---
title: Episode 3 Failure stories
episode_number: 3
era: early
source_file: Episode 3 Failure stories.mp3
audio_size_mb: 53.0
duration_sec: 1735.3
duration_min: 28.9
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.998
transcribed_at: 2026-05-27T17:14:56Z---

# Episode 3 Failure stories

**Speaker 0:** Tom Torero podcast number three. Hello from somewhere near Moscow on route back to London for a little break from this traveling malarkey. Hello. And today with a little bit more energy, hopefully a bit more positivity, because I listened to that last podcast back, which I was happy with the content with, podcast number two, and I just sounded so tired. And that's because I was tired. I was a bit ill. That was being recorded in Siberia in the middle of nowhere, and I just wanted to sleep. But I got that podcast out anyway. Feeling better today. Feeling excited about returning to London after my Russian successes and my Russian woes. More about that in a minute. But today's upsell before we begin, children, are you sitting comfortably, cross legged on the carpet, fingers on lips? Because I wanna tell you about the books that I've published. If you've been living on Mars, you won't know that, you can buy two paperback books that I've written. The first one's called daygame. The second one's called Torero Travels. The link is below underneath this podcast. The first one's about my journey from a complete to becoming a day game coach, and there's over a 100 lay reports in that one. It's mostly based in London, so hence the Banksy theme. The second one is my journey last year and half of the year before. So thirty days in that one, about 25 countries, I think, and tips on daygame and travel and unplugging from the matrix and all that. So those two are available from the link below, they're real books. The third book is just a mini quick book, which I designed and wrote for students because I kept coming across the sticking point of not teasing, of not being playful, of not being light hearted. So that one's available on Amazon, and that one's called how to flirt with girls. It's very, very cheap. Anyway, today's podcast is not about successes. It's not about lay reports. It's not about blowing your own trumpet or having anything blown by anybody. Sadly, it's about, woah, misery, heartache, frustration, and blue balls. Because when I wrote both daygame and Torero travels, guys said they enjoyed the story, but they wanted more despair. They wanted more misery. They wanted delays that never happened. And the problem with both those books is that when I was writing things down and learning the game, I would only write down my successes. I guess it was a kind of a positive reinforcement thing, and I tracked my learning. And every time I got a lay, I I did a mini bullet point list and wrote lay reports. And that's what the books were born from. I never really wrote down the misery. It's called in psychology on selective short term memory loss, which apparently good athletes and successful business people have. That when when you fuck up, something bad happens, you disregard it from your mind. You put it in a bag, zip it up, throw it in the river. That's it, and you move on. And I think that's one of my strengths that I just move on. Some people might say that's running away from facing these things, but in daygame, it's certainly good because you're gonna be faced with lots and lots of rejections. First, girls that won't stop, then girls that won't give you their number, then they give you the number but it flakes, Then they don't come out on a date. Then they come out on a date, but they don't come home with you. And the worst ones are when they come home with you, but nothing happens. So I thought I'd give you a few, not just a few. I've written a list here of all the blue ball stories I've had this year, mostly in the bedroom. Okay? I'm I can't even think about the girls that have said no to me. You know, I think some guys assume because I'm a day game coach and I've been doing it for a while, that no girl ever gives me a funny reaction or says no to the number. Well, let's kick off with some harsh truths, which are actually liberating, but they sound a bit negative. More girls won't give you their number than will. That's a certainty, however good you are. I'll say that again. More girls won't give you their number than will. So you'll get more, quote, unquote, rejections or nos and yeses, and that's part of the game. And certainly, when you're beginner or an intermediate, more girls will flake than reply. Again, that's part of the game. More gills won't come out than will come out. Certainly, in the beginning, that's true. And more gills won't sleep with you than will sleep with you. So it's a really interesting thing to think about, which I find liberating if you think that most women on the planet will not sleep with you. They are not interested in having sex with you. And guys go, what? What the fuck? I thought this is pickup is the answer to all this where you can sleep with any girl. You know, I read this marketing spiel on this cheesy gimmicky website that said any girl with this magic line sleep with any woman. No problem. Well, the harsh truth that even the best players will say is that most girls on the planet won't sleep with you. But here's the good news. There's 7,000,000,000 people on the planet. Half of those are women, 3,500,000,000. And let's say 1,000,000,000 of them are girls that you could sleep with, hypothetically, you could sleep with. Now I'm very conservative in this estimate. Let's say that only 1% of those girls are interested in you. So 1% of a billion. Do you know what that is? You geeky boys. That's 10,000,000 girls. 