---
title: Episode 57 Comfort - Good Or Bad
episode_number: 57
era: early
source_file: Episode 57 Comfort - Good Or Bad.mp3
audio_size_mb: 55.4
duration_sec: 1814.5
duration_min: 30.2
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.997
transcribed_at: 2026-05-28T06:48:31Z---

# Episode 57 Comfort - Good Or Bad

**Speaker 0:** Tom Torero podcast 57 from Central back in sunny Europe after a little stop in Wales, South Wales, Great Britain. I was there for not sheep rustling or sheep hustling, but some family shenanigans. So it was very nice. But when I was in Cardiff, I thought, right, I'm gonna do just a day's filming for my new infield product, Stealth Seduction. And just to put to rest this idea that British girls are bitchy, they're harder, it's impossible, you can't do it if it's not a big city, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. And Cardiff is where I grew up. So I went out, rigged myself up with a camera, microphone. I did 11 approaches. One of them was not Welsh, She was Iranian. She was a MILF, but very, very attractive Iranians. Persians are stunning. And so I got the approach on video and then two days later, took her on a date and sealed the deal. Slept with her in Cardiff City Center. Well, not literally in the city center on the pavement. That would have made a good a good full video, but it was in a hotel. So got everything from open to close. Gonna put it as part of this stealth seduction, but it was good. It reinforced for me this idea that it's silly, you know, having these limiting beliefs about where we come from. And the Welsh girls that I've got on video that were just number closes or whatever, they were lovely. They were very friendly. Some of them were very attractive in that Catherine Zeta Jones, Catherine Jenkins kind of way. Super friendly which could be a red flag. It's not always good but no they were lovely and there's lots of students in Cardiff. It's very pedestrian. Everything's joined up. All the malls are now joined up. So it was very good. I know where this comes from, you know. English guys say, oh, English girls, they're impossible. And when I go to Australia, Aussie guys go, oh, Aussie girls, they're impossible. That was my Australian accent. And Norwegian guys will say Norwegian girls are impossible. So the grass is always greener. We always think that if we travel, it will somehow get easier. But it's really just niggles from our teenage years. It's the spotlight effect. Sure. You need to be a little bit verbally sharper if they're if they're speaking your native tongue and they know they can place you, let's say, a little bit easier, but that's good. Sharpens your daygame. As I say many times, biology is biology. Girls are girls. And, anyway, as I was walking down the main shopping street of Cardiff, Queen Street, I believe. I think it's called Queen Street. Yep. A guy was coming towards me. He was smiling and he shook my hand and he said hello. And he told me a lovely story for ten minutes about how he was a Welsh daygamer. He had put in the hours. He had gone through ups and downs, and he'd got a girlfriend from cold approach daytime pickup, and he was just off the meter. So he said hello, I said, oh, email me your story and I'll read it out. So I'm gonna read that out in a second to continue these positive vibes. We had a story last week. We'll have a story this week. Just a few announcements before I forget. I've written them down. First one is that the talk coming up this Sunday, Black Sheep Talk in London, it's sold out. We've reached venue capacity. So by now, if you got your PayPal ticket, you should have got a confirmation email from me with the location and the details. If you haven't, just email me directly with your PayPal confirmation, and I'll and I'll resend it. Okay? But it's sold out. Training on the Saturday is also sold out. And I've written down, say thanks, because I realized I never say thanks. I was like this as a kid at Christmas with the thank you letters, you know. I'd always somehow think I'd written them, but I never wrote them. And in terms of numbers and statistics and what's going on with the website and the podcasts and the videos and the books that I'm selling, it's all so fantastic. Fantastic because of you guys. The podcast has had over a 100,000 downloads. Episodes one through to this one, fifty seven. YouTube subscribers have gone past 10,000, all of them organic. We've had I think 1,500,000 views on the YouTube videos. Street hustles still selling. It's great. At least five copies a day. And anyway, this is all down to you. So what I do, my day game and my traveling, it's all because of an audience, because of you guys. So really, really, really, thank you for supporting what I do in any way. Watching the videos, listening to the podcast, writing to me, coming to say hi, like the chap in Cardiff. I can only do what I do because of you guys. So there we go. That's the thank you. Right. Onto. We'll call him mister Wales. We'll call him mister Wales and his email says, hi, Tom. It was great meeting you. Here's my story. And he hasn't put any full stops into this email so forgive my narration of it. I'm kind of making up the punctuation. But he says, here's my story. Before I started daygame, I was never very good with people, let alone girls. Yes, I was the strange kid in school. I didn't have many friends but people liked the fact that I was a bit of a character. There was only one girl who was like me in school. Nothing happened between us because I was so scared of making a move and being rejected. I left school at 16, went to college, studied electrical installation, and