---
title: Episode 48 Qualification
episode_number: 48
era: early
source_file: Episode 48 Qualification.mp3
audio_size_mb: 56.4
duration_sec: 1847.9
duration_min: 30.8
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.998
transcribed_at: 2026-05-28T06:36:09Z---

# Episode 48 Qualification

**Speaker 0:** Good in Auburn. Tom Torero. Good evening. Podcast 48 from the one, the only, rather bleak at this time of the year, but still rather hipster with good coffee, Berlin in Germany. Thanks to all the guys that came tonight to a little meetup. I say little, but there was more than 10 guys. And they were telling me all about the big daygame community here in Berlin, which I was surprised at because when I've been daygaming with students in the last few days, didn't see a soul. But apparently, certain areas get spammed and it's very popular. It's very big over here. So if you live in Germany, if you live in Berlin and you like hipster girls, if you like rather masculine girls, I have to say here in Berlin, then you can find a wing. I've had great daygame experiences in cities like Cologne, a little bit in Dusseldorf, many times in Munich, very good not just for the beer festival, but that amazingly long pedestrian street, same in Cologne. Those two cities are built for daygame. So god bless Germany. My last evening and then tomorrow, back via London just for one hour, I think, flying to Singapore to do an immersion session with the student. Anyway, before we kick off today's topic, which is qualification, really important topic. I I can't believe I've never made a podcast on qualification. I've made videos, vlogs on qualification, but they've been brief. So we're gonna dive into qualification in a minute. But first of all, some little upsells and they are important announcements because finally, I have listened to the demand of guys saying they don't wanna just read the paperback versions of my original 2012 book daygame and my 2014 book, Torero Travels. They want digital versions. And for a long time, I didn't wanna do it because of piracy. That's what it came down to, file sharing and piracy. But now with the forthcoming release of my proper hardback, big, long, potent textbook, Street Hustle, which is coming out hopefully in the next week, I've released daygame and Torero travels on Amazon Kindle. You don't need a Kindle to read them. It comes free with reading software. So you can read them on your phone or your iPad or your laptop or wherever. Now daygame, like I said, it's 2,012 but it's a whopping a 130,000 words, a 100 lay reports. Yes, it was ambitious. Yes, it's a little bit rough around the edges and kind of banksy underground style. Yes. There's too many lay reports and not enough failure stories because I was collecting all those lay reports in a locked blog I used to keep from 2009 to 2012. So that's the story of my London day game journey from Harry Potter nerd to making it my full time job, street seducer. And it's there interspersed with lots and lots of day game knowledge. So the day game stuff and the texting stuff and some dating stuff is obviously not as comprehensive as the new Street Hustle book, but it's ideal if you wanna see the the rise of daygam in London as well. It's a historical document. It's been updated for Kindle, and it is $9.99. So about £6.90, I think, in great British pounds. Torero travels was released in paper back in 2014. That's 80,000 words, it's still pretty big. 30 lay reports. It was my first couple of years of of going around the world and seducing girls in foreign cities, so unplugging from the matrix and how to do that and the pitfalls. It's it's more polished. It's still not great Dostoevsky level literature but it's it's raw and it's honest and it is what it is. It's a it's a book of its time. It was the first kind of real daygame travel journal book and again, it chronicles the rise in international daygame. There's more failure stories. There's more woe in Torero travels. So it reads it's got a more human element to it. So that's that. That is also $9.99 or £6.90. Just go to your local Kindle store. So if you're in The US, it's obviously .com. In The UK, it's .uk, etcetera. And you can download them right now. The Last Upsell, I promised before this podcast. Otherwise, I'm hustling too hard. I'm pull, pull, pull. It is for my only London coaching for a long while, and that's gonna be on Sunday, February 28. It's not a Saturday street hustle. It's a Sunday street hustle session, maximum two guys. And it's 1PM to 6PM Central London. One guy's already booked. So therefore, if you do the maths, there's one place left. It's £500, so it's a lot cheaper than doing a day's one on one with me. It's the Torero Toolkit. It's street hustle