---
title: Episode 78 Fuck It
episode_number: 78
era: mid
source_file: Episode 78 Fuck It.mp3
audio_size_mb: 53.5
duration_sec: 1751.7
duration_min: 29.2
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.998
transcribed_at: 2026-05-28T07:15:59Z---

# Episode 78 Fuck It

**Speaker 0:** Tom Torero podcast 78 from Toronto, Canada, learning to say fuck it. That's the topic of today. Fuck it. We'll come on to that in a minute. First of all, it's nice to be here in Autumnal Toronto. I'm getting over my jet lag. I'm not here just for daygame. I am doing a little bit of daygame teaching. I'm here to pitch an idea, get some funding for a possible documentary to do with travel and hustling. I won't say too much about it because the funding may fail, but that's why I've crossed the Atlantic as well as for a bit of daygamen for a meetup tomorrow. I should mention that Sunday, October 9. Topman meeting outside Topman on Queen Street West at 11AM. We'll wait five, ten minutes, gather the troops, and then go and find some coffee or a park to do a q and a and a meet up. Good place to find a wing, come and say hello. Now the last one I did was in Prague, and a big group of guys gathered at the meeting point. We waited ten minutes or so ten fifteen minutes and then we left and had a great meetup and after that I got lots of angry comments and emails from guys saying look we turned up but quarter of an hour late, twenty minutes late, half an hour late and you weren't there and, I didn't even reply. I thought that was quite rude that it's a free meetup and come on organize yourselves. Yeah. The first part of being a black sheep take responsibility. I gave you the meeting place. I gave you the time. If you want to come for free, be there. Okay? It's a free opportunity. So 11:00 tomorrow. Yeah. We'll wait five ten minutes. But once a big group has gathered, we shall be off. That's a great way of kicking off the podcast really, saying fuck it to weird criticism to haters. The topic of today is saying fucking it, not just, zero fucks given, that's slightly different and I'll come on to that later. But learning to say fuck it in your day game, to say fuck it in your life, it's obviously a key black sheep mindset. It's about holding the frame. We shall come on to how fuck it applies in a wider context, but first of all, let's think about it in concrete terms to do with your daygame, chatting up birds during the day. The first big fuck it you need to say is to the weird feeling, to the anxiety, to that feeling in your stomach like you get just before giving a talk or going on stage or in a job interview, as cheesy as it sounds, you walk towards the fear. You feel the fear. You do it anyway. You bungee jump into the now. I say first one's the worst when you just say fuck it. So go over, move your feet, and speak to her. I promise you, as soon as you start moving your feet, that's why I give students a friendly push, that feeling goes away. And as soon as you've given the compliment and you're in, it's enjoyable. Yeah? And as soon as you've done two, three, four approaches, it's great and you wanna carry on doing more. But the big barrier to entry for cold approach pickup is saying fuck it to that fear, and the fear never really goes away. It always feels slightly odd during the day. In a nightclub, you can use alcohol or you can use your mates or you can use the music, but in the daytime, it's just you and the girl. And I've been doing it for many many years and it still feels fucking weird at the beginning of the day, if I'm sleepy, if I've got jet lag, if she's super hot, if it's a high intensity situation. But I know this feeling. I recognize this feeling. It's like a skydiving instructor who's done thousands of jumps. I know it's gonna feel slightly odd as I sit on the edge of the plane, and that first jump into free fall is weird. Yeah? But it's enjoyable, so you just learn to deal with it. It never really goes away. So the first fuck it is to just do it. Go and speak to her. And the second one tied up with that is to say fuck it to the spotlight effect. That is a common thing that some guys feel about half day half of daygamers feel where they think people are watching, security are watching, other people are watching, men are watching, women are watching. It's weird what are people gonna think of me. This is a terrible barrier to doing daygame. You think of yourself as much more important in the universe than you are. You think that people really give a shit about you in New York City or here in Toronto or London or Tokyo. The truth is people don't. Right? Men occasionally turn around and watch what's going on because they're jealous of what you're doing. Women often watch and go, oh, isn't that great? Because