1% of a billion is 10,000,000 girls. Now you've only got about twenty eight thousand days in your life, And, you know, percentage of that's already gone. So there's not enough days in your whole life to cater for these women on the planet right now that would sleep with you. And we call those girls, yes girls, and they're out there even if you're a beginner. The game is obviously played in the maybe girls. So a percentage of those 3,500,000,000 women will think about sleeping with you, and you have to coax them. You have to charm them. It's a nice form of persuasion where everybody wins. So the game pickup is played in the maybe girls. But if you're a beginner, you can just play that numbers game of find the yes girl. Some people call it turning over stones or I like the analogy of imagine everybody every girl in the city is holding an envelope, and in one of those envelope one of those envelopes is a check for a million dollars. So you just run around the city all day saying to girls, can I look in the envelope? And they're like, yep. Nothing in there. She said, cool. You move on. Next girl, excuse me. Let me look in your envelope. Nope. And you keep going until you find that million dollars. Now you wouldn't feel weird when one of the girls just went, nope. You might just think, ugh. Gotta keep going. But it's a it's a good mindset to have if you're a beginner or an intermediate. You don't necessarily need to worry about the maybe girls. Remember, a large percentage of these girls are no girls. So you say, hey. I just wanna say and she walks off. You're halfway through the conversation. She's not giving you anything back. You just cut it. You think, poof. Linking to podcast number one, this is an important point because it means you shouldn't get angry with girls or reactive with girls. Girls have a right to walk away. Girls have a right to say no. Girls have a right to find somebody else more attractive than you or be in a relationship or not want to come out with you. And rather than getting all moody and angry and being all one eye to see because you haven't got abundance, go out, flip more stones, find more yes girls. Because right now, this is a cool thought. Right now, as you're listening to this, somewhere perhaps in the city you're in or the nearby bigger city, there's a girl right now walking around who would really, really like you. And all you've gotta do is go over and say hello. Okay. Rant over there. There's some big truths about daygame that I want you to get into your head, and they never go away. So the stories today just show that really. And perhaps I should write my for my next kind of lay report book, it should be the the lay reports that never happened, the blue balls book. And here are the ones from this year. One of them happened yesterday, and it might sound quite shocking, but again, I just laughed it off. It happened in this city, which is about four hours from Moscow. And the day before that, I had been doing a bit of daygame in a shopping mall, and I had met this 18 year old student. And she didn't speak much English, but she was very nice. She was a bit of a rock and roller. I asked to get her number. She she she didn't have it, or there was some confusion, so she added me to Facebook there and then. Good trick. Get her to do it there and then so you see the ad. I went home, and we messaged back and forth for most of that evening. She seemed very keen. Now here's where it got weird. I did the comfort. I did a bit of spiking, then I felt right. Okay. Let's go for it. So I said, let's have some coffee. Yesterday, that was when we arranged to meet. And she was like, yep. Great. And I suggested a few places, and she was like, no. No. No. No. No. Can we do it somewhere more private? Now that did ring some alarm bells in my head, but because she was 18, I thought, well, she could just be, you know, really horny rebel, rebellious girl. And in retrospect, I should have been more suspicious, but I thought, well, cool. So I I told her roughly where I lived in the metro near me. And she she was just like, yep. Yep. Yep. She wanted to come straight to my apartment and have coffee and watch a movie, and we arranged what movie to watch and what kind of music she liked and what we were gonna do. And it sort sounded pretty good. Anyway, I turned up yesterday with one coffee for me and one coffee for her. I'd already bought them because we had this little joke about me bringing the coffee and her bringing the film. Anyway, was waiting outside the metro, couldn't see her, and then from nowhere, from behind, from the right hand side, a massive sucker punch. Big sucker punch to my left to my right cheekbone and my eye socket. Pretty hard. And I just caught a glimpse of the guy. He was only about 25, but he was a typical big Russian dude. And instinctively, I just threw my coffee that I'd been drinking all over him, and he froze, and I kind of froze. And there was this weird moment. And then just around the corner from the metro came these two Russian police officers who you do not wanna mess with. And he ran one way, and I belted it the other way back to my house. I just thought, fucking hell. That's never happened before. So don't be shocked. I am in Russia, and it was suspicious looking back. This happened to me in a club, and a girl's given me a bit of a whack as I took her friend off in a taxi once in Turkey. Those stories are into area travels, but I've never been cock blocked in the day with violence. And looking back, that was probably her boyfriend or her brother. Looked like her boyfriend, I