live on the street in shops, stores, stations, the full caboodle. One place left. Give me an email if you want that place. Tom@tomtorero.com for Sunday, February 28. Phew. There we go. That was like a Super Bowl halftime commercial coming at you. Today's topic, qualification, very, very important because it links to the fundamental concept in game, is frame, I. Reality. Who's holding the frame? You or her? Simple as that. Who is qualifying to who? Qualifying means who is explaining themself to the other person, who is justifying themself to the other person, who is the interviewee and who is the interviewer, who is the buyer, who is the seller, who is groveling, who is supplicating, who is nicer to who, who who is more needy to the other one. In traditional game, they say, is jumping through the other one's hoop? So is she jumping into your frame or are you jumping into her frame? And it's obviously linked to frame tests. That's what I call shit tests. So if you pass them, hopefully, you win and she'll qualify to you. If you lose, you'll be qualifying to her. Most guys, especially guys that believe in Disney romance and that kind of sickly sweet neediness, they are qualifying, male qualification, they are qualifying themselves to the girl. So they're showing off. They're not using my technique of humble bragging, but they are just trying to impress the girl with their money, with their large p personality, with their gym physique, with their selfies, with their long stories, really trying to show off. You'll see them buying girls things, taking girls on trips, buying them presents. You'll see them being supplicating with their voice, their voice going up. They'll be agreeing with everything she says. Nice needy guys will be talking too fast. They will be leaning in. They'll be doing anything to just try and get the girl to like them, which is counterintuitive because they're losing the frame. They're groveling. They're becoming female, feminine. They're letting Hurley hold the frame and lead. And therefore, surprise surprise, it just doesn't work. So you can look at couples. You can look at married couples or you can look at people on a date and have a look and think who's holding the frame? Who is qualifying to who? Who's asking permission? Who's leading? Who is sending the other one more texts? Who is agreeing to change of plans, you know, or maybe she flakes? Who is agreeing with that and who is doing a bit of punishment or a bit of vacuum, you know? Who is clinging on to the other one? I've done a street hustle video on that, public displays of affection. So whose arm is wrapped around the other one? Who is leaning into the other one? Who is walking faster? Who is getting reactive? Who has the one it is? Because in a relationship, one person needs the other person more than the other one needs them. It's a horrible fact of relationships. And obviously, if you know about frame and polarity and game, she needs to need you more than you need her. As Patricia O'Neill says, you should like her and she should love you. Like and love, that's the correct frame. A woman should be in your reality. Alright? It's complementary. It's not combative as I've said many times before. This is the natural state of mammalian affairs. It's just biology. But we're not gonna talk all about that. We're gonna talk about how to get her jumping through your hoops. So how to qualify her? Many guys make the mistake of thinking you can qualify a girl the moment you meet her. You might have read a bit of game theory and you understand the basics of qualification. You've learned some qualification routines or questions or mannerisms, behaviors, body language. So these guys walk up to a girl and say, hi. I think you're cute. Tell me three things about yourself. And then they vacuum. And surprise, surprise, a girl doesn't wanna tell a stranger in the middle of the day three things about herself, so she just walks off. Golden rule for qualification, you can only qualify a girl after the hook point. So you have to run-in, you have to go direct, and, yeah, that might come across as, you know, giving her the power temporarily, but you do the teasing and challenging and role play and spiking. You make her laugh. You push her off her little pedestal, and she hooks. She likes you. Now it's game on. We're gonna subtly flip the script. That's what we call it in game. We're gonna dial down our energy, close in our body language, stop smirking so much, leave bigger pauses, we're gonna do less, and all of those little things already are gonna be qualifying the girl. Don't forget that silence is a qualification. Vacuum is a qualification. And now, I say to you, don't ask those needy hairdresser questions at the beginning of an