---
title: Episode 4 We Are Connected
episode_number: 4
era: early
source_file: Episode 4 We Are Connected.mp3
audio_size_mb: 54.1
duration_sec: 1773.6
duration_min: 29.6
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.993
transcribed_at: 2026-05-27T17:16:45Z---

# Episode 4 We Are Connected

**Speaker 0:** Tom Tom Torero, podcast number four. I do believe coming at you from a train that is speeding its way across Russia. I am somewhere between Nizhny Novgorod and Mosk Va on a beautiful train actually, a sapsan train. It puts the euro star to shame. It's really nice. I'm wobbling around. So forgive any little technical blips. And forgive the the lack of a podcast last week. You can guess why I've been finding it hard to upload things here in the wilderness of Russia. And I've just done a product launch. That's the upsell for today's podcast. A new product is out called Conversation Ninja. It's a low budget $29 one hour online video product which takes you through my Torero conversational toolkit. Over 25 conversational techniques, so you don't run out of things to say. So you understand frame control and qualification, investment, and spiking, sexual escalation, all the usual goodies. Guys are saying, I remember two years ago you had a product called conversation king with the guys that you used to work with. And that's right. It's no longer available, that one. And that was the first product I ever made on dating when I started out with my daygame career. So that was a long time ago and lots of things have changed. It's been upgraded. Like I said, that one's no longer available. So this is the version two point zero with a massive overhaul upgrade. There you go. If you wanna buy that, then click on the link below. It should take you through to my website and the page on my website conversation ninja where you can buy that digital product. Anyway, hello and welcome to today's podcast all about the the genius, the marvelousness, the wonder, the the unbelievable nature of connection on this planet that we're inhabiting and spinning around on. Like I said, I'm traveling at about a 150 kilometers an hour, I think, at the moment, recording this on an iPhone, an iPhone five with, you know, nothing massively complicated here in terms of podcast technology. It's just a voice recorder with the headphones plugged in. But then when I get back to Moscow, I'll transfer that to my laptop, fiddle around with it a bit, upload it to YouTube, and I guess that's where you're listening to it now or eventually when iTunes is sorted, you can download it from the iTunes store. The guys will be sharing it across Facebook and other social media. And the wonders of technology just amazing. Certainly for people who are my kind of age, here's my little I'm old rant now because, you know, I'm 34, soon to be 35. And for all of my childhood and most of my teenage years, there was no Internet. There certainly wasn't any technology like this. The first Internet I remember was in my first year of uni when Oxford introduced email between colleges and then email outside the university, and that was amazing. And then I remember always being amazed at things like podcasts and video streaming and YouTube and what you can do on your mobile phone now. As a little example of this, I have initially Novgorod where I've just been, which is which is a cool city, but it's it's not often visited, let's say. So the infrastructure is a bit dodgy. And in true Russian style, the taxi that I was taking from the train station when I arrived to the city center in lashing rain in the darkness was a beat up old school Soviet style larder, if you can picture that. And the taxi driver has ever spoke no English. He gets to do a bit of bartering and a bit of bribery to get going. And I got into this taxi. It was late at night. Like I said, it was heavy rain. Didn't trust his brakes or his lights or his tires, but he was the only option. And inside this beat up car was more technology than the stuff that put men on the moon in '69. I mean, it was like the mere space station in this guy's taxi. He had, obviously, his radio going for music. He had his mobile phone plugged into the cigarette lighter, which was streaming some TV, the Russian equivalent of the voice. He had another beaten up mobile plugged in somewhere, which he was playing bingo on, I think. Some kind of gambling thing kept beeping and bleeping. He had the transmitter going, obviously, for his business. He had GPS plugged in. It was mad. There were he wasn't looking at the road for 90% of the time. So welcome to Russia anyway, but it was amazing and it illustrated the point again that we're all connected, you know. Look at the size of Russia. Look at the nature of Russia. But you can be in the middle of nowhere. I've been in Siberia and I can sit in a coffee shop and do my online work, check my income, upload things, download things, speak to people on Skype, speak to my family, speak to my friends, do a lot of business. So connectivity, that's the theme of the podcast. And going beyond just learning how to connect with girls, which is what we we know and love using our tool of daygame. I've realized that through becoming a daygame coach and going around the world and doing daygame, teaching daygame