---
title: Episode 92 Non-Monogamy With Places
episode_number: 92
era: mid
source_file: Episode 92 Non-Monogamy With Places.mp3
audio_size_mb: 55.8
duration_sec: 1828.0
duration_min: 30.5
language: en
provider: deepgram
model: nova-3
diarized: true
confidence: 0.998
transcribed_at: 2026-05-28T07:37:33Z---

# Episode 92 Non-Monogamy With Places

**Speaker 0:** Tom Torero podcast 92 cities as lovers, the nomadic existence that is my life. That's the topic of today. But before we begin, this daygame sermon, a few parish announcements. Thank you to everybody who's brought stealth seduction. The big spike, big peak of sales has happened as it always does with the video product launch. But I'm very happy. I'm very grateful. I met my target. Over a 150 people are now inside. They've, they've gone deep inside down the rabbit hole. They're members of stealth seduction, and that doesn't sound a lot. But guys forget that you don't need to conquer the whole Internet. Okay? If you're in this niche market, if you're doing content marketing, I didn't do a big spammy launch with a countdown clock and funny tiers and bonuses. I just said if you want to buy it, buy it. And around a 150 people plus did a few today as well. If you do the maths on what it costs, and the hosting and all that and then the profit, it's a nice surprise certainly for me. It's almost a year's salary. What I used to earn as a primary school teacher, you can earn off a launch like that doing something you love, doing it from the heart, giving a bit giving it a bit of soul. It was my project, my baby for most of last year. It was very fun. Obviously, filming it. I had a lot of fun, as I said, self sacrifice for you guys, doing all those seduction adventures. The hard bit, the hard graft was obviously the editing, the ordering, the book, even the uploading and setting up the project, but it's done. So there you go. Stealth seduction. It's on the website. Daygame three point zero, you might have heard me talk about that as well on YouTube. That's a seminar from going from intermediate to advanced daygame. I'm doing it in London in February, and I'm filming it and sticking it inside, stealth seduction. Forgive these innuendos. There's a lot of sticking inside today. But anyway, within about a day, that sold out, so there's around 50 guys coming to that. They've paid. They've booked. I'm sorry. There's no more places available. Otherwise, we're gonna have to get a giant venue. It's meant to be an intimate thing anyway because it's for active day gamers. Guys that can go out and get numbers. They know the London daygame model. They can text. They can get some dates. They've got a few lays. They just wanna, as I say, take things from social to sexual. So that's the theme of day game daygame three point zero coming at you in February. Other announcements, Craig Craig Cassidy, one of my main wings and now one of my main coaches this year because I'm not doing really any more infield coaching this year. Skype coaching, yes. Infield coaching, no. I've had my time at the Coalface. Craig's doing a lot of that, especially The UK stuff and the Western Europe stuff. But in The UK, obviously, London, Birmingham, Manchester, Cardiff, over to Northern Ireland and Ireland, into Dublin, obviously, up to Scotland. So he had to come back from Sydney unexpectedly, and he is now back in The UK. So if you want London daygame coaching or somewhere else in The UK approved by me, Craig has taught boot camps, one on ones, residentials, all over the world with me. So he teaches my stuff. He uses my methodologies. He's a very good teacher, not just a very good daygamer, but a very good teacher. If you want coaching with Craig, email me, Tom@TomTorero.com. Final final announcement. I'm swallowing my words today. Must be the Spanish taking over. I'm writing or polishing, editing, and uploading daily a section of my new book that was on the back burner because of stealth seduction. It's called cold calling. It's my adventures around the former Soviet Union, Russia, Ukraine, Moldova, Belarus, Iron Curtain countries or former Iron Curtain countries. I'm saving the Balkans for another book. I know it's got FSU influences, but this book has got lay stories, disaster stories, tips, all the practicalities and logistics. Tips, yes. Tits, yes. Filthy stuff, yes, but also some woah because you can't go traveling in the FSU without woah. So I think I'm on to part eight today. Seven parts already published. I'm publishing about 90% of the book on the blog, tomtorero.com. Some of the juicy stuff I'm saving obviously for the paperback and the Kindle when that launches in a couple of months, hopefully. So check it out. And that's also linked to the theme of today because it tells you how I was traveling in 2012, '13, '14, '15, and '16 in The Soviet Union, the mistakes I made, some of the lessons I learned, the loneliness of