interaction. What's your name? What are you doing? Where are you from? Because it's just chitchat, bland, boring, predictable. And she walks off, but here's another but after the hook point. Guys, forget that you can now ask questions, but you need to ask qualifying questions or you need to ask even those chodey hairdresser questions with a qualifying tone. So that means not your voice going up, not trying to kiss her ass, not agreeing with everything she says, not trying to make her like you. But you can ask a normal question like, where are you from? You can ask it in a qualifying tone. I call that a hammer question. So rather than being the nail and getting hit by the girl hammer, you're gonna hit the nail. You're gonna nail her in all senses. So you might say, so where are you from? Or you might say, so how tall are you? Little smirk on your face. Obviously, you're not just being a dick, but you're getting her to jump through your hoop. You're saying, come on. Explain yourself. It goes back to Mystery when he used to say, yep. Beauty is common, but what else have you got going on for you? It makes the girl do the work. High value people naturally do this. Okay? A president, a film star, people are always qualifying to him. If you're British, you're gonna know Lord Sugar from The Apprentice. Think of how he speaks to the candidates on the show The Apprentice. I think the equivalent was Donald Trump back in the day in America. So he's making those poor buggers qualify to him. He's the interviewee. They're the interviewer. Okay. They want what he's got to offer more than he's bothered about whether they work for him. So he he has that in his body language. He has that in his voice tonality. You know, explain yourself. A great qualifying question is to say, why? Or tell me more. Why why did you come from Portugal to London? Well, okay. You've been in London for four years, but your English is still a bit, you know, Spanglish. You've definitely got a strong Spanish accent. Why isn't it better after four years? Now if you just keep qualifying and qualifying and qualifying, it's like asking a dog in a circus to jump through one hoop and another hoop and another hoop and another hoop and they're gonna get tired and fed up and eventually say no. So you gotta qualify from a place of strength, not of weakness. You can't be passive aggressive. You can't be reactive. And you've gotta do it subtly. Okay? So you might say something before the qualification. You might say a statement as a buffer. So you might say, you know, I really really like tall girls. I've just got a thing for tall girls. How tall are you? Alright. And that kind of softens the blow. Same on a text. Alright. So rather than just saying, I hope you can pick out a good wine, bring a good wine, which sounds a little bit dickish, a bit too demanding, soften it. So you might say, you know, on Wednesday, I'm gonna make the pasta. Are you good at picking wine? Cheeky face. So you notice the buffer, like, I'm gonna make the pasta, but are you good at bringing wine? Same with the cooking. It's a good question to ask a girl on a date, even on the street if you're cheeky, but introduce it first. You might say, you know, I love trying new things, and I'm I'm pretty good at making a mean pudding, a classic British pudding. But listen, can you cook? Be honest, can you cook me a nice Russian traditional dish? Now watch how she tries to explain herself and jump through your hoop. Girls love jumping through hoops. Girls love qualifying to a man. This is what feminists don't understand or people believe that men and women are equal. They don't understand that women love, finally, a man who has standards, who has boundaries, a man who has frame. And the woman loves to do things for the guy. If you're dating a girl, you know, let her come over and bring something for you. Let her make something for you. Let her paint something for you. Let her invest in you. Now a little trick which is actually, this is in my first book, daygame from 2012. That's when I used it a lot, but it's also in street hustle explained in more depth. And I call it the £1 trick or you could say it's the $1 trick. And you're texting the girl back and forth, you know, you've done your feeler and now you're doing your pings or your photo pings or your your audio pings and you say, listen, I've just brought you an amazing, luxurious, delectable gift. It's perfect for you and it cost me all of dot dot dot £1. Cheeky face. And she'll reply, what is it? And you say, well, I can only give it to you if you bring me a gift when we meet on Wednesday, but it can only cost a maximum of £1. Be original. Cheeky face. And what that does is make the girl invest. So she'll spend the next