around the world, I'm humbled at how connected connected we are and how simple tools like YouTube or perhaps even this podcast can have massive implications. And I'm gonna give you a few examples of what's happened to me as I've traveled in the last few years and how daygame can connect you to other guys in a non sexual way. If you'd like to take it to gaygame territory, then by all means, establish a website that might be very popular. But a good example of this is when I went to Australia, I think last year or perhaps the year before now, and I needed somewhere to stay when I was going to Melbourne. And a guy that had followed the stuff that I was doing and he had followed my videos, he was a dentist or he is a dentist and he very kindly said, well, look, I'm going away to New Zealand, for those five days you can just stay in my house. So he he said, if you water the plants, you know, there's a private gym there, there's a swimming pool, help yourself. It was a really nice pad just outside of Melbourne, so he gave me his house. A random thing like that, a guy who put his trust in me based on the work that I had done. What a cool fucking thing to do, you know. And I massively appreciated and respected him and had a great week and met the daygame community there in Melbourne and Sydney and Brisbane. That was a really cool bunch of guys. And it's really nice when you're on the street. Bizarre at first, but very nice. When you're on the street and people come up to you and say that they've seen the videos or they've read the book and whatever. They appreciate what you do and they just wanna come and say hello. And that's not being big headed or talking about fame because it's very rarely hot girls coming up to you and throwing their knickers at you. Sadly, not yet. But when guys come up to you and tell you their stories and tell you their dating lives and open up in very personal ways, they reveal things to you that they wouldn't even tell their mummy, you or their best friends. They tell you about their heartaches and their flakes and their the dating scenarios and the girlfriends and the successes they've had from daygame and their sticking points. You think, Jesus Christ, you don't realize your influence. Again, this has nothing to do with me. I'm saying the influence that you could have on other people using this connected technology, whether that's a blog, a YouTube channel, something you're putting out there with this positive vibe, with this, win win vibe. When I do little videos or I write little things and I put them out, I honestly don't think really who's reading them, how many people are reading them. And so it's really bizarre and really nice when someone comes up to you and and tells you what happened to them. Another good example of this is when I had some root canal drama last year. Again, I think it was last year, the beginning of last year. Yes. It was. Yes. It was. When this is in the book, Torero Travels, when I had big drama, first in Australia, then in Riga with my tooth, and I had to get it sorted before traveling to New York, think it was. So I went to a private dentist, stupidly, in Harley Street, near Baker Street in London. Very partial. Got it sorted. He was a nice guy and he was chatting to me and we were flirting with his cute Lithuanian dental nurse. And then after the treatment, he said, look, I wasn't allowed to say anything during the treatment because it wouldn't have broken the professional code of conduct, but Tom, I know who you are and I really love your stuff and I'm using your kind of rapport material to teach other dentists on seminars about connection and conversation and communicating with people and getting shy patients or moody dentist to open up, not just their mouths. And that was amazing. And he just said, cheers. Thank you very much. Keep in touch. So there's another example of something completely unrelated, a dentist using this connectivity material. Another example is the matrix and I were once on a bus going from Oslo Airport, one of them to the city center. And the guy tapped us on the back and he said, alright, boys, do you do you remember me? And I knew his face, but I didn't remember his name because we've taught a hell of a lot of boot camp students. And he said, yeah. Yeah. I was on a boot camp, one of your first ones about three, four years ago in London, and I'm the guy that just disappeared on my third warm up approach. And we were like, okay. What happened to you? He said, well, I went on an instant date, if you remember, to Pret a Manger, a coffee shop with a really tall American model. And we're like, oh, that's great. And he's like, yeah. And it was just one of those really weird things where she's not just cute and sexy and you wanna with her, but there was that massive weird like serendipity spontaneous connection where we like the same music, the same artists, the same the same destinations. We like the same kind of quirky things. We like the same films, the same fashion, and we just massively connected over this coffee. And then for the last two years, he had been dating her. She was a proper model from New York and he would go over there. He spent a lot of time there and she came over to London. She was, first of all, mega hot. He showed us