guess. But there you go. So that lay never happened. What have I written down on my list? Okay. This is a funny one. In Estonia this year, in Tallinn, which is a very small capital city where everybody knows everybody. But there's hot girls, half of them are Estonian, which they kind of look Swedish and the other half are Russian. And I had been doing a lot of daygame, collecting a lot of numbers, going on a lot of dates, sleeping with a few girls. And sitting there in my apartment one evening, I got a message saying, hello, Tom Torero. And I was like, uh-huh. Okay. One of the girls has found me, which is not a big problem. I usually tell them if I'm dating them, and girls have found me before and they found my books. They've even read the books. But this girl was pissed off. She took it she took it massively wrongly, and she decided this was I should explain. I had it at this point blocked other people seeing my friends on Facebook. So I've been dating her and would be in, Facebook messaging and text messaging, but I I stupidly hadn't blocked who could see my other friends. So she had gone through my other girls on my Facebook friend list who had Estonian names and messaged them all the same thing, telling them to check out my my website and my YouTube videos and my books. So, basically, in one swoop, she burnt two weeks worth of number farming. And the girls that I was about to have sex with, there there was a few already lined up, like, keen. You know? They vanished. Apparently, one of them told me later, this is interesting, that one of them, it kind of backfired what she did because she got more attracted. She enjoyed my YouTube videos. She enjoyed my website. She liked me being that bad boy. And she contacted me and subsequently we slept together. And she told me that the girl who found out was even arranging like a documentary about me. Some guy at her college was gonna film me to kind of, you know, film the filmer to, give me a taste of my own medicine. Anyway, soon after, I left Estonia because I had to go to Helsinki and Russia, and that was the end of that. So be careful of your contact lists, and it's part of the game. Like I've said before, you can't be half a gangster. Shit happens. Just move on. The story that I told in the video on how to date Russian girls on YouTube is the one from Lithuania from Vilnius, where I met three girls in a bar, isolated one, took her home, got, like, 80% of the way there. Next day, had a date. She came back. We watched a movie, got her on the bed, and we got the massive LMR, last minute resistance, which is part of the game. It's a podcast number one. Don't get angry with women. But there's normal token LMR. There's kind of healthy LMR. There's expected LMR, and then there's a game playing LMR where I give them the opportunity to leave. And she stays, but she teases and she carries on. And she's getting a kick out of seeing me kind of just get exhausted from over two hours of LMR it was. Can't yeah. One to two hours. And for that situation, I just told her to go and she did. Whereas in the past, certainly when I was learning game, I would have carried on or maybe had another date and tried to beat the LMR. But I was in abundance then back in Lithuania, so I didn't need her. I'd already had lots of lays, and I had some others lined up. So I told her to go. And surprise, surprise, that push away, what do I always say, attraction in the push. That very evening, she was bombarding me with messages, and now she likes all my pictures on Facebook and messages me, when am I coming to Vilnius? But that was a blue ball story. Never late. We got very close. It's it's so frustrating. The closer you get, you know, when her hand's down there and your hand's down there and you're making out and you're feeling her boobs and you're just about to get the condom and it's a no. That's very, very, very frustrating at any level because you're so horny. Your body's ready to go and you've put in all that work. And that was a girl from ballgame, so I was pretty proud. Anyway, what about one from Prague, which was my mistake? My rookie mistake where I should have pulled the trigger and I didn't because I was mister nice guy, that was this year. I had met this girl who was she was a former model, but now she worked at a model agency. And when I stopped her on the street, she did the big anime eyes. She spazzed out. I thought, va va voom. This is good. She agreed very easily to a date. First, we had to do, like, an afternoon date because she was she works in the evenings. So we did a coffee one afternoon in Starbucks, and it was on. And looking back, perhaps I could have even pulled the trigger then. But, anyway, it was on, and we were staring at each other. She was biting her lip, and I kissed her. And we arranged to go out that evening. She said she was bringing some girlfriends, but she was gonna get rid of them. So seemed very straightforward. Now in Prague at the time, here's some little technical details. It was very hot. My apartment was very hot. It was very sweaty, I remember. And I was looking for another apartment with air conditioning. That's an important detail. Anyway, I went out with her and her friends. We all had a few drinks. We we managed to get rid of the friends finally about midnight. And then I walked her to the tram stop. We hugged and we kissed. And I said, look. You know, you can come back to mine. And she was talking about, oh, it was really hot and was my place hot? She'd prefer to do it the next day when I could go to hers because her brother was leaving, something like that. But the makeouts were heavy and the ice bath was there