---
title: Episode 85 Suck It Up
episode_number: 85
era: mid
source_file: Episode 85 Suck It Up.mp3
audio_size_mb: 56.9
duration_sec: 1864.3
duration_min: 31.1
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.997
transcribed_at: 2026-05-28T07:26:06Z---

# Episode 85 Suck It Up

**Speaker 0:** Tom Torero podcast 85 from The United Kingdom. Suck it up. Not suck it off. That is a different podcast for a different audience labeled with a different genre. So this is about sucking it up. Hopefully, will lead to a hot girl sucking you off. It's a podcast that is nagging you and it's a podcast where I'm talking to myself. I'm nagging myself about the pussification of men, about losing the frame, about becoming a little bitch, about failing the shit test, which is your life, my life. When we lose the frame, we lose the frame with girls. We lose the frame with coworkers. We lose the frame with our family. We lose the frame with people trying to troll us, whatever. Loss of frame, moaning, whining, being a little bitch, complaining, being negative, we got to suck it up. Old fashioned advice where we're not talking about man up, we're not talking about physical strength. I'm not one to say, come on join the fucking army. Go down the gym, hit the roids, be a man, as in that two d alpha. I've made a video on two d alphas versus the real three d thing. When I've done my infield training over the years, I've taught military guys that have come back from Afghanistan, many mixed martial artists, boxing guys, personal trainers, guys in great shape, people in the peak you could say of their physical masculinity but suffering from the same problems as the rest of us. High AA or sometimes super high AA, AA being approach anxiety. You can't talk to strangers, you feel sick, social anxiety, you're nervous, you're shaking, some guys have to keep disappearing during training to go to the bathroom. One guy was physically sick in the road. All these things have happened over the years, I've pretty much seen it all with students and you could say the bigger the ego, the bigger the guy, the harder it is to take that feedback from reality. Cold approach pickup, going and doing a cold approach is a mirror. I always say, you have to look in the mirror and many a time it slaps you in the face. It throws a bucket of cold water over you, slaps you in the face with a dead fish and it stings and you don't like it. You instinctively want to not get feedback from reality. That means hiding behind a computer screen, just talking to people who are paid to be nice to you like waitresses or shop staff or never really having to change because there's comfort in change, there's comfort in moaning, there's comfort in whining, there's comfort in self imprisonment actually, as I've said many times. We're fed up with our situation but we like it because we almost fear being happy. We fear the change and the chain effect that that would have. Anyway, coming back to the topic because I've spoken about depression and I've spoken about weasels and I've spoken about anxiety. This is about the slap in the face, right? Suck it up. Old school advice that I remind myself of, I think about my father, I think about my grandfather, I think about my great grandfather, I think about men in history, right? And once again, we're not talking about two d alphas, we're talking about that human spirit, that essence of human nature that has allowed us to evolve. Evolution has this in us, inbuilt that survival of the fittest to replicate our genes, life is competition, life is a struggle, life is hard, we carry on. There are winners or losers and that's the simple choice. I've said to many a student whilst almost talking to myself, could say, either you moan about the situation or you get up and do something. Right? It's it's pretty self explanatory. It's pretty clear. Either we can sit here doing deep psychoanalysis or some pseudoscience, living in the past or we can be completely consumed by the future or we can be right here, right now, suck it up, let's do it, roll up our sleeves, no complaining. And the definition of suck it up is to endure a period of mental, physical or emotional hardship with no complaining. Right? The essence of it being you accept something that's unpleasant or difficult and that's very hard for us to do because in the Western world, to our credit, we've created a society where things are comfortable, life is comfortable, we've got enough food, we don't have to go out hunting, right? Everything makes us nice and soft and while that's great for living, men feel it or humans in general, we feel it that that's not enough, right? As cliched as it sounds, I know but it's true, life is the struggle and the joy is