---
title: Episode 46 Male-Female Polarity
episode_number: 46
era: early
source_file: Episode 46 Male-Female Polarity.mp3
audio_size_mb: 50.1
duration_sec: 1641.1
duration_min: 27.4
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.994
transcribed_at: 2026-05-28T06:34:22Z---

# Episode 46 Male-Female Polarity

**Speaker 0:** Tom Torero podcast 46, the final couple of days in South America here with Rami the Great. Alright, Rami? Hi, guys. Two in a row. Bingo. I've managed to get Rami to hide from the sunshine. We've just had a nice, fresh, healthy, organic lunch. And this is the time of the day where it's just too hot. So we're vegetating, hiding from the heat. Anyway, onto today's topic. It's a big one. That's what she said. It's a good one. It's a very important one. It's one of those fundamentals. It fits with my podcast on frame and male sexual market value. So make sure you listen to those as well as this one. And today's topic is male female polarity, which is really just an expression of frame. Frame being, you know, whose reality is it? Is it your reality, the man's, or is it the woman's reality? Somebody is living inside somebody else's reality. So in game, you say she's got the frame or you've got the frame. And that applies on the street, on texting, dating, and in a relationship, even a marriage, especially in a marriage. Marriage is no place to hide from male female polarity or frame. So don't forget that. Don't say, well, I got a girlfriend. Now I don't need any of this. Or I've got married. I'm gonna get married. I don't need any of this. All's gonna be fine. No. Listen up. Here we go. Male female polarity, imagine it like magnets. So you have a positive and a negative, a plus and a minus. And surprise surprise, they are attracted to each other. Whereas if you have, the positive and the positive, they repel. The negative and the negative, they repel. It's not the natural state of things. It's as natural as gravity. And what we're talking about today is hardwired into nature. You know, some people say gender is a social construct. Male and female doesn't exist. Everything should be, quote, unquote, equal. It's all very PC. And the reason I can make a podcast like this and perhaps you can't or those people can't is that you might lose your job. They might lose their job for saying all this. But when you work for yourself and you're free, you can, as Patrice O'Neil says, say the elephant in the room. So this is an elephant in the room to say, gender is not a social construct. Gender is biological. It's hardwired. You see it in the animal kingdom. And certainly, there are huge differences, biological, genetic differences, behavioral differences, psychological differences between men and women. So therefore, why should dating be any different? So let's talk about what the different aspects are of polarity and more importantly, how to keep strong male female polarity. And it's good Rami's here because you came from a a culture, Rami, where from The Middle East where this is accepted,

**Speaker 1:** it's normal, and it survives to this day, yeah, in The Middle East? Yeah. Like, I grew up with, like, kind of, like, a mentality of, like, you know, women has to be like a, you know, act like a lady and, you know, look after the man and the man has to be just a man. And there's kind of like a certain roles that men can be good at and certain things that women are good at. And actually women encourage that in where I grew up and they want to meet like a real man and if you ask a girl from Middle East what kind of guy you would like to have, would like to date she she wouldn't say I want a handsome pretty boy she wants she will say actually most of the time I want strong man or I By strong she means frame. She's not talking about a bodybuilder. No, mentally strong. So like someone who can like, he can take control when shit happens, he can make decisions like you know, he can actually look after her when shit happens.

**Speaker 0:** And look after doesn't mean provide them? No. Because immediately a guy will say you mean give her money and a car and a watch? By looking after her, I mean,

**Speaker 1:** like the man is the rock and woman like the sea. Okay? So he's always rooted, grounded and solid

**Speaker 0:** and she can actually move around and he can provide safety and present. Yeah. It's it's the stormy sea of her emotions and he keeps the shit together, you know. It's very different from that image of providing for a girl in that cheesy kind of buying her stuff and in a supplicating way trying to buy her affection, trying to buy her love. That's not what we're talking about here. And the important thing to stress with Arabic culture, and we'll come on to Russian culture and also some South American culture and Eastern European culture, is that it's complementary. Yeah? Obviously, positive and negative go together. It's complementary. So,