pictures and we were like, Jesus, man, that was your third daygame approach. And he was like, yep. That is the best money I've ever spent. I think it had a bit of a sad ending in that they had to split up because of whatever differences. But it what an impact it had on his life. Just that one little weekend. And the point is not about the boot camp. The point is that he could then tell me about it many years later. And again, a student that, you know, I wouldn't have remembered just from his name. But then realizing that he'd got a girlfriend and he'd been seeing her for for those years, that was amazing. I've scribbled another connection story down here. Oh, yeah. This is when Dave, John, myself, and John's girlfriend were were in America. We were in LA And we had a day off, so we were gonna go to the Warner Brothers studio tour in Hollywood where they film stuff like Batman and Friends. And we were late, so we we sped over there using a bit of GPS. We jumped out of the car. We ran towards the studio and this car like swerved and pulled up and we thought, oh, shit, you know, we're in trouble now. And the guy went down his window, American Hollywood style, he was like, hey. Hey, boys. And we're like, yes. He's like, oh, hey, it's it's me, Frank. You're Tom Torero, aren't you? And we're like, yeah. And then he just said, oh, he loved our stuff. He loved my book. He wanted to say hi. It was funny. He said, oh, I guess you're here to pitch an idea for a TV show. And sadly, we said, no. We're just here on a little Jurassic Park tour. But how random is that that some executive dude from Warner Brothers, again, has obviously seen the videos or heard the podcasts or read the book or seen the products. And in some way, shape or form, it impacted positively on his life. So he felt that he had to say thank you. Awesome stuff. I've had really touching moments where I've been in cities like Paris or Barcelona, where I've met guys on the street and they've said, oh, do you mind if you come and say hello to the daygame community? It's a bit like the the Al Qaeda cell or the the fight club kind of local group, the klu Klux Klan, the Masons little group. I'm joking, obviously. I love groups of day game guys across the world in different cities. They're very active and passionate. And I've gone to little meet ups the next day in Barcelona. I met a few guys in Paris. I went to a bar with all these guys that just loved daygame and they loved the stuff that we'd put out there. One of the most remarkable actually was in Portugal. I was invited to speak at an event in Portugal and I thought it would only be a few people and I'd have to be doing like an introduction to the basics of daygame. But I spoke to this massive room of people and 90% of them were really passionate gamers, day gamers or guys that just loved what we did and they and it was a really inspiring talk. Because often you think of these what do they call they used to be called layers, like groups of old school PUAs with crazy hair and flashing belts and DH three stories. That's not at all what you find now when you travel across the world meeting daygamers. Daygamers on the whole seem to be a very sorted bunch of men, professionals, guys that have got their shit together, guys with cool jobs, guys with good fashion, guys that take care of themselves, just completely normal guys. And it's lovely to have a room full of those guys and suddenly stand there at the front and realize, Jesus, this is the impact that you can have. Now, once again, I'm not bragging. This podcast is not about me influencing other guys. This podcast is about the impact that technology and win win situations can have on other people that you can instigate. You right now, making a YouTube video or doing a podcast or writing a blog article, the impact globally that you can have positively on people's lives. And the most touching stories are always when the guys that contact me are teenagers. Let's say they're 16, 17, 18, or they're at college slash university, 19, 20, 21, and they're sorting out their shit early. They're getting it done. They're reading up on fashion. They're reading up on health. They're obviously doing cold approach. They're increasing their market value. They're displaying their potential as a man. It's that boy to man transition that we've lost certainly in the West, you know, that kind of initiation into being a man. And I never had it, not to my father's fault. It's just that generation thing. And I guess most of you listening to this, you didn't have it at that age. So you had to go through things like spots and depression and anxiety and stress and bullying. I didn't get my shit together till I was 27, 28. That's when I started learning about game and 29 doing daygame. And that's why I love my instructor, Sam, my good friend, Sam, who's an amazing daygamer now. And he started this when he was, I think, 20 or 21. He's just finished uni. And he's like a a real man's man, a masculine man In the space of two to three years, he's got everything sorted using cold approach as the conduit. Yeah? Not like reading up on self help, but actually doing stuff which has led to a transformation in his look. He goes to the gym. It's changed what he eats. It changed changed what he does, where