in the struggle, happiness is in the struggle. That's why climbing a mountain is so satisfying. Completing a project is so satisfying. Having an underlying mission that you walk towards is so satisfying. Making your own food, that's really satisfying. Completing a project, that's very satisfying. Not going to a strip club or paying for a hookup but actually working on your value, cold approaching, hustling, getting that girl of your dreams quote unquote or in my case going after many girls consistently, continually that I find attractive and then getting a few of them. Wow, you think fuck yeah. I remember the struggle, I remember the climb, I remember the hardship And fuck, that made it all worthwhile. Now if you watch my channel, my YouTube channel sorry, I'm just swallowing a bit of tea here. If you watch my channel and you were watching in July last summer, you can flick through the videos to July 2015, you might remember a video I shot underneath a beautiful waterfall in the Brecon Beacon somewhere in Swansea, and it was called life lesson from Batman. Basically about this topic. Yeah. Rolling with the punches. There's more no's in day game than yes's. That's life as well. And either you accept it and you use it as fuel. Fear is fuel. Failure is fuel. You push on. It's your catalyst or it crushes you and you're down and then you're really down and it's very hard to get up. And when I'm coaching students either live as I've done for many many many years or now more and more on Skype, I'm amazed sometimes at what successful guys, physically big guys, psychologically strong guys moan about when it comes to talking to random hot girls. A guy might say to me well what happens if guys are watching me approach? You know the spotlight effect or very common link to that, What happens if a security guard is looking at me or you're on the street with a guy and he comes back from the set and you say, well, why didn't you go for the digits? And he says, well, she said she had to go or the even weirder form of that is when he says, she looked at me in a really weird way or I felt like I was disturbing her. Yeah? Or she said she had a boyfriend. Now, when I always say to the guy, look, when a lion is running after the gazelle, doesn't give a fuck. No. The lion, that's what it's built to do. Non apologetic, right? Pure focus, inflow, going for it, don't hide your dick. This is what men are meant to do. This is our role, we lead the dance. We quote unquote chase in this polarity way. This is what you're meant to do. So what happens if guys see you approach? A, who gives a shit? And b, they're just jealous. They wanna do it. Yeah? What happens if security sees you? Again, who gives a shit? Talking to girls, reproducing, it's not illegal. The security guard, he's secretly jealous. He wants you to do it. He wants to do it himself. Yeah? Sometimes guys come up to you, pat you on the back and say, good on you, man. I remember an old man doing that in somewhere in Kensington. He saw me approach. The girl blew me out. He patted me on the back. He went, well done, son. Well done. She says she has to go. Right. Well, now we're getting into shit tests. I call them frame tests because this is a test of her saying, are you a man or a mouse? Is this guy gonna suck it up or is he gonna be a little bitch? I have to go. Well, you say, that's cool. One more thing before you go, listen. And then either stack forward, carry on vibing or say, listen, you're busy. I'm busy. I like busy girls, but another time I'd like to invite you out. She says no to the number. You say, well, okay. Listen. You're you're with your boyfriend now, you like him, that's fine. In six months time, he might die tragically in a hand gliding accident, know, God forbid but I'll add you on Facebook or let's swap Instagram and if anything changes, drop me a message or I'll drop you a message in six months time. I'm not gonna sit in outside your door and be a creepy stalker. I'm not going to be in the tree opposite your house, don't you worry. Yeah. She looked at me weird. Come on boys. Yeah, the gazelle is looking at the lion in a very weird manner. Yeah. It's good actually if girls have a bit of a shock reaction. That's why the the front stop is very good, very dominant, high risk, high reward but it's very masculine and girls should be looking at you weird. She's testing you, she's thinking is this just the kind of a cheesy pickup guy? Is this friend zoning himself guy? Is this guy doing sneaky snake seduction offering me free photography? Or is he the real deal? Is his value really what he says it is? So shit tests are good, frame tests are good. Yeah? Now you can get wider with pussification, with being a little bitch. Many