**Speaker 1:** the PC brigade will say, this is terrible. You know? Yeah. You can't have women doing these things for you. It's funny enough. Like, in The Middle East, like, you will never see a man wearing pink and girls will hate that. They always say like, they don't, like the man to wear some girly stuff because they want, like, masculine energy and they said like, color like pink. They don't like you being in the kitchen. Yeah. Even like if you actually try to help your girlfriend, if she's from The Middle East or from Russia, she will actually tell you she will kick you out and tell you stay go and watch TV or do something else. I will do this. I don't want you in the kitchen. Do you remember in Moscow, they were shocked even when we tried to make them a cup of tea in the kitchen or coffee? It wasn't our place, and, actually, it was offensive for Russian girls for us to be in the kitchen. In fact, if you try to actually help them, like, when they're cooking or when they're doing something for you, they will get actually upset because they feel it's a part of their feminine energy and want they wanna share it with you. Mhmm. So the best way to enjoy it and let it like, you know, happened.

**Speaker 0:** And coming back to this point of it being complimentary, they're not giving it for free. Right? As because guys are like, oh, amazing. Don't need to do any cooking. Don't you know, this I've got a servant. This is amazing. No. What they're expecting from you is huge masculine, not penis as well, huge masculine penis. That's good. Masculine presence and energy. You have to provide your part of the biology. That is, I think, the main thing they're looking for, like,

**Speaker 1:** present, masculine energy and grounded energy.

**Speaker 0:** It's it's doing it from a place of strength rather than weakness. Yeah? Yes. Because you could order women around, like almost pimp level, but doing it out of fear of them running away. It's the same with trying to buy them things. You're buying them things because you're scared they're going to run away whereas if you've got that masculine presence and energy which we'll come on to it's not a woolly term if you've got the correct polarity she wants to stick around She feels more feminine. The relationship naturally works like two poles of the magnets coming together. And a masculine man leads to a feminine woman. A feminine man leads to a masculine woman. That's always happening. So what when you came to London from The Middle East, and I know your brother was shocked at cultural differences. You like London, but what did you see with women from Spain, Italy, America, Australia Like The United Kingdom? Mainly, I think, I noticed like American girls,

**Speaker 1:** Australian girls, also English girls, not all of them, some of them, I noticed actually they want to take the frame. They wanna be more masculine, and they kind of like, you know, they want to take control. And to be honest, like, just when I when I when I'm actually meeting these kind of girls, used to like a clash with them because I felt they projecting masculine energy and it's just wrong because I'm not used to it, you know. I grew up in with ideas like a girl should be just a girl and feminine

**Speaker 0:** and But here's the thing, man. Here's a really important thing. Guys will listen and go, yeah, fucking bitches, you know. They're just becoming so masculine. It's disgusting. And what they're doing is blaming the female side of things. Mhmm. And rather than looking at themselves and saying, listen, I need to stop being feminine. I need to be more masculine because those prickly powerful women in America and Australia and England, they're the ones that want masculine energy the most. You know, when you really dominate them, and they're the ones that watch all the fetish and they love, like a lawyer in London, an American lawyer. She wants nothing more than you to take the frame. But if you're a a pussy guy, a weak guy, yeah, she's gonna crush you. But I said to the guy, you know, look at yourself in the mirror. Yeah. Like, what frame are you bringing? What polarity are you bringing? Now, that's not to say women are faultless and I'm on team women. But, take a good hard look at yourself. I believe like,

**Speaker 1:** a masculine man, like, when they, like, meet a girl with strong masculine energy, they will actually avoid her because they want girly women. So that's why girls with masculine energy, for them, it's very hard to find a masculine man. Yeah. And it's very easy to, like, you know, to connect with feminine man. Yeah. The thing is when you stop,