again. And I was thinking like a logical mister nice guy, well, don't rush it, Tom. Just have pleasant missionary sex with air conditioning tomorrow. And what do you know? I said goodbye to her, and she never contacted me again. If I just stopped a a taxi and put her in, it would have happened. I know it from my gut instinct. So pull the trigger and don't worry too much about shitty logistics. Just do it. I could have, you know, done it in a park or in a toilet or anyway, it didn't matter. She was good to go. A woman gives you a window, and that window often closes. And it's the same story with there was a Filipino girl in London at the beginning of the year, and I got very far with her. She came to my house finally, and she was on the bed, and she took off her jeans. She was a tease. And I've heard other guys say that Filipino girls can be real cock teases. And I got her down to her underwear, and, you know, she was using her hand doing things to me. And there was the LMR, and then I carried on a little bit. And she's like, no. No. No. No. Tomorrow, I'll come around tomorrow because I'm not ready. And, again, mister logically and me thought, oh, okay. You know, she's on her period or she hasn't shaved down there, whatever. So we just kissed them all. And nothing never heard from her again. Never heard from her again. Another flake. I missed the window. Perhaps I could have used the old trick of saying to them, you know, sleepover. Let's just go to sleep. That's worked a lot. If you read my first book, you go to sleep, and in the middle of the night, she wakes up horny. In the morning, you wake up good to go, and it just happens. It's a good LMR buster. Disclaimer, once again, like in the books and in the products, no means no when you need social calibration. When a girl really means no, And it's about her pushing you away in a voice tone and you giving girls windows to go. LMR is something different, so you need you need to know what's a real no and what's a token no. Anyway, another one where her is, see, do you like my list? It's going on and on and on. And you're thinking, fucking hell. I thought you're just missed as successful. But now these are part part of the course. I can only think of how many in the in the last five years have been like this. There was one in Miami when I was there with Dave and John. Stopped this yoga teacher. She was awesome, half German, half American. While I was on my way to get a tattoo actually actually, stopped her, and we closed her. Took her out the next evening. We got pretty drunk. It was good. Make out. We're playing pool together. Walked her back, got into her house, and then she turned into miss feminist, crazy, weirdo. She had loads of cats. There was some rubbing, but no no sex, and I left after about an hour. I just couldn't be bothered. So that was a no. I dated another head case here in Russia. This that was in Saint Petersburg. A beautiful girl. She looked like Keira Knightley. She was very modelesque. Beautiful. Went out with her, did karaoke with her. She came over. But as I got to know her over two dates, she was odd. She had a very violent ex boyfriend and was a bit fucked up in the head and had all these weird ideas. And something had happened to her where she didn't like me touching parts of her body, like her lower back. And we would kiss on the bed, but then she'd freak out and leave. So I tried a couple more times. She came over. We would kiss and roll around, but I could see she wasn't right in the head, and it would have been weird anyway. She was very frigid, very nervous. So that was a no. What else? In Riga, I had a booty call. I was there with a student doing a residential, and I'd gone to bed actually. My phone went, and it's just a random girl that I had number closed during the day. And she was like, hey. Where are you? I'm out. Which in girl speak is obviously, come and meet me. Let's have sex. That's happened many times before. So I had a quick shower, went out. She was there with her friends in a bar, and she was being a bit of a princess. So I used my usual trick with groups, which is classic mystery method. Just entertain the group, befriend the group, ignore her a little bit, and she'll come to you when she sees you as mister sociable. I do that a lot in my first book, daygame, where you can I've even I took two girls on one date to kind of make them jealous and fight over each fight over me, which which worked. There's a great story in the first book. And I did it last year in Russia where I took three girls to a bar just to see what would happen. None of them knew each other, and they're all too afraid to ask each other how they know me. And you just let them fight it out. It's a good trick. But in this case, it backfired because she got really angry, this girl. And I was just enjoying these other people actually. There was one cool guy, and we were just drinking and talking. And she stormed off into the night. Flake. Never heard from her. Again, let's do three more because I'm sure you're enjoying this. Woah. One was in England. It was an English girl who was a blast from the past. I trained to be a teacher with her. And when I was training to be a teacher with her, she was the hottest girl on the course. And back then, pregame, I would have never thought I could even have a coffee with that girl, let alone get her into bed. Anyway, while I was, funny enough, in Latvia, I got a random Facebook message from her saying, wow, Tom. I love your profile. I love all your pictures. I'd love to know what you're doing. You know, there's an open invitation based on a good Facebook profile. Gentlemen, sort it out. You