he travels, his holidays, his friends, and obviously, massively, his cheeky shenanigans with girls. What else have I got here? Because I wanted to do some shout outs. Yeah. A massive group of guys in fight club style that I love are the New York City Daygamers. I gave a talk to them. It was a while back. And even then, there was like forty, fifty guys. I know there's a lot more now. They're a hardcore group of guys. We're not talking about hardcore porn. We're talking about hardcore action. And they're a great group of guys who are massively motivated by daygame. And daygame is like parkour. It's like urban regeneration. It's like any kind of form of guerilla art like Banksy graffiti. Daygame is transforming urban jungles for the better. You know, once where there was just bleak skyscrapers or concrete, you've now got these magical moments and guys finding girlfriends or guys finding themselves. Like I said in my video, who you're seducing is really yourself. You know, who the daygame reveals is yourself. You have to go on this journey, the hero's journey, Joseph Campbell calls it. You have to go on this journey like Bilbo Baggins leaving the Shire to go to go on the Hobbit adventure. To realize that the transformation is all about yourself. On the way, banging some hot birds in parks, toilets, and your grandma's house, whatever. But you get the idea. Another cool group of guys that I've written down is the Munich guys in Germany, in Deutschland. They are always really cool and kind to me and they organize some big meetup thing. A lot of them were the RSD Munich in a circle guys, but I'm I'm a big fan of RSD for the night and they were just a really cool group of guys. They hosted like a beer night for Sam and I when we were there a while back. That was really nice. The London Brotherhood, obviously, got to give a shout out to all the cool guys in London. The place where I learned daygame, the place where I taught daygame. I've given loads of talks in London. There's always a massive turnout between 60 and a 100 guys. Some events we've done, we've had two to 300 guys. I love them. And shout out to Rami who still flies the flag. Dave Diggler's still in London. Matrix is still in London. Sam pops into London. One of my instructors, Jimmy, he's based in London. But if you're part of the London scene and you spend time in Covent Garden, Oxford Street, Carnaby Street, you'll know the local daygamers and it's it's very easy to find a wing and get motivated in London. So the birthplace of the daygame model, it's no surprise. The coolest city on the planet for continuous predictable day game is London, followed by New York City. I've had a lot of weird interactions. Not weird in that the guy was weird, but weird in that it was unexpected. In the smallest of towns, I've been in a tiny Russian town slash city on the last trip to Russia doing a bit of daygame and the guys tapped me on the shoulder and recognized me. It obviously happens in Moscow and Saint Petersburg. It happens all over the Baltics. There was a cool Italian guy living in Uighur. And again, I didn't know him and he knew me and he came up to me and we just had a really cool chat about his progression and his his change in philosophy and change in mentality since discovering this. It's happened in pretty much every place. The place that it happens the most, where we get approached the most is in The US Of A, for sure. I remember just arriving in LA and I'd only just landed and then I was sleeping or just got off the plane. And two or three guys came up to me and we had a day game chat. That was awesome. So they're very motivated on the West Coast and the East Coast. But saying that, there's a big community in Vegas now. That's very good. Where else did we go? Austin, Texas. Yeah. There were loads of guys there. So I could go on and on, but you get the idea. The message of this podcast is that the world has shrunk in a good way with all of this technology, with what you're using right now, with what I'm using right now, and with this skill that we have. It's exactly the same analogy as the fight club thing where what's kick started at the beginning with one or two guys becomes this phenomena of, quote, unquote, self development. I don't like using that term. You could say self actualization because it's based on you finding yourself through hardcore radical muscular, as I've said many times, action. And things like Skype allow you to do that all over the world when you travel with your family, obviously, and with girls that you're keeping in touch with. Sometimes I'll do like a Skype date. If I'm trying to filter out girls that I'm long gaming or I've got loads of dates, like in Moscow, there's loads and loads of dates. So rather than giving up one or two hours and going for a beer or a coffee with a girl, which could just lead to anything, you know, in Moscow, you have to be careful of girls wanting free English or girls being very prudish and they're certainly not gonna bang you on the second or the third date. I say, okay, just add me on Skype. We have a quick ten to twenty minute chat on Skype video. So you can run all your comfort and you can do a few little verbal spikes and you can look into her eyes. It's like a little filter. It's a mini