**Speaker 0:** as in a daygame stop, a feminine girl and you're a masculine man, there's just a connection. There's a spark. There's a magic before you've even opened your mouth. What you're gonna see is her eyes go big. She's gonna go a little bit red. She's gonna flick her hair. She's probably already wearing a dress or a skirt or high heels. She's gonna cross her legs very quickly. She's gonna smile with a soft smile. Her voice is often very, very feminine. And you don't have to do anything. It's amazing. It's a superpower that you feel in parts of South America, not all of South America, Russia, girls from the Middle East, Eastern Europe. It's amazing. And then you say hi, I think you look really nice and she melts. And that's not to say she's available or it's same day lay. It's just that she understands what this is. Masculine man coming up to feminine woman. It's biology. It's okay. Thank you very much. And usually, girls who are feminine, they will always be socially polite. They will never like, you know, like, be bitchy or try to say some like harsh things to you.

**Speaker 1:** You know, they will if they don't like you they will see it in a soft girly respectful way.

**Speaker 0:** Yeah. They'll like it. They'll say that they're married or they have a boyfriend, but they'll stick around and enjoy the masculine Yes,

**Speaker 1:** exactly. So they won't be like, they won't give you any like, you know, negative energy. They will just, you know, like, be socially polite until you know what? I have a boyfriend or I am not interested, but they will do it in a way that when you leave that girl, you will see, you know, I had a good set. I actually felt good after that approach. The opposite is obviously approaching

**Speaker 0:** a hardened tough masculine woman. Australian girl. Yeah. And that's different from think people misunderstand. When you approach a Russian girls, specifically in Moscow or Saint Petersburg or Kazan, wherever, she's icy but not because she's masculine. She's because because the male frame, the male female polarity is so strong in Russia. She's actually testing your frame. We'll come on to frame tests. Yeah. A good example of the worst interaction I've ever had where somebody has watched me do it was in Melbourne, Australia. I just arrived, came out of the train station, walked down the hill. Was It lunchtime and I was with a student and he said oh let's, you know, to demo. So I ran around a very attractive woman, she was in, suit trousers coming out of an office that was a red flag but I ran around I I said, sorry. I just have to say something. And she said, yeah. Make it quick. And I was like, okay. Well, I was just gonna give you a compliment. I think you look very beautiful. And the student was listening in on the microphone, and she said, what the fuck is that meant to mean? And I said, oh, it's it's just a compliment. I just wanted to say you look nice. And she said, go fuck yourself. And she just walked back into her office. So, that was my experience in Melbourne, and the boot camp turned out to be pretty much along those lines. Although I've heard positive reports, if you're hipster and you like hipster circles, then, you know, maybe Melbourne is for you like East Village in New York. But coming back to male female polarity, let's talk about it practically because guys are like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know this exists, but how do you do it? So the first thing I wanted to say is that you're doing it from strength not weakness so think of a good classroom teacher or a good parent yeah when I was a teacher kids wanted to do things for me like tidy up clean the classroom do their best at work because they would be rewarded because I was trying my hardest to be that teacher with solid frames. It's just like parents. If you've got good parents, you want to please them. You want to do things for them. There's no like battle. It's not like someone's being taken advantage of. It's complimentary. And as you always say, you have to establish this from the beginning. From Right? And that means the street, texting, dating, and then into the relationship. So do you wanna talk about how with some girls you've dated in London from Russia, The Middle East, how the frame has been, how the male female polarity has been and how you did it from the beginning?

**Speaker 1:** I mean usually when I go on dates or like I do like daygame or instant dates, I do three things and I make sure I apply these three things to make sure that actually that girl she is my type and she's girly and feminine. But I remember one of the girls I did it, she was from Russia and the first thing I did when I met her, I start leading from the start and that could be by like, you know, tell her stuff about like, come over here, let's sit there. Mini bounce on the street. Yeah. And then when you go on stage, order the drink or the, you know, or choose the table or just tell her stuff about I want this, know, small things to test that and to see how much you like the man to be leading. What's the second one? The second one is qualification. So I qualify her by asking questions like that I want the girl to be like for example like I ask her like question do you like cooking or do you like dancing how old are you for example

**Speaker 0:** these are not normal questions like, how was your day? What do you do? Where do you live? A qualification question is a very powerful tool that you use a lot. And I see you even use it on the streets where you're making them jump into your frame.