they would like the attention too. Say you have a really bad approach and you get a really weird reaction. Yeah. People look at you for two seconds and then they forget about it. Remember that person you walked past this morning? What color were their shoes? Exactly. You don't even remember. You don't even remember the person you walked past this morning. I always say to students on a boot camp, you know that woman that just walked past? What color were her shoes? And the students like, I don't know. I don't care. Exactly. No one gives a shit and in London or New York or here in Toronto, there's people here in Toronto, homeless people just lying on the pavement, lying at, cross lights and people step over them. That's the sad truth of a big city which is great for daygame. Nobody gives a shit. The third way to say fuck it is to not hide your dick. So don't hide behind asking for directions or asking for recommendations or asking for the time. You're a guy. She's a pretty girl. It's liberating to walk over and not hide your dick. Fuck it. Just tell her what you want. Not in a cheesy, hey, baby. You're super sexy. But be honest with her. Hey. I had to come and meet you. You look beautiful. You look cute. I wanted to come and say hi. It's massively liberating to not hide behind the nice guy lies because it's actually the nice guys that lie far more than the jocks. The jock just goes over ironically counter intuitively. He doesn't give a fuck and that's very liberating, especially in today's society where you can't say what you think. Alright. The next fuck it in daygame is to embrace the awkwardness. Yeah. This is why I preach doing daygame in awkward situations like Victoria's Secret, like in Starbucks, like on the tube, like on a park bench. Embrace the awkwardness. Call it out. That's the elephant in the room. Yeah? Or just simply let her feel awkward with that vacuum. Remember, you've spent all your life with this feeling of awkwardness trying to minimize it, so it's okay to let her feel awkward for a little bit. Yeah? Let her feel a bit of the approach anxiety too. The nice guy will always want to dissipate that awkwardness, break the tension. But I say, look, you've spent all those years feeling the tension. Let her feel the tension now. Alright? Fuck it. Life's too short. Let her feel a bit of, this social pressure, and it works in your favor because often that helps with the hook point. It helps with investment. Tension is good. Tension is sexy. I've said all this stuff before. So fuck it in terms of the awkwardness, especially in indoor day game situations. Don't hover. Don't linger. Don't follow. Watch out for RRDs call out any awkwardness. I've said all this before in Street Hustle, but embrace those awkward situations. They often go really, really well. The next fucking is to not eject even though that's the second form of anxiety when your stomach's going, get out of there. Get out of there. Get out of there. But stay in there. Like I just said, fuck it to the awkwardness, and a b c, always be closing. Go for the number. I say to my students, it's more weird if you walk away, and she's thinking, what the hell did he want? Was he gay? Was he just looking for the Starbucks really? Much easier to say, look, you gotta go, I gotta go, but I think you're very cute and I'd like to invite you out some time for some wine. Let's swap details. Now, she might be engaged, massively in love, unavailable, she might hate you, but at least she respects you and she thinks, okay, there was a guy with balls. That was interesting. That was liberating. That was unusual. He's a man. I enjoyed it. And often they'll just politely say, look, I'm getting married in two weeks but thank you very much. You made my day. So say fuck it with going for the number and say fuck it with, prolonged texting. Right? Getting out of the friend zone, helping her with her problems, texting back and forth to be her entertainer. Fuck it. Ask her out. Right? If the day game's solid, there is very little texting. A little bit of pinging and then fuck it. Ask her out. And if she keeps bullshitting you, delaying you, flaking on you, fuck it. You got irons in the fire. You're gonna be non needy. You're gonna move on. This is why the fuck it mindset is so good because if you've got other leads, she's gone. You're not gonna put up with this princess behavior. You're not gonna put up with being in the friend zone. You're gonna say, look, this is how it is. I asked her out. She's just a no girl. Let's move on. Alright. On the date, very important to say fuck it. Not to overestimate and smash and grab and, you know, go for the kiss after two minutes and try and extract her after five minutes, but no, do a bit of rapport in venue