date. And certainly, if you're doing long game, you're trying to spin plates from various locations and you're trying to keep girls on the hook. Skype is fantastic or you can replace it with what's the Apple alternative? FaceTime, I think it is. Facebook chat's good. Yeah. WhatsApp is very good for the visual kind of photo stuff. Instagram is very good if you wanna keep the girls off your Facebook because it's too much, too personal, but you wanna keep them in the loop. I use Instagram a lot for that. The Russian equivalent of Facebook, if you've traveled in these parts, you'll already know, is called contact or v k. So if you're traveling in the Ukraine or Russia or some of the Baltics, because remember 50% of the Baltics is largely Russian, you're gonna need to get an account called v k. And that's where the girls do all their selfies up against trees and stuff, and they can see you and you can see them. A side note about VK contact is that it's very awesome for free music and free films because it doesn't have the restrictions that Facebook has. Obviously, because it's funded by some dodgy sources. So it's got a search function where you can pretty much search and then watch online any blockbuster film and certainly any m p three. As long as it's not some bizarre flash metal, you'll be fine. You can't download it, but you can you can just watch it. It's very cool. The privacy settings are crappy on contact and v k. So you can't like hide your friend list and you can't hide your posts. So just be careful what you put on that. I've learned the hard way. And I think I'll leave this podcast with the message that it's okay to consume all this content. Obviously, I do and you do. We listen to podcasts. We watch loads of YouTube videos, loads of pickup videos. We read loads of blogs. And you know the principle of giving as well as receiving. That's what your grandmother said. Perhaps that's what a gay guy once told you. It's good to give and receive, but think about the balance of that at the moment. Because are you just putting comments on YouTube videos and blogs that are, we've got to be honest, largely negative. Perhaps you don't make negative comments, but most comments on YouTube and blogs are trolls. They're rants. They're kind of passive aggressive. They're really weird. They make that person angry. They make the blog post or YouTube person angry. So it's contributing in a negative way. But in what form are you contributing positively? That means, are you putting out supporting comments, supportive comments? Are you hosting perhaps some guys that visit your city for day game? Are you teaching other people for free? Are you organizing meetups? Are you a good wing? Are you writing positive stuff, sharing this stuff for free on blogs? Are you sharing videos? Are you making your own videos? In what way are you passing this stuff on? Now, that sounds very Christian of me. I'm nagging you to be good. I'm nagging you to do win win situations. But as I said a long time ago on a video, which I don't think is still out there, I must make this one again because I like the point, that it's selfishly altruistic. It's the only way because because consider the other options. You've got win win, which is you're nice to somebody and they feel that glow, that ready bright glow and then they're nice to you or they're nice to somebody else. So that's win win. That's awesome. Selfishly win win. You've got win lose where you take something like you download something that you're not meant to and the other person suffers for it. So they just feel shit in whatever form. So that's not sustainable because it's gonna happen to you. Or you've got lose lose, which is the YouTube comment scenario where you write a rant of hate and then the other person is provoked to write a rant of hate. And then it goes on, and it goes on, and it goes on. And even if you're not writing those things or they're not directed at you, you just feel horrible when you see that wall of, like, spam hate. So it's it's lose lose for everybody. And that's the essential meaning I think of karma when religious people talk about karma. Yeah. You can believe in it literally, but you can also just see karma as win win. And then putting good stuff out there will make you feel good and other people feel good. So it's a it's a strategy for life. And in a cynical way, an online marketer perhaps would say that to you if you know the basics of, let's say, content marketing where for every 10 things that I put out, really nine of those things should be giving value. And then one of those things should be asking for for something from you. So the example in this podcast is that I spent two minutes talking about my product, which is come on, give me $29 or whatever's left after the the hosting customer that. And then I spend the next twenty eight minutes or whatever just having a little chat with no expectation of return. And it's nice if people comment or come up to me in a three or four years time and say, Tom, I really like that podcast about connectivity. But it doesn't matter because I feel good just putting this stuff out there. So that's the meaning of win win. That's the ethos of connectivity. So go forth, connect, and let me know how you get on. Until next time. Ta da.