**Speaker 1:** Yes. Because qualifications and leading, leading, it's one of the things that can make me realize that, oh, this girl, she is a feminine one. Because if the girl, she is kind of like masculine or or like she got extra masculine energy, she probably will She won't invest. She won't invest and she won't let you lead. Yeah. And when you qualify her, she'll like, what the fuck is that? She will try to kind of like control the conversation and take She'll test you. That that's the third one, isn't it? Testing. Yes. So the also the third one Supposedly with Russian, Middle East, and and South American girls. Yes. Huge testing of girls. I see the girl she's she's testing me as I I found is actually a a really good things because

**Speaker 0:** she is looking for a real strong man Yeah. Mentally, I'm talking about. I don't call them shit tests. I call them, in the new book, Street Hustle, I call them frame tests because actually she's just testing polarity. And the more feminine I found the girls, especially in Russia Then Russia will test you? This is always a rule. Do you remember Rami and I have spent months in Eastern Europe, but we spent a long time in Moscow, and there were so many tests on the street on text and on dating even after sex.

**Speaker 1:** So usually, like, when I see the girl, she likes to be led and then she want to qualify her she's investing and she's going to try to justify herself and kind of like you know explain herself in a good way and plus when she's testing me and I get over her test then I know that this woman, she's a high quality woman and I want to like, you know, see her one more time or I don't know, spend or

**Speaker 0:** date her or whatever. A technical point, how you overcome the test compared to me, they say in in in game that there's two ways to really overcome frame test shit test, and you do a different one to me. You do nonreactivity, which is the silence, the vacuum, change topic, look away, just lead. I do cocky funny. I do agree and amplify, which can backfire if you do it from a passive aggressive stance, especially in Moscow where they don't really get irony and sarcasm. But that's just a technical difference. You know what I mean? You you just you don't even let it hit you really. No. I usually like just, basically, like, change the topic or just,

**Speaker 1:** ignore her test, to be honest. I just like be silent or I think the best way just to be silent watching the topic, but I know some guys they found it a bit uncomfortable to, you know, be in a silent with the girl and Now you embrace that. But for me it's actually it's actually part of, like, you know, the interactions.

**Speaker 0:** It's very Hank Moody. Although he's good at cocky funny too. Right. Practical examples because guys are going, yeah. Yeah. Okay. I understand main female polarity. I I've got an idea of how it happens, but what can I physically do? Well, practical examples as ever, Tom Torero giving you something to do, not just listen to. So let her invest. That's what it comes down to. Let her cook for you. Girls love it. Okay? Or I I say, listen. You bring the dessert, and I'll provide the home cinema. You know, I'll provide the the Netflix. Or I'll, you know, get some pasta for us, but I want you to bring a French cake or some Russian sweets. Now, when you've, been sleeping with her for a while, let her do some cleaning around the house. You can't say that. You can't say that. That's wrong. No. It's good. You know, in South America, in Eastern Europe, they love it because it's nesting.

**Speaker 1:** Girls, it's a family thing. This girl would love to see a man sitting in his couch, like, you know, reading a book and while she's actually cooking or she's cleaning They often they often sing. She for her, it's like a meditation, like, you know, she a girl who is actually feminine

**Speaker 0:** will would love to do stuff like that. What she wants in return though is you to fuck her really hard. Okay? That's your half of the deal. You can't just sit on the sofa forever. You're bringing the male polarity. Right? You're bringing the strength. So let her paint for you. Like, I've I've had a girl recently do a beautiful painting for me just because she wanted to, and that took her a week of painting. Or let her make things for you, crafts. Loads of girls are into crafts. I've done a street hustle video and there's public displays of affection. Let her be the one to hold your hand. She should put her arm around you. Yeah. One thing's,