initial daygame travel because the gold rush hadn't begun. It was just me often in the whole fucking country doing daygame experiments, testing out different cities. There were some other guys doing indirect game. There were certainly other guys going there for online game, nightclub game. But some of the cities I was going to, some of the places like in Siberia, this was the Wild West or you could say the Wild East. So how have how have I changed my traveling? Because my brand is traveling, being a nomad, being a flow mad, that is being in a state of flow as Cialdini would say, because daygame is our flow state, taking that around the world. You could take surfing around the world. You could take playing the guitar around the world, but it's being free. It's not having a mortgage. It's not having a girlfriend. It's not having a wife. It's not having an apartment. It's not even having check-in baggage. Just my tiny little carry on bag, sling it over your shoulder. You know what's inside. Away we go. So that's the topic of today. Moving around the world and revisiting some places. That's why I said the title is cities as lovers. And I was inspired by a very famous quote that I've always liked. It says, traveling is like flirting with life. It's like saying, I would stay and love you, but I have to go. This is my station by Lisa Saint Albin, and I love it because that's very black sheep e. Yeah. The old model that your parents followed, your grandparents followed, your mates are following right now, and maybe some of you have even tried it. You've dipped your toe into marriage or mortgages. The old model is monogamy and cheating, but we're not allowed to talk about that. But that's the old model. One city and then going on holiday for two weeks a year and really looking forward to it. One job, that was certainly your grandparents, maybe your parents. Not you anymore, but one job for life, a trade for life, and that was it. That was your lot. Where you were born, that's where you stayed, and you married somebody from school. Lots of my friends in Wales have never left where I'm from. They married somebody from school. They had a a job in the local city. They have a job in the local city. They go on holiday for two weeks a year. They look forward to it all year, and that's it. And in their reality, that is it. But we create our own reality, obviously, and technology ironically has taken us all the way back to how we started as humans because we obviously started as hunter gatherers. Yeah. This was humanity's first and definitely most successful adaptation. So you could say this is what we're born quite literally in our DNA to do. For 90% plus of human history, we were, you could say now we are, back to hunter gatherers. That means nomadic, certainly semi nomadic. There's this sexual polarity, sexual division of labor, certainly not monogamy. I've spoken about monogamy versus polygamy, polyamory, different setups, but that's very rare for mammals. Okay? Very, very rare. As I've said, we're monogamish because we've got this dilemma between being hunter gatherers, revisiting places, revisiting women, and then along came the Neolithic revolution. Here's teacher Tom. Here's your biology lesson for today. About twelve and a half thousand years ago, humans decided to settle down with the invention of agriculture. We had settlements. We had the evolution of, more formalized religions, the evolution of monogamy, you could say. So only for twelve and a half thousand years. That is a mere blink in the eye of evolution. I always chuckle when guys email me and say, oh, no. How is Tinder affecting sexual dynamics? Or how is quote unquote feminism affecting social dynamics. I say, man, that's the last thirty, forty, fifty years, whatever. That's not even relevant in, the scale of evolution. It's very hard for people to understand the time scale of life on earth. This is why people struggle with the concepts of, the concept of evolution and its and its, you know, varying truths because it's hard to see. And, certainly, something like 12 ago settling down, that's nothing compared to our hunter gatherer existence. And how ironic is it that technology, flights and God bless the Internet, and the the phone in your pocket, and the laptop you've got, and all that stuff has brought us back to the hunter gatherer existence. So that's why I'm talking about cities as lovers, following what I do. No longer the old model of monogamy, one city, one job for life, but moving on, rotating, and revisiting in black sheep form. Yep. You're not promising exclusivity. You are in open relationships with many different cities or bases around the world. You're revisiting them. You're following the seasons or you're following a cycle. For daygame, daygame must certainly follow the seasons in a cycle, the Northern Hemisphere, the Southern Hemisphere, when unis are in, when girls go on holidays. We've learned all that in the past five years because now it's not just me and a couple of other guys doing it. There's guys left, right, and center who have quit their jobs, quit relationships, quit their location, and moved, and they constantly move. Now this sounded like a fight club pipe dream. 