one. In venue two, you say, fuck it. Fuck this small talk. Fuck sitting opposite her. Fuck being quote unquote safe. Let her feel that I'm a wolf. Right? I'm not this sheep. Let her feel that I'm the black sheep. Let her know that I've got claws. Let me be a sexual threat, obviously, in a consensual way. So you're gonna go for the escalation. Fuck it. Break this small talk with verbal spikes. Break the boringness of it all, the comfort trap with physical escalation. You say, fuck it. Just gonna go for the kiss. Yeah. It always feels awkward just like going for the number. Escalation, especially physical escalation always feels awkward especially to recovering nice guys like myself, but you say fuck it. Even more importantly, the big moment on a date as I've said many times before is you say fuck it. I'm gonna extract. I've already seeded it, and you're gonna say to her, right. Listen. Let's have another drink of mine. I've got half a bottle of wine. I've gotta get up in the morning. I live just over there, and come on. I'll show you how to play a bit of guitar if you don't steal anything from my apartment. So fuck it. You invite her back to yours, and at yours, you don't just listen to endless music or watch endless videos or watch the full film. Some students mistake my advice when I say take her back and watch a film. They choose a really interesting film and watch all of it with her in silence, and then she says, thanks for a lovely film. Goodbye. No. The film is just an excuse. She knows it. You know it. You watch twenty minutes of the movie, and then you say, fuck it. Pull the trigger. If a girl's back in your apartment alone after a date, she's waiting for you to make the move, and she disrespects you if you don't. So better to make the move, and she politely says, look. Next time, than to, you know, think she's a special snowflake, one in a million, not that kind of girl. Girl, do nothing, and you won't see her again. I've had that happen to me many times, and it happens to nice guy students all the time. Alright. Zooming out a bit more. Fuck it. In a dysfunctional relationship, or you know you're in a tied relationship where you're under the thumb, you know it's a bad relationship. You know it should have ended ages ago. You've tried to end it. You wanna be together because you wanna do the right thing or you're worried about a joint mortgage or you're in this trap and you know it's bad, but you keep going. You're playing this weird victim where you almost enjoy the bullying. You almost enjoy this self made prison. No. You say fuck it. You end a dysfunctional relationship or you man up in a good way and you tell her, look, it's over. You don't delay it. You sit down face to face, and like I say in street hustle, you break up in in the kindest way you can, but in a masculine way, nice and clear. You rip off the Band Aid. Alright? You don't fiddle with stitches and then put the plaster back on and then take it off and fiddle a bit more. No. If you're gonna end things nice and clean, face to face, honest, girls appreciate it. Let her cry. You can have a little sob as well. It's painful, but in the long run, much quicker to get it over with quickly, and then don't communicate for six to twelve months. Let her move on. You move on. You get abundance. That is nice and clear, and, that really is the right thing. Again, doing that is much better than the nice guy approach of trying to hang out with her, keep contact with her, become her best friend, occasionally sleep with her. That's all fucked up. Instead, say fuck it. Nice clean break. I've said with making the royal flush move. Right? You might be on, one date, two dates, three dates with the princess, and you're trying to be nonreactive. You're trying not react to her shit test, but finally, if you live in Ukraine or Russia or sometimes in Asia or even in South America, a princess needs to be told, and this is called the royal flush. It's high risk, high reward. You might never see her again, but you say, listen. Enough. Stop behaving like a child. Alright? You make me feel like a teenager. This is silly. I'm going. Bye. That's the royal flush. It's a good ultimatum. It's your last frame move, but it works, I'll talk about that in a second with, something called the boomerang. So that's another fuck it thing. Finally, calling out the bullshit. As my friend Steve used to say, b o b, bob, boundaries on bullshit, like a good parent, like a good teacher. Zooming out even more, saying fuck it in your life, quitting your job. Right? A dysfunctional job, a job you don't like. You're just handing your resignation. You suck it up. Simple as that. You say, fuck it. You move city. You move apartment. You move country. You sell all your things