---
title: Episode 49 No More Mr Nice Guy
episode_number: 49
era: early
source_file: Episode 49 No More Mr Nice Guy.mp3
audio_size_mb: 54.8
duration_sec: 1795.6
duration_min: 29.9
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.996
transcribed_at: 2026-05-28T06:41:54Z---

# Episode 49 No More Mr Nice Guy

**Speaker 0:** Tom Torero podcast 49. No more mister nice guy in Amsterdam. Damn we are in Amsterdam. The city where they speak like this as if they have something in their quiche. But I love Amsterdam. I've been coming here to teach daygame for about four years. It's the city of guilty pleasures, obviously, of fetishes where people lick the lid. In all senses, not just sailors anymore. When you think of Amsterdam and you think of all the cliches, you probably think of the red light district, the area around Central Station. It's a tourist trap. It was fun when I was 16 years old. Weirdly, I came here on a geography field trip. The teacher, god knows how they got permission, but they brought loads of teenagers from our school to Amsterdam, and that's when we sampled the underbelly of this city. And if you walk around that area today, you'll see drunk, stone British guys, German guys, Italian guys walking around in huge packs. It's it's not my favorite part of Amsterdam but once you get out of Amsterdam, I'm staying this time in the Museum District. It's beautiful. It's very old. It's very cobbled. Obviously, you've got the canals, those tall skinny houses. It's just got real European roots, you know, and we've just had a little snowstorm. So what a contrast from sticky, sweaty, futuristic Singapore where I enjoyed it but god, I realized I don't like humidity. This is glorious. It's frosty. It's about five degrees here in Amsterdam. Got all my layers on, got my thermals on, ready to teach. So a couple of days of teaching here. And people have said, is Amsterdam any good for daygame? Well, yes and no. Okay? No in that it's a very small city you could say for locals. There's about 800,000 people but the good news is that half of those 800,000 are international. Actually, I think it's about 45% of the population of Amsterdam doesn't come from The Netherlands. So you've got a good mix. It's pedestrian. Yeah. You might need to do a few bicycle stops or get a bike yourself. The other good news is that the tourists are here. So infinite same day lay or dirty gutter game, dirty fast lay opportunities. There's about 7,000,000 tourists a year. And throw into that mix about 8,000 apparently sex workers. Now, not for paying them, but for shoring them. That means getting a girl who works in the sex industry without paying. So if you're into that, if you're into the seedy side of life without paying, then you've got all that as well. So when you put all that together, Amsterdam's pretty good. Now a downside you could say is, yep, although the girls are tall and skinny, they don't have the quality of the Slavic lands, the former Soviet Union. They don't quite have that face. They're a little bit masculine but to be honest, there's so much opportunity and choice and open seediness in this place that it can keep you going especially if you're a beginner. It's got a wonderful long pedestrian shopping street either side of Dam Square and it's got shopping malls and you could just walk around the tourist areas if you're a beginner and you just wanna get those approaches under your belt. Anyway, we'll report back from Amsterdam in a few vlogs coming at you. Torero Tomfoolery, my new vlog series on YouTube. But before we dive into today's podcast, some coaching announcements. One more space in London on the March 6 for my street hustle one day coaching. And then at the end of March, I'm in New York City for a couple of weeks. The street hustle sessions are sold out on the nineteenth and the March 20, but there's still spaces on the twenty sixth and the March 27 plus in New York, some private coaching opportunities. So give me an email as ever, tom@tomtorero.com. Alright. Time for no more mister nice guy, which I was gonna call social to sexual because it plots the course really of my day game history from being the nice guy daygamer, the social chatty daygamer, to the bad boy, lover, sexual, cad, nomad, outlaw kind of daygamer. Yeah. Quick and dirty, which is a good theme for this city of Amsterdam. And the second half of this podcast is gonna be me talking to my student in Singapore, the wonderful Zach. And on the second day before we kicked off our session, I think it was at the beginning of the session. Well, no, it was at the end of the session. That's right. After his instant dates, we discussed this topic in detail so you can hear Zach talking about it because just like my daygame in 2010, 2011, this was the central sticking point linked to the root cause. So you get all these outer game manifestations of mister nice guy linked to this fundamental root cause of being a people pleaser, of being passive, of being supplicating, of being the nice guy who actually doesn't tell the truth. The nice guy is the liar because he's indirect. He hides his dick. There's many reasons why you might be nice. It might be your parents. It might be your your situation when you grew up. It might be bullying, like in my case, so wanting to please other people and not rock the boat, wanting to fit in because perhaps you never did fit in when you were a teenager. It might be the job that you're in. You might wanna blame the society, the social construct around you. But the good news is you can take control. You don't need to whine and moan and be a victim. You can say, okay, I've got this problem. Just like Zach admitted, he said, yep, I am a nice guy and I'm doing daygame and dating in nice guy mode, but the good news is I can change it. There's nothing wrong with whinging as long as it leads to action. So you don't have to be happy and positive all the time. That's not human. That's not normal. I'm grumpy lots of the time. Like this morning, I've got a bit of jet lag. I was walking around trying to find some good coffee and some good WiFi And I thought, listen, rather than moaning, a, realize that I'm very lucky to have this job and I'm in a wonderful city and I'm out, I'm healthy, I'm walking around. And b, take action by finding a good coffee shop. I had a nice two hour walk, explored this part of the city where I'm staying, the Museum District, and it led to finding all these little random shops and then at the end, a really good coffee shop. So let your moaning inspire action. So let this podcast about you may be being or needy or passive or nice lead to you after this podcast making a list of things you need to change. And I'm gonna link a nice simple table under this podcast both on iTunes and on YouTube. It's a summary table of the difference between the beta nice guy and the alpha bad boy player stroke lover stroke street hustler. And this table is in the appendix in my new hardback book, Street Hustle, and it's just a useful summary of what you're about to hear. So if you can't be bothered to