**Speaker 1:** like, very important. I've seen it, like, all the time in the street. Like, when I see couples walking and you notice when the the way they hold their hands if if if the girl holding the her hands was in the front it means she is actually the one who's taking control. The psychologist say that yeah but even more importantly, if if the man is behind her, disaster,

**Speaker 0:** if if if he keeps changing direction for her, disaster,

**Speaker 1:** so the man should always be in front. Yeah. But you you always see the woman, she if she's actually leading, she would be actually her hands were would be in the front and she was walking faster than him and he's just following her. Yeah. And he's that comes back to what you said, leading,

**Speaker 0:** being decisive, making decisions. It's a really good exercise. Look at couples wherever you go. I spend all day looking at different couples. And within microseconds, you can see male female polarity or fucked up polarity where it's male male or female female, and it's all weird. And just look at couples and think who is leading. And when you're in Starbucks or in a bar, look at them and think who is in control? Who is saying,

**Speaker 1:** let's sit here? Who's saying, let's have the drinks? Who is making the plans? Who's making the decisions? Yeah? I would say, like, leading is the number one when it comes to priority. For framing, yeah. It's certainly one of the big ones. Yes. When you can lead very well, then you are projecting

**Speaker 0:** masculine energy. It's also indecisiveness. Lots of my students when they go into a bar, they say to the waitress, oh, what you recommend? Yeah. Now, you should be able to see immediately why that's fucked up polarity. Right? A man will just go in and say, I want a I want a Colombian beer. I want a Russian beer. Or just like you look at the menu and you just like, you know, Point. Point. I want this one. I like this one. Even if you don't know what you want, act like you know what you want. Especially in the date. And if, like, you know, if you're ordering a drink and you and it was in different languages or you don't know what type of drink you're gonna order Point. Just point for any drink. Yeah. And even better, say two of these, please. Yeah. And don't really let her decide. Okay? That that's part of frame. Little things you say, like I've tweeted about this. A lot of guys would say, sorry. I'm late. When correct frame, correct polarity would be to say, thank you for waiting. It's exactly the same sentiment, but it's a very different meaning. You know? Thanks for your patience rather than sorry, I'm late. Be unapologetic. This is coming back to the whole PC thing, politically correct. I know if you have a job in a big company, something where you can get fired and you're worried about talking about all this, you can't put yourself on YouTube or on iTunes, you can't talk about frame and male female polarity because you're gonna get fired. You'll be called sexist and misogynistic. But be unapologetic about this. Eddie's a good example. You know Eddie from Street Attraction. He's so his frame is so solid because, again, he came from that Balkan past. Yeah. He loves it in a restaurant telling the waitress what to do. And then when the girl comes over, he tells her what to do, gets her to do stuff. And he just doesn't give a shit. He's never apologized for it. And the girls, he gets, surprise surprise, are very feminine because he's like he's a teddy bear. I call him Teddy Eddie, but his frame is very good. Yeah. With the great masculine energy. Very decisive. They always take control. Yeah. And girls will test you obviously on this. They'll call you a pig, sexist, rude, and you gotta be non reactive. And I smile and I say, listen. I'm a guy. You're a girl. I say it's my job to try. It's your job to resist. Or the one that we do here, say, listen, I'm a guy. I like three things, steak, sex, and sleep. I'm very simple. Mhmm. So it's elephant in the room, it's fourth wall. You smile. You amplify it. So so tell the girl that you're a caveman. Tell her you're very simple. Play that kind of rough around the edges guy. Yeah. You don't need to be a caricature, three d macho guy. It's not about being that superhero guy in the movies. That's not what alpha frame is. That's not what polarity is. That's what kind of chodey movie directors think alpha is. Real alpha, as you said, is is a set of behaviors that show power that hold the frame. Mhmm. And I would agree with you. Leading is a big one. Conviction, dominance. But there we go. That's enough encouragement for you to keep hold of the frame, but in a nonreactive way. Don't be afraid, ashamed of being a man.