times with clients we talk about things like, not being able to kiss her on the date because she says no to the kiss. Again, that's normal. You smile at the girl, you say, look, it's my job to try. It's your job to resist. I'm gonna try again in ten minutes. I'm gonna try when I come back from the bathroom. Do you see that clock tower over there? When we reach that, that's the place where I'm gonna try and kiss you again, etcetera, etcetera. Keep it playful, nonreactive, suck it up. Right? Yes. It feels weird verbally escalating. Yes. It always feels weird physically escalating unless she's you know super super on. Yes, it always feels really weird asking the girl to come back from the bar to your house and yes, there is always that awkward moment when she's in your house, you've been listening to some music and you have to make the move. And yeah, she's on your bed and you know you've got to go for it, it feels weird. Tension is part of the dance. Nice guys break the tension, the bad boy embraces the tension. Suck it up. You've got to do it, right? Don't wait for her to do it, this is your role, okay? Now, even wider, I speak to guys who are in really one eye to see needy relationships where the girl is definitely holding the frame. The dynamics are fucked up, the polarity is fucked up and they call me two or three times and they ask me about leaving her. They don't want to leave her because they'll have to go through the pain all over again. They don't want to be lonely etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. They're going to have to pay more rent, all these excuses. Now I'm not having a go at these guys because we've all been there. Pickup guys go through it the same. As I've said, players go through it even worse sometimes because of this affection addiction. Listen to that podcast, one of my favorites. But again, it's gonna sting. You're gonna rip off that plaster and it's gonna sting. Right? The needle's gonna go into your arm. It's gonna sting, but it's gonna help you. It's for your benefit. You get the filling done. It's gonna sting. Root canal fucking hurts sometimes but it's for your benefit. So will it hurt if you leave your girlfriend? Yes. But will it hurt less in the long run than if you stayed there and it got fucking complex again and this frame just got even worse and worse and worse? No. Right? So better for short term pain to do it. Suck it up. Do it. Cry for a couple of days if you have to, yeah? I've said to many a guy, go off on a weekend break, disappear, go and clear your mind. It's going to take a couple of months to go through your system. That's oxytocin leaving your body. Suck it up, all right? Do it, it's for your benefit. It's actually for her benefit as well. I say in affection addiction that it's less cruel to the dying puppy to shoot it in the head, however harsh that sounds. So it's more cruel for her if you keep going on, off, on, off, on, off dragging it out. It fucks you up. It fucks her up. If she's prime dating age and she's looking for babies and a nice guy husband, then I've said to girls, look, you know, me dicking you around quite literally, it's not good for me, it's not good for you so you need to go and find a guy right now. You're 25, you're 26, prime of your life, do it. Okay? Suck it up, have that awkward conversation. This is something classic guys nice guys avoid confrontation, speaking up at work. Now that doesn't mean getting angry, getting reactive, being triggered, you do it in a calm way like a calm parent, like a calm teacher, Alright? You just learn to say no or you learn to have that awkward conversation about quitting your job. You learn to have that awkward conversation, in whatever area. Alright? Same with the royal flush. A girl's sticking you around, you've tried doing it under the radar, you've tried escalating, you've tried being non reactive. She's still giving you these princess shit tests. You gotta do what I term Bob, my friend Steve in Prague, and I came up with that term a few years ago. Bob, boundaries on bullshit. So you wait, wait, wait, wait, wait like a good teacher, good parent, and then bang, royal flush. You say, listen. You're making me feel like a teenager. I don't like this behavior. I like you, but I don't like this behavior. You know, you're acting like a child. You need to stop. And then walk out. Right? It's the soft notes. Push her out or you walk out, two weeks of silence and watch her come back. Long term benefit from the short term pain of ripping off the plaster. Suck it up. Alright? The wolf doesn't care about the opinion of the sheep. And as I've said, the black sheep is actually a wolf in sheep's clothing. Alright? So don't, be so sensitive to the opinions of