--- title: Episode 41 Give Before You Get episode_number: 41 era: early source_file: Episode 41 Give Before You Get.mp3 audio_size_mb: 46.5 duration_sec: 1523.3 duration_min: 25.4 language: en provider: deepgram model: nova-3 diarized: true confidence: 0.997 transcribed_at: 2026-05-27T17:16:47Z--- # Episode 41 Give Before You Get **Speaker 0:** Jingle bells. Jingle bells. Jingle all the way. Oh, watch one. It is too light in a one horse open sleigh. Ho ho ho. Tom Torero. Podcast 41, **Speaker 1:** the last podcast of this year. I'm taking a little break, a little breather between Christmas and the New Year. So no more podcasts this year after this one. Bit of family time in Wales before January 2016. We kick off the madness once again with more travel, more destinations, more guilds, more projects, more hedonism. That's all coming out. You will talk about planning for the year ahead in the next podcast. But for now, I'm gonna be a little bit reflective, about the year that's gone by, what I've been doing, and why I think it's worked. I'm very grateful. I'm very thankful for what's happened this year. I've had the best year so far in terms of my my game, in terms of my business, in terms of my coaching, in terms of my content. And I've had chats with other guys. I've had chats with my family about why that is. What's been the secret sauce? What have I done to keep me going? What am I gonna do next year? And it comes down to the central concept. As my grandmother used to say, you gotta give before you get. Or if you want to receive, first, you've got to give. Now, I know, that sounds like a cliche, something you might read on a Facebook post, one of those cheesy motivational quotes with a sunset or a a butterfly in the background. So, no, this is not ultra Christian. This is not a communist manifesto, a kind of an it's a wonderful life movie plot saying be nice to everyone. No. This is a tactic. This is a strategy. This is something practical that you can implement not only for your game, for your hustling, but for life. Life is the hustle. Yep. So the secret in terms of succeeding at being a daygame coach, having a daygame or dating pickup, website, blog, YouTube channel, whatever, is to give before you get. So, of course, it applies to all areas. I've learned this really from sales. Okay? Sales and persuasion. Giving before you get. So today, I'm gonna talk about this and my business in the the last year in terms of Internet marketing because that's essentially what I do. Putting content onto the Internet. People find you through the Internet, and then they pay for either my coaching or they pay for my books and online video courses, whatever. So you've gotta see this as giving value rather than taking value. Yeah? Think about game. Rather than just sneakily trying to suck value out of the girl, you want her to suck you. So you've got to display your value first. You've got to see it as win win. You've got to go in there thinking this is a good thing that you're doing, not something really dark and under the radar sneaky. Alright? So classic game principle. Give value before you try to take hers. Now that's not purely altruistic. That's not just to make you feel good. Symbiosis, which is what win win is referred to in biology as it's a selfish strategy. Okay? Like all evolved behaviors. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read Richard Dawkins, the selfish gene. So altruism is a cunningly selfish strategy, but it is win win, like symbiotic relationships in in nature. And it's far more sustainable than than a win lose scenario. So you could say a classic kind of win lose hustle would be the kind of hustle that you get into at the beginning of pickup where you're pretending to the girls that you're gonna be their loving boyfriend. You sleep with them, and then it's a pump and dump. That's called the bait and switch. You just do a runner. You go silent. She's really, really pissed off. I did that many a time if you read my first book, daygame. It's win lose because you get the lay, but, do you you lose in all other respects. Lose lose would be you trying to hustle the guilt. She's not having any of it. She's missed out on an opportunity perhaps because you've been too pushy, too persuasive, and you've lost out on the lay. Yep. So how can it be win win? Well, I call this the second kind of hustle, which is the secret society where she's getting what she wants out of it, and you're getting what you want out of it. So she might have a boyfriend, she might be married, or she might just be miss goody two shoes sensible, and you're giving her some secret society lover sex. She's desperate for an alpha male. She's desperate for a little fling. She's desperate for a friend with benefits, and that's what you're providing without society or her friends or even her boyfriend and husband judging her. So she gets the casual sex. You get the casual sex. It's all out in the open. I call this the kind of Bonnie and Clyde situation where it's the two of you against the world. That's that's the preferred style of hustling that I that I do now and that you naturally get into after a lot of the bait and switch style hustling. Now this applies to how you interact with everybody. So trying to make win win not just with girls, but think about it in terms of you asking for things. So a lot of guys email me every day. Often, they're quite blunt. They're playing this win lose strategy. They want something from me without providing value. So often, the email starts with, Tom, I need this. Or, Tom, I want you to tell me this. Or, Tom, reply as soon as you can. Help me with this. They haven't quite caught on to the fact the universal principle is that you have to give before you get. You have to add value before you ask for something. Now the clearest way to to talk about this and then to apply it to game and to life is the best analogy is Internet marketing. Okay? If