few days hunting around shops, trying to think of something funny to bring. And girls used to be so imaginative. They used to make things for me, decorate things for me, cook things for me, because they wanna impress you. And I would usually buy them a badge of, like, god save the queen or, like, a little nerdy Harry Potter badge or a Kinder egg. Very German, I think that is. Isn't it, Kinder? Delicious. A kinder egg with a little plastic toy inside or a little Barbie sticker, something really tacky. It's a joke. But the idea is that she's thinking about you for those three days, and she's really trying to impress you. That's qualification. Alright? And you can qualify a girl from the moment she's hooked. So you're gonna be doing it a little bit on the street. You're saying, you know, what do you like about London? What do you do for fun? Why did you come from Sweden to London? How tall are you? Can you cook? I think I've said those already. Yeah? On the text, a little bit of qualification. You don't wanna seem too dickish and demanding on the text. Even a simple question like, you know, are you behaving? Or tell me something interesting you've done this week. Just to get her investing. Another way to do that is obviously to vacuum, make your text shorter than hers. All of this is in Street Hustle. And that naturally will cause her to see if you're still interested by she'll be texting you more. She'll be the flip the script will be flipped, so she'll be doing a little bit of chasing because she thinks, wow, finally, a non needy guy. This is amazing. He's not kissing my ass. And that makes Gills jump. It's cat string theory. Yeah? Push and pull. It's very, very attractive. So don't forget the vacuum. But then obviously on a date, this is when you really start to qualify Gills. And you could do qualification in a jokey way. Obviously, you know, like, can you cook? Oh, okay. Minus two points. We're never gonna get married. You're fired. Whatever. Or you can do it quite seriously on a date. Don't ask qualification questions one after the other. Like I said, it comes across as arrogant and like an interview like Alan Sugar. You just weave them in very cleverly. So you might say, you know, what's your guilty pleasure? What are you addicted to? Come on. Spill the beans. Or you might say, you know, okay. So you're from Glasgow. Alright. Why should I go to Glasgow? What is Glasgow the capital of? Is it of lovers or parks or what? What's Glasgow got going on for it? Or you might say here's a good one. You might say, tell me something I'd never guess about you. Don't be predictable. Tell me something I'd never guess about you. And obviously, it's back and forth. So you're going to be doing a bit of investing, grounding, opening up, showing vulnerability, bit of deep rapport in venue one. And the idea, again, with some silences, some looks away, some closed body language at times, we're gonna be getting her to do more and more and more until the idea is that the fish jumps out of the water itself. It wants to be reeled in. That's perfect game when the the script is completely flipped and she's, you know, suggesting the bounce home. She's trying to escalate on you. That's a perfect scenario. It's obviously rare. But even if you can get qualification out of a girl more than you're currently doing now, it builds attraction. It builds the connection. It makes the LMR less. Girls love this feeling of chasing. I say in many seminars, give girls the gift of chasing you. Yeah? Let her lean into you. Let her kiss your ass in both senses if you like that. Let her, as I said, bring you things. Let her text you. Let her be the one to get reactive when you create a bit of drama. Yeah? Let her be the one to break the silences with boring questions or silly little giggles. Alright? Let her be the one to try and impress you with her stories. Let her be the one to show you photos on her phone, again, to try and impress her. Yeah? In any interaction, I don't care whether it's game or business or families, even with friends, somebody is qualifying to somebody else. Alright. The perfect balance would be between two really good friends, let's say, in a pub. And yet, it's basically fifty fifty. You can watch that in a pub. Two people having a chat over a beer. Nobody's really, you know, trying to impress the other person too much. It's about fifty fifty. They're doing half of the work each. Now if your favorite movie star of all time was to walk into the room right now, the qualification ratio would be ridiculous. It'd be like a 100 to one. So that person would just be chilling out, leaning back, they'd be a bit embarrassed about being in the spotlight and you'd be trying to win them over, you'd be asking for a