take notes, then just refer to the table below. Alright. Nice guy daygame. You're going to be dressed like a nice guy because you wanna fit in. Yep. You're the everyman. Your voice is gonna go up, so it's gonna sound like that, like you're trying to agree with everything she says. You're gonna be using words like cool, wow, yeah, oh, yeah, great, amazing. Sounds pretty good. Yeah? You're gonna be talking quite fast because you don't believe that what you say has value. You're gonna be scared to vacuum because you think that if you stop talking, she's gonna run away. Yeah. You're going to not be teasing and challenging. You're just gonna be agreeing and making hairdresser polite chitchat. You're gonna be predictable. Your body language is gonna be groveling, so you're gonna be leaning in. Everything's gonna be weak. So weak eye contact, weak handshake, weak ability to lead, weak number closing, maybe some snake seduction where you say you're gonna teach her English or show her the city or let her sleep on your sofa or help her with her homework, whatever. You're not gonna be telling her what you want. Your spikes are gonna be minimal. Yep. You're gonna be sinking into comfort quicksand. Alright. You're be let you're gonna be letting her hold the frame and make the decisions and lead and maybe you're gonna give her your phone number. She's really not gonna know what you want a lot of the time even if you open direct. Guys say, well, I open direct. Isn't that enough? No. Because if you go up to a girl and you just say, hi, I think you look nice, you've got cool style, that just might be a quick throwaway friendly compliment. You're not doing any statements of intent, you're not doing tiger eyes, you're not doing Mara Donner move. You're not doing the mini bounce. You're not spiking it up, closing strong at the end. There's no polarity. So she might come out with you for that friendly coffee and have no idea what you want. And this used to happen to me all the time. Women saw me as the non threatening, nice, friendly, primary school teacher. Maybe I was gay, they thought. Or even worse, Tom would make an ideal future boyfriend. So I didn't really put myself just in the friend zone. I put myself even worse in the long term boyfriend box. I was auditioning to be her boyfriend. That means she was gonna make me wait. She thought, oh, Tom's respectable. I can introduce him to my mom in six months time. Maybe he will be a good father for my children. He seems very nice and polite and nonthreatening. That's the key term, nonthreatening. The nice guy daygamer is not a sexual threat. Girls will make you wait. If they're auditioning for you to be the boyfriend or rather they're judging whether your audition to be the boyfriend is good enough, that's a big role to fill. So they're not gonna make that decision quickly. They're gonna withhold sex. This is the important thing. They're gonna withhold sex because that's their bartering tool. That's their hustling tool. Alright? So you have to go on three, four, five, six, seven dates like I used to do. And yep, you might get the lay but you've kind of pretended to be her boyfriend. So then you have to do the the run, the cut and run, the sting which is the bait and switch and then you feel bad and she feels bad and it's not good for your game. So how do we solve this? Well, as you're gonna hear me say to Zach, we need to polarize what we're doing. We need to show our intent. So that means verbally and non verbally, physically, with our leading, with our escalating. We don't wanna force phone numbers but we wanna get really good at sparking attraction, getting the girl to hook properly, getting her to invest, qualifying her, holding the frame, all these classic Torero things that I talk about that street hustle is full of. We wanna move from social daygame, which is the old school daygame, to sexual daygame. Yes? Social to sexual. And like I said, throw in all this Torero street hustle things. The marathoner move, so holding her hand when you're pretending to shake it. The tiger eyes. So looking at her like she's a buffet, an all you can eat buffet. You're staring at her. You're imagining doing really naughty, dirty, wild things to her. And many girls say, wow, Tom. I saw it in your eyes. I knew what you wanted from the look in your eyes. You wanna look at her with hunger like a tiger, looking at its prey. Yeah? If you're not too good at the nonverbal stuff, yeah, spike it up with statements of intent. Watch my hustle video on that. So not just the beginning compliment, but use the word sexy halfway through the interaction and then close strong. No more wishy washy closing. Say, listen. I find you attractive and I wanna take you out for a glass of wine. Alright? Try the mini bounce. Lead her. Move her. That's enough kino for the street, but then we want to obviously know what we're doing on a date. And this was Zach's problem just like my problem. He can get lots of girls numbers, but the dates don't lead anywhere. So that suggests the guy doesn't know what he's doing with the verbal ladder. He doesn't have a physical ladder in place. So verbal escalation, number one, learn that. Physical escalation, learn that. And don't chance it. Be ready. Have a structure. If only there was a textbook called Street Hustle which contained these structures, then you could just stick them on your phone and do the same thing every time. That's what I say to Zach. Listen to my podcast on the royal flush as well. So if you have princess type of girls, princess behavior, you're finding frame control difficult, she's playing games, Time for the royal flush. Know about token last minute resistance. Again, if only there was a textbook with all this stuff in. Street hustle goes into a lot of information on verbal escalation, physical escalation, getting her home, token last minute resistance, and essentially in part one of street hustle, coming back to the root cause. So the mindsets, the right frame, the right polarity, who's qualifying to who, why these things exist and the biological reasons behind them. Because if you don't understand the root cause, the biology, why men and women have different agendas when it comes to dating and mating and how that affects our behavior, then all this doesn't really sink in. These are just throwaway techniques that you can try, but if you don't really understand why they work as well as how they work, then you're lost. So from today, changing it up. From the nice guy, we're gonna switch it to the nice bad boy. Alright? We're gonna go from boyfriend to lover. In biology, we would say you're gonna go from k selected to r selected. You're gonna be the chooser rather than the chosen. You're gonna hustle rather than being hustled. You're gonna be the buyer and not the seller. The frame's gonna be right, and that's what I was encouraging Zach to do. So we worked a lot in Singapore on sexualizing his daygame and more importantly, knowing what to do on a date and how to lead and escalate on instant dates. So over to you, mister Zach.

