---
title: Episode 37 Conversation Ninja
episode_number: 37
era: early
source_file: Episode 37 Conversation Ninja.mp3
audio_size_mb: 51.3
duration_sec: 1681.7
duration_min: 28.0
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.997
transcribed_at: 2026-05-27T17:16:00Z---

# Episode 37 Conversation Ninja

**Speaker 0:** Tom Torero podcast 37 from here in Tokyo, Japan. Hello to any Japanese or Asian daygamers listening. It's bloody marvelous to be here. My first time in Japan, and it definitely lives up to all those stereotypes that I had about Japan. As a kid in the eighties and the nineties, seeing Japan as very futuristic, progressive, structured, polite, orderly, clean, and bizarre. It's like living in a parallel universe. I love it on so many levels. The girls, the kind of Harajuku costumes, the video arcades, the karaoke cat cafes, maid cafes. Yeah. They're cliches, they're stereotypes but they're true and I just love it. I love it mainly for the politeness. They're so gentle from the daygame you do and the dating you do to the people you interact with, the taxi drivers. It's all so nice and as a British person I just appreciate that. I understand their social awkwardness and shyness but their their desire to please. And it's it's it's so pleasant. It's such an easy country to live in. Everything works. Everything's clean even though they don't have trash cans, bizarrely, or rubbish bins as we say in Great Britain, for you American brothers listening. Japan is weird and wonderful. The daygame is bizarre, just as bizarre as the rest of the country for many different reasons, but it's possible. Number closing is possible. Dating's been very possible and lays have been possible. So I'll report back in a separate video on Japanese daygame. But to tie in with me being in Japan, I thought what better place to record a summary podcast on something I released last year. You might remember a short video product that I put out for a while to replace a video product I had done for another company in the past. Last year, it was called Conversation Ninja. You might remember that. But if you don't, if material, you're new to this channel and this podcast, today I thought I'd do a quick half hour summary on this overarching theme because it's an important one. Becoming a conversational ninja and using all my Torero street hustle conversational tools in my tool belt that I have acquired through thousands of interactions with girls over the past five, six years, hundreds of dates And of course, it goes way beyond dating. You can use this in any social interaction where you want leverage, you want persuasion, you wanna be charismatic, you wanna hold the frame. That could be at work, in a job interview, even with friends and family. Anytime you're having a conversation and you feel a little bit awkward, guys often freeze up, seize up, they get a dry mouth, butterflies in the stomach, they think, what do I say next? They go down, a rabbit hole. They don't wanna go down and they get stuck in a dead end conversation. So if any of that rings a bell, then this podcast is for you. Yep. You might have even seen conversation ninja. So let this just be a summary. Okay. Because conversation ninja is no longer available. If you wanna download this, just head over to iTunes. You might be on iTunes already and you can just download this podcast for free. Okay. We're in Japan. We're talking about being a ninja, about being fluid, about being flexible with our conversation. Okay? Because this is not a static toolkit. You need to be like water. Whoever said that, chameleon conversation. That's the name of the game. So let's think of fundamentals first about having a conversation with anyone, but in particular, with daygame. Okay? I've already said, we're gonna be holding the frame. That means we're gonna be in the driving seat. But like I said in a previous podcast, when you hold the frame, you don't wanna do it in an aggressive way. You wanna do it from a place of strength, of love. The other person doesn't need to know you're holding the frame. It's implicit rather than explicit. Okay? So you're leading the conversation. The conversation has to have positive vibes. Okay? So nobody wants to hear especially when you are talking to them in a business setting or a dating setting, nobody wants to hear about your gammy leg or your back problems or your financial problems or your political opinions or your religious opinions or you talking about money and debts. These are all negative, no no topics. So we want positivity, improving your vibe, making the other person feel like they want to spend time with you. Alright? We're not talking about being a clown, being an entertainer or telling jokes, being a stand up comedian. No. But your vibe, your positive vibe should encourage that other person to want to spend time with you. Okay? So we'll come back to that. Eye contact. Obviously, with conversation. Power of the eyes that existed before. Language. A low, slow voice like I try to do with my daygame. When I'm doing a podcast, I know I often talk quickly because I have half an hour in which to deliver this content. But in a conversation, we wanna slow it down, lower our voice, avoid ums and ahs and filler words and voice inflections. I've spoken about this on other street hustle videos. Yeah? We want conviction. So own our words. Even if we're not a 100% sure in what we're saying, verbal bamboozling and the ability to to charm, to sell, to persuade, that's all about owning your words with conviction so the other person comes along for the ride. Yeah? And if we're thinking about body language, we're not gonna lean in. If anything, we're gonna lean back, let the other person come to us. If a girl keeps saying to you, sorry, what did you say? What did you say? And you have to lean forward and repeat yourself, very bad, supplicating, already losing the frame. So you should be speaking loud enough, slow enough that you don't need to lean in. You can lean back and she should be the one leaning in if it's a noisy