others. I've spoken about this in the fuck it podcast, the the fuck it mentality. This is at the heart of grab life by the horns. Don't hide your dick. All my mantras. Yeah? And suck it up is one of them because the alternative is whining. Alright? Moaning. That's why I call it the monosphere. Not the manosphere but the monosphere. A group of guys online who have decided to gang together and say, it's not fair. Life is not fair. I am a professional victim. Alright? I am, entitled. They are very much like male feminists. Right? Sour self pity. They say somebody needs to save me. I can't save myself. I need, this this leader. I need permission. Right? The world is terrible. It's all going to the dogs. Everything's shit. Women have it easy. Fuck them, know. All these bitches rejecting me. I'm gonna get revenge or even worse they say fuck it. I'm just gonna delete women from my life altogether and go up to the hills. There's a conspiracy against me. Everybody's out to get me. That's why I'm failing. Not because of my own laziness and negativity, it's because of all these other factors that are far easier to blame than sucking it up. You know, why don't girls approach me for fuck's sake? I've got this value. I go to the gym. I've worked on my fashion. Fuck them. What a load of bitches. Right? Or, the anti PUA mindset comes from, the monosphere saying, well men should share all the hot girls, right? So we get one each. That's why we want marriage and religion and tradition. We can't have these players running around getting the girls. That's unfair. So therefore, we need to control the situation. Or, as, ironically as ever, those chaps are easily offended. Right? Very brittle, very weak frame, very very offended and, what they accuse feminists of is is, is exactly what they're doing. Anyway, why am I talking about the monosphere? Because I'm talking about moaning because I'm talking about whining. Was I just whining then about the manosphere? That's a play within a play. But you know what I mean complaining about a problem without proposing a solution. That's the definition of whining. I like the saying, the only thing complaining does is convince other people that you are not in control. So that brings it nicely back to frame control. Yeah? Being in the pen or outside the pen. Being the sheep or the black sheep slash wolf in sheep's clothing. When you complain, when you moan and moan and moan online to your family, to your friends, to your colleagues, to girls, bloody hell don't do that on a date. Talk about religion or politics your health problems or your money problems or the state of women. Yes. Women are very sensitive to that. When you complain, it shows other people that you're not in control. You're not in control of your mind. You're not holding the frame. The other saying I've scribbled down here is whining is anger through a small opening. So that really ugly irritating noise of people whining is suppressed anger, passive aggressiveness that's coming out bit by bit in comment sections on forums, even when men get together. It's just fucking whining. Right? And when I used to coach guys, give seminars, I was pretty polite because I was coming from that primary school teacher place. I was trying to be understanding. I was trying to be tolerant. But I saw that that didn't work. With certain students, yeah, you gotta be careful if there's social anxiety, if there's underlying big depression, anxiety things. You've got to be careful. But for the average guy who's paid you money for a Skype session or a one on one, now I give tough love. Alright? You just got to say it. You've to say, man, weight is making this difficult for you. Yeah? Or nose hair. Right? Or ear hair. Or bad breath. Or let's talk about acne. Let's talk about your glasses. Let's talk about this. You have that awkward conversation and many guys have thanked me for it. Same with on Skype when we're talking about there's this one girl, should I stay with her? How do I get this girl back? What do I do? I used to listen slightly more and offer, you know, how do you get her back solutions? But now, life's too short. Suck it up. Okay? Listen, mate. There is underlying neediness here from lack of options. Right? Or listen, sunshine. Their frame is fucked here. This polarity sounds awful. You're in chase mode. You're in woman mode. You're emotional. Right? Snap out of it. Well, listen, mate. That job is really fucking you over. Right? This location you're in and this job you're in, it's really fucking you over. You've got to get that sorted. Choose a different city, different location and then start cold approaching, yeah, to deliver your value. So no more subtleties, tough love for guys is more and more