selfie and an autograph and did they want a drink and oh my god, it's so nice to meet you. I can't believe I've met you. And it does make that person feel slightly odd. Now I'm not a celebrity but I do experience guys coming up and saying, it's Tom Torero or oh, it's the guy off YouTube or when I give talks, guys sometimes say, oh, can I have a selfie? And it makes me feel weird because I don't really like it when people qualify to me because I've been that needy nice guy for many years qualifying to girls so I can spot it. It's nice when you're on an equal footing with somebody, like a good wing, an old friend, or just a really chill guy and he's not trying to show off too much. He's not trying to impress and you can just relax and have a beer. And tonight, I have to say very cool group of Berliners, of Berlin daygamers. Very, very cool. We just sat in the hotel lobby. We had a good chat. There were really good questions, some beers. The value was extremely high. You know, guys with their shit together, with their jobs sorted, with their fashion and health and grooming sorted, and guys that were actively in field. Not many keyboard warriors, keyboard jocks tonight. And I hope this is the direction of game, really. You know, there's so much daygame material out there and so many infields out there. I always joke and say you don't need a coach because it's all out there. It's amazing. And guys, hurrah, are taking action. So we're getting away from the stay at home pickup artist and the mental masturbation and the mind wank. And there's guys on the streets three or four times a week putting in the work. So anyway, I digress. That was fantastic. Let's come back to qualification. And the central idea, like I say in street hustle, stop auditioning to be her boyfriend. Stop trying to explain why you're so amazing that she should date you. Instead flip it around and be the judge. Alright? To see if she is cool enough to be your lover. Alright? To be in your open in an open relationship with you. And just that one switch will improve the frame. It will improve the polarity. Alright? And use if you want, if you're brave, if you've got game experience, subtly really disqualify yourself. So not qualify yourself, but disqualify yourself. Obviously, it's artificial because secretly you do obviously want to sleep with her and it shouldn't be that secret because you're letting her know subconsciously and subtly and under the radar, but you know, tiger eyes, marathoner moves, spikes, statements of intent, a few frame crushes if she's playing silly buggers. But, you know, cheeky disqualifications. That's why lines like, when this is not gonna work out between us, you know. Just go. That's it. You're fired. It's over. Oh, well, really, I've got this thing for blonde girls, you know. And everybody here in Colombia, just dark hair. It just doesn't really do it for me. Well, you know. You're taller than the girls I usually date. And it's not a big deal, but, you know, whatever. Or, you know, you're very beautiful, but are you adventurous? You know, you're very beautiful, but are you creative? Because I really like creative girls. Or you'd say, listen, I'm I am far too old for you. Okay? You should be dating a DJ, not a guy that stopped you on the street, you know. No. It's never gonna work because I'm not really in Berlin that much. So, you know, we can never have a deep, meaningful, philosophical, existential relationship. You know, it's just gonna be me pinning you against the wall for a couple of nights and making you forget your own name, making you see multicolors. But, you know, we're never gonna get married. Sorry. That's all casual but clever disqualification. It's It's at the heart of flipping the script because you'll find, surprise surprise, that she then tries to chase you and say, no, no, no. It's fine. It's fine that I'm only gonna see you every few months in Berlin. That's cool. Or, oh, no. I used to actually dye my hair brunette. That's what girls will say and show you pictures of when they used to look different or, no, no, I I often wear heels so don't worry, I I can be tall. They're trying to impress you and it's like when a kid is trying to impress their teacher or their parents. It's a very healthy thing. It's a very normal thing. It brings you together. It's correct polarity. It's correct frame. And where does it all come from? In terms of game, it comes from perceived sexual market value. Okay? Because if you think the girl has a higher sexual market value than you, then you will, as a human being, automatically qualify yourself to them. That's why it's difficult when you're talking to an eight, nine, or a unicorn 10 if you're talking to a catwalk model, a Victoria's Secret model, a