that you don't use. You end those dysfunctional friendships. Guys that say they're your friends, but they're putting you down. They're negative energy. They're using you. They're tapping you. Fuck it. You don't put up with this anymore. You walk away from it. Yeah? Ultimately, in life, you say fuck it to the things that you fear. I've said it before. It's a cliche, but it's true. You walk towards the fear. The fear is this self made prison. The door is locked from the inside, so you simply open the door and walk out. And you do the bungee jump, you do the skydive, you get your motorbike license, you take up fighting, whatever whatever you've been delaying and fearing, you walk towards it and you do it, it's incredibly liberating. So the theme of this podcast is liberation, freedom from saying fuck it. Alright? It's a key black sheep mindset. It's your frame. You're the sheep dog or you're the wolf. You're not one of the pair you're not one of the sheep in the pen, and it's important for day game. It's important with girls. It's massively massively massively important in life. Alright? Now, just before we come on to, why it's different to zero fucks given and some practical ways in which you can not give a fuck so much because I know that all sounded a bit self helpy, a bit abstract, let me come on to something that I've been trying with game in the last two, three weeks. I was in Ukraine, And as I just mentioned, in Ukraine, in Russia, and Former Soviet Union, you can get beautiful girls that are princesses. They've got a very strong entitled frame. And polarity exists, male, female polarity. They like the guy to be the guy, so sure. The best way to deal with their shit test is nonreactivity. A green amplify, the kind of comedy version doesn't work so well as it would with a Canadian girl or a British girl. Former Soviet Union girls, they often don't get the subtleties of humor, so I just don't react, don't react, don't react. And then you make that royal flush move, and in Ukraine, I did something to two girls which I term the boomerang, which is just throwing her away. So with two girls, I think we were on the third or fourth date, she was still dicking me around, and I just threw her away. I shut the door. I said, right. Goodbye. It's over. No more texting. One was standing at the door, and I just shut the door. The other one, just opened the door, let her go, and you get shocked. This has never happened to them before because they're hot. This is showing your willingness to walk away. Alright? A key component in any relationship. The person who gives the least fucks holds all the power, and it's shocking for girls because this has never happened to them. And you get her shouting. You might get her crying. You get, obviously, silence, and it's super high risk, high rewards because when I kick those girls out, sure, I could have lost both of them and all the work I'd put in, but what do you know, I sit there and I wait twenty four hours, forty eight hours, and both of them came back after one after twenty four hours, one after forty eight hours with massive lengthy, almost apologetic messages asking to see me. They love that kind of drama, obviously, subconsciously. The push, it's fractionation power of the push, but this is on a big level. So I call it boomerang because you throw the boomerang, and if you could, the boomerang comes back. And in my first book, daygame, I discovered this accidentally. I remember with the Czech girl that I kicked out early in the morning, and, what do you know? After she stamped her feet, she came back in, and we slept with each other. There's other stories with that element in, but that's a nice, strong, super black sheep frame controlled move called the boomerang, not for beginners really. High risk, high reward, but it's a good demonstration of your willingness to say fuck it. And it kicks off the the jealousy and the preselection and the dread that I've spoken about in other podcasts. So that's one practical method for zero fucks given or I should say fuck it. Zero fucks given would be, not caring about anything. Yeah? Complete apathy, complete laziness, which obviously I'm not talking about. I'm talking about just focused fuckery, I like to say, prioritizing the fucks that you give. So it doesn't mean being indifferent to everything. You're saving the fucks for things that matter, your health, your family, your happiness, your your close relationships with family and friends and key girls in your life, being happy, being free. Alright? So it seems like a contradiction to say, ah, fuck it. But in fact, you're extremely focused. Right? You do care, but not about the trivial things. So you're just asking yourself, where's your focus? Because stress, as