2013, 2014 when I was on my bloody own doing it. And now more and more, every year, every city I go to, I meet guys that have actually done it. You could say 02/1516, that was a revolution. 2016, especially, with guys just saying, fuck it. Other people have done it, so I'm gonna do it. And, yeah, the first people to do it, it's nervous. It's a it's a leap of faith. Yeah? But when you see other people being okay, going to these crazy countries, but okay, reports back from, these daygamers on hot women and, cheaper rent and cheaper cost of living, then you start to think, well, maybe I could do it too. Yeah? So you've got these stable bases like different lovers. It's open because you're not lying to these sitties and saying, I love you forever and I'm gonna stay with you forever. No. You love different things about them and they know that just forgive this metaphor, but let's keep it going. They know that you've got other cities. They know you've got other lovers, and that actually keeps the relationship going. Because if you look at the basic stages of a relationship, this is in Street Hustle, my textbook, when I go through relationship biochemistry. Now, people don't like talking about biochemistry, but it's what's going on in your body when you go through the stages of a relationship. Step number one, it's the love at first sight. It's the passion, and it's not falling in love, it's falling in lust. You're looking at her boobs, her legs, her ass, her hair. She's the one. She's the one. I'll be happy forever, and you are for a few months because the sex is crazy or even the build up to the the sex is crazy. Your head's spinning. Massive amounts of adrenaline, massive amounts of dopamine, serotonin. It's like doing a skydive. And your mates will tell you, don't do it, man. Don't let it move in. Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. Don't get married. That's crazy, man. Are you sure? Are you sure you're quitting your job and moving to Australia for the school? You'll give up your social life. You'll give up your hobbies. You give up your friends because you don't give a fuck. It's amazing. And if you've never been in this phase of, giddy lust, then you haven't lived. This is where, guys write songs. This is what where guys build cathedrals and write poetry. You know, this has pushed human evolution like nothing else. So there you go. Phase number one. Phase number two is the cuddle phase. And men, we love it. We we don't like to admit it because we're players. But men, as I've said in the affection addiction podcast, what we're actually after is not really the sex even though that's what our genetics and our bodies are after. Our mind is after the cuddling. It's after the affection. And what is affection in biochemistry? It's bonding. It's oxytocin. And this is why it lasts a little bit longer for pair bonding, having babies, raising the babies. Most people say around seven years, you could say monogamish like foxes. This is called being in love. Sometimes it only lasts a few months for some people because you've got that high sex drive or for what what other reasons, you know, people break up. The in love phase ends, the romance ends, and phase number three, you fall out of love because those chemicals subside. You might be super horny, so you go back to phase one with somebody else. And if you look at yourself in different cities, because most of us now have moved at least in our own country to different cities, like I moved from Cardiff to Oxford Oxford to London for a time. I lived in Greece. I was living in Crete. For another period of my life, I was living on or in the Canary Islands, owned by Spain, part of Spain, but off Africa, very African in the Atlantic. I was living in Las Palmas De Gran Canaria. I was teaching in a British school over there. Sadly, didn't learn Spanish when I was over there. Kinda wish I did, not for the daygame, just to make life easier with things like banks and getting through South American life. But, anyway, that was because I was in a British school abroad, then all my friends were British. It was a very expat lifestyle. But why am I talking about that? Yes. Because I've moved around. And from there, back to London. And then from London, absolutely crazy. If you've seen a blog post on my tomtorero.com site called Around the World in 80 Lays, there's a video of me going around the world three, four times. From 2013 into '14. I think that video was shot. And then I've updated the stats for 15, and I haven't done it yet for last year. But when I wrote that post, I've counted 48 countries that I've been to for daygame. I've been to more countries for holidays and tourism and stuff pregame, but 48 for daygame, and I list them. Great Britain, Ireland, France, Spain, Portugal, Italy, Germany, Austria. Not Australia, but, yes, Australia, but not in this order. Switzerland, Netherlands, Poland, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Hungary, Croatia, Serbia, Bulgaria, Romania, Greece, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Iceland into North America, obviously, USA and Canada, South America, Brazil, Colombia, and some undisclosed places. Former Soviet Union, that's what cold calling is all about. Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, Moldova, Asia. We've got Kazakhstan. That was a funny one with Eddie from Street Attraction, Teddy Eddie. Singapore, Japan, China, Philippines, Malaysia. Africa. We've got Morocco, Egypt, South Africa, Middle East, Dubai, Turkey, Australasia. There's Australia, the joke known as Austria, and New Zealand. Yep. So Jules Verne, Philius Fogg, they would be happy. Certainly, more than a 100 of my notches have happened overseas out of The UK. 30 of those are written up in Torero Travels, my second book. There's other flags I've got, nationalities of girls I've slept with. They're listed in the post, Iranian, Mexican, Peruvian, Korean, Thai, Sri Lankan, Indian, Macedonian, Kazakh. There's there's more, but I just put them into a blog post because guys always ask, have you been to country x? Remember, guys also ask the big question, how do girls from country x differ from girls in country y? And, basically, the answer is they don't. Okay? Trust me when I say I've gamed around the world, and girls are girls. As I said, biology is biology. Human genetics is human genetics. The differences are very small. Yes. There are cultural differences. Yes. You're sometimes more shiny. That doesn't mean the sex is easier. It just means saying hello is easier. You might get more IOIs. But the sex is always the same with cold approaching, and the model is always the same, and the dating sequence is the same, and the LMR is the same, and the shit tests are the same. So if you think the grass is always greener, go and try. I say get digging down in your own city because many go guys go, oh, it's gonna be far easier in Moscow. Off they go to Moscow, as I say in cold calling, and they have a breakdown. Right? Because not only are they trying to do daygame and they're facing blowouts and flakes and rejections and blue balls and all that, but they're away from home. No friends, no family. So coming back to cities as lovers. Lots of the places I've just mentioned, would revisit. I see them as lovers with different flavors. So just like you've got oh, there's a lover right now. But I shall carry on selflessly. I shall not reply to that message. I shall carry on for you guys. What was I talking about? Yeah. Just like you wanna try a blonde and a brunette and a redhead and, an Asian girl and you wanna try a South American girl, and you might might wanna try a Middle Eastern girl, you wanna try a tall girl, a small girl, a catwalk model, skinny girl kind of thing, a, curvy kind of swimwear model. Right? A shy girl, a good girl, a, the girl next door, a quiet girl. Yeah? A virgin, a crazy tattooed up, dangerous, adventurous girl, a party girl, a British girl, an American girl, etcetera. You wanna try cities as well because if you don't try, then you'll never know. And I thought, well, London is the love of my life forever. And then you go to New York and you think, well, New York is the love of my life forever. And then you go to California and think, wow, LA and Santa Monica is super chilled out. This is, my love. And then you go to Colombia or you go to Brazil and you say, this is it. Then you might go to Germany and think, wow, I love this efficiency. Or you might go to Prague and say, wow, this is beautiful. Or you might go to Moscow and say, this is it. The girls are so amazing. These are the girls I wanna date forever. I'm moving here. But slow down. I know your eagerness. I've had it many times before. See them as lovers. Okay? It's better for you if you don't reach that out of love stage. So you can stay in phases one and two of the relationship model. You can have the passion and the lust. Definitely visit places every year for the rest of your life where you've never been, even if it's in your own country. Go up to Shetland or go up to Skye or go down to Penzance if you're in The UK. Yeah? Or go to Wales. Come on. Go to Wales. Go to the Breckenbeacons. Go to Pembrokeshire. Go and see the Gower and say, fuck. I didn't know this existed. 