stripper who looks like your favorite porn star. So many little tells come out that you qualify yourself to them and you don't even notice you're doing it often. It's your pitch of voices, your speed of voice. It's the fact that you're no longer challenging her or teasing her. You're just agreeing with everything she says. You're probably leaning in. You're probably texting too much. You're probably buying her too many drinks. You're probably too available. You're probably telling her too many cool quote unquote stories about yourself and you don't realize you're doing it. Because with a six or a seven or, you know, a girl that you've the type of girl you've slept with many times, you don't do it. So game is really I remember reading this once. Game is behaving with the eight, nine, or 10 exactly like you now currently behave with a five or a six. Okay. Sounds crass and simple, but that is the truth. If you can behave with a Victoria's Secret model sitting on your bed, exactly like you would with a, you know, vaguely attractive girl sitting on your bed in college. If you can be the same person, you know, cocky, funny, relaxed, non needy, just having a good time, you're not bothered about sleeping with her because she's not your type. That's how movie stars behave with these model girls. That's how a guy who owns a nightclub behaves. That's how a fashion photographer behaves. Right? That's how a high value male, politician, writer, film star, whatever. Somebody in who has abundance and who has had a lot of experience with women. They just naturally have this this void. They have the frame and people qualify to them. So in the beginning, it's catch 22 because it's fake it till you make it. No. You're not a movie star and maybe no. You're not surrounded by thousands of girls throwing their knickers at you Tom Jones style, but you have to walk down the street like you are. In street hustle, I call it the red carpet walk, shoulders back, twinkling eyes, smirk on your face, straight down the middle of the street. Imagine you're on the Oscars red carpet. And when you're on a date, you're leaning back. You're not directly in front of the girl. You're slightly tilted away. She's the one leaning in. You're the one leaving pauses, etcetera, etcetera. You're behaving like you are Robbie Williams. You're behaving like you are Frank Sinatra. And what do you know? If you keep going over time, fake it till you make it becomes real. You actually develop high value. You get positive reference experiences. It's an upward spiral of positivity. And then you naturally start qualifying girls or they naturally qualify themselves to you without you really trying. And finally, you think, wow. My value's improved. Hallelujah. This is good. I feel like I'm entitled. That's why I get a little bit frustrated when some pickup coaches say, all you need to remember is that you are enough. Okay? You are high value. Say it in the mirror. I am high value. I am amazing. I am enough. I don't need game. Well, it's okay for them to say. They've been fifteen years in the game shagging hundreds of women. But for a guy who's really needy and supplicating and he's just starting out, no. You're not enough. Alright? You're enough in your core, somewhere within you is that beast, it's that tiger bit that has to be brought out and you have to do a lot of unlearning. So game is really taking away. It's shedding of layers. In street hustle, I say it's like the sculptor taking that block of granite and carving away. He removes stone to create that Adonis, that Greek god statue within. I think that's enough for now. That was pretty good. I wasn't sure I was gonna fill a podcast with qualification, but it's a lot to say because it links to my favorite topic of frame. And what do you know at the heart of my new textbook Street Hustle, it's all about frame male female polarity and how that manifests itself in terms of the hustle. Who's hustling who? Who's the chooser? Who's the chosen? Who's the interviewee? Who's the interviewer? Either you hustle or you get hustled. I talk about the ethical hustle, the non ethical hustle, the first type of hustle, which is the the sneaky bait and switch, the win lose, or the second type of hustle, a secret society win win when it's you and the girl like Bonnie and Clyde hustling against the world. So if you wanna know more, keep your eye out on YouTube or on my Twitter or on my Facebook or wherever. Wherever you spend your day, look out for the announcement about the release hopefully in the next week or so of this mammoth daygame textbook Street Hustle. But for now, I shall see you in maybe Singapore. Yeah. The vlogs will be from Singapore, but maybe the next podcast will be in Amsterdam. Ta da.