environment. Okay. Main problems with conversation. Boring questions. The questions of doom, I call these hairdresser chitchat questions that guys ask when they get brain freeze. Things like, what's your name? What are you doing? Where are you from? What are you doing now? Do you like it? Etcetera. She's heard these a million times and they're an immediate turn off. Not just, in a daygame interaction, but with anybody. You really don't wanna grill somebody with these interview questions. So in a second, we'll talk about how we can spice those questions up or even change this kind of old fashioned question formula. Yeah? Let's think about topics. I've already said no religion, no politics, and no moaning. So the best topic to speak to girls about is, drum roll, themselves. Everybody's favorite topic but especially pretty girls is themselves. So imagine one of those old theater spotlights. You might have seen a comedy gig where the spotlight is following the comedian around the stage. Now, you want the spotlight most of the time on her. Of course, she'll swivel the spotlight to you and she'll ask you some questions and you'll do some talking and storytelling. That's fine. You can't just be, expecting her to do all the work but a big part of being a conversationalist is to get the other person to do the talking. Now, clinical psychologists know this. When you visit a psychologist or you might have been to your doctor or a therapist, they want you to do the talk. Talking. So they're encouraging you to talk. They're shining the spotlight on you. And you leave the session thinking, wow, I felt a really good connection with that person. That's an old psychological trick because you invested, you opened up, you did the talking, the weight was off your shoulders, you were talking about yourself so you had a good time and you wanna repeat that. So with girls, that's what we we're after. Yeah? Even though we're holding the frame, we're leading it, we're getting her very cleverly to do the work. We say getting her to invest. Girlfriendly topics, they're all light. Mystery calls them chick crack. So obviously, there's astrology and serendipity and fate and gossip and fashion. Now we're not saying all conversations have to be superficial and almost gay, you know, almost frivolous, but they do need to stimulate her. So girls like drama. Girls like talking about hopes and dreams. Travel. Girls like talking about adventure and risk. Yeah. You don't need to chat to her like a gay best friend discussing fashion but stimulating topics are gonna be way better than serious deep conversations about political analysis, theology, computer programming. Now I know that's a generalization but especially when you haven't even slept with her yet, you wanna keep it light and fun. That's the name of the game, light and fun. Okay? Alright. A safety net for your conversations. Now most guys use the safety net of question question question question rapid fire question. And if you've been in to daygame for, quite a while, you'll know that that just turns the person off and if it's a street approach, they just leave or if it's on a date, you'll never see her again. So let's replace questions with statements. Now a statement can be an assumption. So obviously, you know the one on the street when you say, you look like a creative art student. And she's gonna reply. Or a statement just might be you saying what you've been up to. You've seen something wacky. So like today I was in Harajuku and I saw a 50 or 60 year old man dressed as a 15 year old schoolgirl. So again, that's a statement encouraging the other person to reply. Now they don't always reply. So on the end of your statement, you can tag on a mini question. You see at the end of the the assumption, the end of the statement, I throw in a little question and it gets her to reply. Now, as I've said many times, listening to what the reply is is the hardest thing in daygame. Students just shut down. They don't hear what she said. They don't listen to the topic, and they make another assumption or another statement about something completely different. And if you do five of these in a row, it makes you sound like a mind reader. You know, you look like this. You seem like this. I did this. Then I did this. I did this. I did this. It's weird. Okay. So you're gonna make your initial assumption, your initial statement. She'll reply and now you're gonna listen to that topic and stay on the topic with another statement. So let's say she says she studies engineering. Now most guys at this point will just ask her another question about engineering like, how long have you studied engineering for? Where do you study engineering? Do you like it? These are closed boring questions. So you take the topic engineering and you unpack it. So you might say, ah, I've got a friend who's an engineer and he never leaves the office. He's just one of these workaholics, know. All work and no play. Sad. And now she's gonna reply to that. Yeah? Again, you can do the statement with a mini question on the end. Are you one of these workaholics? Do you never have fun? You look so studious. You've got that real Harry Potter look to you. I like it. Are you like this? Again, I made a statement and I'm just tagging on a mini question to get her to reply. Now you're gonna keep doing this, whenever you run out of things to say. You listen to what she said and you make a statement about it. I've done a street hustle video on this, the launch pad with some useful phrases to launch your statements, your assumptions such as, you know, when I think of or my friend is a or my friend went to and he said. So have a listen to that if you're still not sure how to get into this safety net. And in daygame, we're waiting for her to hook. That means she starts investing and grilling us with questions. It's funny. Gills actually ask us the really boring questions of doom questions I've just said not to ask. Gills are pretty bad at conversation and we know she's hooked. And then we can really get into a nice rhythm. We'll be vibing on a topic and then we'll be getting her to open up. Look at beginner daygame if you don't know the London daygame model. Anyway, so we get into this nice safety net of assumptions, but even that can be boring because guys might start talking about Germany on a very serious level or engineering on a very serious level. They'll talk about population size. They'll talk about distance. They'll talk about, their own experiences. Guys will often try and kiss the girl's ass. Yeah. They'll try bridges too early. So they're going straight into rapport, we say, and they're missing out, drum roll, attraction. 