you know about sales and Internet marketing, and if you are an Internet marketer, perhaps you're even a pickup Internet marketing hustler. So you'll know what I'm talking about. But this should ring a bell with giving value rather than taking value. Now the classic traditional style of internet marketing is what I call spammy, and it's kind of win lose. And it's gonna be about one of the big three topics that men are interested in if we're talking about targeted male Internet marketing, and that is either getting a six pack, making a million dollars a day, or getting the hottest chick in the club or on the street, Get any girl. That classic phrase. Yeah? This type of marketing is expensive. And the daygame company that I worked for before, I was purely on my own. They did this, and they went into massive amounts of debt because you need to spend a lot. You need a marketer. You need a copywriter. You need a site manager, a programmer, a sales team, an advertising specialist, loads of consultants, plus coaches. It's this massive system for for getting clicks. It's all about gaming guys. So using game principles, you know, using c l d and e present principles of persuasion. Read that classic sales book. So you might know Cialdini principles, authority, likability, scarcity, commitment. What are the other two? Social proof and reciprocity. I've spoken about that a lot. So the gaming of guys is the same as the gaming of girls. Big Internet marketing sites, especially pickup sites, they they're spammy because it's so aggressive and it's so obvious what they're doing. I'm amazed if you haven't picked up on how these sites work and why it's basically game. Okay? Because first, they they do the shiny attraction stuff to get your attention, to get your email, basically, your contact details. Then they build rapport with a with a bit of likability, vulnerability, and then they try to seduce you not to to sleep with you, but they seduce you to get your credit card details. Alright? So the old saying in this kind of Internet marketing is that the mailing list is king. Everything comes down to the mailing list because they need your contact details to be able to to gain you. So it's all focused on the opt in, the squeeze page. Yeah. The free gift, it's usually some kind of really cheap, cheesy PDF. So that shows, you know, a bit of likability because you think, oh, you're getting a free gift. But by getting that free gift and reading that material, you're you're getting into their their loop. And because humans wanna show reciprocity and commitment, that ties you in. That's very persuasive. The site's often very blingy. It has pop ups that you have to minimize every five seconds. And once they've got your email, yep, you're gonna get a lot of emails from these companies. Now they're not generated by hand by a loving individual every day. They're actually controlled by what's called an email autoresponder. And that picks up it's a automated system that picks up which emails you're opening, which emails you're reading and responding to. If you open this, they send you this. If you don't buy this, they send you this. It's all an automated system. Okay? It's a giant funnel. You're probably familiar with the long sales or they're called landing pages with the buy now. Yep. It's all very calculated. Now because I've worked for a big pickup company, I know what goes on behind the scenes. It might be surprising to some of you. Perhaps it's not if you're familiar with Internet marketing techniques. The company I used to work for, they were a member of what is called or what was called the seduction syndicate, which is a group of big pickup companies. They're all Internet marketers. It's basically based in America, and they exchange, sometimes even sell their email lists. Alright? They get into affiliate things, affiliate launches and products, joint ventures. They discuss the best way to extract money from their clients. They do all those cheesy things that I'm sure you you know, launch countdowns and the false scarcity, like, there's only two places left on this webinar. Or you have to put down $1 to secure your seat. That's your commitment. And then they want the monthly payments from you. They say they're doing you a favor. Like, this should be worth 3,000. But today, it's not even $2,000. That's right. It's only $20. Buy now, pay later, doing it in two payments. That's classic. Testimonials from from past clients, which shows the social proof. A lot of these companies will have their own forums, pickup forums. And when you first see a pickup forum, you think, wow, that's very altruistic. That's very nice. This company is offering a free forum that's gonna help me find a wing or answer my question, whatever. When in fact, you need to realize that that's just another marketing trick to get customer loyalty and quite cynically, they use the forum to monitor trends, to monitor market trends so they can see what is the best way to extract even more money. So they know because they know what you're thinking about. Yeah? Now the money is spent, the the huge amount of effort is spent in these sites on things like SEO, search engine optimization, banner advertising, sponsored posts. They have consultants working on this. The whole site is a machine. Right? It's optimized from the font to the background color to the logo. It's all been optimized so it gets the most eyeballs. You're probably aware of that concept. Just click bait. So the titles are gonna be optimized. So you click on them. The thumbnails are optimized, so you click on them. Keywords, there's embedded words in those articles and posts, which kind of like cheesy old school neuro linguistic programming phrases like apply to one of our boot camps now as if, you know, they're going through application forms or this is what your investment will buy you. I noticed these keywords like investment. Yeah. So it's all very