**Speaker 1:** Alright. Alright. It's Saturday. It's Singapore. It's hot and sticky. So most of the day games in the mall actually. Orchard Road, unbelievable. Which mall are we in now? We are in 313 Shopping Center. 313. This is really good actually down the end of Orchard Road. And I'm with Zach. Alright, Zach. Hello. Nice to meet you. Alright, mate. We have been working on basically one sticking point. Everything comes to the same root cause. Yeah? Mhmm. Which is my old sticking point, which is your sticking point, which is nice guy social. Yeah? Yes. And taking everything from social to sexual. So the daygame is basically fine. You don't seem to have a problem stopping Mhmm. Girls trusting you, you getting phone numbers. But when you email me, you said, yeah, but those phone numbers flake or you go on loads of dates and they're just dying out. Yeah? Yes. A lot. Yeah. So we looked at yesterday was about your daygame, and we were making that a bit more sexual. So eyes, hand holding, what did we say, persistence, closing strong. Pushing. Pushing, not pulling. That was a big one for you. Yes. Because you had the topic and you had the the chat. You even had the hook, but it wasn't like it wasn't dirty. It wasn't enough. And you saw today when we tried pushing. Do you remember me with that Japanese one? Mhmm. You push verbally or physically, but verbally, and they giggle and laugh. And then they laugh and they start Yep. Touching you and Yeah. Start Yeah. Beating you. Yeah. It's it's counterintuitive Yes. For a guy. Yeah. But if you choose it, it's good. Anyway, that's not your problem really. Closing, we did yesterday. Close strong. Mhmm. One more thing before you go. Listen. I don't wanna be your boyfriend. Let's go now. Give me your number. Mhmm. So we said, okay. Today, we need to do instant dates because I need to see you on a date. And surprise, surprise, you went on back to back just now too. Yeah? So let's talk about them and more importantly what you're gonna do every single time from now. Yeah? So the first one, how did that start? The first one, the skinny one with a great ass. Okay. You mean you go from the beginning? Yeah. Just roughly the set at the beginning and then what happened on the instant date. Okay. I

