors. No excuses about shopping center daygame, coffee shop daygame, library daygame, museum daygame. And just to remind you, because, it's a good chance for a few weeks off you can get on this. If you wanna be in podcast episode 200, immortalized forever, anonymous or not, Send me a m p three recording. Just record it on your phone. Send me the file to my email, tom tom terrero dot com. Watch the spelling. Mark it as podcast 200, so I know what it is. Keep it under sixty seconds. Keep it clear. So don't mumble, don't rustle. Put the phone close to your mouth and say who you are. Give yourself a name roughly where you are in the world, and what the daygame mirror experience has shown you, has revealed to you in a very Houdini like way. What have you seen? What lessons have you taken on board? The good, the bad, and the ugly, but I hope to hear a lot of good stories, a lot of good changes. Thanks to this beautiful art and craft of daygame, daytime pickup. There we go, gentlemen. That was a 197 bang on thirty minutes. You can tell I've done a lot of these episodes. I shall love you. I shall leave you. Stay horny. Keep grabbing life by the horns until next time. Goodbye.