**Speaker 1:** Be masculine because women will love it. Yeah. And I think when you meet when you meet a woman and she's not accepting your leading and, you know, just like, you know, to project good masculine energy, it means she's not right for you. Yeah. A masculine man will get a feminine woman. Yes. For me, like when I meet a woman and she's not accepting my leading qualifications, then I know that I do not want to see her again because she's not the type of girl I want. Even the sex is gonna weird. Exactly. Yes. So it's all like in a small micro level, but it's very important.

**Speaker 0:** Yeah. But it affects your whole life. I mean, I used to joke about, you know, the hipsters of London, those kind of the weaker guys. You know the hip what hipsters are. Yeah. And their girlfriends are always, surprise, surprise, very masculine. So how you dress, how you talk, how you walk, how you behave, your inner game, quote unquote, that is gonna affect the type of girl you want. So next time you see that Barbie girl with the big tits and the perfect ass and she's giggling,

**Speaker 1:** look at the guy she's with, like look at the guy she's with. And funny funny enough like I'm sure you had experienced this but you can meet a girl she's very attractive like she's like I don't know, let's say she's your 10 but as soon you speak to her she's very like of like masculine and for you is a big turn off and sometimes you meet a girl she's like attractive she's not she's not a 10 but she's attractive but the way she speaks she's so feminine and gay the way she moves and you will actually be turned on more by this one. Yep. Or by the one that's actually very attractive with the masculine energy. The female energy and affection thing is huge. Yes.

**Speaker 0:** And guys are gonna write under this. I know they're gonna say, well, what countries should I date or go to? I would say start with Eastern Europe. So dip your toe in the water with the Czech Republic Europe. Yeah. Hungary. Then move if you're brave, try the Ukraine or Ukraine, I should say, and Russia. Try the Baltics. If you're really brave, you can go to Iran. Or like I did, I had an Iranian girlfriend in London, a Turkish girlfriend. I had an Egyptian girlfriend. Girls from The Middle East are fantastic. I've dated girls in Dubai, you can find them in London. You love Arabic girls in London, don't you? Yeah. I mean Arabic girls and the girls from East Europe, I think they are the most feminine girls to to me. Yeah. And it's good that they test you because the testing improves your frame and improves your masculinity. So don't be angry with these girls for testing you. They're actually helping you out. There we go. That was podcast 46. If you want to get in touch with Rami, a few guys messaged me last time and I forgot to give out the email for Rami. If you want live coaching or he you do a lot of in the game stuff and Skype stuff, how do they get in contact with you? You can just email me at

**Speaker 1:** ramiua@gmail.com.

**Speaker 0:** That's r a m I p u a all one word. Yeah? Yes. Uh-huh. And you do Skype, you do the daygame stuff, you do a lot of inner game stuff with guys.

**Speaker 1:** Especially like on like, you know, approach anxiety, anxiety in general, and fear and some like kind of like, you know, issues about, you know, beliefs as well because I know many guys they have really like fucked up actually limiting beliefs and that's why when I coach guys the first thing actually I look for their mindset, their beliefs

**Speaker 0:** and then I take it from there basically. Good. You do all this stuff I don't like coaching. That's fine. Yeah. Alright. Don't come to me for lots of weasels and mindsets. I'll just push you in field, but Rami sits down for a long time and unpicks, unpacks your past and your mindsets, and it's helpful. We just have a different approach to If you are coaching with Tom Torero, there's one space left on my Saturday Street Hustle, February 13. Only two students, I've got one already. So one place left is Central London twelve till five. It's £500, so much cheaper than a one on one. It's only one day because that's all you need to learn the London daygame model street, cafe, coffee shops, stations, brothels, zoos, wherever wherever you want to go. We shall push you in. And after this, we're flying back to London and then I'm off to Singapore and Amsterdam so it's your last chance to catch me in London for a long long time there you go cheers Rami we'll see you back in London cheers mate see you guys