at the same time I found the gym. My confidence was going up slowly. I'd go out with friends who were quote unquote naturals. I'd get a number or a kiss, but it would go nowhere. At 22, I buried my hand head in the sand. I was fed up with my love life going nowhere. My friend said to me, why don't you just go to a whorehouse? So I did at 23. I never liked this. I just wanted someone to like me for who I was. Years would go by. I'm 26 in a club with my friends and asking myself, why is it so easy for them? I said to myself, enough is enough. I deserve to be happy. As well I cut off my long hair, changed my clothes, started working out harder, and set up an online dating profile. From November 2012 to March 2014, I'd go on 10 dates with no success. Things were about to change. I'd read the game in September 2013. I loved the part in the bookstore. I thought I can do that. Around April 2014, I looked up on YouTube some videos of daygame. In June 2014 I'd go out for the first time. It was harder than I thought. On my first day I opened up so many girls but it felt amazing. I left town with two numbers. I was hooked. I'd go out every week, sometimes twice a week, not the same times because of my work schedule. I'd aim for three or five numbers every time getting three or four dates a month. Most of my numbers dates didn't go anywhere. It's a learning curve I kept on saying to myself. By November I was burned out. My daygame was affecting my college. I passed my course in June 2015 as a gym instructor. I decided to go and hit the streets again. All my leads from last year had died in September and it was hard getting back into daygame after being out of it for so long. I went into town and then left town with three numbers. A girl from Kazakhstan, a girl from Korea, and an Italian girl. The Korean girl I'd met in Starbucks then we'd bounced to an ice cream shop. Two weeks later, I met up with her again, played mini golf. And then the next time I saw the Korean, I got her home to my place. I pulled the trigger. I was so happy. I'd done it. Daygame works. We'd meet up again and go bowling and have a meal. She said, I can't see you because of religious reasons. I'm not gonna lie. I was devastated because I really like the skill I was hoping to make her my girlfriend. Two days go by and I'm heading into town to do some daygame. I felt like shit. Even my warm up sets asking for directions were bad. I went into a shop and saw a girl I'd been on a date with. She was glad to see me and asked if I was free on Saturday. I said I'd let her know. What are you doing now? I'm going to the train station, she said. Okay. I'm heading in that direction. I wasn't really, but anyway. So walking down the street, just talking, smiling, laughing, flirting, getting in a better mood, and out of nowhere from the opposite direction comes the Korean girl I'd slept with the week before. She stops, looks surprised to see me with another girl. After that, the first girl says to me, I'll leave you two to it. We talked about what had happened then we went to the park for a quick walk. I asked, would you like me to cook you a meal? She says, yes. After we watched The Big Lebowski. Thirty minutes in, pulled the trigger again and couldn't believe it. The whole day was like something out of a film. It's been seven months since that day. We are still together, mad for each other, deeply in love with each other. I only ever wanted to get a girlfriend from daygame. It can be done. It takes time and real effort. My first girlfriend. Sets I did, I'm not sure, maybe 30 or 50 each session, collected around 250 numbers, went on 10 dates, 10 eye dates, 22 normal dates, four kiss closes, and he got his lay and his girlfriend. Thanks again, Tom. From mister Wales, share this story on a podcast or a video. So there you go. I think that came across. I'm sorry for if I put the commas and the full stops in the wrong place, but in essence, massive amounts of work, especially getting all those dates and not giving up even when you couldn't get past the last hurdle. And then a lovely bit of preselection and jealousy working to get that girl interested. You know, she freaked out maybe after the lay. She thought you were a player. But when she saw you with another girl, flipped all the attraction switches and there you go and now she's still your girlfriend. So fantastic. What a great story and I hope again that inspires somebody because not everybody's in it to become perpetual player in the back of street hustle when I'm talking about relationships. I say, yeah, I don't really think for me monogamy is gonna happen. I don't see myself with girlfriends, life partners, getting married, children, etcetera. But hey, each to their own. And mister Wells, you seemed very happy. So good on you with your girlfriend. Alright. On to the topic for today and some of that story contains truths that we'll talk about in today's topic, which is comfort slash rapport. Alright? Why it's both a blessing and a curse. It's needed, but it's not sexy. So if we quickly go back to mister Wells' story, he slept with that girl after doing some adventure bubble things, and maybe the comfort bubble was too small or it popped, especially with some fast escalation when you go for it on the first day or the second day or you get the kiss really quickly or you bounce home really quickly. You generate LMR, last minute resistance token. You might even sleep with her and that can generate her feelings of guilt, the anti slut defense. She thinks, what are people gonna think of me? Oh no, he's gonna run off. Oh no, he's a player. Why did I do that? Girls feel