**Speaker 2:** I saw her eating ice cream, went up to her, talked to her, said she looked like a little girl eating ice cream. It was quite situational, actually. Do you remember she dropped the ice She dropped the ice cream, and I actually called that out. I said, you look like a little girl, and then you just drop your ice cream, and you're crying for your mother for another pair of ice cream. So brilliant. Accuse, accuse, accuse? Accuse, yes, accuse. And then after that, we started talking where she's from, she's from Vietnam. I said, don't believe her. She doesn't look Vietnamese. No. She had an amazing body. Yes. She was very sexy. And I bounced her for an instant date. I said, you know what? I'm actually quite thirsty. Let's go grab a coffee. I went to a coffee shop down the street, started walking. She didn't wanna buy anything. So I grabbed my coffee, sat down with started talking.

**Speaker 1:** I like the way you in the beginning, you were opposite her, but then you kinda you were sitting then Yes. At right angles to her, and there was loads of touching. Yes. And I saw I was looking through the window. There was loads of spiking. Yes. There was. I was like touching her fingernails because she had like multiple colors on her fingernails.

**Speaker 2:** And I said usually people for girls when they color their nails, it usually matches their toes. And I used that as a spike, started touching her leg. Great. And then they were of the same color and then she's applying it. Verbal spikes? Any

**Speaker 1:** Verbal spikes. You say use the word like sexy or I like this about you or are you a library girl or are you a party girl? I said something like you

**Speaker 2:** your fingernails matches your outfit. You seem very sexy. Yeah. And then but the problem over there was that she wasn't

**Speaker 1:** really buying it. She kept looking away. Yeah. She was it was funny. She was a mixture of sexual and nervous. Yes. I couldn't really work it out. So we just agreed. You came and chatted to me and we said, okay. The only way to tell with many of these weird girls, it was like Japan. The only way to tell, like I said to you yesterday, is to bounce. Because if she's on, she will bounce, and if she hates you, she won't bounce. So you what did you do to bounce?

**Speaker 2:** I asked her where she lived, and she said she lived in Somerset nearby. And then I said, like, let's go to your place. Let's go watch a movie. Let's chill. And then we started walking started walking, and but she was still quite distant. I was like, wait. She's walking back to her place, but she's being cold and distant. I was a bit confused. But I just kept trying, kept trying, kept trying. Because you're you don't have, at the moment, logistics.

**Speaker 1:** So you were going to her house? Yes.

**Speaker 2:** Eventually, we reached her place, and I said, let's go upstairs and just chill for a while, watch a movie. And then she said, no. No. No. No. No. It's okay. It's too fast. And then I said, you know what? Let me just use the toilet. I need to pee. I had too much coffee just now. She said, no. No. No. No. No. It's okay. You wanna pee, you go next door to the coffee shop next door. Well, this is good. This is how you find out where you are. And it was fast, but fuck it. At least you went All out. All out. Cards on the table, you know, burn it. And

**Speaker 1:** that's fine. So

**Speaker 2:** that finished. Yes. And then I texted you, okay, come back to the mall. And then? And then on the way back, funny enough, I was at the train station. I saw this gorgeous Korean looking girl in this, like, flowery dress. Yeah. Stopped her, complimented her. I teased her correct. I guess she was from Korea. And then I said, you know what? I'm actually on my way now to go back to coffee. You should come follow me. And then she's like, I'm meeting my friend. Okay. Okay. Maybe I'll meet her later. And then I started walking back to the same coffee shop.