3 Cliffs Bay. This is beautiful. This is as beautiful as Perth, but don't move there. Just visit there for one or two weeks a year to go surfing. Right? Judge it, carefully on the weather and the sheep population, but you know what I mean. You're gonna fall out of love if you move there. It's gonna be lonely in the winter in Pembrokeshire. It's gonna be horrible. So rotate. Move around. How can you do this? I talk about it in FlowMad. It's on YouTube. Right? Part one, part two for free. You need a job that is obviously online. You can work on some passive income. You can look at trading. You can look at renting out your place on Airbnb. Work out how to earn money online. Read the four hour work week. I tell you how to do this for free on YouTube. Right? To stop emailing me emailing emailing me about it. A, I'm not the expert because I've only been doing it for four five years and I'm not generating billions of passive income. Yeah. I know how to make digital products. I know how to write books. I know how to run a website. I know how to do Skype coaching. I know how to use social media. I know how to stay in touch with people. I've learned the hard way. I've taught myself all this stuff a, to get laid around the world and b, to make a living off it. And now dreams come true and I've, and I'm managing to do it. No. It's not all easy. No. It's not a holiday. I've just put out a video explaining, how you can stay away from the traps, how not to be lonely. Yep. So I say have a routine. This is not a holiday. So look after your health, look after your eating, do work every day, do daygame every day, try and be social every day, stay in touch with your family. God bless Skype and FaceTime, WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger now has video and audio calling and all that. Stay there for longer than a few days because even, in 02/1516, I was going cities for two days and then somewhere else for two days, then a week, and then back to the same place. It's very destabilizing. Yeah. It's fun. So if you're new to being a flow mad, a digital nomad, go crazy. Go to all the places you wanted to go, blow a bit of money, eat too many burgers, you're gonna be unhealthy, but then you're gonna be apathetic, then you're gonna be unproductive, then you're gonna be more depressed, weirdly, but not weirdly, than when you had that rather boring office job in one town. And you think to yourself, fuck. Tim Ferriss didn't talk about this. Tom Torero didn't talk about this. Fuck. I was, more happy, quote unquote. Let me check. Very good. Very good. Girl's complying, sending me an image. We're going for first just basic images, and now she's onto very nice. Very nice. South American girls. Didn't know I'd like big boobs, but there you go. She's got ginormous boobs. What was I saying? Yeah. Get into a routine. Get to spend more time in one place. Revisit the city. Because lovers are fun. Casual sex is fun, but it's nice to see those girls again if they're hot, if you really like her. No. You're not promising anything. No. You're not lying. No. You're not putting down roots that you're gonna have to go back on, and, it's gonna make everybody feel down. You know, promising a landlord you're gonna stay and then you bugger off. Yep. I've done it. Cancelling a contract, pretending you're a girl's boyfriend and then running away. Keep it open. Merge the cities. Have contrast. Yeah? Spend a few weeks in New York every year. Spend a few weeks in Tokyo every year. This is what I do. Spend a few weeks in London every year. Still think it's the greatest place on earth for hustling, for learning daygame. Spend a few weeks a year in the mountains. Spend a few weeks a year in Latin America or Spain or Portugal just chilling on a beach. Say, Southeast Asia is not my thing. Certainly not for for game if game exists there. But some guys just love to go there and sit in a cafe in Vietnam and earn some money, save money, chill out. Yeah. Guys are in Phuket, but there's far better places around the world. Use your imagination. You're a black sheep. Yeah? Don't follow the herd, even these hippies and hipsters. Find your own locations. Test them out. I did the bloody hard work for daygame, and now it's in Torero Travel. Soon, it's gonna be in cold calling. And, like I said, the gold rush is kind of over because daygamers know where the cool places are. They know where the hot girls are. But in 2017, I've got lots of new countries and cities on my list. But as I said, I'm basically spending a month in each city that I love. So I'm revisiting. Like I said, I know the cafes. I know local people. I'm going with different wings. There's enough of us now where we know each other. You know who you get on with. You know which wings energize you. You know which wings to avoid, the ones that I call them vibe vampires. Yeah. They tap your energy. And, no, I don't just go there for daygame. Often, guys are emailing me saying, it must be so depressing. Just doing game every day, all day, every day. You're right. You shouldn't be. Okay? Once you're good at day game, upper intermediate, advanced, beyond. No. You