guilty because it affects their sexual market value. That's why they have to keep it a secret. But what if somebody finds out etcetera etcetera. So maybe that's why she did a runner. She said it was because of her religious beliefs. Whereas if you had met that girl through work or your social circle, you had done the typical few months, half a year of courting her, getting to know her. Once you slept with her, would have been automatic into girlfriend boyfriend mode because you would have had that bedrock of rapport. Now let's start off with why rapport is a curse. For most guys, the mister nice guy, for most of my students, rapport, comfort, we'll use them interchangeably for today even though we can point out at the end why they're slightly different rapport and comfort. But why for most guys is a trap because that's what the nice guy does. He doesn't know anything other than to be nice to build rapport through chitchat. He's the same with old people. He's the same with little kids. He's the same with his mom. He talks to a girl in that very British chitchat, getting to know you, let's build the bridge, please like me fashion. And he does that without generating attraction first. Remember the universal sequence. It's attraction number one, comfort number two, seduction number three. So the nice guy and 95% of my students, they go into the interaction in comfort. So they've got attraction and comfort the wrong way around. So you'll hear guys chatting up girls in bars and even if they go direct, it's not enough because you can still go up to a girl, you can try this, Walk up to her and say, hey, you're very pretty and then launch into comfort. Alright? I call it comfort quicksand. What's your name? What are you doing? Do you like it? Oh, that's so interesting. Wow. Cool. Amazing. Oh, I've been there. That's amazing. I like that too. Wow. Amazing. I'm so needy. We should get married. Please call me. Okay? So it backfires because you are like every other guy. She's heard that script thousands of times, especially if she's hot. It's just something on autopilot. So without meaning to, even if you're you've got amazing value, she's just brushing you aside because you're like everybody else. And it doesn't flip the attraction switches. Alright? It's all very nice. It's all very vanilla. It's all very stable. But that's the antithesis of what attraction is. Attraction's not the pull. Attraction's the push. So we've got to tease her. We've got to challenge her. We've got to make her feel something. Women love emotions. Women are not logical about this stuff. That's why women like drama. That's why women like the bad boys. And comfort is the opposite of drama. Alright? Comfort is the opposite of pushing. You could say comfort is the pull because you're trying to wrap her up in cotton wool. You think she's made of glass. You're trying to protect her. You're trying to build bridges. All that stuff can happen later because we'll come on to why comfort is needed and it's good and it's fine. But if you just launch straight into comfort like a lot of daygamers do, then you put in the friend box, you put in the make him wait boyfriend box, you put in the gay box, you put in the boring box, and even if you get the number, it's very likely to flake. So that's why it's a curse, the comfort quicksand. As I said, for most guys, it's a trap. But once you've done a lot of daygame, you think, right. Fuck the comfort. Let's go attraction, attraction, attraction, seduction, seduction, seduction. You flip all her attraction switches. You're pushing her really hard. Loads of teasing. Loads of challenging. You get really good at storytelling. You start really loving the verbal bamboozling. You're very dextrous verbally. You really get into improv. You're on full, you know, witty, charming mode, and you just keep going. It's like a comedy show. You're a one man band entertainer. And girls go like, wow. This guy is on fire. And people watching you or your mates watching your daygame or, you know, you shoot a video and people go, wow, that is hilarious. That is wonderful. That is amazing. You get addicted to girls laughing or going red. You can entertain a whole group. Night gamers, as I've said in the past, have this problem even more because they're just on, on, on so good at firing up girls' emotions rapidly. Then they try for a Saint D'lay. They try for a really fast bounce back, some crazy escalation. And, yeah, high risk, high rewards, sometimes it works. Fast escalation, physical game during the day, sometimes it works. But for a lot of times, even though it looks good, it backfires. So for the player, it's not comfort that that's the trap. It's attraction. That's the trap. You get addicted to the attraction. And if you know the London daygay model, it means you're stacking and vibing but you're not recognizing the hook point. And I say to students, miss out the hook point at your peril. Right? You need to learn when she's hooked. Why? Because it's such a critical moment in interaction because it's telling you when to shift gears from sparky attraction to rapport. Alright? Shifting down gears, getting her to do the work, flipping the script, getting her to invest, qualifying her, vacuuming. You know all my tricks from my Street Hustle series. But the problem is we like the sound of our own voice. We think we're not mister nice guy. There's no way we're gonna do nice guy stuff. I'm a pickup artist. I'm a player. Watch this. So you just stay in the vibing phase and you end up being the entertainer, Jim Carrey rather than James Bond. You end up interrupting her. She thinks in the moment, wow, this