we know it, comes from giving too much of a fuck about small things that are often not in your control. Often things that are not real, you're worrying about the past and you're worrying about the future, and depression comes from feeling trapped in a situation where you feel like you can't do anything. You're sitting inside that self created mental prison. And like I said in the depression, anxiety and stress podcast years ago, you don't realize that the key is in the door on the inside. So all you need to do is open the door and walk out. Many people don't wanna walk out. They like being the victim. As I've said, they like playing the victim. There's comfort in being depressed and stressed and anxious, but there's that moment when you open the door and I'm telling you, you can open the door, but you, my friend, have to walk through the door, liberating to say fuck it to a girl, to a dysfunctional relationship, to that fear, to those excuses in your head. Yeah? And it's the nice guy who's actually suffering the most. He's the people pleaser. He can't let go. He's micromanaging everything. He says everything's nice and fine and polite, when really the nice guy is the liar. Okay? The nice guy is often very passive aggressive. This sums up English people very well. You could say German people very well. We appear to be nice and calm, but underneath, we are really, really angry. Whereas when I was living in Spain or I've lived in Russia or I've been to South America, their openness and their willingness to say fuck it with their emotions is quite shocking to a British person, but actually it's ultimately liberating. It's very healthy and it's very functional. It's also why high IQ as I've said before is a curse because you're trying to control everything, you're worried worrying about everything, you're micromanaging everything, you're analyzing everything and the irony is that do you remember that low IQ guy in your school? The guy who was the thickest guy in your class, the the typical movie jock. He didn't give a fuck about his work and he didn't give a fuck about what girls were thinking and he didn't give a fuck about escalating and that's why he got results. Alright? Often, it's the low IQ guys that have no problem with leading escalating and girls. Sure. They have the ZFG, zero fucks given mindset in life and that gets them into trouble, that means hard drugs, that means prison, that means a downward spiral. So, yeah, not zero fucks given, but as I said, prioritizing the fucks that you give and we're we're jealous of humans that show this that are free. You know, like a crazy guy dancing in the street, a street sweeper just dancing and singing and not giving a fuck, and we look at him. We might giggle, but we say, wow. I wish I could be that free. Yeah. Zero filter. It's liberating. And you know what it feels like when you've been drunk and you've done something stupid or you do karaoke or there's those times in your life where you're just having a good time with your friend and everything's amazing. And it feels so fucking free because all those niggles and little worries are gone, temporarily gone. That's why alcohol is such a draw for us because it lifts that weight off our shoulders. Alright. The burden of having this massive forebrain that homo sapiens have, it's a blessing and it's a curse and it's why we love comedy. It's why I love comedy because comedians are the last bastions you could say of truth, that famous saying, we don't laugh because it's funny, we laugh because it's true. And if they said it in a straight way, you know, Chris Rock material, you'd people would be shocked. But because it's a comedian saying it, you can get away with saying it. And that's why I love non PC comedians. They can say the stuff that all of us are thinking. So I love I love when, you can say truths through comedy. It's it's the same with old people. We really like the fact that old people don't give a fuck. I remember my grandma was still driving in her late eighties and early nineties. She I don't know how British people pensioners are still allowed to drive, but she was pretty much deaf, very poor vision, but she's driving around in her clapped out car and she'd just drive over roundabouts, you know, there's many roundabouts, she'd drive over zebra crossings and she loved going to this particular Chinese restaurant in North London. And rather than parking or rather than pulling in, she just stopped the car outside outside the the restaurant restaurant in in the the the road, turned off the ignition and walked into the restaurant. And she could do that because she'd lived her life long enough to say, I don't give a fuck. Fuck it. And we love that about old people. It's the same with