99 of the guys I teach, when they have conversations, they forget forget that rather than trying to make rapport, what's attractive is when you break rapport. I call this spikes. So imagine, when you're building these topics with a girl, these are just like giant water balloons of comfort. So you're talking about Brazil. She talks about Brazil. You talk about Brazil. She talks about Brazil or whatever. It's all very nice. And, guys, stay in this nice bubble that is just friendly. It's just chitchat. It doesn't get you anywhere. It just puts you into the friend box. You need to get out of it by popping those water balloons, popping the comfort bubble with spikes. Now spikes are at the heart of attraction. Spikes just break rapport. And the easiest way to spike is to either tease or challenge. Okay. Teasing is easier for the beginner. Challenging takes a bit of practice because you can come on come across as a complete negging asshole. Teasing as in flirtation. I've said this many times. I've even got a book, how to flirt with Girls on Amazon. Yeah? Hundreds of examples of little one liners, how to break rapport. So in your conversational safety net, I want you to spice it up, spike it up. Not 50 in a row. I say to my students, you only need to learn three, four or five go to spikes that you can use on the street. Maybe you need another five on a date. Okay. So whenever you feel like you're crashing into comfort quicksand too early, you're gonna spike it up. And even after the hook point, when you're into chitchat or you're on the date and you're into rapport and deep rapport, whenever you can feel it getting really a bit boring, you're gonna spike it up, spice it up, and you're gonna get a giggle or some shock indignation from her. She might slap you in a very, playground, you know, girl chasing boy kind of enjoyment way. These are all good signs. Alright? She goes a little bit red. She can't believe that, you know, you're you're making fun of her, especially the hotter girls. They don't get challenged. Nobody teases them. So girls love it and this is at the heart of attraction. I've said this many times, but I think guys forget the fundamentals especially spiking. Alright. Flipping it back. I've already said about the theater spotlight. So let's say you're into rapport. She's hooked on the street or especially on a date. You're into chitchat and she asks you about your job or she asks you about your hobbies or she asks you about your travel. Now, I've listened in on many guys dating. And what do most guys do? They keep the spotlight on them and it becomes the me, me, me show. So the guy talks about his holiday for half an hour, his job for half an hour, his family for half an hour. The worst guys talk about their Ferrari and their Rolex and how they're such a a provider, you know, and then they wonder why they attract gold digging girls, but that's a topic for another time. So, of course, you answer the question. So a girl might say to me, you know, where are you from? And I'll say, oh, I'm from Wales. It's the land of wellies and sheep, male voice choirs. Have you ever been to Wales? Or what do you know about Wales? And I'll throw it back to her. So if we're talking about London, I'll say, yeah. I'm from London, you know, the home of the queen. I'm like James Bond. What do you know about London? Tell me some more of your images of London. So I throw it back to her. Okay? If she asks me about my job, I'll talk about my teaching and then I'll say, but anyway, what were you like at school? Were you one of these swatty kids, nerdy kids or were you the class clown or the class rebel? Again, I throw it back to her. And the questions I'm using with girls and the questions I use with, my students or at work or when I'm socializing are not closed questions but open questions. So what do I mean by that? Guys typically talk in closed questions. Alright. There's an evolutionary reason for this. The way male brains like black and white quick information needed in hunter gatherer years. Yep. So guys will ask questions that drill down. They'll say, how far is it from there to there? How long does it take? Do you like it? What's the name of this? How much did this cost? What kind of camera are you using? You'll you'll recognize these questions. Yeah? When guys are talking in a pub or you listen to guys talking in Starbucks. Even between very close male friends, we talk in these kind of questions. And they're dead end kind of questions because they're just yes or no or one one word answers. Whereas women broadly speaking talk colorfully in emotive language. They use open questions. How did it make them feel? What was it like? What did they see? What else do they know? Why did they do this particular thing? So when you're talking to girls, try to use open questions. Yep. What are your big plans for the future? What was it like growing up in Estonia? What's the story with I love that phrase. What's the story with coming to London? Yep. And if you're really thinking what's the topic? What's the topic? What's the topic? Just stick to three simple areas. Her past, the present, what she's doing now, and the future. Now you don't wanna get all Oprah Winfrey or too, Tony Robbins, too cheesy, but they're the broad three categories you can talk about. Yeah? Avoiding anything too serious. So open questions, flipping it back to her. Now some sneaky ways that I've already talked about in street hustling to get