don't need to go and do crazy day game sessions. Here, I'm just doing one number a day, and I'm doing it as I'm on my way to the supermarket. No. If you're a begin oh, let's see if that was today's number. No. It's a girl in a city in Ukraine. But she's been gone for a while. But there you go. She's just popped up. What was I saying? Yeah. A beginner needs to do immersion things. He needs to do 50 sets a week. He needs to get his hundreds of sets down, he needs to learn the London daygame model, don't have that weasel of, I'm just gonna do it when I feel like it. But if you're already getting laid, your vibe's okay, you know, your your skill set your skill set is solid. Set sex. Sex on a brain, see, with all these texts. Yeah. Do it, little and often. So when I'm on my way to the supermarket, I'm buying a coffee, I'm just strolling down the street, few approaches, get a number. I've just, done an Instagram of that showing you what app I use to track my numbers. So add me on Instagram for that, but you get the idea. I'm doing other things. Of course, I'm working every day. I'm enjoying the country. Don't just be one of these muppets who has one daygame street and he flies halfway around the world, goes to Zara Topshop, h and m, spends his life in a mall and Starbucks and just goes up and down this street. What a fucking life. Right? Come on. You're going to South America. You're going maybe to Asia. You're going to North America. Hire a car. Get into the mountains. Get into the desert. Go to the ocean. These things don't cost money. Right? Just have a walk in the woods. Take up another hobby. Once you've mastered daygame, take up cooking. Take up surfing. Go quad biking. No. You don't need to buy a quad bike. No. You don't need to buy a jet ski. No. You don't need to buy a yacht. That is back to one point zero. We're on to three point zero now. Why don't you just hire a yacht with your friends in Croatia for two days? There you go. Well, like me, why don't you just hire a jet ski for two hours? Why don't you hire a quad bike for two hours? Why don't you hire, like Craig and I did on our way from LA to Vegas, a pimp car, a convertible, or whatever super car you want, race it around a track for a day, and then there you go. As Jeremy Clarkson used to say, what's the fastest car on the planet? A hire car because you can basically do what the fuck you want. If you've got the insurance, have a bit of fun, travel around, enjoy life. Girls are part of life. They're not everything as I say in flow mad. You need other flow activities to sustain this amount of flow. Travel is rebellion in its purest form. I love that quote. Yeah? And you've heard me talk about on the road, Jack Kerouac. You've heard me talk about travels with Charlie, John Steinbeck. I love the quote. Buy the ticket, take the ride, or just push play. I released my montage video from 2016. It's on my YouTube channel. It's on my Twitter. Just push play. Right? It's gonna happen anyway. So fuck it. Just push play, buy the ticket, take the ride. Be the flow mad. Be the outlaw. Be the cad, not the dad. Be the lover, not the provider. Yeah? Be the vagabond. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Be the troubadour. Be the traveling circus. So that's how I see, my future panning out. Not rushing between countries now, but enjoying them, revisiting lovers. Sure. Going to crazy places for a few days, experiencing new adrenaline each year, but having these sources of affection, no, not from monogamous relationships, but from friends, from family, from male friends, from compadres, from amigos. Yeah? The traveling circus is you're traveling together and you're setting up camp, enjoying that thing and then moving on. Yeah? Like a hunter gatherer, nomadic, semi nomadic. And I'm gonna finish with that quote again because I love it so much. It sums up this podcast. It sums up black sheep. It sums up my plan for this year. And hopefully, I'm pushing you towards, this lifestyle for you. Yeah. I'll say it once again. Traveling is like flirting with life. Push, pull. Yeah. Fractionation. It's like saying, I would stay and love you, but I have to go, which makes it more attractive, yeah, for you and her. This is my station and off you hop Lisa St Auburn and ironically that makes you love the cities even more and they love you back for that even more rather than staying and getting grumpy and angry One shot at this life, ladies and gentlemen. Fight club. Yeah. Your life is ending one minute at a time. And I know it's cheesy. It's the journey, not the destination. We all know that, but it's fucking true. One shot unless you're a hardcore Buddhist. So take it. Buy the ticket. Take the ride. Just push play. And on that note, I've got a reply to these messages from one number a day. Be good. Grab life by the horns. Be good, but not too good. And I'll speak to you next week.