**Speaker 1:** Very good. Just coming through the persistence Yes. Going through the persistence when a girl says, especially in Singapore, oh, I'm a bit busy. I'm meeting my friends. Mhmm. You know, if you picture girls as children or puppies, all of these girls in Singapore say, oh, I'm kind of shopping now. And you say, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Listen. It's ten minutes. Coffee. Let's go. And then you just brought her to the same coffee shop, the same mall. Yes. Seats was okay. It was opposite. So I saw you thinking, okay. This is the time I need to do verbal and try maybe physical. So this is what I want you to remember really for all the next dates you go on. Right? Okay. A structure, scaffolding, a plan, have it on your phone. Okay. So you start verbally. Number one, verbal. So what did you do? What were some of the verbal things you did to Spike it up. To get it up. Yeah. Basically,

**Speaker 2:** we sat down. We just started talking normal stuff, how long she's here, where she studied. And and then after that, it was getting quite interviewish, and I told her, you know what? I feel very daunting sitting in front of you. Sit down sit let's sit down next to each other. And then I asked her to come sit down next to me. She was too shy. She said, no. No. No. No. No. I don't want. Don't want. And a little trick for that, I forgot to tell you next time.

**Speaker 1:** Even instead of asking her, it's just you say, I'm going to the toilet. Go to the toilet and then just come and sit down next to her. And sometimes they put their bag down Yeah. And you said, don't worry. I'll steal that later, you know. I'm not gonna kill you. So in game in general, not asking is telling. Telling. But you were right. She was a shy Korean girl. Yes. And in my experience like Japan, they are socially shy, but in the bedroom or on a date, think she's okay. Yes. Alright. So what else did you do apart from the that was like a physical move, but how verbally how did you I saw you doing the good girl to bad girl thing. Yes. I did what you said, the good girl bad girl thing.

**Speaker 2:** I started talking about like like why is she coming here to Singapore? Is the man in Korea no good? And then after that, I said, you a good girl or a bad girl? And then she said, oh, I'm in between. I said, I don't believe you. Perfect answer. Yeah. They always say they're in between. Yeah.

**Speaker 1:** And What did you say about killing the the money?

**Speaker 2:** Oh, yes. And and then she said that, like we started talking about more comfort, and she said she did yoga. Then afterwards, she said she lived here. You know, she's she asked whether I've been to India, she stayed there for five months. And then that was when I said, is that what you always do? You travel around, you stay for a couple of months, you meet men, make them fall in love. So accuse, accuse, accuse. Yep. Exactly. And then that was when she lit up and then she started saying, no, no, no, no, no. I don't do that. Yeah. I'm not that kind of girl.

**Speaker 1:** But she's given you the clues already that she is adventurous because she's been to India. She said she's not a good girl. She's in the middle. Yeah. So all these are little clues, know? Mhmm. And then it was you did the right thing. Instead of trying to push it further, you just say, okay, take the number. I'll see you next time. Yeah. Because she had to meet her friends. Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

**Speaker 2:** Basically, she said she live in India and loves Indian food. So I said, like, we should go grab a drink or eat Indian food sometime, and then we exchange numbers. And I say I'm I'm with my friends. Have a lovely day. I try going for a hug.

**Speaker 1:** Hugs I avoid. I don't like hugging girls. Alright? Because in America and England, hugging is what? Friendly. Friendly and gay guys do. You can point to your cheek and say, here here, I feel sad. Cheer me up. You say, no no no, not the mouth. Don't be too fast. You're a crazy girl. Just the cheek here. And then I kiss her cheek. That's alright. But you did the right thing. And do you see why keeping it short

**Speaker 2:** Was better. Is better than two hours with that girl. Yeah? Yes. I realized that slowly after we keep talking and talking, the energy started to go down. And then I did a spike where the thing where she travels and break people's heart, and she immediately did up again. And then I knew, like, if I went even further, it would go down even more. So I just quickly went for the number. Yeah. Yeah. It's counterintuitive.