her to do more of the work, either on the street or on the date. You've heard me talking about parroting. Watch a street hustle video on that. So, to get her to talk a little bit more, you just repeat the last few words or you paraphrase the last thing she said. So she might say she she came to London to study dance. And you pause and you say, ah, okay. So you're in London now studying dance. Yeah? And you look at her with a little cheeky smirk expectation and she carries on. Great trick. You can use that in any social situation. You might wanna do skeptical parroting I talked about in the video where you say the last thing she said in a questioning tone. So you came to London to study dance. Qualification. Yep. Qualification is part of the conversational tool kit. Watch my street hustle one o one zero one video on that. It's where you're letting her know you're holding the frame. It's part of the challenging of attraction where you're so how tall are you? Or are you wearing contact lenses? Or why did you choose London and not Los Angeles? Surely you want some sunshine. Or the best qualifying question, just say, why? I often say to girls, why are you single? You know? You're fun. You're pretty. A little bit crazy, but I like you. You know? Why are you single? Do you murder all your boyfriends? You know? Do you get married and then run away with your ex husband's money? I understand. Now come on. Why are you single? You're saying, come on. Qualify to me. Alright. Another street hustle technique I've spoken about, stealth questions. Watch the video on that. So again, a bit like the safety net. You're gonna get her to do the work without asking those boring hairdresser questions. So rather than saying, what do you think about Japan? You might say to a girl, I don't know about you, but when I think of Japan, I always think of Cherry Blossom and Mount Fuji. Okay. And that phrase, I don't know about you, but is basically saying to the girl, I'll tell you my opinion and then I want you to tell me yours. Or I'm not sure if you have found this, but when I sing karaoke, I prefer doing it in one of those little rooms with friends rather than to a massive crowded drunken bar. I don't know about you but yeah. Again, that's telling the other person, you tell me your opinion. Yep. Same thing with expectation and qualification and getting the other person to carry on is using the vacuum. I've made a street hustle video on this. I think it was the first one I made maybe or the second one. It's about that pregnant player pause. Now silence is uncomfortable. English people hate it. Japanese people hate it. They're constantly filling conversations with funny little, like, gerbil singing, I call it. But when a girl's finished her sentence, just look at her with expectation and shut the fuck up. My daygame friends used to say to me when they would watch me in a set after the hook point or on a date, they'd say, Tom, just shut the fuck up. You're doing too much of the work. You're too British filling in the silences. Just enjoy the silence because in silence is actually sexual tension and silence is qualification. It's saying to the other person, I'm confident enough in myself that I'm gonna wait for you to respond, without bombarding you with more questions. So using the vacuum. There you go. Becoming a conversational ninja in under half an hour. I know it was pretty rapid and I know you're gonna have to probably go back and either listen to it again or check out those related street hustle videos. But I'd encourage you to master conversation and in particular, master that safety net, which you're gonna need for the stacking phase of the London daygame model. Master the spiking, which you're gonna need for building attraction before the hook point, yep, in the stacking and the vibing. And of course, master the art of getting her to invest which you're really really gonna need after the hook point on the street but you're also gonna need it on dates. Now, if you wanna read more about, such conversational wizardry, a lot of what was in conversation ninja is covered in my first paperback book, daygame, which you can get from my website if you click on the link below. If you want more of the spiky stuff, like I said, it's in my online book, How to Flirt with Girls, that's cheap and cheerful. That's, again, through my website you can get that. But if you just hang on a few weeks, possibly just over a month and you want a lot of the street hustle stuff in written form that you can go over again and again, all these techniques explained in-depth covering not only the street and supermarkets and cafes and stores and stations, the the actual street hustling stuff, but the dating stuff as well and even interrelationship stuff, then I'm just saying, hang on a few weeks, maybe just over a month, and uncle Tom will be coming down your chimney dressed as Santa to deliver a delightful Christmas or New Year's bundle of joy in the form of my new book. I won't say much more about it now, but it's gonna be coming at you like a Japanese samurai sword. So be ready. Be stealth. And in the meantime, practice the art and craft of conversation because it is an art. It's not just a robotic, science. A lot of daygamers can sound robotic. They can sound repetitive because they're they're forgetting that it's fluid, like I said in the beginning. Conversation chameleon, I should have called this, because you wanna you wanna adapt. It's not a one size fits all. That's why a lot of daygamers grab onto the London daygamer model and kind of ruin it by sounding like, is it Stephen Hawking's, his computer speech. They they they're not willing to to experiment. They're not willing to be creative. If you want a bit more of improvisation, watch my YouTube street improv for daygame video where I talk about how to take this conversational toolkit and experiment with it. Yeah? Go crazy with it in true Japanese style. Like what I did there, brought it back to the beginning, in our end is our beginning from Tokyo, Japan. Speak to you next time.