thought out. It's all very calculated. What other strategies are there? Oh, yeah. Memberships. Right? This is a key one for pickup companies and Internet marketers. A membership thing relies on the client who signed up forgetting to cancel their subscription. A huge amount of guys are just too lazy to cancel their monthly subscriptions. It's the same with our, you know, Sky TV or whatever phone package you're on. So they rely on that. It's the same with the money back guarantee. They offer that, but a very small percentage of guys send something back or ask for their money back, so they rely on that as well. The other tech oh, yeah. Live events. Now you're thinking, that's nice. A company's putting on a live event. Sometimes it's even free. That's amazing. Why are they doing this? Think about it in terms of hustling. The live event is to tick off all those persuasion things, but at the end of it comes the big cheesy upsell. Often the doors are closed for this. There's people at the back hovering with clipboards. Some pickup companies I've seen or even I've been to their events, even spoken at their events, the up sell is very aggressive. You can't really leave the room without promising to buy something or buying something there on the spot. It really reminds me of those bible belt kind of faith healing services where there's this huge pressure to donate money so you can be cured of your ailments by the blessed lord Jesus there on the spot. Give them a check. Get your credit card out. The live testimonials, the music, that all adds to the persuasive atmosphere. There was I think it might be on the internet, but if you're a big Darren Brown fan who debunks these dodgy practices, then he he trains up a guy to be a a faith healer and exposes all that in Texas. Think check that out on YouTube. I can't remember the name of it. And anyway, a big company, a big pickup company, a big marketing company, they'll always have some kind of sales team, which is what the faith healers are basically. Yeah? Where they have this set pattern, they trigger certain emotions, they have a set script, a bit like a charity sign up person. They're basically putting pressure on you to buy. It's all about buy buy buy buy buy. Now, I'm aware that it's hypocritical in the past. I've been part of a company that did a lot of those things, engineered structured content that was to get clicks to get money. I understand that. But in the last two years, certainly the last year in particular, since I've just been going alone, I've been a one man band. I haven't chosen to do any of that stuff. Okay? I haven't been doing traditional old school, spammy Internet marketing. Yet this year, like I said, I've had a huge number of subscribers, huge number of guys for coaching. I've taught about 60 between sixty and seventy students in field this year or via Skype. I've taught hundreds of guys at seminars. My email sign up list has quadrupled even though I don't send out automated spam emails. I think I've sent out two or three this year. Loads of guys are interested. I've traveled to 16 countries this year. I've been to Morocco. I've written this down. Hang on. Morocco, Finland, Egypt, Czech Republic, Poland, Croatia, The United States, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, Spain, Brazil, Japan, Ukraine, Kazakhstan, and Turkey. So loads of guys interested in what I'm doing. What's the secret sauce? It's in the title of the podcast. Give before you receive. Okay? I'll say this to any guy who's starting any form of Internet sales, marketing. If you're starting a pickup blog, you wanna be a daygame coach, every man and his dog at the moment is becoming a quote unquote cheesy lifestyle guru or self development guru. They're all using that kind of old school spammy internet marketing that I talked about. You can see it blatantly the moment you look at their website. And the one thing they're forgetting to do is to add value before they ask their followers, customers, clients, whatever you wanna call them, for something in return. A good rule of thumb that I've discovered is to really, for at least two years, pump out value. Okay? Give, give, give, give, give. And the classic rule for what's called content marketing, which is what I do, which is what I'm gonna talk about in a second, is for every 10 bits of content, nine of them should be giving, and one of them can contain something where you ask your followers, clients, customers, whatever, to do something for you. So, yep, it's called content marketing. That's the official word for it. But it's age old in terms of persuasion. The definition for content marketing is creating and distributing valuable, relevant, and consistent content to attract and acquire a clearly defined audience with the objective of driving profitable customer action. Alright? So it's adding value in as many ways as you can because you're passionate and you enjoy making the content. You're not just churning out random automated content because you you just want money. It's gotta be something you're passionate about, something you really believe in, something you spend every waking hour, every waking moment thinking about. Right? You enjoy making the content. You enjoy teaching it. You enjoy passing it on. It's win win. So coming back to game. Yeah? You love seducing women. You love spending time with women. You love sex. You love all the the funny little things that women do. They sense that on you. Alright? And they're they're gonna be positive in return. Now content marketing is niche, like it said in that quote. It's to a clearly defined audience. You're not trying to cold approach the entire Internet. This is like cold approaching on the street. You're not trying to spam every girl just by take, take, take, take, take. It's niche. So you accept that most of the world is not gonna be interested in what you have to say. All you need is a very loyal, loving