**Speaker 1:** So on your phone, we did it yesterday, but on the next instant date, you can have that list on your phone. Verbal, I think we did five, one to five, and 10 physical. Yes. All of them in street hustle. So nothing wrong with looking at your phone pretending you're looking at a text message Yes. And just doing the next spike. And then as you said flipping back to comfort. So the order goes you know comfort spike, comfort spike, comfort spike, number, spike. Because if you just did spike, spike, spike, like on the first one Yeah. They freak out. Yeah. It's too much. But it was good because she was a bit of a weird girl. Anyway, the the message is you will feel comfortable the more you do those spikes. You will feel comfortable the more you start escalating and leading. Now I know your logistics is tough. Many guys listening have the exactly the same problem, you know, living with parents, living far away. Mhmm. It's creating a map of the city. Singapore has many posh hotels Yes. Bars, bathrooms. Hotels. Yes. Before asking for the bathroom, check out her logistics. So you did it with the first one. You say, where do you stay? Do you have your own room? Oh, cool. I'm I'm gonna show you this surfing video. I've got some cool videos from my trip to X. What kind of music do you like? What's your favorite director? Oh, cool. I like this director. I'll show you. And then I need to charge my phone. I need to use the bathroom. Yeah. Show me where you live. Time constraint. I've only got half an hour. I've got to meet my cousin. Yeah. It's tougher than your own place, but it makes you very, strong. My buddy, Sam in London, he used to he couldn't go home because he lived with his parents. Mhmm. And he lived one hour, maybe one and a half from London. He used to know where all the bathrooms were, casino toilets, because he was he had and and Yeah. And it was very possible. And actually, it made him tougher because he knew that he had to escalate. He had to lead. Because if he took a number, it's rubbish. Yeah. So

**Speaker 2:** Actually, this is a problem a lot in Singapore because a lot of my friends and a lot of, like, Asians actually still live with their parents. Yep. They only move out until they get married. So I think as daygamers, this is a good opportunity to push yourself. It is. And Singapore is 46%

**Speaker 1:** international, I heard. Yes. And this street is 50% tourists here. Yeah. So they have hotels and apartments. And especially got again, there's nothing wrong with going back to her place. First, you say you let's see your area. So if she lives in the bay, you say, okay, let's go to the bay for a drink. And then you say, show me where your hotel is. And then you at the door, you pull it like you did. Yeah. It's gonna toughen you up, that's what that's your that's your target for the next half a year. Yes. It's not really day game. It's it's escalating and leading and spiking. And once you do it enough, it doesn't feel weird. I promise you. Actually, the final pull always feels weird. So even last night, I don't like the feeling of pulling her into the hotel. And I always feel a bit sick in my stomach. But I just say, Tom, fuck it. Do it. Do it. Do it. And I can feel the energy going down as you said. Uh-huh. And I can feel my stomach like, no. Mhmm. I gotta do it. I gotta do it. I say, right. Come with me. Let's go. And even when she's coming up in the elevator, I feel sick. Like, so I guess it's normal to just feel like that. It's normal because that's the most sexual tension. Yeah. So if I'm feeling it, imagine how she's feeling. Imagine how that girl's feeling. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. She's it's it's kind of exciting. It's dangerous. She's like, oh my god. This guy met me on the street. This is awesome. Much better than a two hour coffee. Because the minute you feel comfortable and she feels comfortable Mhmm. That is a bad sign. Now a charity guy would say, oh, that's a good sign, you know, like marriage. But no. No. No. No. No. Singapore has quite a dirty feeling, like exciting, dangerous. It is. You know, cabin crew, Thailand, Vietnam, Korea. It's crazy here. It's really crazy. It reminds me of Las Vegas. Yeah. If you're listening, Singapore is awesome, and the English is amazing,

**Speaker 2:** and the volume is amazing. So You have the people from all over the world, actually. It's like from Asia, from European countries. So it's like Yeah. Very international.

**Speaker 1:** And it's like transient. Everyone's here, but, you know, it's a base. Yes. So they're coming in, they're coming out, cabin crew, whatever. Alright. Let's let's practice a bit more. Good. Cheers. Thank you, Zach. Thank you. Thank you, Tom.