don't wanna do cheesy Ferrari DHVs, but you wanna show through your Facebook that you lead an interesting, colorful, spontaneous life. Girls love it. Anybody that says Facebook doesn't work is retarded. I mean, it really, really helps. Anyway, so we messaged back and forth and she told me in black and white that she had just split up with her four year boyfriend. She was looking for a fun night out in her city, which happens to be near my home city. So I went there on a whim. We had a good evening. We did some karaoke, which I love doing on dates. I'm gonna talk about that in the future. I went back to hers. She shut down at that point. She was just a bit suspicious of men, perhaps a little bit too drunk. I don't know. We got into bed. We fooled around. We kissed, but nothing happened. So I thought, Do the normal trick of sleep. Do it in the night or do it in the morning, but, you know, she'd already made her mind up. She'd got up very early in the morning, made me breakfast, drove me to the station, and that was it. But, you know, you gotta be in it to win it. There was one of those in London just after Christmas when I dated this lovely Czech girl who worked in a bar. She was a barmaid, And we kissed in the pub. It was really on. And I got her just to the end of our road where I used to live. And she said she had to say goodbye to her friends that were leaving that evening. They were just having like a farewell party in a in a house down the road, but they would meet in an hour. And I thought, fuck. Because I know that once you pull the trigger, you gotta keep pulling the trigger. And I could feel how on she was, so I tried to get her back to the house. She said, no. No. No. No. No. I'll meet you in an hour. And what do you know? She didn't. And then it all unraveled. I left, and she left. And so once again, woman's window, pull the trigger, anywhere. Do it anywhere, but the window is limited and it closes. And you have to wait for a while until it opens. She might have been ovulating. She might be horny. You know, in the Badass Buddha, I talk about women's horny windows and how they exist and how you can capitalize on them. The last one was a story where I didn't get into a violent situation, but it could have been. I was in Bulgaria with Dave and our friend Alex. And I yeah. We went out one evening, I got a number off a local girl in the village in the ski resort. And the next day, went out with her, and Alex kindly came along and filmed the date, which was fun because she was quite a princess. She was testing me and she said she had a boyfriend and she showed me a picture, her screensaver on the phone of this massive, I mean massive dude, Bulgarian dude, who was a boxer and he was away that week in Russia fighting. And I was like, oh, god. But she's like, no. No. No. Because when it's open so when he's away, I see other guys and he sees other girls and it's cool. So I thought, okay. Cool. I managed to kiss her. She had to go ironically to pick him up from Sofia Airport. But I said I'd be back in Bulgaria because I was gonna be anyway. Sofia's a good little place. A bit grotty, but good. And I was back in Bulgaria, and we were working out when we were gonna meet and how we were gonna meet. But then suddenly, there were more and more and more photos of her with this dude on Facebook. And, obviously, they were deciding to get married or something, and they're going on holiday together. So I just decided, no. I'm not going back to that village to get involved to save myself from another ass kicking like the ass kicking, that could have happened yesterday, but didn't. It was just a bit of a sucker punch, and that was fine. So, phew, let me see what the time is. Yeah. We're doing alright. So I'm gonna finish again with reminding you about why failure is par for the course. You're gonna get more no's in dating than yes's. So don't get mad. Don't get angry. Don't think that it's unusual for you. Your flake rate will reduce over time. You will find more yes girls over time. And importantly, you will, a, be able to spot the yes girls, and b, you'll be able to convert the maybe girls. But the no girls will always remain, whether you're Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Tom Cruise, or Tom Torero. There will always be no girls, so move on and don't take it personally. I think Paul said this once, and it's very true. If you're not losing girls, then you're not playing the game hard enough. Now any guy that says, oh, no. I never lose girls. Girls never flake. Or I remember one guy said to me, I never get LMR. Well, that means you're not pushing hard enough. You're not playing the game outside your comfort zone. You're not leaning into your edge because failure is part of this. It's a massive part of this that a lot of PUAs don't like to admit. Certainly, the pickup industry doesn't like to admit because that doesn't sound sexy to sell a product, does it? And I'm gonna make another video on yes, no, and maybe girls. It's in the badass Buddha, but I wanna go into more detail about why it's healthy to realize that this is kind of a numbers game in the beginning, but a numbers game you can refine to stack the odds as best you can in your favor. Alright? Quick upsell at the end, September boot camps. As I said last time with Dave Diggler and Sam Jango, the dates for those in London are available on my website now under the coaching page. It's only £450, the cheapest, but the highest standard boot camp in London for learning the art and charm of daygame. Until next time, embrace the failure. See you soon. We're sorry. The number you have dialed is not in service at this time.