guy's amazing. But then she walks off just feeling odd. She thinks, why was that guy trying so hard? Something is off. You know, I was laughing for ten minutes with that guy, but who was he? Like, is was that a show? He that's he's definitely done that before, you know? He that is so slick. I've had girls say to me, wow, you've you've done this a lot, haven't you? Or they're just looking at you almost shaking their head. You even though they're not, you can feel them shaking their head going, this is this is just not normal. So the temptation is to show off and especially if any of you have ever filmed your own daygame, you've had a cameraman on you or you've been doing some filming like I have for stealth seduction or you record yourself, the temptation is to bask in your own glory is to show off because that's what looks good. Whereas real a good pickup should not look like pickup. Nobody should know you're picking her up. Right? It should look pretty dull. As soon as she's hooked, nobody should notice what's happening. It should just look like two people standing there on the street or sitting there in the cafe and it should be nonverbal. It should be subcommunicated. As I said, she should be doing the work. You should be slowing your voice down, lowering your voice, doing the tiger eyes, doing the marathon a move, asking some qualification questions like I said. Poke a face, leaving the silence, going from social to sexual. Yeah. This is what we call dialing down. So coming back to the hook point, how do you know she's hooked? This is the million dollar question I bully my students with every day. How is she hooked? When did she hook? How did you know she hooked? And the stuff that people trot out, they say, well, she crosses her legs, doesn't she? Or she asks you a question. Yes. Both of those are okay indicators for the hook point, but really it's a shift in energy and you notice this from experience. Because a girl might ask you a question out of politeness or she might ask you a question to get rid of you. She might cross her legs because she needs a wee. Some girls just cross their legs because that's how they stand all the time. Have a look around on a tube platform or a a bus stop. Have a look at girls with their legs crossed. That's when they feel comfortable. Yes. But the hook point is a shift in energy when you think, I got her. It's like when the fisherman knows that that tug on the end of his line is not seaweed, it's it's an active fish. And how do you know that? You just know that through experience. And once you've recognized the hook point, then you can shift down this gear. Yeah? And it stops you being the entertainer. It stops you giving off player vibes and therefore, it stops further down the line. Flakes, it stops you being put in the mister kind of cheesy pickup guy box. It stops LMR further down. Right? Because even though everyone loves the stories about same day lays, twenty minute bounce backs, street pulls, crazy escalations, super fast, this kind of smash and grab high risk, high reward daygame, Like I said, it's good and it's fun for products like stealth seduction, but it's not the bread and butter of most girls. The most common pattern, if you remember from, I think it was on girlfriend sequence 2012, I told you this. My data showed from 2010 and 2011 and a bit of 2012, the average number of dates to sleep with a girl in London was two. Right? And by sleeping with a girl in London, that was over 50 nationalities. So this is a good cross section. Most girls need two dates. So even though the dating model should be attempted in its entirety on the first date, steps numbers one to 12, if you watch my dating video or you read Street Hustle. Mostly, you get her back to the house, you kiss her, maybe you start the escalation, and you just feel, nope, it's not happening. So most of the time, you have your second date where you walk around a little park and then you go to the supermarket, get some food, bounce it back to yours, Netflix and chill, and it's on. And she's come prepared because don't forget for the first time, girls are often prepared. They haven't shaved their legs, shaved their bits. They might be on their period. She hasn't put her sexy underwear on. She's got stubbly legs. Whatever. She's just not ready. And they don't wanna feel used and abused like you're gonna run away. Yeah. The bad boy is being better than the nice guy, but for many, many girls, it's too fast. And yet there's a subsection of girls where you have to go on three dates to get the lay. I don't go beyond three dates unless there are exceptional circumstances. Know, maybe she's a virgin, she's super religious, but we've gone pretty far on the second date. She was on a period, etcetera, etcetera. But first date, try for it but expect it on the second date. Third date, maybe. Yeah. You have to go through a period where you try same day lays. I call them burn your boat missions in street hustle. You leave your phone at home. Just go out, try to get a girl on an instant date, and then back to yours. It's very good for manning up, leading, escalating, pulling the trigger. But if you miss out the comfort, you're gonna get a lot of road to nowhere numbers. You're gonna get flakes, and you're generating for yourself LMR that you're gonna have to deal with. So let's talk about how to combat this because comfort is a curse but it's also a blessing because it stops this. Now if we were doing social circle, like I said, you wouldn't have this problem because comfort is assumed. She knows who you are. She's seen your friends. When I was a school teacher, this is why single