necessary. Recently I had a conversation with a guy and he came from being in a situation where he didn't have girls in his life. I'd gone through years of the wilderness of not having sex and then through daygame he was getting sixes and sevens and I could see he wasn't happy and I said, come on man, you've slept with sixes and sevens, this is fucking great. And he was like, well, not good enough. No. Chuck that girl out of my life, I want my nine. Where is my nine? I deserve my nine. Entitlement, yeah. When I started off, fuck, I was happier if a girl smiled at me, I was happy for a number, I was happy for a date, then happy for a kiss. Yeah. A six, fucking fantastic. Then a seven, whoopi do, this is fucking great. It works on sevens in London. English skills, fantastic. And then when eights come along, you should be on your knees saying this is fucking brilliant. Right? Not on your knees with her. She should be on her knees with you. Yes, sir. But you know what I mean. Being, grateful. Gratitude. It's one of my if you wanna say it's one of my secrets, then I think it is. Because daily, I am grateful for finding the game. I'm grateful for the stuff I do. I'm grateful for for successes. Right? And, how have I got to that point? Through toughening up, through desensitizing, through resilience, all those rejections, all those flakes, all the LMR, all the blue balls, yeah? And simply this is down to volume. So first one's the worst one, you jump in, get your sets done. Right? If you're going on one or two dates a week, you're gonna be desensitized to flakes, LMR, blue balls. Yeah? First few times it hurts, you just gotta suck it up. You gotta be tough to it. I remember even on this trip to Japan, last day of the trip in the morning up to lunchtime, had gone out, did a bit of day game looking for same day lays, bounced the girl from the street to a coffee shop, coffee shop to the house, poured some wine and then it was a failed SDL. She was too prim and proper. She ran out, not literally, but way too fast. I was pulling way too fast. And then, my wing, shout out to Tim who's still there, he pulled the girl from a park in the city center, pulled her straight back to the apartment, had sex with her, clap clap, fucking brilliant, Tim, fantastic. And then she was a bit of a wild dirty girl so we tried for a threesome, girl was in my room on the beds, we're fooling around and then she left. So that was the second girl on my bed in a few hours, failed again in terms of me. Then a girl came over who I'd already slept with. We slept with each other and then stupidly, not recommending this but it has happened to me, I shot my load inside there without wearing protection. I know, bad boy. And she wasn't on a pill and this was getting to be early evening, so clinics were closing. She didn't know what to do, it never happened to her before, so we had to Google it and get a cab across town and go to this Japanese clinic and then get the emergency contraceptive pill blah blah blah blah blah. And then while all this was happening, another girl who I hadn't dated was texting me saying, last night in Japan, come on Tom, I'll meet you for a drink. I was like, fucking hell, this is girl number one, two, three, four. Anyway, that was a failed date. So if you're facing that, that's just an example of what you're facing per day as a player, that's an extreme example but of course you're gonna desensitize to the ups and downs. Alright? Like a professional poker player. If you're just playing poker for fun and you don't know what you're doing, you're going be jittery, you're going be nervous, you're going to make bad decisions. But if you're a professional trader, day trader, investor, stock market or a professional blackjack poker player, you accept there's ups, there's downs, you're calm in these situations. So quite simply, the message of this, if you want a slap in the face from uncle Thomas, is that I've failed more than you. I've had way more no's than you. I've had way more blowouts than you, way more rejections than you. I've had way more failed dates, way more LMR, way more blue balls than you. I've daygamed in the dark, in the rain, in the wind, in the snow, in crazy heat. I've destroyed so many pairs of daygame boots, it's ridiculous quite literally where the rubber meets the road. Yeah? And I've jotted down here that famous Michael Jordan quote. I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career, he said. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and I've missed. I failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed. Michael Jordan. Suck it up. Yeah? And if you, occasionally guys criticize me and say, well, Tom, you never talk about the pain. There you go. I've made videos about expectations. My first book has chapter after chapter on the pain. Yeah? I've spoken about the reality of game in accepting the form of game where in reality there are more no's than yes's. Yeah. I posted my 2,016 stats on my blog a few days ago. Go and have a look at that on tomtorero.com. And 10 times this year I've had girls in my bed, on my bed, we're making out semi naked, it's almost done and the lay never happened. Yeah? Out of the 37 whatever lays I had this year, that means I probably went on a up close to a 100 dates, around about a 100 dates this year. So more than half of my dates failed. Again, volume desensitization, suck it up. Yeah. Zooming out wider, guys freak out about quote unquote red pill truths. You read selfish gene or origin of species, you have a freak out, you have a meltdown. You think fuck, I have to invert all the ways I've seen life and yeah, there's a bit of a sting. There's a bit of a depression period. There's a bit of a denial period but then suck it up. This is the way of the world. This is the way of life. Okay? And the quicker you accept it, the better. And going through this pain in daygame shows you that it's you that bends reality to you, not the other way around. Right? So if life is a shit test, right, you can either fail it and get into that existential despair or you can win by being non reactive, agreeing and amplifying is massively liberating. Right? That's all it is. Life is tough. It's Darwinian. It's competitive. There are going to be bad days. Again, that's very liberating for someone who suffers from a bit of the old bipolar or a bit of depression, whatever you have. Don't let it surprise you when you have a bad day. You go, oh my god, I'm having a bad day. My life's gonna be doomed forever. Fuck what's happening. You gotta accept there's gonna be great days. There's gonna be bad days. There's gonna be rainy days. There's gonna be dark days. There's gonna be sunshine days. There's gonna be flakes. There's gonna be lays, there's gonna be blue balls. If you're not getting LMR, if you're not getting flakes, as I've said, you're not really playing the game. You're just going for yes girls. And this is why Tinder gives men such a skewed view of seduction because girls are choosing them. Yes girls are choosing them. Not high quality. Girls are self selecting in being slightly weird, vast majority you could say on online platforms, because that's just the game they play. And the guy judges dating through that prism. Whereas if you go out and do cold approach pickup day or night, you get a very good sense of the sexual marketplace, of your sexual market value, of girls' sexual market value and the reality of the game. So let's finish with a bit of gratitude in that we should remember people who have it way worse than us. Okay. Now I'm talking about my life as if I've lived through Vietnam or something. Jesus, no. Alright. We're blessed. Think about, you know, men that have really suffered in the history of the world. Yeah. And I think about people I've coached when I've done daygame. I've coached a guy who was almost blind. I've coached a guy in a wheelchair. I've coached a guy who was using a mobility scooter. I've coached a guy with a hearing aid. I've coached a guy with one hand or deformities or facial disfigurements. Come on. Right? Suck it up. Suck it up. Slap in the face for you. Slap in the face for me. Suck it up doesn't mean no emotion as in murder. It actually is tough love. It's kinder advised than the pandering, the damaging over niceness that keeps you stuck in comfort. Right? So suck it up really means you can do this. And if you need someone to give you permission, there's the permission. You can do it. And I say to myself, Tom, there's enough evidence from you having done daygame. It's empirical evidence, right, with your successes that you can do it. So stop fucking moaning because you've done it before, can do it again. Get out of bed, go out, do hard things, hustle, grind, right? Little experiment for tomorrow. Try to go out and for twenty four hours, know, the whole day, whole night, don't whine. Don't complain. Don't leave negative comments. Don't bitch about things. Alright? Just see what impact that makes. I'm talking to myself as well. It's fucking hard. Am I moaning about moaning? We'll see. Your struggle is not an excuse, it's ammunition. I like that quote. Your struggle is not an excuse, it's ammunition. And we'll finish with the the favorite Batman quote that I said in that video. Why do we fool master Wayne? So we can learn to pick ourselves up. Suck it up. Speak to you from California or Arizona next week with Craig Cassidy. We're heading to Vegas in true swing of style. Ta da.