following, and those are the guys you're gonna give your content to. Okay? So you wanna polarize what you do. The more I've become polarized, actually, the more haters, quote unquote, I get on the Internet, the more people despise me, the more loyal your followers. That's certainly what happened this year. I've got more hate mail, more really like aggressive posts or emails every day. But at the same time, the more passionate, the more loyal, the bigger my core following. Yeah? So you're appealing to that niche market. Don't try to please everyone. That's just bland and wishy washy. Same with your daygame. Be who you are. That sounds like I'm saying be yourself. But find out who you are. Be your best self through hustle skills. Polarize your character. Be this unapologetic guy who's doesn't hide his dick. He says, this is what I want. I'm a guy. I like sex. I find you attractive. And sure, loads of girls are not gonna go for that. Okay? But you're looking for the girls that are. That's really what daygame is. Not just a numbers game, but a refined numbers game through skill. The important thing about content marketing coming back to to sales is that it's way cheaper. Alright? Much lower cost than that traditional caboodle. Right? It's a one man band. I am a one man band. I turned down interns. I've got one girl that helps me with emails when I'm away traveling, but there's no sales team. There's no other guys trying to create clickbait content. I don't have marketers. I don't have SEO because you don't need it because it's niche. Alright? Things are much more transparent. So I put out the videos. I shoot the videos. I edit the videos. I come up with the content for the videos. I upload the videos. I monitor the emails. I come up with blog content. Next year, I'll be doing a lot more blogging. I come up with all the content for the podcast. I record the podcast on my iPhone. No big studio equipment. Alright? No razzle dazzle. I edit the podcast. I upload the podcast. I do my social media for ten minutes every day. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram. It doesn't have to be all consuming. You shouldn't be focused on social media, but, of course, it's part of me spreading what I do. So ten, fifteen, twenty minutes a day just sending out one tweet, putting one thing on Facebook, putting one photograph on Instagram. Easy peasy. Alright? It's just spreading good content. And it's adding value. And lots of guys this year said to me, why do you give away all this stuff? Why don't you charge for all this stuff? Why don't you restrict all this stuff? Well, back to the name of the podcast, you give to get. So by putting out all this stuff, of course, I'm aware that it builds loyalty, builds a brand, builds a fan base. And as I've told you about all these guys that have taken coaching from me or come and met me or come and said hello to me on the street or write to me, people are very appreciative of it. Alright? They sense that it's what I love to do, and they they give back by asking for coaching, buying a book or buying a video product, or coming on live training, or coming to a seminar, or just emailing and saying thank you. They're adding value by just saying cheers for what you've done, not looking for anything in return. It's win win. And if you can apply that to your game, if you can apply that to all your interactions with human beings in your lifetime, the world is so much better. The world is so much easier. And, no, that doesn't make you a pushover, beat a white knight. That doesn't make you a communist or a socialist. That's just intelligent. Alright? Because the game is life. Life is the hustle. I'm gonna finish this year. I'm gonna finish this podcast with saying a big thank you to all of you who follow my stuff, all of you who download my podcasts and follow whatever content I put out, all of the guys who subscribe, all of the guys that message me or just, like I said, come and say hello, A big thank you to you because as this podcast has revealed without you, none of this would work, none of this would function. And what started out as just a side hobby, a daygame when I had a normal job, and then an experiment when I quit my job and became a coach. I thought, well, this is just gonna be for a few months. Who's gonna be interested in this? It's now become my life. It's become a reality. It's become a global thing. The train just keeps moving on. And next year, I'm really, really, really excited about all that is to come. However, you take that sentence. A specific thanks to the people I've traveled with, lived with, gained with, worked with, not slept with this year. People like captain Tim, Klaus, Alex, John, Omar, Alper, Ian, Onder, Erdem, Eddie, Rich, Jeff, Nick, Joel and his mates, Xander, Richard, and to anyone else that I've forgotten. It's been one hell of a year. Cheers, boys. And to everybody listening, a very merry Christmas and a happy, healthy, horny New Year two thousand and sixteen wherever you are, whoever you're with, and whoever you're gonna be with. Let's finish in true pickup marketing style with a little upsell, which hopefully is gonna be beneficial to you in the new year. It's my Saturday street hustle day sessions. I no longer do boot camps, just one day immersion infield sessions. I'm doing two before I go off traveling again, both in Central London. First one's on Saturday, January 2. Second one is on Saturday, January 16. They're five hours, twelve till 5PM. You're mic'd up. It's all in field. It's on the street, in coffee shops, stores, mall stations, wherever. There's a maximum of two students. That's the best way of teaching. The London daygame model and all my street hustling tools is £500. If you wanna jump in and get a place, it's Tom@TomTorero.com. I don't need to use any more pickup sales techniques because I've just told them to you. Anyway, until January, keep warm, keep cozy, be good. Turn on.