kids. When I was a school teacher, was often jealous of the amount of, fucks that kids give, very little. So when they're playing, they're full of energy, having a laugh, giggling, oh, it's liberating. Yeah? Alright. Without, forcing you to watch Fight Club American Beauty again, or The Matrix again, here's some practical things, to think about to do to help you with not giving a fuck. And remember, you've got about 28,000 in the average human life. You've already used up a lot of them. So the message of those films, Fight Club, American Beauty, Matrix, is, what I'm about to say. Alright. First of all, do daygame because daygame taught me, to give less fucks. It really helped with my social anxiety. It really helped with the spotlight effect. If you haven't seen, I'm trying to remember it, my YouTube video, it's one of the nice bad boy series on YouTube on my channel. I think it's 24, and it's about social pressure. And in that video, you see me doing some social liberation exercises. No. They're not good daygame. Yes. They're a bit pranky, but do them if you suffer from social anxiety. So silly little pranks, press ups in the street, proposing to random people, standing on pillars, hanging off lampposts, going up and saying random things to strangers. That's all liberating. No. It's not good daygame, but it helps. So you can do daygame. You can also do those social freedom exercises, watch that video if you don't know what I'm talking about. Do karaoke, like you might have seen me doing on YouTube or Instagram this week. Dance, like nobody's watching, dance in the kitchen, sing in the shower, dance in the shower, dance in your bedroom. Be hedonistic, right? You were like this when you were a teenager, you were like this at university and now you've grown up quote and quote and got that sensible job. You no longer go out and have a night, on the piss, as we say in Britain, or smoke a joint occasionally. Yeah? Or have random sex. Have a laugh. Go and see stand up comedy. Hedonism is good in moderation as the protestant in me says, but you know what I'm talking about. Not zero fucks given, but less of a fuck. Being in the moment, recognizing that you're gonna die. So, yeah, you can call it mindfulness, but just remembering happiness is an illusion. All you've got is now, so standing there and thinking, oh, fuck. This is a nice day. I'm outside. This is a great city. This is a nice cup of coffee. God, she's a beautiful girl. This is a nice piece of music. I'm living right now. Alright? So not worrying about the future, not thinking about the past and being a victim. I'm enjoying this moment and fuck it to the future. Right? Gratitude. That's essentially what it is. Zooming out, as I've said, on escaping from the matrix video, going to the desert, going to the ocean, climbing a mountain, getting into a forest, watching documentaries about space, looking up at the night sky, breathing it in and saying, fuck it to all these small problems. Alright? They'll all be gone when you're dead, the problems that is. Doing spontaneous things. So like the kids, you know, riding that BMX, taking a bike ride around the city, going to a new part of the city, taking a different route to work, taking a different day game route, saying yes to random things, going to a random bar even though you say you don't like bars. Alright? Accepting an invitation, saying, fuck it, deleting negative people off your social media, doing less social media, getting off angry things, that are upsetting you, deleting those forced friendships. I've said all this before. Yep. Not looking back, not sweating the small stuff, so avoiding the gossip, avoiding the petty politics, especially at the moment, not getting distracted by all that, not getting sucked into this drama like a teenage girl, yeah, not being a drama queen, but taking control of your life. You're the black sheep. All those people, all the petty politics stuff and the drama queens, they're in the pen. They're the mass. They're the herd. That's what it's designed for you. This is all clickbait to get your emotional response. But you say fuck it. I'm the sheepdog or I'm the wolf. Just, walk out the pen. The gate's open. Alright? That was enough, I think. We're coming up to half an hour. Fuck it. I'm gonna sign off now. I'm going outside to meet a student in half an hour. I love the quote, I don't have a bucket list but my fuck it list is a mile long. I hope that helps with, daygame and the wider meaning of things. Learn to say fuck it or not. I don't give a fuck about anything. That's not what I'm saying, of course, but learn to breathe it in. The beauty of life. Remember you're gonna die. Grab life by the horns. Go for it. Say fuck it. And I'll speak to you next week. Ta da.