moms and nannies were attracted to me because they knew who I was. I had status at school. I was trusted. The rapport was there by default. But how do you throw in the rapport? Okay. With cold approach, after she's hooked, do all the things that I've just said, plus ground the set. I say keep it real. So make sure I say to my students, you tell her three things about you. So I say I'm Tom. I'm from London or that's if they're foreign. I can't be bothered to say Wales. I say I'm from Wales. I used to teach children. Now I do this. So don't just rattle them off one after the the other, but weave them in as you're talking to her and she's talking to you and she's investing. And she walks off thinking, oh, yeah. I remember that guy from Britain, Tom, used to teach kids. That's good. Weave in some humble bragging. That's doing DHVs in a calibrated way, not showing off. And, yeah, if you've got a trustworthy job, say it. Keep it real. When you're pinging her, don't make each ping crazy. Some guys are still running attraction after the cold approach is finished. Remember, if she gave you the number and she's texting you back and forth, your job is not to fuck the phone number, but your job is to get her out. So assume attraction. It's rapport pinging, so chilled pinging with a few little spikes, but don't do funny photo ping, funny photo ping, funny photo ping because it's just to try hard. Then on the date, don't forget that the date isn't a cold approach. He's come out. You're almost ready to go straight into seduction. But for venue one, do the twenty minutes, half an hour of rapport. It's almost chitchat. I say to students, talk about her past, talk about the present, quickly talk about the future, weave in a few spikes, but make sure she's doing the work. Sure. You've got some grounding stories, some vulnerability stories they're called in game. Stories you've rehearsed about your past and your ambitions and your family just to keep it real again. Maybe you've got a photo routine going on. I use a stack of photos I've got on my phone so you don't rely on an Internet connection. And they show my life. They show my travels. They show dogs. They show my family. They show very normal things. So, yeah, a little bit of humble bragging, but they make the girl feel calm. Yeah? Other techniques in street hustle I talk about at this point in the model, I say do your open questions. Do your stealth questions. Do your vacuums. Do your statements of empathy. Get her in the wee bubble. I don't mean the piss bubble, but we as in you and her looking out around the bar and talking about future events, talking about role play. You and her versus everybody else. What this does is gets you in a bubble with her, as I said, the wee bubble. And it's very calming. So it's not actually the words you're saying when you're doing comfort or rapport, it's really the shared bubble, the shared space, time spent together and that's what helps you further on down the line. So when you move into the second venue, you're ready for seduction And she doesn't just see you as this two d character. You're now a three d person. So, yes, she knows you're the bad boy. She knows you're a bit of a player, but you're also real. You're not try hard. You're not too perfect. You're not too slick. You've opened up a little bit. Now don't mistake this for saying stick with your old nice guy, chodey habits of bursting into tears and telling her about your health problems and your really sad stories and being openly vulnerable. I'm just saying let her see glimpses of this because it really helps with the escalation. It helps with avoiding too much LMR, and you'll thank me for it. Mystery used to say you need seven hours together with a girl, but obviously things have condensed in the last few years. But you certainly still need the the comfort even if you're doing a same day lay, even if you're doing a bounce back. There's still a time on the instant date when you run this part of the model. And bouncing between the venues, as every gamer should know, is based on the principle of time distortion. She feels like she's known you. These are shared experiences and they help with this sense of rapport. And even after the same day lay when she's in my bed, if you don't then shovel on the rapport, even though you fucked her, you'll probably never see her again because she'll go off and have the ASD. So I lie there, then I do the cuddling, watch a movie, go and eat together, then do the photo routine in bed, you know, show her your life, add her on Facebook, ground it, be a real person. Alright? Because miss it out at your peril. So as I said at the beginning of the podcast, comfort is a blessing that occurs. It's needed but it's not sexy. So if you're a beginner, sure. Go crazy in the opposite direction. Learn attraction and spiking. If you're intermediate and above and you feel like you're becoming a bit of a player caricature, then just think. Think, think, think, think, think. Are you doing too much attraction? Can you recognize the hook point? And I say to students, if you can't, then you need to record a few sets on a dictaphone or your iPhone every week. Listen to them whilst lying on your bed that night and thinking where did she hook. Did I shift down from attraction to rapport? Did she invest? Did I vacuum? Did I ground the set? Or was it just me, me, me showing off mister daygame? There you go. I think that's enough. I'm losing my voice for some reason. I need a cup of tea. That's what I need. That was podcast 57, and I'll see some of you on Sunday at Black Sheep. Until next time, keep grabbing life by the horns. Ta da.